Psalm 32:1-2
“Blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sins are covered. Blessed is the man whose sin the Lord does not count against him and in whose spirit is no deceit.”
Conversation
Jan 26: 1:32 (I woke up and fell asleep again. I’m going to break this habit.)
1:41: I won’t be quiet my God is alive, how could I keep it inside! I won’t be quiet my God is alive. How could I keep it inside! Praise the Lord, oh my soul. Praise the Lord, oh my soul.
2:09: My daughter, come alive!
Papa, make me come alive!
2:11 Rebuke the spirit of fear
I rebuke the spirit of fear in Jesus name!
The Bible says that you have not given us a spirit of fear, but if power, love, and a sound mind. So I rebuke the spirit of fear in Jesus name!
Let everything! That has breath! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let everything! That has breath! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
2:34 Let everything! That has breath! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord! Let everything! That has breath! Praise the Lord! Praise the Lord!
2:38 Papa come! Holy Spirit come! Make me come alive! Make me come alive! Caroline, come alive in Jesus name! Caroline, come alive in Jesus name!
2:42 Let everything, up up up! That has breath, up up up! Praise the Lord, up up up! Praise the Lord, up up up!
2:51 I love You Papa.
2:52 I love you too my darling.
4:05 Next Sunday
4:21 Go tell it everywhere!
Reflection
Right before waking up I dreamt I saw a woman from Africa or Uganda walking towards me with a smile on her face. She had a beautiful but plain straight/fitted dress on that had a small black and white plaid design. Tomorrow after I take my mom grocery shopping I’m going to go to the store that sells dresses/skirts and see if there’s a dress like this. I believe it has something to do with “everything all at once.”
Dreamt that I was new in a community and a guy said he would make something for me that everyone there already had. Then he had given it to me. He had sown a bag and I was using it. Then it felt like a few moments later and he reminded me that he had made it for me, and I said thank-you! It seemed like he was waiting for me to say thank-you. The bag reminds me of a duffle bag. I saw the hem where it was sown. I had the feeling like there were a few things he gave me, but I only saw the bag.
Another part of my dream was, I was walking across the street and there was a really huge tractor (Tool?) just behind me, coming up on my right. As I was slowly walking across the street, the tractor drove beside me and stopped and waited for me to cross before it would resume. The tractor was about three stories high and could have totally crushed me; I saw it but didn’t feel any fear or pressure to hurry across the street. I continued with my pace as if it wasn’t even there.
Another scene where I had stepped on something (the shape reminds me of a flower with pedals) that quickly brought/swivled me around to the next part of the floor that was about 20 feet away. I vaguely saw there were three of these, and I think there was one person on each of them (I was on one of them). I sensed that underneath this small pedal shaped escalator type floor (about 8 feet by 8 feet) was a deep chasm. I was standing and had a sense that my two feet were firmly planted on it, having a sense of balance as it took me over this chasm quickly and stopped over the floor where I easily leaped or hopped off of it. I had a sense of being watched and feeling victorious. I vaguely saw that the other two escalator type things that the other two people were on, there was one right before me and one right after me, and they kind of overlapped one-another as they were moving. It seemed like they were all connected to something in the middle which brought them around, kind of in a circle, over the chasm and onto the other side.
In this part of the dream I was standing right at the edge of a floor that reminds me of a cliff. I saw the edge (the floor below was about 15 feet down) and then I went over the edge (I don’t think I lost my balance; it felt like it was something that needed to happen and so it happened) and landed firmly on the floor below, and I had high heal shoes on! I remember worrying a little bit about it but it all went well, and I felt victorious again.
This is me! When I think about all the posts I’ve posted, I can see how God has been leading me and how He’s been healing my heart from so many things. I can’t think of anything else that God wants to do in me in regards to cleaning my heart and bring healing to it, but every time I think this way, Holy Spirit reminds me of something. Please continue to clean my heart Holy Spirit, because I know that my heart needs to be totally cleaned and healed before He will lead me to do extraordinary things for Him. This road is so humbling and so rewarding. I feel so much more secure now than I did before. I know God’s love in my heart. I can see it in my walk with Him and I feel filled by Him. I’m wondering how much further I need to go on this road of being humbled. However long it takes, I’m walking steadily forward because I know that God loves me and that I’m walking exactly (not perfectly) where he wants me to walk because I’m walking with Jesus Christ. My journey with Jesus had grown patience, long suffering and resilience in me. Having learned all these things has caused my heart to be able to trust. Another quick thing is that the reason why I don’t spend money is because the money we have isn’t mine. I only spend on myself if I absolutely need to, but now that I’m working again I feel like I have a bit more freedom in this area. Tomorrow I’m taking my mom grocery shopping (the wedding starts at 6:00). I didn’t take her clothes shopping today because I felt it wasn’t enough time before I needed to work. Last night I only had a few hours of sleep. At Shopgym today I PR’d my Power Cleans (90lbs)! It was a bit sloppy but I managed to lift and catch it. Then we rowed and did step-ups while holding hand weights (I did 15lbs in each hand). This workout was a partner workout where we rowed 10 cal, then did step-ups, then rowed again and did step-ups. Ten rounds. My last row brought us to having rowed 100 calories. Today I broke my fast with having an over-easy egg, and then a bit later I had two over-easy eggs over toast. Then later today I had a bit of all the things I missed! I’ve definitely learned that it’s okay to be hungry sometimes and that my stomach will get over it. I love the Daniel Fast and will do it again. I’m planning on coming to Grant Memorial, planning to be there at about 5:00 for supper at 5:30. I’m not sure if my friend will come, so I think I’ll be coming by myself again, but that’s okay! Thank-you Jesus for walking this journey with me. Thank-you for your patients, long-suffering, persistence, for your kindness and for your love. How could anyone ever love me more than this.. no one else. Thank-you for catching me Jesus…. my heart is yours… I love you. Blessings…
Jan 27: 12:33 I was standing in the light and there were some people sitting in the room, sensing around round tables. I was standing in the front under a bright light and was just about to say something, and had actually started to say something but had paused because I saw my pastor sitting by a table and it was like he knew what I was going to say (because of something that had happened in the past that we both knew about), and so he had a big smile on his face like a recognition type of smile, like he knew how this story would end or something like that. (What comes to mind is when, years ago while standing up front at the beginning of church service he was talking about sharing our load with someone, and that there was someone who couldn’t share because of the nature of the load, but to share with someone like a home-group leader) I was going to finish my sentences when I looked at my pastor, and there was a knowing about something that made it so that I didn’t need to finish the sentence, and he knew exactly what I was going to say. I couldn’t see him or the other people very clearly ( they were sitting in the dark) because of the bright light I was under. Not really but because I was standing under such bright light, it made it seem like they were sitting in the dark. I think there was a mike that I was speaking in. When we had a knowing about what I didn’t need to say because he already knew what I was going to say, he laughed and so did I. Then I laughed again and maybe a third time, and then I could regain my composure and continue speaking. Where I was standing in front of everyone, I didn’t have a lot of room like there was a wall close to the round table, and I was wedged between them. This is it!!!
2:49 I woke up and fell asleep and then woke up again and went downstairs (3:10 I think) I sought the Lord, and he heard, and he answered, I sought the Lord, and he heard, and he answered. That’s why I trust him! That’s why I trust him! I dreamt that I saw a mountain peek; a mountain like how most kids would draw it, having one point. I think I saw that it was all white. This dream was every vague.
3:46 woke up again in my prayer time
4:09 That’s why I trust him! That’s why I trust him! I dreamt that I was laying on the ground in front of my garage (not the one in waking life) across where the tire tracks would be, like I’m praying right now in my prayer time. Then I noticed that the garage door was all the way open and our white car was missing, and I wondered if maybe my husband was also not sleeping in his bed. In my dream he shared a bed with Lucas. So then I wondered where he was.
4:34 awoke again. That’s why I trust him! That’s why I trust him! Then I went upstairs and went back to sleep.
Dream: saw a living bridge that was also the roof/shelter of a public area like an arena. It was like an animal that became tame in some way. It had many colours and was so beautiful. It seemed like it had many eyes around it’s body, but I didn’t see the eyes but sensed it as I saw it from afar. It was a powerful being, and because we had tamed it by surrendering to it, it went over a gap like a big stadium or arena and became our shelter. From afar it went into a thick flat shape and was like a bridge and shelter. Then I heard someone say, something like, “and now we know that everything will be alright.” My dream ended with jazz music/a jazz song. And when Lucas heard it, it was like icing on the cake for him. I saw him smile and become very excited, saying something like, “of course it’s going to end with a jazz song”, like how more perfect can it be?”
A scene where we were playing music and partying, and the living creature that was more powerful than the one that became our shelter, became a bit upset (my will?) and wanted softer music. I saw this creature vaguely as it became upset. So that’s when the jazz song came on. If this represents my will, then it really isn’t more powerful than the other creature (Holy Spirit) who became our shelter, but it was more powerful in a way because the Holy Spirit won’t go against our will. I believe that the shelter creature is Holy Spirit and that I have surrendered to the Holy Spirit and God’s will in my heart and in my life.
This part was like a game where, it didn’t matter in what scene we were in, this little boy, who was like a spirit, was always walking by the seashore. I would look up and see him vaguely. It was like he was carrying a teddy and was always looking down. Holy Spirit, please help me save my little boy… Please enable me to follow You this Sunday and every day afterwards!
At the end of my dream I had seen a red heart and had put it in my mouth and ate it (I had a sense that I had done this, vaguely remembering eating it). Then I saw another perfect big red heart (the size of when we put both our hands together to form a heart) laying on the floor and I wondered if it was Lucas’. I picked it up and wanted to eat it but because I thought it may be Lucas’ I kept it in my hands. (I’m holding Jesus my husbands heart in my hands…) May God truly bless you…❤️
January 28: 3:39 I had to choose from three things. I don’t know what these three things are. Holy Spirit help me!
6:49 My daughter, rise. I have called you blessed.
7:25 Papa, help me to rise up today. Hep me to be all You’ve called me to be.
7:27 Caroline, I have called you by name. You are Mine.
7:28 Papa, I’m afraid that I’ve already missed You because I didn’t get up at 3:39 when You woke me up.
7:30 Caroline, remain blessed.
7:33 Papa, help me to follow You today. Fill my heart with Your peace so that I can follow You without hesitation.
7:35 I love you Caroline, come, you are Mine.
Last night after I had woken up at 3:39, I dreamt a few things: I was inside a room that had a team of people, all working together to achieve a goal. All of a sudden I saw a round ring in the air that grew into a portal. On the other side I knew was a place on the earth where it was cold, and so a huge pile of snow came into the room through the portal. And everyone was so disappointed because we were about to be able to leave this room but we couldn’t if there was all the snow in the room. In order to leave we needed to get rid of the snow. I saw the pure whiteness of the snow.
I was at a cross-training class. There was a whole group of people there, and Crystal the coach (always my coach in waking life) had given us instructions and so we were all on the floor; people were already laying on their tummies on the floor and I had room in the middle, so I was careful not to bump someone with my feet and I began laying down. The activity we needed to do was burpies and wall-balls, I think as one movement but I’m not sure. I hadn’t been sure of what she had said, but then I understood and began to do them with the others. I’m not sure if I need to lay prostrate in worship on the floor? I do that all the time at home when I pray at night. If so, at church or at the Media Fast tonight?
Then in this part of the dream there was a little girl who was going to put in a VHS tape, but I knew that if she did, something evil would come into the room, so I quickly took three (I think) VHS tapes that she could have put into the player, off of the floor and out of her reach.
Something that stands out to me is a question about what’s keeping me away from fully prophesying or walking in my spiritual gifts. I’m not sure if this question was for me but I can’t walk ahead of the Holy Spirit; He needs to enable me. I’m going to begin practicing my message at home so that I’m ready when I’m asked to share it.
Yesterday my sister Cathy shared a dream with me that she had about me. I don’t remember everything she told me but the main parts to it; I had two baby girls and I was going to give one to her. Then we were going to go to Church Of The Rock, and go to a conference there. In her dream it was very clear about the name of our church and the conference. I don’t know if her dream means the IF Conference, but I’ve already registered for that. I’ll invite her as well, just in case God means for her to come too. I’m also not sure what I need to give her, what my two baby girls represent. Whatever I have in my hands, I know the Lord has given to me, so if the Lord wants me to give to her, I want to give to her. She’s such a humble, loving and giving person, and she is also sensitive to the Holy Spirit.
I’m going to wear my black high heel shoes, just because I dreamt that I had them on when I went over the edge of the floor and landed securely on both feet. I’m not sure if this represents that I’m going to miss God today at church, but because I trust God to be able to lead me where He wants me to be, I’m going to keep my peace. I washed the car yesterday. My lower back hurts a bit, so I’m praying that if I sense God leading me to lay down prostrate on the floor, that I’ll be able to get up!! Blessings to you….