“May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus, so that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.” -Romans 15:5,6
Conversation
Papa, I love You. I miss You so much..
Rest My daughter, I am near.
Papa, fear is gone, and I actually don’t feel anxious anymore. What I do feel is tired but also hopeful. When I think of my journey with You, I feel a bit discouraged because I feel like I can never get it the first time. I think part of it is my personality where I am a more careful person. Help me Papa to keep being at rest during the times when I feel more pressure. I love you..
Come Caroline, I am your help in trouble.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower. I believe He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart so that my heart is clean before Him. It also clears the way for me to hear Holy Spirit better when there’s no mess in the way. I record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning. Blessings.
March 22: 3:03 (instead of having a dream, I woke up with a feeling like the feeling was my dream, and this is what I was feeling) Feeling like the bar is set so high that I can never reach it. Feeling like whenever I don’t reach it, like I’ve failed. So because I feel like I can never reach it, I fail over and over again. In waking life I feel discouraged but not heavy; I don’t have a heavy heart like I used to have.
4:58 “I couldn’t love you any more, any more, anymore, than I do right now. Take a look at the cross, then you can be sure.”
Yesterday in my zoom class when I pictured myself in a peaceful place, I was swinging on the swing when I was little, hearing the sound of the swing, feeling the warmth of the sun and the slight breeze, noticing the butterflies and soft buzzing of the bumble bees, and there was no sound of traffic. Then I imagined Jesus Christ sitting on the swing beside me, swinging with me. Then I imagined Jesus giving me a gift, and I saw that he had a small brown box with a yellow ribbon in his hand, holding it out for me to take. This morning I imagined taking it. Later in the zoom class I saw that yellow represents joy, and despite the discouragement I feel about never being able to meet Jesus’ hope when I hesitate, I do have joy in my heart from my Papa God. What I sense to do now is to prepare a message, my story about how I came to understand God’s grace for me, for Soar. I have a vision for it and I think it’ll be good! I’ve never understood deep in my heart the need for God’s grace, and now every time I think about it I begin to cry. I believe that the roots of my heart have grown deep, with God my Papa and Jesus whom I need and want to follow for the rest of my life!!!! Im on chapter 8 in Ordering Your Private World, and on page 62 of the Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The song Lucas won first place in is called, Sunset in Rio, and the Trophy he got is the Judy Doerksen Trophy -Piano Solo -Grade 5. Many Blessings… ☕️
Chapter 6 in my marriage book talks about turning towards each other. Couples make “bids” for each others attention, wanting help/more intimacy. As I’m reading this book, I have more of a feeling like I’m married to Jesus, and I recognize that my hubby put a bid out for me the other day. But instead of turning towards him, I turned away by hesitating and not responding, and now that I know what I did, I feel horrible and I’m very sorry.. I would rather choose to build relationship than getting more reading done. I didn’t realize that that was what I was doing.. How could I be so insensitive? I would much rather be together than sit by myself reading! But the good thing about this is, is that I’m learning. My heart is filled with remorse and I miss my hubby all the more! As I’m reading this book and when I read the questions, I have my hubby in mind and it brings us closer together inside my heart. I definitely have more of a sense of togetherness now, after my eyes have been opened, than I did even earlier today. I can also see how patient my hubby is with me, and I’m so thankful.. Bella really wanted to sit by the window, so I agreed to for a short period of time. I had three slices of Pepperoni Pizza… I was so hungry!! (Frozen to hot, mirroring my heart which then also mirrors our relationship.) Guten nacht..
March 23: 1:34 The song about the Lions den, “…like Daniel in the lions den.” A dream where I saw a naked upper half of human female body, half turned to the other side. The arms were off like one of those famous statues, except this one had real skin. There was someone with broad shoulders standing in front of it, then a younger woman was going to go and stand in front of it like it was her turn now. Reminds me of the statues of Josphus and Tacitus.
6:02 Recklous love of God (I was on page 62 in my marriage book yesterday, and I read to page 137 (chapter 8, also in chapter 8 in the leadership book).
7:55 Marg was sitting in front of me. She had her hair in a neat ponytail and had makeup on, including lipstick. Then I saw that her ponytail was messy; the hair going into the elastic was messy, and then it all was neat again. Then I was talking with her and I noticed there were a lot of cookie doe strips of pieces on the underside of both my arms, a light brown, because I had been baking cookies. Then I was peeling these off, and as we talked I put them all on the table. Marg took one and began eating it, and I told her that they weren’t baked; they were dried out, so she immediately spit it out /took it out of her mouth.
Another dream where I was in a more modern, well kept, basic house, talking with the mom who had shoulder length hair. It felt like we were having coffee. I think I saw her husband walking around but this is vague. Then I was by a small table that had something on it. There were two cords plugged into it that looked like phone jacks, and I had a feeling like this was connecting us to bad people, or that the bad people had access to us through that, so I unplugged them one at a time and immediately I heard cops or something outside, sirens. Then I was outside and the house became a huge gun that looked like huge animated binoculars that were pointing straight at me, almost touching me. I’m sensing this has something to do with the play.
Then I was in a school building and recess had just started; I was outside. Then I had forgotten something and went back inside to get it, I’m not sure what that was. Then I was outside again with younger students and it felt like the recess was very long. As I was walking, I was in a country setting that had a long driveway. Someone was driving up on it and I noticed there was a path on my left along some trees or bushes, so I wanted to go on it.
Then the scene changed where I was coming back outside, and I was thinking my hubby was on the left so I began going to the left. Then I heard his voice on the right like he was playing soccer with kids, so I went right and saw him sitting on a ledge, facing me and the kids who were playing. Then this outside turned into the inside of a house. My hubby went to the kitchen behind him to fill his water bottle, and when he came back I thought I would do the same, so I walked where he had walked and went into the kitchen. I saw that the big sink was full of dirty water that looked like it had been there for a long time. I saw the tap dripping and didn’t want to use that tap because I thought that maybe it wasn’t clean, I was wondering if that was the one he had used. There could have been another sink or something, but then I walked out of the kitchen, wanting to ask him.
Then the scene changed again where I was inside a big house, on my way out when I saw the whole floor was covered in red jam like raspberry jam like a whole group of kids had been baking jam jams. I had fresh clean socks on (could have been my workout grey ankle socks) and I was trying to not step into any of the jam, but it was impossible because it was all over the floor. I passed a lady who was working there who looked at me, and I sensed peace. Closer to the entrance I saw a few clean spots with no jam so I was taking very big steps and I ran and jumped to avoid the jam. Someone asked me about it and I commented that I could still have slid in some of it. I knew the bottom of my feet had jam on it. These last few dreams, which was one, but had different parts, could be soul dreams and not from the Lord, but the first one with Marg felt like it was from the Lord. I’m not sure the meaning of it, but because she had makeup on, it reminds me of when I did my recordings. Maybe the Lord wants me to record the message I’m going to prepare for Soar.