John 3:21
“But whoever lives by the truth comes into the light, so that it may be seen plainly that what he has done has been done through God.”
Conversation
Papa. I love You so much. Papa, please show me my heart. My heart is all open to you. Please draw me near.
I love you My darling. Come, I am near to you. My sweet daughter, be at rest, for I am near to you.
Papa, Holy Spirit, please lead me as I adjust my message. I put my trust in You.
Caroline, draw near.
Papa, I worship You with all my heart! Help me draw near to You!
Papa, I feel like I can’t hear You, but I know that You are near.
I am. Come, I’m inviting you forward.
Papa, I know You’re calling me forward and deeper into Your heart, and I never want to stop this journey of growing closer to You. Thank-you for growing Your love for others in my heart; I run to You, straight into Your embrace. Help me share what I have found in You. You are saving me and I know You want to save others too. It’s like I am them and they are me; there’s no difference between them and me. You love them like You love me. Help me share Your love to whoever You bring before me.
My sweet Caroline
Yes Papa?
I love you.
Papa, in our conversation today, what’s the most important thing You want me to remember?
I am here for you.
Thank-you Papa.
Reflection
Hello everyone, welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him!
Last night I woke up two times with the same lyrics in my heart. The times were 1:25 and 3:29, (22). The lyrics were, “Christ is my firm foundation, the Rock on which I stand. When everything around me is shaken, I’ve never been more glad, because I’ve put my trust in Jesus, He’ll never let me down, he won’t, he won’t, he won’t fail, he won’t!” I know that I can trust in God/ Jesus and that they will never let me down. I’ve had some dreams where I’ve felt so close to them, and I really really miss this. So much that it hurts to remember and to see, but after being in his presence again I’d rather run to him instead!!!! This is so hard!!
Last night I dreamt that I was inside a really big building like a stadium that had several different areas where people, maybe youth, could go to do different activities. I was standing kind of behind/beside, but close to a man who was holding a machine with both of his hands that was blowing air into a long tube that was collapsed. As the air would move forward it looked like it was a bubble the size of a soccer ball that was moving forward, and the tube would collapse again after the air bubble had passed. At the end of this tube, which was about 20-30 feet long, there was something that looked like a huge balloon. This balloon was also kind of collapsed (it had a bit of air inside), and every time a pocket of air had travelled through the tube and entered into the big ballon at the end, the air would burst into it, filling it a little bit more (I saw the air explode into the ballon as soon as it entered it, like it was water). The balloon was only filled a small fraction. The tube was attached to the balloon, and the whole thing was transparent; I could see the outline of it but also as the air pocket would travel, I could see that the tube was like a soft material which allowed the air pocked to travel through it. I saw the first one burst into the balloon and then I saw two more air pockets travel through the tube, about a few feet apart. The whole thing was going up at a slant into the air, which was inside the huge stadium. I didn’t see them but sensed as if I had seen, adults, sitting in some of the bleachers. Then I said as I began walking away something like, “You would think that I’m a kid with the way I enjoy watching that, because I’ve never seen that before.” I’m not sure what this could represent, but it reminds me of blowing into a horn, the words I heard in my spirit right before waking up during the night, two nights ago. Maybe this has something to do with me speaking out my message?
I also dreamt that Jesus my husband and I were standing in front of each other because of how the group of people were that were around us. Our hands touched as we were putting them down or something, and there was a person standing, facing us who saw, but he didn’t think anything of it because it was normal to do that with the age group that was around us. When he saw, he only smiled. This dream was vague. Another vague dream was that I had been holding a heavy box, and Jesus my husband had been standing close by on my right side, and I was wondering if he had seen the strength in my arms:) I love growing in strength again, but I’m wondering if this means that I’m trying to do something in my own strength instead of relying on God’s strength.
Wednesday morning at Shopgym we did Strict Press, which I’m so weak at, then for the workout we did 21-15-9 of row calories and box jumps. Then we rested two minutes, and then did the same thing except 9-25-21. That was tough! but I love it! Today we did Thrusters (some did overhead squats which I actually hate doing because it’s so difficult for me. I can barely lift a 35lb bar doing overhead squats!). The workout was 6 min: 3 rounds of 10 ball slams (I did 20lbs), 10 alternating dumbbell snatch. In the remainder time, max reps cal ski, or row or echo bike (I rowed). I didn’t run this week:( Tomorrow I’ll be making home-made salsa and will get my kids to help. I haven’t canned for several years, so it’ll be fun to do again! I’m thinking I need to ask about going into the mentorship program at church that had been talked about several weeks ago.. Also, I know that I can’t stop following where the Lord is leading just because it’s difficult. God has called me now, while “in the grave,” so just because I’ve been in the grave doesn’t disqualify me.. it probably qualifies me because I’m at the end of myself and can only go up. I’ve sensed for awhile now to bake pie; waiting for a good time for that. Thinking to make pumpkin pie! Many blessings! 😉
Saturday September 30th: Last night I dreamt that a girlfriend and I were in a main part of my house (not my actual). Even though this room was a big part of the house, I didn’t see any bed so I know it wasn’t a bedroom. I don’t remember seeing anything specific, but I had a feeling like there was a dining room table and some couches and other things. It was a full room but in my dream I remember looking close to me and saw that there wasn’t any bed, but there was a lot of stuff in it like a normal home. The room had several doorways, feeling like they were French doors. We locked ourselves in this room; my husband (not Jesus) was in the house and I had a sense he was walking around, doing things but he couldn’t get into this room because we had locked the doors. I’m sensing there were three doors we needed to lock and had locked. This room looked like a rich room. I’m sensing this room represents myself.
In this next dream there was a huge group of us that were in some kind of very large building that had temporary rooms built in it. I think we were all laying down on the floor. I only saw one woman clearly who I had a feeling was someone’s aunty (like when some cultures call older people uncle or aunt). Then I saw that something happened to the structure of the walls; it was like the whole structure of many rooms (like escape rooms) was being supported by one long board, like a 2X4, and something happened to it like it was bumped or broken, and then the whole thing, all the rooms began collapsing. When the rooms began collapsing it was like a catastrophe had begun; everyone (I only saw and sensed women) began running wildly out of that place because it was their chance to escape. They were being held hostage and were going to be forced to have a needle that would kill them. There was a woman (I had a feeling like she was someone’s aunt, like someone called her aunty out of respect) was laying unconscious on the floor and those right close to us were in such a hurry to escape that they decided to leave her. Then as I stood looking down at her, I thought I couldn’t just leave her there and had bent down to pick her up to carry her out when I saw that she had begun to awaken. Then she had awakened and sat up, so she was able to run on her own but this part of the dream ended before that happened.
Another short part of the dream was that someone wanted to give me a needle which would kill me, and I was trying to resist but almost didn’t see a way out. She was saying and trying to convince me that this needle wouldn’t kill me (but it would do something else like prepare my body to be killed). For myself, I know that it’s me who is waking up, so I’m going to finish preparing my message and presenting it as soon as possible before any more “threats” from the enemy in my dreams. Last night I woke up at 2:52 with the lyrics, “I put my faith in Jesus, he’ll never let me down, he won’t! I also woke up at 6:32, 8:08, 8:59 with, “Christ is my firm foundation, the Rock on which I stand. When everything around me is shaken,” This is the first day in a long time that I didn’t set an alarm to wake up, so I’m not sure if all those times I awoke are significant but just in case they are I thought I’d write them down. Wondering if this is what the needle represents that will slowly kill me/my drive or passion for God? Because I’ve needed to wake up earlier with an alarm for the past 15 years. This morning we’l be going to the St. Norbert Farmers Market, and then I’ll be canning when we get home. Really missing summer already…. Blessings…