Psalm 37:40
“The Lord helps them and delivers them; he delivers them from the wicked and saves them, because they take refuge in him.”
Conversation
Papa, I love You. Thank-You for working in my heart. Please show me if I still have an idol that I’ve put higher than You. Please show me in my walk with You so that I can throw it down and be able to walk effortlessly with You.
I love you My daughter. You are Mine. Come, I have a word for you today.
Papa, what is it?
There is nothing you can do, or not do, that will make me love you less.
Thank-You Papa that Your love for me is constant (unconditional). Papa, if I sensed You and I didn’t go, then please forgive me.
I do. All is well with you My daughter. Fear not. Where I lead you, I will also protect you.
Okay Papa. I’m so used to failing that I’m beginning to just expect it.
My daughter, never give up hope.
Okay. Please help me not to give up.
Courage
Papa I love You and I run to You. Please breathe Your life into me. I need You so desperately.
Come My daughter. Rest. You are Mine and I love you. You did well today.
Okay Papa. Thank-You. I love You too.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower, over and over again; I believe that He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart first so that I’m clean before Him, and also so there’s nothing holding me back from following Him with my whole heart. It also clears the way to hear God better when there’s no mess in the way of where God is leading me to walk. I also record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning; I don’t want to miss anything that God has for me and is saying to me.
2:41 I woke up, hearing Jesus my husband in my heart, “Not by power not by might. But by the Spirit of the living, Spirit of the living God.
2:47 “silent treatment” I had fallen asleep again and woke up with having a sense that I was giving God the silent treatment when I wasn’t getting up to be with Him in prayer. So I got up and went downstairs to pray.
3:13 “silent treatment” I’m on the white mattress and had been praying but was thinking about things when I gently heard the words “silent treatment” in my mind.
3:52 “This is Holy ground. I’m standing on Holy ground.”
4:12 My daughter, rise up.
Papa, I don’t know what You mean about that because I can’t direct myself. Please lead me to know my next step so that I’m moving towards where You want me to be.
4:28 Papa, please show me where I’m not seeing something You want me to see. Please remind me if I’m not remembering to do something. Enable me Holy Spirit! I believe, but help my unbelief! Show me where I’m not believing or trusting. Help me today to be able to follow You.
4:35 Come My darling, rest. You are Mine.
Then I went back to bed, and when I awoke around 8:30 I had had a few dreams! Finally, thank-You Lord! I was standing in front of a whole rack of desserts that were individually wrapped on small plates. I think they were wrapped in siranwrap. I reached up with my right hand I think, to take one; it was a square light coloured dessert that had been in a big pan and was one of the square cut pieces. It was in the second highest row. I was talking with someone about what they were. The ones underneath the row I was taking from were made with cream cheese (like cream cheese squares), but the one I chose wasn’t made with cream cheese (this is what the person said that was with me). I’m not sure if this represents actual food, maybe it represents the pie auction or something I need to eat or make? I had a spinach pastry at church today, thinking there could be cream cheese in these. I normally don’t buy something for myself to eat ( normally just a caramel macchiato, thinking to get a reg cappuccino with vanilla syrup.), because it’s an added cost. I thought it could represent sitting in the second row to the front, so that’s why I wanted to sit there again, just in case. I had put my jacket on the first chair in the second row, and when I came back from putting on my makeup, another couple was sitting there. I think they normally sit there.
In this dream it could have been night.There was a forest in front of us. I was standing in the open entrance of a building that could have been a barn but I’m not sure. Someone was standing, leaning against the inside of the doorway, facing outside, looking into the woods/bushes. I told the person that I’m going to go and take a shower, and she could wait for me if she wanted, but she didn’t need to. I wanted her to wait for me but I didn’t want to force her. I told her I would take about 15 min. I saw an animal come running out of the bush. It could have been a wolf I’m not sure.
There was a cat that I saw vaguely walking close to where I was and the next moment she had had kittens. I had an empty pail in my hand that I looked into and saw it was dirty. I thought we should put them in there, but then I imagined it being too small for the kittens and the cat, so I thought a box would work better.
I was outside and all of a sudden I needed to go poop. There were a few people around me. I had a pail or something that I quickly sat into on the ground and let go. I was so relieved. I was kind of laying on my back and then I needed to wipe myself and asked the person in front of me if she had Kleenex, and she said no because she had done a study and found that Kleenex wasn’t good to use. So then I checked my left pocket and pulled something out that I thought was Kleenex at first. I saw that it was white and wrinkly, used before. Then when I shook it out I saw it was a white plastic bag. So then I used the bag to wipe myself because it was the only thing I had, other than a cloth which I didn’t want to use because then I would need to wash the cloth instead of just throwing it away. I saw that my poop was yellowish because I saw some of it was on my right hand sleeve and on my pants I think. So I was trying to get it all off; I got the bulk of it off but I saw a little bit of residue, like some bits of gravel. Then I wiped myself once as best as I could and got up and began walking. I only had my underwear on but it was normal in my dream and I didn’t feel self conscious. I knew there was still stuff I needed to clean up yet and was aware that others could probably see that, but I was okay with that and for now it was okay that I wasn’t completely clean. (I know I still have a few more stories to tell)
In my dream I also saw a streak of yellow in my eyes, like it was a big floater in my eye that will eventually come down and obstruct my view, almost making me blind. If this represents me climbing a steep cliff and losing one of my contact lenses, then how do I prevent this from happening? In the last few weeks I’ve noticed that my eyes have gotten worse again. Sometimes I can’t see clearly, like after looking at someone on stage and then looking at something that’s written on the screen. Now I also can’t see a persons eyes/face clearly when I look at them from where I was sitting/standing today. I have floaters also, which have also gotten worse. It’s only been a year since I got a new prescription! In waking life I used to wear contact lenses but now my eyes have so much astigmatism that it would be very expensive to buy. I actually have a few (5 I think) pairs that I got to try to see if I like them. I got them a year ago when I got my new glasses. I was going to try them the last time we did the mall hunt but I didn’t have time to put them in. They are only to see clearly far away, not for closeup. If I like them, then I would go in for the actual measurements for my prescription. But going back to seeing yellow in my eye could represent that I saw something I shouldn’t have seen? I’m going to pray about this.
Then I dreamt that it was a young girl who had just had a baby (I didn’t see the baby), and I wanted to tell her that she should begin to nurse her baby right away so that the milk flow would begin to awaken in her breasts. That way when the baby gets hungrier, a more steady flow will be released right on time. In waking life this happens the same way. I’m thinking this represents something new, a new thought or idea that has just been born; talking about my testimony at Soar? Holding a microphone? My testimony would be a bit different than what I talked about last summer or two summers ago at youth. I believe to nurse my new idea means to begin working on my testimony right away. My question is, am I in the right place, speaking at Soar?
Do in the beginning of this part of my dream, I wanted to tell the young girl this, about starting to nurse her baby right away. But there was a lady who likes to be in control. I had asked if I could say something really quick to the girl about nursing her baby right away, but this lady ignored me and kept on talking to the girl about other things. So I’m going to take this like I need to become very determined to work on my presentation and not allow myself to become distracted.
Changing the subject, I think maybe I’ll be going to Soar this Wednesday because next week Tuesday Bella’s band is going to the Convention Centre. An adjudicator will be there, and the day after, Wednesday Lucas’ band will be going, so I won’t be able to go to Soar on the 21st. I’m planning on going to Shopgym tomorrow morning. Blessings…
Feb 12: 9:43 Ohhh anything is possible, still a strong tower, still a strong tower.
9:46 Get up! So I got up right away.
I had a dream where it was in front of a computer and I vaguely saw what reminds me of Steinbach from an aerial point of view, on a map. I clicked and dragged St Vital Mall onto an open empty parking lot, and the mall then was there. The parking lot was beside Main Street.
I vaguely saw children outside, and for sure two maybe three young teenagers like Bella, dressed in beautiful sheer and flowy nightgowns going all the way down to the floor; they were standing kind of in a row. I also saw their long brown hair going down to their waist on their backs.
Then I saw a rack of some kind of clothing and housecoats high up, and saw my old housecoat and vaguely the one I had before that . Then I was saying to someone , seeing my current white housecoat, that this is the one I have now. As I was saying this, I was reaching up to take it down. This morning I really didn’t want to go to Shopgym but the Lord said He would be there with me, so I went. My heart is crushed and I feel like Mary Magdalene where she just had to run. I feel like I’m stuck in a trap and I can’t get out. I feel like I can’t face Jesus.. Deep within my soul I just can’t give up because I know that God is sovereign. I know God is doing a deep work within me. I just feel very defeated right now. ..I’m getting up.. “Firm Foundation” is playing right now. He won’t fail. He will get me where He wants me to be. I know Jesus is with me.. thank-you for your patients.. 🙏🏻