“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” Genesis 1:1
Conversation and Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today -enjoy!
10:36 “I don’t deserve this, darling you look perfect tonight”
11:21 “The Little engine that could” (yes I can do this with God’s help)
1156 “Darling you look perfect tonight”
In this dream there were stairs going up in front of me. A little ways away I saw someone who was a bit slow going up and there was someone behind that person who was chasing us. Then I had gotten all the way up the stairs and I saw the slow person was almost there, so I reached over and grabbed the person by the arm (skinny bare arm) and pulled her up quickly and locked the door right before that other person got there. I saw that other person tried coming in right before I clicked the lock shut.
1:34 “I found a girl, beautiful and sweet…”
1:57 Papa, I’m thinking the slow person represents me and there’s still a part of me that’s resisting being caught. Please help that part of my heart to stop resisting and surrender to You, to Jesus… help me to know why I’m resisting. I’m so desperate for You, for Jesus, please help me Papa so that part of me won’t resist on Sunday!
I’m searching my heart and I’m sensing that I’m wondering if that person who’s pursuing me in my dream will stay being kind, forever… I’m trusting that they will use their mental strength to protect rather than use it the other way. I can feel the Holy Spirit in my heart/a passion in my heart, and I’m hoping and praying that what I’ve confessed is what the issue of resistance has been, and that God is healing my heart as I’m writing this and as I’m spending time with Him in prayer.
3:15 “fresh start”
3:16 “Come my darling, it’s over.” (valley)
3:31 I trust in You Papa. You have led me to Jesus and have brought us together so I know I can trust him for forever…
3:33 “I love you my darling. Rest. Peace.
3:38/39 “the work is finished, …called me his own…(lyrics from a song we sing at church, but I don’t remember the song)
3:43 Thank You Papa, Holy Spirit.
3:44 Come, My darling, it’s time. I love you.
3:46 I hear in my heart, “I release you right now in Jesus name.” and “I have been set free.” Thank You Papa, Jesus, Holy Spirit for Your leading and for Your deep work in my heart. Whoever has been set free is free indeed! Yay!!!
3:51 “All is well with you My daughter; you are Mine.”
4:01 Papa, I pray that You would help me hear You clearly and to enable me to follow You.
4:03 “I will help you My darling. Rest, all is well with you; you are Mine this day.”
4:04 “Thank You Papa with all my heart. My heart is rest assured.”
I believe the debt has been paid and that I’ve been forgiven. I sensed it earlier that all is forgiven. While we were walking on Osborne, I saw a card (later I saw it was a debit cart) on the street but I felt resistance to pick it up, and when my friend saw it she picked it up and we ended up giving it to the authorities who were sitting in their car nearby. So I’m hoping and praying, now that I’ve confessed everything that I did (and hoping there isn’t anything more), that I am truly set free and therefore won’t resist God/Jesus anymore.
4:53 “I didn’t doubt.”
5:14 “I need you right now Jesus.” In my dream I saw Jesus sitting on a chair, facing the backrest with his arms on the backrest. (I didn’t see his arms but the way he was sitting I’m assuming his arms were there.) The chair was right in front of the couch so his back was towards the couch. He wanted to sit on the couch and began to back up so that he would be sitting on it but as I was walking around him I indicated for him to wait so I could stand behind him and rest on his back. This moment of resting took a few moments and I was cherishing it deeply… My head and my whole front self was on him and he could feel me shaking. The shaking was from all that I had been through. His head was turned to the side to be close to mine, and he was understanding my heart as I was absorbing his assurance and love. It was some moments of deep connection, and I’m cherishing this in waking life…
5:29 “huge” I dreamt that I was laying down and there was something about my butt being huge.. (I always wonder if my butt is big:))
5:38 I saw that Jesus was standing barefoot close to me in a room, looking at me. At first it didn’t connect but then I realized the message behind it, to follow him.
5:43 “I’m on my way, onto my way.”
6:48 In this dream I saw a group of people together, looking at me and they all had a big round cookie in their hands.
7:00 “I know it’s gonna be alright. It’s gonna be okay.”
7:03 “Darling you look perfect tonight..”
7:50 “Dancing in the dark, listening to our favourite song”
8:36 “Daring you look perfect tonight”
9:27 “Dancing in the dark, with you between my arms, darling you look perfect tonight.”
9:39 I had a picture of a hot tub that was covered; the cover was on it and it could have been by a garage.
9:42/43 I had a quick picture that I was taking our bowl of freshly filled fruit.
9:44 “I found a girl, beautiful and sweet.”
9:48 “farmers field”
Sometime in the night I dreamt that it was bedtime and I think it was a duck (or chicken), gathering all her newborn ducklings. Most of her newborns were gathered in a box of some sort and I picked up the ones that were still on the floor, seeing one or two more. I picked them up and dropped them into the box. One of them fell beside the box but I picked it up and dropped it into the box and saw the other one had also landed in the box.
I saw someone commit suicide by jabbing a knife into their heart. Then I was inside, underneath, deep in the water when I felt something had bumped me and saw a form floating underneath, deep in the water, and I quickly swam back up. It was the person who had committed suicide. Then in the next scene I was watching; there were a few people by a dead body that was laying beside them. As they were talking, the dead person came back to life! The people beside them were so surprised! Then the person who had clearly been dead said something to his friend like, “got you back,” (I got your back?) and they started laughing together. So in my dream the person who had been dead, got the person back for playing a prank on him. I’m wondering if this means that I’m finally ALIVE??? Jesus has my back and I trust him…
Saw my dog swimming in a very deep pool (I could see the bottom of it, coming to a point in the middle), wondering if she would be okay. She was hesitant at first but then jumped right in and swam all the way to the bottom. Then she desperately swam back up for air. She loved it. I had wondered if it was okay if she went into the pool and the owner said it was fine. (Thinking about how it would go if Coco came along with us to church camp)
I vaguely dreamt that I was at church and one of my Pastors was taking down some boards off the wall. The boards were a bit wider than 2X4’s. Vaguely seeing that it had made a triangular shape but this could just be my imagination.
Yesterday while I was kneeling down in prayer I had a short vision: I began seeing white hair and his face began coming into focus. I realized that it was someone I know, their dad’s face. Then I imagined his mom there too.
Today I was craving to bake cinnamon buns, something my kids love! So I made them and enjoyed baking them. I hadn’t baked them in a long time. I’m craving to make lasagna; Lucas is working tonight so I’ll wait to lasagna because it’s one of his favourite (both of the kids love lasagna, me too), with Caesar salad. Greek salad is my favourite. My lower back is hurting a bit, thinking it’s from doing Olympic lifting yesterday. Stretching helps a lot though.
4:48 In my prayer time, pressing into the Lord I was thinking about when we were on Osborn, and I heard “Again. I will be with you.”
Yes Papa, I will go.
4:51 Come My darling, it’s time. I am with you.
I’m coming Papa; I’m desperate to come!
5:00 Come My faithful one, you are Mine.
5:02❤️🔥
This morning one of the neighbourhood kids came by to play basketball with Lucas and I noticed his shirt saying Genesis 1:1, so this is why I’ve put that verse above. It also goes well with what the Lord showed me, coming alive… We had a lot of big sized hail early this morning. For tomorrow I’m sensing to sit behind the pastor and that’s what I will do. I’m also sensing to wear my yellow skirt. The other night I had dreamt that someone was cleaning up fast food containers, including a cup with a straw, and I think I hadn’t mentioned these things were all white.
Our time on Osborne was a lot of fun! I parked on Osborne just north of Broadway and we walked to the sitting area on Osborne. Talking to people isn’t a problem at all for me and I’m so amazed by that. Helping at the North End Campus has really helped me in that way. I prayed for people and shared my testimony and talked about God/Jesus. There was a man who had an alcohol problem so I prayed for that, but when he told me about his ankle, I asked to pray for that as well and he said no. I asked several times (because we talked more) but every time he didn’t want prayer for that. Then he asked me why I cared so much and I said that I care about the community and because God loved him more than he would ever know. I should have said it was because God loves us and he wants us to love other’s. Anyway it was a good conversation about God. I also talked with a lady there and we had a long conversation. She has heard about our church so I’m hoping she’ll watch us online or on TV.
I’m volunteering tomorrow at the World Cafe! My kiddos and I went to Bridge Drive In last week. I normally don’t have ice cream because of all the sugar, but I need to remember that sometimes it’s okay (I ordered a baby cone). Bella and I are volunteering for Kids Rock August 11 and 18th so we’ll be coming for the first service and volunteering for the second. I’m sensing this pocket of time is wrapping up and I’m so ready to step into the next, hoping and praying it’ll be this summer yet… Love and Blessings…❤️🔥❤️🔥
August 4: 12:41 “Listening to our favourite song. Darling you look perfect tonight.”
2;02/03 I will soar with You above the storm. You are King over the flood. I will be still, know You are God.
2:06 We got to go way up, we ain’t going back no more (1:55)
2:23 Something about Jasper and cereal at Costco, taking it from the shelf. (Jasper recently had a big fire)
2:44 My darling, rest.
3:02 My darling, I love you. You are Mine.
3:04 Papa, I give you all that I’m worrying about, if I’m going to be able to come or not. Fill me with Your rest; I’m surrendering my all to You. Please fill me with Your Joy so that I am truly at rest with You.
Come My daughter.
I humbly submit myself to God, and the devil flees from me because I resist him in the name of Jesus. James 4:7
Christ lives in me, and I live by faith in Him and His love for me. Galatians 2:20
3:25 I am redeemed by the blood of the lamb. 1Peter 1;18-19
3:33 Oh Papa I love You so much. Thank You for quieting the storm in my heart. I am Yours.
3:34 “And you are Mine.”
3:35 I’ve got the joy joy joy joy down in my heart. Where? Down in my heart. Down in my heart.. I’ve got the peace that passes understanding down in my heart, down in my heart to stay. And I’m so happy, so very happy. I’ve got the love of Jesus in my heart, down in my heart to stay.
3:48 I had a quick dream that I saw a young woman in a room and sensing Christ was in there. She received something from Him and she excitedly ran out of the room! Yay, I received something from the Lord!
3:53 Hope
3:58 I am here My daughter.
Thank You Papa.
4:00 All is well with you Carolyn. Rest knowing I am near.
4:01 Fill me with Your love Papa. I need You so much. You are my life. Fill me with Your joy Papa. Your joy in my heart is a weapon against the enemy, and the enemy will flee.
Come My faithful one. Don’t doubt My presence. I am near to you.
Thank You Papa. I’m really feeling attacked by the enemy. I know You are near and I charge Your angels over me in Jesus name. Your will, will be done in my heart and in my life.
Rest, I am near.
4:20 “I need You oh I need You. Every hour I need You. Oh precious… my Saviour, I come to thee.”
4:27 I dreamt that I was at a place and a lady, smiling, said that I could go here, and she showed me a room that was built with brown wood. I sensed that I had children and I could be there with them. Yay!! I’m not sure exactly what this means but I’m thinking it’s good!
4:34 my legs began shaking, feeling excitement in the Holy Spirit!
4:41 I saw vaguely someone that represents me, naked from the back, sitting. I know this represents that I’m unashamed, exposed, trusting, and ready for God, for Jesus. Yes!!!
4:44 I love you My darling
I love You Papa, Jesus
4:48 I vaguely saw a pink sunrise through the trees. (I saw the very beginning of a sunrise today. I’ve been up basically all night (I went to bed around 10:00 and went downstairs to pray around 2:30)
4:49 “band of gold” (song)
4:54 I vaguely saw cement stairs leading up from a gravely place.
4:56 I was thinking about the dream about seeing our dog had died and was buried with its nose in the air, and I dreamt that I saw a door that had a door for coco to go through whenever she wanted. There was a smaller door underneath and a bigger door for her to use. She’s alive. I’m thinking this has something to do with me, representing that I’ve come through a storm and that I’m alive.. thank -You Papa.
5:20 I dreamt about seeing pens, and I think I picked one up…
5:28 “I didn’t ask for help” This makes me think I still need to ask Jesus for help with something… (here I went back upstairs)
5:42 I saw the mother cat’s breasts filled with milk, bursting to feed, and then a kitten went and drank deeply. There was another kitten there, waiting…
5:47 Orange, possibly blue after
5:48 “the work is finished, then came the promise”
5:50 Hallelujah, has set me free… Because of Jesus, my heart is clean.
Orange -I saw the colour orange.
5:55 I dreamt a couple had a baby who was now a toddler. They were holding him/her and were going out of a building or going back in, I’m not sure but they couldn’t find a baby sitter.
6:00/01 It was like I was in a car and I saw the person in the passenger seat put a few Gatorades in the glove compartment. The feeling about this is that we were going on a road trip. I love road trips!!
6:18 “He called me his own. The work is finished..” (song, I can’t remember the lyrics exactly, but these were the words I heard. Yay!!!
6:25 I was helping L asking her if she needed help and I was cleaning the bottom of a pot I think (the underneath part), and she said yeah.
6:37 “The yellow bowls (2) of chocolate will save us.” I had been thinking that I can have chocolate now.. so I’m thinking the chocolate part is my own thinking but the two yellow bowls may be important.
6:43 “1927”
6:47 someone was telling someone about directing something.
6:49 I saw my brown dress. I’m thinking that whenever I’ve been shown in the past that when I see something specific in a dream (clothing) I need to wear it. I was planning to wear my yellow skirt because I had seen yellow in the dream with the moustaches, but I didn’t see the skirt specifically, so I’m hoping and praying that I’m sensing right, that I need to wear my brown dress.
6:53 there was a car parked with the passenger door open and a family was sitting in it (the dad behind the wheel and kids in the back). A lady came and bent into the car and said, “I can pray for you.”
6:57 my kids dad and I were in our kitchen, looking into our pantry, and I saw his arm as he was taking some snacks.
6:59 I saw a podium with some people on it and I heard, “you are one of the most respected, resilient people.”
7:03 “death and resurrection” I was standing by an old movie theatre and then I was standing in front of the ticket booth which faced the sidewalk and I said, “well, I’ll be your first costumer.”
7:17 I saw one of my nephews. There was a question in a small group about how many countries we’ve been to in the world. The only ones I’ve been to are the Inited States and Brazil.
7:25 I saw a pop drink in a tall white cup and I saw a fly floating on the top with its legs up; it had just been caught. Then I saw someone leaning down to take a drink from it. I think flies represent lies; what lie am I about to believe?
7:30 I saw a freshly opened bag of fruit loops. We have fruit loops at home but I never allow myself to eat it because of the sugar, but I love it once in a while.
Okay I’m hoping and praying that I’ll be able to follow today… Love and Blessings…