“Hold on to instruction, do not let it go; guard it well, for it is your life.” Proverbs 4:13
Conversation
My Papa, I’m so desperate for You!
Come, do not be afraid, for I am with you. I love you My darling.
Papa, I’m putting my trust in You, and I’m going to follow You even if it’s difficult. Your love never fails and it’s Your love that draws me and keeps me.
Come My daughter, all is well. You are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs or intimacy with Him in dreams, because as part of the bride of Christ, Jesus is my husband. My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today..
11:52 A girl was being carried by Jesus (like a baby). She was fully dressed in a really nice dress and had Sunday shoes on. I think her shoes were black. (I’m wondering if I need to wear my black runners today or my black boots?, or on Sunday?)
12:05 “Koinonia” (Intimate spiritual community)
4:22 I heard lyrics to a song, thinking it’s the same one as the one below.
4:33 “see Your blessing, see Your blessing every day.. this is how I wanna live, oh, I’ll never get used to this! This is my reward.” (I went downstairs to pray)
5:46 A vision of a large shallow bowl with kitchen utensils, reminding me of the show we watched yesterday where there were keys in a bowl like that, that unlocked the safe that had the reward.
5:52 “I’m gonna die to myself and get married again.” Sensing crying when the last words were spoken. (be in agreement as I always say yes to Jesus)
5:59 vaguely seeing an empty room with no chairs on the floor, feeling like it was a dance floor.
6:04 A vision of me taking my red sweater off of a back rest of a chair to put it on.
6:09 vaguely sensing cloth, holding it in my hand.
6:13 “See you soon” (I heard in my heart)
6:16 a vision of seeing or sensing a few people around a vehicle, carrying it out of a driveway.
6:23 “200”
6:25 I saw a green basket inside a blue basket, like the ones we use at youth.
6:35 “D”
6:51 “Carolyn could you hold this for me?” I was in the youth room, standing with L and another person. L had the clicker thing in her hand. The person beside her wanted to know what was in her hand and she moved her hand around to avoid it being seen; I saw someone trying to see what it was. Then she clicked on it and I heard the sound; then it was known what she had in her hand (clicked like I have an understanding?) When she clicked it, a screen began coming down; I was standing right underneath it so I quickly moved out of the way so that I was on the same side as L and the other person. They had been standing close to the stage and I was facing them. Then when I stepped closer to them, I was also standing closer to the stage.
7:24 “withdraw from battles”
7:33 Orange toilet seat; Today I was taking a long time in the bathroom because I was so deep in thought.
7:37 “All these made at Costco” seeing a sealed bag being opened; The top plastic part that makes the seal was being torn off, opening the bag. I’m praying about this.
7:39 “All these lives submitted to yours.”
8:01 Vision of seeing some peeled bananas laying in the same direction on a plate.
8:05 I was in a big stadium with lots of people. I was standing on a long green carpet (hallway in church?) on the side of the middle part of the stadium (along the short wall that circles the middle of the stadium). I saw a man pick up a boy with one arm (holding onto the back of his shirt) who had been on the carpet. He was facedown with his limbs hanging, lifeless. This is so difficult for me, but I’m sensing God’s leading to walk to the youth area tomorrow.
8:12 I saw someone kicking an orange basket ball
2:18 I saw a scoop of vanilla ice cream.
2:22 “My daughter, Love” When I heard “My daughter,” the word, “love,” overlapped it and was louder. I had become afraid of going into the Youth area and had fallen asleep as I was listening to a song, “…and the angels cry, Holy…” I will guard my heart because I know fear is a big tactic the enemy uses against me. I’m remembering what God told me, that I am loved, so I’m hanging onto this…. I made bread using a new recipe, so good!! 🤞🏼
November 22: 2:00 “Pursue what is primary”
3:14 (Pursue what is Primary)
4:04 “You are my strength when I am weak, You are the treasure that I seek, You are my all in all”
4:52 “major change” The word “change” was more clear. The picture I had was a woman sitting with her legs out, getting up I think.
5:05 Come My daughter, it’s time.
I’m coming Papa.
6:28 “2:00”
Dream where I was hanging off of a ledge, holding onto a lip that was attached. A baby was scared and I managed to push her to safety. Then I was yelling for help as I was hanging on. Then I saw someone under a blanket like he was in bed, and I grabbed onto his foot/feet. Then I thought this person was following me so I tried to lose him; I went into an office area where he found me. Then he left and I thought maybe I should get my husband to pick me up so that he wouldn’t follow me.
Then there was a bunch of clear water on the floor, about ankle deep. I had a pail of dirty water that I needed to dump and I was looking for a place to pour it; I didn’t want to pour it into the clean water on the floor. Then I noticed that the water on the floor was beginning to drain. I had a bath today. In my dream with all the water, as I was walking in it, I saw a sink that had water in it, and I walked by it.
Then I was talking to a kid who I could hardly understand. I needed to crouch low to understand him. I vaguely saw him kind of rolling on his back. Do I need to go onto my back again?
I saw a toddler standing calmly by a wall on a narrow ledge, not afraid.
A scene where I was in a place and I had my white housecoat on. Someone was there and I was holding my housecoat closed.
I was walking beside two people, outside going home; I was on the right side. The person on the left walked around something but then I was surprised to see him again as he walked with us, a few steps away. Then there was a puddle I stepped over, and then I noticed that I had been walking beside Sarena. I looked and saw her far away across an open space and I yelled, “bye Sarena!” I’m coming into an understanding that me not being at youth Wednesday night is because God is transitioning me into the Friday nights (high school). So what felt like a punishment is actually a transition, so me saying bye to Sarena represents that because she works with youth on Wednesday nights.
8:02 a vision of being on my knees crouching beside a wall.
8:17 her keeper
8:35 a quick picture of a guy with a light blue turban on his head, meditating. Light blue is the colour of the gown I was wearing in an amazing dream I had many years ago, when I was opening my website. I was standing on a balcony looking out over the room below. I saw the canteen area to my right and the beautiful colours of the rainbow painted along the walls surrounding the room. Then I was walking down the stairs in a light blue gown that fit perfectly, sensing it was sewn specifically for me.
8:53 I dreamt of seeing a yellow line.
8:56 I was kind of asleep when I had a dream or vision that someone had left, and there were two people who were doing something that felt like youth, and I heard, “…to carry on in that ministry.”
9:06 I vaguely saw Coco, hearing something about “getting rid of the dog.”
9:12 I was at a shoe store, looking at a row (eye level) of shoes; I had come to look for new shoes to buy.
10:07 “I don’t deserve this, darling you look perfect tonight…”
Lucas has a meeting today. Then Bella and I will go and do some errands; Walmart, Canadian Tire and Costco. I’m sensing to go to the youth room before they go. I’m thinking I only need to go once, to touch a basketball with my foot. I’m wondering if I also need to get an ice cream sandwich? Do I need to go twice then? Or will there be ice cream at the date event? I’m thinking to sit in the front row right side on Sunday, and crouch/kneel in prayer along the wall. Blessings and love….🙏🏼
November 23: 2:44 “All creation cries, Holy. You will always be, Holy, Holy forever.”
4:08 “All creation cries Holy. You will always be, Holy, Holy Forever.”
“You are released” (I was too overcome with sorrow and grief that I didn’t look at the time)
4:47 Come. Rest. You are saved.
4:52 He saved me, He saved me
5:12 I won’t look back I won’t look back I’m Yours, You saved me You saved me.
5:16 Rest, all is well.
5:17 Come, you are Mine
5:02 Your name, is the highest Your name, is the greatest Your name, stands above them all. All thrones, and dominions all powers , and positions Your name, stands above them all. And the angels cry, Holy, all creation cries, Holy. You will always be, Holy, Holy forever.
5:31 1700 km’s
5:50 sensed the word, “Plates” and “Authority”
5:53 “Soaked” (I was soaked) (One of the playlists I listen to most is the one called, Soak,” and is the one I have my two favourite songs, Tend and Gratitude.
5:58 “Say hi to Caroline”
6:05 I had a vision where I was on a paved road, at an T intersection; a highway going across. There was a line that was made when the road was paved, resulting in two sections of pavement. I went over the line as I heard Bella saying, “no, mom!” In waking life she says this when I’m about to do something I sense the Lord telling me to do. I’m sensing to go across “the line” is like diving in, and this is what I need to do (God help me!!).
6:14 In a vision I saw a huge green bag with a red bow tie. Christmas together with my family….
6:17 a vision of having unlocked the garage door; the door was open and I was taking the keys out of the lock.
6:21 In a vision I saw a toddler standing at the corner of a wall, standing beside a mattress that was leaning on the wall. There was another mattress in front of him, laying on its side so that he couldn’t go anywhere; he was surrounded by the two mattresses.
6:27 I saw someones black sweaters laying on the floor of the entrance to our house, and I think he just came into the entrance.
6:32 In a vision I saw a woman fully dressed.
6:36 a vision of being in a newly renovated kitchen that had dirty dishes in the sink.
6:39 a vision of seeing a small boy having come down the stairs and jumping off of the last step, onto a brown rug. (I believe this is when I’m coming off the stage. I can hardly believe I need to do that, giving my life away….)
6:42 In a vision I was at Costco pulling a cart.
6:45 In a vision I saw a clear plastic bag that was filled with green broccoli.
6:48 I had my foot on the sink counter, washing my shoe. In waking life I cleaned my white shoes again yesterday. I washed a few spots off.
7:06 I was sitting on a the left side of the bench (my feet were dangling close to the road as I was sitting and being carried). I had a quick thought to lift my feet onto the bench but I didn’t (this helps me to know that I was on the left side), and Lucas and Bella were carrying the bench on a paved road; it was sunny outside with our community around us. Then we were on a green grassy hill and Lucas’ band teacher was kneeling down, pulling out weeds. I had a knowing that that was the spot where her band students always played. She was getting the spot ready for when her students would come and play. Then I saw Lucas kneeling down, pulling out weeds and someone had asked him a question that he was answering, something about pulling out weeds from the neighbours yard, helping them. He was saying something like, yes, he was doing that. I was thinking the Lord was leading me to go onto the stage during worship, but I’m sensing to pray on stage before worship, and when someone comes to ask me a question is when I’ll be released. After making supper I’m going to spend time in prayer about tomorrow. I did do something so difficult yesterday, which was to walk past the leader, go into the gym and kick a volleyball. I threw the ball into the hoop, not sure if I was supposed to do that. I was expecting to get a hard time about it, and I was so relieved I didn’t. I know the Lord is asking me to pray on the stage tomorrow (where the band plays) and it’ll be so difficult but I’m determined to do it because I love God/Jesus and I always want to follow Him (I’m really nervous about the talk I’m sure to get afterwards. I was told not to do anything drastic but I can’t ignore the Lord, and this is between the services). I want to be part of what God is doing in our church; right now I’m planning on going back to subbing, and when it’s time, I know the Lord will open up the door for me to walk through in the ministry. I’m so amazed that the God of the universe is leading me, that He knows my name, that I’m His daughter, and that He’s preparing me for an amazing purpose.
A picture of a half circle (white plastic) that was in three sections. Lucas and Bella were sitting on the floor and the inside of the half circle was facing them on a ledge. The middle section was opened and then had disappeared, feeling like a gate had opened. I had a small jug that had some water in it. I at first started pouring water down the right side of this ledge the white half circle was on, and then I quickly moved my hand so that the rest of the water would go down the middle. There was only a little water (felt like a few drops) left in the jug and I poured it all out and I saw it trickle down the middle of the board. I’m sensing to sit in the middle section, left side, second row.
Tonight Bella and I are watching Aladdin, having a wonderful time hanging out with her! I’m feeling peaceful about tomorrow.🫰🏼
November 24: 6:12 “And the angels cry, holy, all creation cry’s, holy. You are lifted high, holy, holy forever. Your name, is the highest Your name, is the greatest Your name, stands above them all thrones, and dominions all powers, and positions Your name, stands above them all.”
1Peter 2:9. “But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His wonderful light.”
5:12 “Ready” I heard this in my heart as I was crying to God. I have peace in my heart.
5:14 Papa, You know that I will never give up trying to discern correctly. I’m so grateful for Your patience with me. Yesterday I had so much peace in my heart after I began praying fiercely in the spirit. I had absolutely no fear and felt like I had so much authority as I commanded the enemy to flee, and it felt like they ran in terror. A giant that I know I overcame because of the Holy Spirit is fear; I’ve had no fear ever since I began praying fiercely in the spirit yesterday.
I’m practicing discerning and obeying the voice of God, and here is how I think I did today; At the snack table today I was going to quickly pray about where to choose from and I was so surprised that the middle basket disappeared when I went back to choose from it. I’m realizing now that this represents my dream about the middle white thing disappearing. I forgot to make a donation for the sound system at the kiosk, so I made an online donation for this, this afternoon. I ordered a Caramel Macchiato at the World Cafe. While I was praying I remembered in my dream I had moved the water jug I had in my hand, then I remembered that I had moved it to the middle in my dream, so that’s why I moved back to where I was before.
I’m making vegetable soup and then I’d like to watch the third Lord of the Rings. I’m really excited about Christmas!!!🎄
Lucas was one of the few students from his band who got chosen to play with the band at the U of M for a Christmas concert on Friday (at the University) December 6th, looking forward to it!! Something I love to bake for Christmas are jam jams; I’ll bake them some time this week and share a photo:) I saw this today and thought it was so funny!! Bella and I are making soup to the sound of an orchestra as Lucas is practicing his saxophone with live music… so fulfilling!!!🫰🏼