My Father, draw me deeper into your heart. I want to know you more. In my heart I’m running to you!
Come Caroline, I’m drawing you near. Rest as we walk.
Father, I know there’s a reason why you need to cause my roots to grow deeper still, but it’s painful. The deeper the pain in my heart grows, the deeper my roots grow in you -this is what I sense happening right now.
Caroline come, I’m inviting you deeper in -you are mine.
My Dad, it really is painful to walk deeper into your heart, but I’ve discovered the joy and fulfillment I have in you as we walk, makes the pain worth knowing.
Caroline, all is well in you.
Father I sense such a deep rest within me, like I’ve surrendered even more. Lead me deeper in Holy Spirit.
Trust me my daughter with what you’re worried about.
Father, when I sensed you saying that, it’s like I needed to look from one hand to another, like I’m holding a cup in each hand. The deeper cup brings life as I trust in you, and the other drains me just from holding it. Without the one that brings life, the other would be unbearable if it wasn’t for you. I lift up both to you Father because I can’t carry either one without you.
My daughter, come, don’t worry like Martha did. Trust me my dear one; what I’ve spoken will surely come to pass. You are mine.
Okay Father, I see myself letting go of the cup that drains me, and I see it in your hand. Cups are for you to give and for you to take away. I’m sensing that my load has become lighter, like something has been lifted from over me. Thank you Father for your deep work in me. I’m reminded of your love for me -thank you Dad.
Caroline, keep your eyes on me all the time, even through heavy waves that make you feel powerless. I am your defender and will calm the seas. You are mine and I am drawing you near to me this day.
Father, I lean into you and I trust you.
Trust me Caroline that I’ve spoken to you today.
My Dad, you know my inner struggle. I’m reminded that if I stop spending time with you in this way, writing our conversation, then I’ve also stopped walking. I’m trusting in your ability to lead me in this also.
Reflection:
Through pain that comes with walking by faith, my roots grow deeper, making me more sure of what I hope for. There’s been a pull in my heart again to step into something that’s externally more secure, to teach full time. But I’ve come to know what it’s like being among the high scary waves of uncertainty, and I can’t help but say that this is where I prefer to be. I would really miss where I am now when I think about how boring life is without having a faith walk that requires total dependence on God. I feel like I’m more secure where I am in my journey with the Lord than I’ve been before. I’ve learned that I can only become deeply anchored in God if I’m willing to walk among the high waves of the sea and spend time with him there. God is trustworthy, so it’s me, learning to trust him during the twists and turns of our journey together, and what a ride it’s been so far!!