“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” -2 Corinthians 5:17
Conversation
My daughter, come.
Papa, I love You so much! I praise and worship You! I’m so desperate for Your Mercy and Grace! Please cover me. My life is in Your hands.
Come My faithful one, don’t be afraid. I am near.
If I fail tomorrow, please catch me. I don’t know how I will handle it.
Draw near to Me My daughter and rest. You are Mine always.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower. I believe He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart so that my heart is clean before Him. It also clears the way for me to hear Holy Spirit better when there’s no mess in the way. I record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning. Blessings.
6:07 A woman had a thick, long wrist band on, gold I think. She was in the middle of the city. She did something like “stick the landing” and do something powerful with the wristband that was on her wrist when right at the moment when it would happen, two people came, one on each side of her, and put their wristband thing (that was where their hand would have been) on hers to diffuse it or try and blast it off her wrist. The two people each had some kind of wristband that shot out such a powerful force, which they each had aimed it (touching it) on the woman’s wristband. The woman’s wristband was so strong and powerful that I don’t think these blasters could break it; it reminds me of the superhero movie where the teenager girl had one of these wristbands that gave her superpowers, where it could take her to another dimension? I forget what the movie’s called but it came out not too long ago. The three women (one teenager) super heros). I don’t know what this means.
6:19 I saw a toddler sitting in an empty white bathtub, and he leaned back to lie down and hit his head hard on the wall of the bathtub, which was made out of steel.
6:59 The bottom left side of the phone had a 4 that just went there, and on the top left side there was a 1; Both appeared there at the same time and there was nothing else on the screen. The numbers were white on a dark background (like my phone).
7:36 “You should be Dr Pepper George Cloony.” This is so weird. I haven’t watched a movie by him in a long time.
I dreamt that one of the high school youth teenagers came and said hi to me. I wouldn’t have recognized her but she recognized me and was very happy to see me. We were outside among other people. Bella had just gotten a new plastic tall mug with a lid. The girl had it in her hand and we were by a water fountain. She was talking to me so she didn’t see that the lid was closed as she put it under the running water. I think she wanted to fill it with water through the hole but the hole to drink from was too small. I started to reach for it to open it up and then she noticed. The mug was a used, new mug. Then when I looked into it I thought it was dirty because of the many specks I saw, but when I began cleaning it with my hand I saw that it wasn’t dirty, the specks (tiny spots) were part of the cup, and that Bella had done a good job cleaning it. So then I put it underneath the running water with the lid open, to fill it. The sink we were standing in front of had a big square deep basin with tap water on the left side, and on the right was the water fountain which was the same tap water/same source. The whole thing was one unit.
Then the scene changed where I was sitting and didn’t really know what to do. I was feeling like I had no-one to talk with so I was looking down and thinking about that. Then I thought I could read my book on the couch even though everyone else were talking with each other. I looked up and was going to say something to the girl who had helped me with the water, but she was already walking away, talking with someone else.
Then as I was sitting I heard a mosquito come close to me so I got up to go inside. I walked into the house I was staying in and locked the door. The door wouldn’t lock very well and could barely stay clicked shut. Then I walked into the living room and saw the big windows that had three parts, and saw that it was dark outside. Then I saw that the side screen door was open so I closed and locked it. Then two teenage girls had come, looking hopeful and asking me to open the door. I think this has to do with Youth. I’m still so sad that I didn’t respond.
I learned something today about stress in my zoom class. There are three (now four but I don’t think I heard correctly what the fourth one is), and they are fight, flight, or freeze. Most of the time I freeze and sometimes it’s flight (at home). I think in the past it’s been flight at church, but not anymore. Now when I’m presented with a choice that requires a quick response, I freeze because I don’t know what to do. In the past I’ve never been sure of myself and have had a hard time making decisions. Having said that, I’m sensing myself becoming more determined in the midst of feeling so sad that I froze and trying not to become depressed about it. This is so humbling, and I know being humbled is good for me.
This morning when I woke up I had lyrics from the song,”King of Kings” (Hillsong Worship by Brooke Ligertwood) in my heart; “In the darkness we were waiting, without hope, without light. Till from heaven You came running, there was mercy in Your eyes. To fulfill the law and prophets, to a virgin came the birth. From the throne of endless glory to a cradle in the dirt. Praise the Father, Praise the Son. Praise the Spirit three in One. God of glory, majesty, praise forever to the King of Kings. To reveal the kingdom coming, and to reconcile the lost. To redeem the whole creation, You did not despise the cross. For even in Your suffering, You saw to the other side. Knowing this was our salvation, Jesus for our sake You died.
Praise the Father, Praise the Son. Praise the Spirit three in One. God of glory, majesty, praise forever to the King of Kings. From the moment that You rose, all of heaven held its breath. Till that stone was moved for good, for the Lamb had conquered death. And the dead rose from their tombs, and the angels stood in awe. For the souls of all who’d come, to the Father are restored! And the church of Christ was born! Then the Spirit lit the flame. And this gospel truth of old, shall not kneel, shall not faint. By His blood, and in His veins, in His freedom I am free. For the love of Jesus Christ, who has resurrected me! Oh, Praise the Father, Praise the Son, Praise the Spirit three in one! God of glory, Majesty, Praise forever to the King of Kings! Praise forever to the King of Kings.
Lucas and I handed out the Easter play invites to the neighbours around us; most of them were home so it was good talking with neighbours that I normally wouldn’t talk with! I had one of my neighbours over for coffee (I had tea and she brought her own coffee). Her and I hadn’t connected for probably at least five or more years. My husband and I went to their place about a month ago, but I don’t consider that connecting because that’s more like information kind of talk. And I shared my story with her today, yay! Today I added to my story about finally understanding Gods Grace for me. We had a really good conversation and I feel so filled by it. Another song that I really like is, Confidence, by Sanctus Real. Today I painted my sunrise!!! I’m so thankful for Jeanette’s help! I could definitely not do this without her! Lucas also began a painting which looks amazing! I know the sleek looking car that was parked in front of my house represents my hubby, and the door is still open I hope!! I’m feeling like I’m carefully stepping out, even though I’m half expecting to fail.. I actually wonder why Jesus doesn’t just give up on me.. I’m baking two cream pies tomorrow morning before church for the gathering at five in the afternoon. I can’t see very well with my right eye; (letters on a page are all blurry in my right eye, but other objects are fine because of my left eye) With hope, blessings to you…
March 29:
3:44 I didn’t want to talk about the little stuff, I wanted to talk about the big stuff.
My family were living in a really nice house when a part of it began crumbling and crashing down. There was a train in our house and the train had rubber tires like cars. My husband was inside the tire, going around and around like it was a ride. Then something began falling apart and I saw a big chunk of black tire fall loose. I yelled for people get out and said my husband is in trouble. I ran around to where he was and saw he was unconscious, laying in the tire with his arm sticking out. Then all of a sudden he woke up. While that had happened the infrastructure had started to break. When I looked up I could see a really big piece of cement had collapsed and was being held up by a column on the first floor. I didn’t tell him about it for some reason.
Then a few of his friends came over, two or three. I saw them standing nearby. In my dream they were people I recognized, but not in waking life. Then the house began trembling again and that whole section came crashing down. Then I thought I needed to tell my husband and I think I was walking towards him to tell him or he was standing in front of me, vaguely seeing a few others close by. What I hadn’t told him was that he had passed out while in the black tire, and while he was passed out was when the first section of house began collapsing. Everyone was in a panic state and began running. I yelled for people to get out from underneath where I had heard and seen more of the house collapsing, including my sister Connie. There were more people there now, including our kids.
Then I gave instructions to quickly go and grab some personal items and run out of the house, which really was a mansion. So they did and we were all basics out. It seemed like people weren’t getting it that they needed to come out of the house or heavy pieces of cement would fall on them.
There was a part where I was on the second floor and The walls and ceiling, the whole thing began moving and I knew we were crashing. I was hoping we’d be okay.
Then there was a part where I had helped the others so much that I hadn’t helped myself. I remember thinking that I didn’t have any extra jeans, underwear or anything else; I only had what I had on. Then I was in a bedroom and I saw some clothing; I took three of Lucas” underwear that were too small and another a bit bigger, which were more his size. I saw a pair of my jeans, the ones that aren’t my favourite and took them as well.
Then the scene changed where we were all outside and I still saw people sitting underneath the house which was still crashing down. I saw they were sitting in comfortable chairs. So then they had gotten up and I took one of the comfortable chairs and put it outside in the rain where it was safe.
Then at the end after the whole thing had crashed, I saw that someone had come with their really big truck and had put broken golden columns in it, the bottom (or top) where it has beautiful designs. I saw more people come and take stuff. Right at the end I looked at the ruins of our house/mansion and saw an empty space in what was left standing. People had come and taken the valuables and leaving nothing behind, reminding me of the Bible times when cities were plundered. I had a feeling like this is what the people would see when they arrived, ruins and emptiness. It was a sunny day when people were taking things, and it wasn’t a bad thing; it had the feeling of cleaning up.
Afternoon: 1:44 I took a short nap and had a dream about someone pulling a wagon with a big dog house away.
2:05/6 Thought I heard a vacuum going in my heart like someone was cleaning up, but I’m not sure. (Here I didn’t look at the time right away)
2:21/22 Be anxious for nothing, but by prayer and supplication present your requests to God.” (Here I looked at the time and saw it change to 2:22)
On the way home I felt so clean in my heart! I connected the dots when I was home: In my dream last night it felt like I needed to keep telling people to get outside where it was safe and it seemed like they weren’t getting it. Then at the end I felt determination as I took someone’s comfy chair and put it outside where it was raining, so in the end they did. Also, at first I didn’t have extra clothing but then in the next scene I was taking my pair of jeans from the shelf that I always think are my plain, sturdy pair, so I did have one extra. And I fully extended my arm when I raised my hand to make the commitment to always follow Jesus and be a fisher of men/the lost, so I also got that right. I love Jesus so much, remembering that he loves me too… ❤️
March 30: 3:39 “…and the church of Christ was born…” I dreamt of seeing a small wave in the water/lake, with the water line on the shore, and the wave looked like a C. I had another dream but after I got up to write it down, all I could remember were the lyrics from, “and the church of Christ was born!”
4:01 I heard in my heart while praying in the Spirit, “Trust.”
4:09 “Come”
4:36 “Come, rest, you are Mine”
4:38 “Love conquers all.”
5:21 “All of heaven held it breath” (From the moment that You rose, all of heaven held its breath. Till that stone was moved for good, for the lamb had conquered death. And the dead rose from their tombs, and the angels stood in awe. For the souls of all who’d come, to the Father are restored. And the church of Christ was born! Then the Spirit lit the flame. That this gospel truth of old, shall not kneel, shall not faint!
8:28 I heard lyrics here about a lie, but I don’t remember exactly what they were. I’m hoping this is just the enemy trying to deter me, because it’s not going to work!
9:15 “I am free!” (By His blood and in His death, in His freedom I am free. For the love of Jesus Christ, who has resurrected me! Oh, Praise the Father! Praise the Son! Praise the Spirit three in one! God if glory, Majesty, praise forever to the King of kings!) I ran 22 laps today, only taking a water break after lap 11. When I was done I walked one more lap in the blue line and watched the sports expo on the gym floor. I’m remembering that Jesus loves me, and in love I will do this. I brought my book along to the gathering yesterday, so after I talked with them for awhile, I went and sat in a comfy chair and read my book! I found out that I can read better without my glasses! Many blessings…