“My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.”
2 Corinthians 12:9
Conversation
Thank-You Papa, Holy Spirit for Your wisdom. Thank-You for surrounding me with wise and God-fearing people. I love You and I worship You. Thank You for Your ways with me. ThankYou for Your forgiveness, grace, and love.
I love you My daughter.
Help me Holy Spirit to have a better balance between spending time with You and everything else I need to do. And help me to always be at rest in my heart not matter what happens in life.
Come My daughter. Time. My grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in weakness. Come and be at rest. You are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today..
11:05 “C”
(I saw an empty countertop before that)
12:27 “You love me still… I know you always will.”
12:41 Papa? Yes
4:27 “I’ll never get used to this. This is how I want to live… Oh”
5:50 A white shirt was tossed to me as I was going into a changing room. (I saw someone tossing a white shirt to someone who was in the changing room)
5:58 A vision of seeing a bookshelf full of silver books. Every space was filled.
6:07 Vision of seeing the book and cards I have on my desk, sensing to clean it up, like it’s done.
6:13 Vision or sense of being at the airport.
6:18 A vision of seeing some people in an elevator, and in the middle of the group there were two people kissing, tilting their head up. It was like it was a photo or a painting.
6:24 Free
6:26 In a vision I saw a deep red fruit with a green? leaf was on the table.
7:03 I was standing behind a couch. There were people going to the front of the couch to look at something. Then I went too, and then Lucas was in front of me and I knew he was hiding something from me underneath his shirt and belt area. Then I was pinching his left arm with my left arm, forcing him to tell me. So then when I saw he was agreeing to tell me I stopped pinching him. He hadn’t shown me yet and could have changed his mind but he didn’t, but began opening his shirt, starting at the top. Then he had opened his shirt and I saw a newborn baby. It was looking up but wasn’t moving. This night when I woke up I didn’t go downstairs, thinking to listen to J and stay in bed, changing the way I do things. But when I got this dream I went downstairs to pray.
7:42 Papa…
7:43 “Faith” (I heard the Lord gently say to me)
I’m sensing the baby represents me. Today I’m meeting K at 10:30. I’m going to spend time with God in the afternoon, restoring hope.
1:30 “Mistletoe” The deep red fruit with a leaf represents a mistletoe. As I was pressing into the Lord about the fruit, this word came to mind…
1:44 Yes Papa? “Yes” In my heart I was asking God about following on Friday (inside and out), and I heard in my heart a quiet “yes.”
I believe my joy is restored. Learning from J yesterday and K’s wisdom as I bounced everything off of her, I feel like I’ve found my place and am standing on a firm foundation. Something has settled in my heart which has enabled me to have peace. My motive is to please my Heavenly Father. My love for Him and wanting to please Him is my motive to following Him/Jesus…
2:08 I’m sensing the word, “caught” as I’m pressing into the Lord about the baby dream. I’m putting my trust in God/Jesus… Bella has her last volleyball games tonight so we won’t be going to Bible study. I’m so excited about the changes that are going to take place in learning to balance the things I do; I feel like I’ve been given permission. I’m so thankful to have been corrected; I couldn’t see what others could. Something I thought is so neat is that the movie “Surprised By Oxford” was filmed in Britain; I had dreamt about being really excited about quickly distributing posters around a city in Britain.
Nov 15: “Oh Holy Spirit come! Like a flood! Fill this place!”
10:05 I took a nap and dreamt that I was holding the door open (feeling like I was at the east doors) feeling like I had run to the door and opened it, only to see the bus leave.
10:08 “hard for her to join”
I slept through the night! I heard from the Lord this morning so I’m thankful about that. I went to Shopgym this morning and we did Clean Grip Pulls (I did 75lbs). For the workout it was a 12min AMRAP of 15 box jumps, 10 pistols, 5 burpees. Today after a quicker time with God I’m going to clean out our closet in my room, such a big job! Blessings and love…🫰🏼(I took a quick nap -my eyes are burning a bit from not getting enough sleep- and I woke up at 2:55 hearing, “and that’s a wrap-up.”
November 16: 5:57 “..and fix what I’ve broken, and I need you to see, that you are the reason…” I went downstairs to pray.
6:43 Sensing a release and that this part of my journey with Jesus is done….
8:11 I was standing in a room looking at something that was unfolding. It unfolded and became a desk. Then I was in front of it and had my hand on a red thing like some kind of a writing pad. As I had my right hand on it, I felt something move underneath my hand and discovered a red pen that was attached to it; It felt like it lifted itself up into my hand. It was like I was taking steps of faith to see where it would lead me. Some people were standing close by and I was explaining things as they were happening. I think I was at a church.
A scene where I was walking down some beautiful brown wooden stairs, feeling like it was an aisle at a church. Then I was standing on the last step and I couldn’t go down any further because the stairs were cut off. It was like an arena where there’s a few levels of chairs and stairs in between the chairs. I thought I could climb down on the thing beside me (I saw people walking down on the level below) but I couldn’t see where I could grab onto. So then I began climbing back up to find another way down.
Then the scene changed where I was climbing up the stairs during a church service. I was on the side, climbing up a few stairs and on my right I saw a preacher speaking. There were people sitting on chairs, listening. I saw a single chair facing me that was beside the stairway leading up. Then as I was about to start climbing what felt like the main stairs, there was an old lady who had a tall glass cup who asked if I could fill it with water for her. I said sure. Then she asked if I could fill another cup of water for another person (her friend), and I said sure. I was going upstairs to get a sheet of paper to write on, but then I needed to get water for them first. Then I was climbing up the stairs, feeling like my arms were full. I think I had cloth in my arms and the two cups were in there, and I was getting them with my right hand (the cups were in the cloth and I was holding them with my left arm.) Then I had them in my hands and at first I thought I only had one, thinking I had lost one of them, but then I saw that they were together (one inside the other). Then I was holding both of them, one in each of my hands, and the one in my left hand had something in it that was wider at the top (extending higher than the cup) to give the cup added space so that it could hold more water than the cup could hold. I took it out to look at it and then I put it back in the cup.
There was a scene before going up the stairs where I was talking to a boy. He said something about the Bible or a Bible story and I asked him a question about it to make him think deeper about it, so as he was answering it became more of a group discussion; sensing an adult had come and began talking with him about what he was talking about. Then I had left to get a paper to write on, and that’s when the lady asked me to get water for her (I think).
9:09 soup, seeing soup like I made yesterday, in a spoon being lifted up to be eaten. Seeing the yellow (there was corn in the soup)
9;15 “calling, He’s calling, there’s hope, there’s hope”
10:43 I had a quick dream about seeing a puzzle that was all put together.
10:53 “You love me still, and I know you always will.”
I’m pressing into the Lord and I have a sense that this pocket of time is done/basically done. In this journey the Lord has been working in my heart so much, and I’ve been writing as I’ve been learning and being led. I believe that in my walk in obedience and learning to hear God’s voice, God has healed and restored my heart. I’ve often felt like I’m too inward focused, but I think this was a season; I’m sensing that in this next season I will be focusing more on other people as God uses me to help them grow closer to God in their journey with Him. Having said that, I believe that family will be my highest priority and whatever work the Holy Spirit will lead me to do. I would love to be a Youth Pastor, this is my dream, but until then I’m sensing to sub. During my time with my mentor K I told her about the time when I heard, who I thought was the Lord, say something to me that kept me from teaching full time. When my daughter Bella went into grade one I began subbing more, and in my heart I longed to have a half-time position (kindergarten) so that I could also be at home every other day and do things at home. I also had periods of wanting to work full time and have a classroom of my own but I always felt that that wasn’t God’s plan for me. One day I was subbing and was on my way home for lunch when I really wanted to work full time and then I heard in my heart, “is this what you want?” I took that as meaning that God would allow it but it wasn’t His number one plan for me, so because I want to do what God wants me to do, I immediately repented and let that desire go. When I was talking with my mentor K she said that that probably wasn’t the Lord, and I was devastated because I could have had a classroom of my own all these years. I wish I would have sought council about that. Subbing for me is actually very difficult because of not knowing if I’m going to get a phone call early in the morning; thinking I may get a call causes me not to sleep very well, and being a sub teacher is difficult because students don’t respect them very much. Now I would love to be a Youth Pastor. I’ve learned how to have fun like a kid again after being emotionally “dead.” God has revived my heart where I can be passionate about Him, Jesus, my kids and the kids at youth. Until the time comes (and if the Lord will lead me there), I’m sensing to begin subbing again. I have a desire to go back to work, wishing it was at church but until then, in the classroom at school.
November 17: 12:50 I was at church on the balcony in the front section on the right side. I was looking in something like a locker to see if there were any shirts to take home. I saw two of Lucas’ clean underwear in there, folded nicely, one on top of the other on a small shelf in the locker. The locker reminds me of the metal thing we always put the youth name tag containers in when the evening is done. I think I had taken two of Lucas’ T shirts from there to bring home to wash. I already had two other ones (feeling like it was two) in my arms that I was carrying that I was going to wash at home. The service had already started when I got the shirts and I began walking down the aisle to leave. As I was walking I looked down to see what I was wearing and I saw that had our blue apron on (Its the only one I have at home, and it’s actually my kids dad’s apron that he got for Christmas one year from my in-laws, his Canadian parents.). As I was walking I noticed people sitting in chairs as I rounded the corner of the section furthest to the left. Then I was going down to the main floor ; there was something like a curtain or cloth over the area that I was sliding down (feeling like there were 2 or 3sections of curtains that I slid down on, all in one column, but I only remember the last one). It was straight down and I had so much fun going down. The length of it was probably from the ceiling to the floor and the colour was a light brown. Then I landed onto the floor, securely with both my feet. I vaguely remember another person going down it too, maybe right before me.
A vision of seeing someone sitting in a seat and two little girls running to sit with the person sitting in their seat.
I fell asleep during my prayer time and I dreamt that I was with a few other people, and someone joined us. Then we began walking and I all of a sudden turned around and began running back; I wanted to get dressed. Then I was at home in the kitchen and my mom wanted to give me something to drink, and I drank a little. She wanted me to drink some more but I was in a rush, wanting to go back to the trail. (after dreaming this I spent some time pressing into the Lord, praying in my prayer language) Then I was flying and I couldn’t see ahead of me but I found the trail. Then I was at our destination, flying over a river but I was afraid of falling in, and I desperately tried to stay away from it. Then I landed beside the river and I heard a group of kids come. I saw that the river was rough. Then I was standing by the river and I saw a group of kids walking towards me. Then I was in someone’s house and the main thing I got from there was that two people were eating the same thing; I was in the kitchen by the sink. I saw the person close to me take some food from the sink, putting it into their plate (among the food were sautéed or caramelized onions. I followed and also took food from the sink and put it into my plate. I’m feeling like this food was saved from being thrown out. There was someone in the kitchen who was going to eat other food. There was a scene where I was in a girls bedroom and I saw some folded underwear on her dresser. I wanted to help her but thought that that was her mothers job. I sensed that she was shy to talk about it and I felt empathy towards her. Then I heard her coming so I quickly left her room. In the hallway was a little girl and I think we said hi.
After this dream I have more peace in my heart about where to sit. I can see that the river represents the pastors seat and that I was avoiding it. I now have peace in my heart about sitting there. If I see that I’m not supposed to then I’ll sit where the locker was in my dream, across the aisle from the pastors seat. I’m sensing to come and to rest…
This morning I sat in the pastors seat and I was so thankful my family came with me, difficult to do! I went to the Uganda meeting in between the services so I have the booklet of information. After the service I went to get a snack and I chose Dads cookies from the middle right. Then after volunteering at the World Cafe I chose the Hibiscus Rose tea, but there was only about half of a cup left so I also chose to have a Caramel Macchiato (I sensed this was okay because of my dream about getting two glasses of water). When we walked to the Kiosk I finished the tea and put the CM cup into the other one; I hadn’t planned that but it came to mind at that moment when I remembered that I had done that in my dream. Changing the subject, I’m sensing not to go on Friday, and I have peace about that; my kids dad and I are going to the date night that evening. We’re also going to, “Laughing all the Way.” It’ll be fun!
At home I was cleaning up the dishes and I saw on TV the end of a video about Justin Beber, talking about his story about God and what he’s learned, him and his wife shared an intimate kiss on their wedding day; it reminded me of a dream or vision I had where I saw a couple kissing with their faces looking up. She had her face upward because she was shorter than her husband. My heart is hopeful and sober, like I came down from a spiritual high. My heart is full of love for God, for Jesus, my kids, my kids dad, kids at youth, and the people at church. I’m also looking forward to going back to work (wishing it was for my church). We sat around the table on Saturday, making a list of chores that need to be done on Saturdays and everyday; This is a start, heading in the right direction.
I took some books from the tables: Better Together by Rick Warren; Foundations by Tom Holladay and Kay Warren; and The Way of the Master by Kirk Cameron and Ray Comfort.
Blessings and Love…🙏🏻 I’m resting and open, trusting in my Papa.