“In you our fathers put their trust; they trusted and you delivered them.” -Psalm 22:4
Conversation
Papa, I love You. Thank-You that You are near. You are my firm foundation, my Rock on which I stand.
Come My darling, I love you -rest.
Papa, You are the God of the ages, the Alpha and the Omega, beginning and end. My life is filled with You -You are the air I breathe. I’m ready to be loved and to love.
My daughter, rest for your soul. (After I heard this I searched it up online and it brought me to a song, Rest For Your Soul, by Austin French.)
Papa, thank-You for this.
I am near
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower. I believe He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart so that my heart is clean before Him. It also clears the way for me to hear Holy Spirit better when there’s no mess in the way. I record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning. Blessings.
Last night I was feeling very sick and I went to bed around nine. I don’t remember what time it was when I woke up and heard this from the Lord (it was before 10:28) “Leap year at my feet.” Feeling like “at my feet” meant the cross (Easter), and this is the leap year. Then I woke up at 3:28 and I had dreamt vaguely about an office, seeing a woman vaguely, standing at her desk.
I dreamt that I was at a place that was meant for kids to have fun. I was standing and someone beside/behind (on my left) me pointed with their finger (arm outstretched) to something that was coming. I was looking through a small lens to where they were pointing and I vaguely saw a ride coming that was attached to the ceiling and I knew also that there were kids on the ride. I got ready to videotape for when they would come around something (that was blocking my view of them). I vaguely saw or sensed the kids needed to hang onto some handles as it took them down a track that was on the ceiling. The track made a curve to the right. I remember seeing a lot of brown wooden things like the room and its accessories were all made out of rich wood. Then I was outside on the other side of a backyard fence, and inside the fence was my husband, laughing and having a good time with his friends. I had something like my phone in my hand, recording them. I remember going up from behind the fence as I was recording them. In my dream I didn’t see them, but I could hear them. I also vaguely remember having my truck keys in my right side sweater pocket, and I was standing behind the parked truck, getting the keys to open the back door of the truck. Today has been a very slow day for me, feeling very drowsy, headache. After the kids went to school I took a nap, and this whole morning I’ve been, not planned, seeing 10:22, 10:44, 11:02,11:04, 11:22.
Yesterday I was working in the kitchen for a few hours, putting groceries away, separating drumsticks and pork into meal size portions and making supper. Tomorrow my kiddos don’t have school, planning on making it a reading day for me! Yesterday I made Butter Chicken (warmed up the sauce we get from Costco) and put it on pork with rice. For asparagus I cut off the ends that are basically not chewable, then I cut the rest about halfway and cook the stems for a few minutes before adding the rest. That way none of it is overcooked. I also fried plantains! I may not join the Sanctuary zoom class tonight, feeling drained. My husbands talking about doing a family movie night tonight. Many Blessings… ☕️
March 8: 12:48: I dreamt that I was in a vehicle , having travelled and entering into a town through an archway. I had a feeling like a woman who was in town would show me the way to get something done. (my hubby)
3:06 (3:11 words @3:11) I was in someone’s house and the lady and I needed to be in balance for when I would leave and she would come in. It had something to do with the alarm. I think I was upstairs and when I sensed her coming in on the first floor, I quickly slipped through the door to go downstairs, and I had a bag in my hand. I’m so sad. I think this has something to do with me not being part of the zoom meeting yesterday.
3:44 we were all going to die
4:06 At 5:59 I woke up, feeling like I should get up to pray, and then I fell asleep again and woke up at 6:19, sensing the words, resisting movement, so I got up. There was a big white pail in the upstairs bathroom that I brought downstairs with me, reminding me of my dream about going downstairs with a bag. I went downstairs to pray.
I’m feeling numb and %100 remorse. Is it even attainable? What comes to mind is that I need to do everything, all at once, all the time. Okay.
7:58 Come My daughter, your faith has made you whole.
I dreamt that I was running so fast in my front yard (I had the feeling like I was at the house where I grew up in my hometown) that I needed to skid to a stop in order to stop where the front door was (I think I skidded a bit past). I skidded about 2 or 3 times. It felt so good to run like when I ran as a kid. I had a feeling like there was a kid who had just ran there before me. Then I was at the front door, climbing up onto the house. I saw the spot where people had put their right foot and then pulled themselves up, so that what I did. Pulling myself through the open doorway took great effort but I managed. The front door didn’t have steps, only a place that was caved in a bit for the foot because of how many times people had used it to pull themselves up.
In this dream I was in some kind of classroom, standing in front of one of my friends who was at her desk, doing a colouring assignment. I saw that the center area was one colour (could have been orange but I’m not sure), and there were some other colours around that. My coach from Shopgym was the teacher (who was standing on my right) and I asked her if I could also do this activity, and she right away said no. I thought to myself that it was probably because I had missed a class earlier, and I was disappointed but accepted it. (Here when I used the word, disappointed, I thought to myself, oh no, am I going to be dis appointed, like not being appointed to do something anymore? I could have chosen another word but I had already put this one down and I don’t want to have an attitude of trying to outsmart God. God loves me and we’re on the same team, so if I’m going to not be appointed for something, then thats the best thing for me. I trust Him.)
Then the scene changed where I was sitting in a classroom at a school desk; I didn’t see the other desks but I had a sense that the desks were all in rows. Then I vaguely saw two men in front of me (vaguely remember seeing them dressed in black) who were teachers; one was the lead teacher and the other was a teacher in training who was kind of behind the lead teacher. They were in front of my desk, walking beside to pass me on my left when I told them that I had completed my assignment (When I said this, they had just passed me but were right behind me on my left.). I had about two or three papers in my hand that I was holding out to them, and I think they took them. Then the lead teacher (I think) asked me if I liked doing my work in the evening (because it was the evening) and I remember being positive about it and said, “also during the day.”
I also dreamt that I was standing on the side of a really big expensive house, standing on the driveway, looking at the big vehicles that had parked there. The driveway was paved with white/light concrete, and I was standing in the backyard beside the house, facing the road. I had a feeling like this was my house but then someone bought it or something. I saw a big motor-home and another big something-there were two or three big vehicles like this parked there.
In another dream I was walking in a very big room that reminds me of a science lab/garage. It was a bit dark in there and I was passing big pools of water where people were testing things. I didn’t see anybody; I only saw the pools of water, maybe two. I walked along the back I think, and walked passed everything there. I was looking for a sink to wash my hands. As I walked I saw a small sink on my left which was closer to me, which was filled with water I think, but then I saw another small sink to my right. I needed to walk a little further to get to that one but I chose that one and walked up to it. I saw that it was filled and overflowing with water for me to wash my hands (it reminds me of the water fountain -I’ve been so thirsty.) Today has been difficult because I should have not missed the zoom class. I’m thinking I could have missed something from the Lord and I don’t want to miss anything. In the kitchen today I was by myself (Lucas was on the computer in the living room, Bella’s at her friends house, and my husband had just left to run an errand in the city) so I had the freedom to cry, and the Lord said in my heart, “Be encouraged, you are Mine.”
We watched Jumanji the next level yesterday. Earlier today I was feeling like I have been in the game, trying to figure things out in order to be done, and it’s never done. When I’m discouraged this is hard, but when I think about the broader picture, I want to go as long as God wants me in it. I know that God is doing a great work inside of me, preparing me for what He’s called me to do. Having come this far in my walk with God/Jesus, I’m so thankful.. Many blessings…
March 9: 9:49 “Don’t give up hope; I am near.” This morning I was feeling like this whole journey was done and that I had lost or failed. Then what keeps coming to mind is that the enemy wants to discourage me, reminding me that it’s not true; I’m so thankful that Jesus loves me.. The other night I had a dream where I was in a hidden path and there was greenery all over. It was a sunny day and I could hear someone hammering, reminding me of someone building a house. It was so peaceful there but then all of a sudden I became afraid and began running back to run out of this place. I know I missed something that God wanted to do in me, and every time I think about that I begin to sob. I know deep in my heart that my journey with Him is not about me but about Him; I hope and pray that I will be able to be led by Him, to actually be able to complete this journey the way God wants it to be completed. Many blessings.. goodnight…
March 10: 11:56 I had done something right and someone from youth looked up into the camera that was on the wall but close to his face, and winked, as if to say to the people watching, “see I told you she’d do it!” or “she did it!” Then in teasing, I also looked up into the camera and winked, knowing there were people watching. Then I noticed we were facing each other, holding hands, both hands and he wouldn’t let go! I actually tried pulling my hands away and he wouldn’t let go! (I think this is to show that our hands are secure and that I don’t need to worry, that he’ll always be there.) Our hands were hooked onto each others hands; our fingers were bent to hook onto each others). Then I looked up at his face and saw his eyes, he was looking intensely at me, reminding me of a close-up photo of someone. I believe that the Lord is letting me know that Jesus and I are actually holding hands, and that our hands are actually hooked, meaning that I don’t need to feel like we’re not holding hands but that our hands are tight together.
I also vaguely remember dreaming about people flying into space, carrying a message saying, “I love you.” God is so good…. This reminds me of how people would send babies away this way, many years ago.
I woke up (not with my alarm) at 6:55 and I dreamt that I was running up a hill on a paved path that was about 10 feet wide. It had a wall on each side and the path had cemented blocks in various places all the way up. Some were taller than the others. On the right side where I was running I saw lower stumbling blocks about one foot high that were grouped together in two’s, and in the middle were single but taller stumbling blocks that were about knee high. On the left side it was all clear of stumbling blocks and I was running on the right side. Behind me was the enemy, running after me and I wanted to run on the left side where there weren’t any stumbling blocks. So as I ran, I glanced over my left shoulder to see where the enemy was and I saw that he was running on the left side where there were no stumbling blocks. I knew I would run in front of the enemy but because I was as far ahead as I was in front of him (about my front yard length from the house to the road), I thought I’d be okay so I quickly went to the far left and ran as fast as I could. In my dream it was the same as in waking life about not being able to run very fast when we run uphill, but I was going at a steady pace.
I think where the stumbling blocks are placed is strategic; on the right side they’re not very high but there are two. It may seem like it’s easier because they’re not as high, and because the ones right beside are higher, it causes us to stay where we are. The higher blocks are there to try and prevent people from leaving the right side so that they won’t discover the left side that has none.I don’t know if they’re there to try and prevent us from leaving that side, it just takes more faith and determination to venture out where it’s not as safe (out of the box). But when we do step out of the box consistently, we’ll discover that it becomes easier (running on the left side), being in the hot seat/obeying God’s commands and following His leadership. So what makes it more difficult to run on the left side is because the enemy is running there, but God has made that way clear for us (not for the enemy -the enemy is there because it’s easier for him to run), but God allows the enemy to run there so that we run too. We can run because the enemy is behind us, trying to get us, but we can also have a different perspective which is, we’re running because we love God so much that we’re in pursuit of Him. And as long as we’re in pursuit of God and running after Him, the enemy won’t be able to reach us. And those are the thoughts I have about that!😉
Then the scene changed where I was at the top and at the end of the path. The paved path just stopped (like a straight line in front of me) and there was a very big paved, square empty space, filled with darkness right in front of me, and I couldn’t see into the darkness. The wall on the left reached down to the darkness and I had no idea how far the wall went down, and there was also a wall far out in front of me that was the same. On my right side was a white hand-railing on the wall and I think I had my hand on it. It reminds me of the white hand-railing we have at home, leading down the stairs. I was standing there, knowing the enemy was quickly coming and then I have a vague sense of me hanging onto the hand-railing with my feet hooked onto it, but then I remember deciding to fall, knowing that Jesus my Papa would catch me. I kept falling and falling and enjoying falling, fully expecting my Papa to catch me. As I was falling I had a sense that the paved walls that I had seen weren’t there anymore, and even though it was still dark (black) and I still couldn’t see, I lay on my back as I was falling, waving my arms and legs like I was swimming, totally enjoying the moment, knowing that I was safe in God my Papa’s arms. Then I had a sense that I was falling slower.
Then the scene changed again where I was still in the air but I wasn’t falling anymore, and I was in a huge room like the big rooms (without dividers) in the convention centre. I was in the main area and I saw that there were rooms all around the main area. All the walls were made with concrete but it looked homey. I saw many things all around that were there to bring comfort to the people, including a coffee pot! (I didn’t see anyone there). I looked far out in front of me and I saw that at the end of a very very wide hallway leading up, I saw a tiny glimpse of windows and I saw it was sunny outside with blue sky. It wasn’t dark there at all and I saw everything so clearly. I wished I could take a picture or video of it. I was still being brought slowly through the air, through this place and I saw on the other side, closer to me, a path leading up that looked exactly the same as the one I had just been on. (So I think I was shown that because maybe now I’m running up that slope? I now know not to avoid what feels to be like the most dangerous or the most vulnerable, but to trust God with my surroundings and just go for it!
Then in my dream I had woken up and I had gotten up and walked into the main living area in my condo or apartment that I was renting with my roommate. I was in such awe of being with the Lord in the dream I just described that it was taking me a few moments to transition back to waking life. My roommate had gotten up because she sensed something from the Lord and was in wonder as she looked at me. So I said something like, “give me a few moments,” just to fully take in the Lord because I was still sensing His presence so strongly. Then I had walked to her and had put my left hand on her shoulder, intending to pray for her when I paused and looked at her face, and asked her if I could put my hand on her and pray for her. She looked at me intensely and that’s when I woke up, but I had a feeling like she agreed to be prayed for (I’m going to ask for prayer this morning). I prayed for someone yesterday, 13th, maybe this is what I needed to do!! I’m so amazed at this dream and I’m so thankful for it! I think God has given me a fresh perspective; when I sense that I need to do a difficult thing, that’s exactly where the enemy will be to try and make me not go there. But I know that as I follow Jesus there, the enemy won’t be so close behind me as it seems, but God will always make room for me to follow Him. I’m always afraid that it’s so obvious to others if I do this or that, but I need to remember that the path that I’m on is hidden by God, and I don’t need to worry about that. I still need to be careful but when I sense something from Jesus my husband, I will follow because he’s got me covered. I’m just praying that I’ll sense and discern right. Yesterday, because I had been crying, my eyelids are swollen, and I think it’s because I have a cold that my sinuses are clogged, so the tears in my eyelids aren’t draining. I thought sleep would help but I think it made it worse because I can feel that the swelling is worse. I can’t fully open my right eye. So I’m going to go to the prayer room and get someone to pray for me. I’m drinking hot tea so I’m hoping that will help. I’m so encouraged.. thank-you Papa, Jesus, Holy Spirit!
March 11: 2:27 Brothers kababic? 3:07 “ooh baby I love your ways” 3:55 “Girls like guys with skills!” 4:47 “ooh baby I love your ways, everyday yeah yeah.” 9:40 (I think) The song/lyrics, “You are the reason.” 9:54 “you are the reason.”
I was house sitting for my younger sister but I was in my younger brother’s house (not their actual house). They live in the country close to where my family lived after living in my home town. I looked through the patio window and I saw some kittens dragging another kitten (underneath them) that I think was dead, and their puppy (or small dog) was chewing on the dead kittens leg, the stump where the front leg had been, so the puppy was also being dragged underneath them (the dog wouldn’t let go of the stump). It didn’t look like the kittens were intentionally dragging the dead kitten; It looked like the kittens were somehow entangled with the dead kitten, and so they were dragging the dead kitten and the puppy around in circles, close to the patio door. I thought I’d let my sister deal with it when she got home. In waking life I don’t want to put it off to understand what this means and to do something about it. I don’t think this dream is important, thinking it’s just a flesh dream so I’m not going to worry about it.
Today I was dissecting Sunday’s sermon and I think it’s one of those that are a game changer for me. I think the black in my dream represents negativity and the green was comparison. I’m praying to have Jesus’ eyes. I need His eyes to see to change my perspective. I want to have His eyes that see people. I want to love the people around me more. Papa please help me! Please help my unbelief! I’m so hopeful and can feel God transforming my heart to look/be more like His. Bella has an orthodontist appointment in the city this afternoon. Many Blessings…