Romans 8:28
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
Conversation
My Papa, I love You.
I love you My darling -you are Mine.
Papa, I worship You. Thank-you for being so near to me.
Come My faithful one, rest.
Papa, I’ve been so busy; Please wash my mind from all of that. I’m sitting here now at Your feet. Please come and fill me with Your love, with Your awesome presence. I need You so much!
I’m here My daughter. Fear not, the time is near. You are Mine.
Papa, what is it that I should know deep in my heart about You?
I am Faithful.
Then I pray that You would lead my heart to know Your faithfulness. I know You are faithful and can see it in my life so evidently. Thank-you Papa that I can also see it in my most treasured friendships. I know my heart has been wounded because of unfaithfulness of the heart, so I pray that You would bring total healing as we continue to walk together.
Caroline, come closer. I am with you always.
Papa, in my heart I’m running to You! You are a God of Love. I praise Your Holy name. Please come and do Your Might work in my heart. Help me get to this next place You have for me.
I will help you My daughter. Rest, you are Mine.
Reflection
Hello everyone, welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him!
I feel like I’m so far behind in my writing! I really cherish my quiet time with God and then reflect on what he shows me, and I haven’t been doing this the last two day because I’ve been baking.
On October 11th right before waking up I had a word in my mind which I don’t know how to spell, so I’m hoping that autocorrect will help me, Tiramisu! I’ve not been thinking about this dessert, which I love, so I’m not sure why the Lord brought this to mind.
I also had a dream that I was in my house (not my actual) and had gone to the door because someone was at the door. The door was open and a man who’s name is Henry, was standing at the door. Then he came in. As he was walking in, following me (he was going to take care of our cat and dog), I told him clearly that the cat was a male and the dog was a female; they were getting used to each-other.. Then I saw them right in front of each-other like they were hugging (the dog was sitting upright and the cat was at the same level), and the cat was doing its claw thing where it would hit the dog in defence around its face and neck. But the dog sat patiently still, always facing forward, never moving it’s face or defending itself in the slightest, but just taking it all in. It didn’t get hurt because of it’s thick skin. Then I saw that the cat stopped hitting the dog because it saw that it could trust the dog and that there was no need to defend itself from him..
Then the scene changed where I was outside, and there were people standing in our backyard, like they had come together to celebrate something. I and didn’t see anyone and was standing a little ways away from them, but I had a knowing they were there. My husband (this time my husband wasn’t my actual or Jesus my husband, just my husband) came home.. I heard a man praying in the background like a preacher at a church service, but I was so excited to tell my husband something that I began telling him, even though I had a feeling like talking while the preacher was praying was rude. We both heard him praying and my husband pointed it out with head gestures, but I couldn’t stop telling him what I was so excited about, so we put our heads closer together so I could say it quieter so that I wouldn’t interrupt the person praying. Before my husband came home, Henry had gone up to the second highest floor and had brought up a large piece of meat with him and waited inside an opened window; he was going to see if our lion! could jump all the way up from ground level. The lion was behind me a ways away. Then I had a knowing that the lion jumped way up into the window, so I turned around and looked up at our house and saw it’s hind legs and tail go into the house through the window it had just jumped into. The lion had been about 50 feet from the house. When I looked up to see the lion go the rest of the way into the window, I saw that the house was a deep brownish brick and was very tall. I think the window was as high up as the lion had been away from the building (about 50 feet). The window, and the one window above it, were big and had a rounded arch on the top. The window above it was the highest level of the house/mansion. After the lion had gotten the meat, it jumped back down from the window. I saw that as it landed, it hurt its right paw a little so that he favoured it as it walked, and I thought it should probably not jump from that height again. In my dream I remembered that this last summer our dog hurt it’s front right paw (I think it was the right one). We were at my in-law gathering at the park and Coco was on a leash. She jumped to get a ball or something that was thrown and the rope/leash wasn’t long enough so it pulled her back and she landed funny on her right paw and couldn’t stop yelping/crying for a few minutes. Then afterwards she favoured it for a few days. Nothing broke that we know of and it healed quickly. I’m not sure exactly but I think the lion taking such a gigantic jump up could represent a big leap of faith (possibly doing the message and leading the night?). Though it jumped back down which could represent that that message is done?
Another dream where my kids and I and my husband (not actual) were staying in a really nice apartment and I was enjoying the beautiful bathroom that had a white lace curtain hanging in the entrance between our bed area and the bathroom. We were house sitting and it felt like we wouldn’t be there very long. Bella had said she would go use her bathroom, more to enjoy it because it was connected to her room so it was her own. Then I said the same, that I’d use mine, because we also had our own which was connected to our bedroom. In the bathroom I looked into the mirror and saw how white and tired I was.
Then in this scene my husband (not actual) and I were in our bedroom; he was sitting on a sofa or bed and I had been sitting on the floor and was coming up to where he was. We were both naked as I snuggled up close to him. I felt so welcomed. Then I got up and noticed that both doors were open and one of our older kids ran away from the opened door. Then I looked and saw that our little girl was sitting on the floor on the other side of the couch, being really quiet so I wouldn’t see her, but she also had been watching and trying not to get noticed. When I saw her she looked up at me. This reminds me of when children love and benefit from seeing their parents connect deeply (not to watch physical intimacy of course), but to know that their parents have a deep and strong relationship, which I believe is what this dream represents.
Then the scene changed again where I was in our home and I saw a mom and sensed one of her children in the room, and they were both patiently doing work; the mom was doing something at a table, like ironing or folding. Then I thought that this lady was quietly working, and my kids and I were there, in our own home, and we weren’t cleaning. So I went to the room where the broom and dustpan were and I saw that I needed to dig into a pile of stuff that was laying on the floor. I was determined to begin cleaning the house and I think I was going to get my kids to help. Our house is basically always tidy, but I don’t sweep or dust enough because I always have more important things to do, and then the dog hair accumulates. The kids are good at helping me when I make a list on paper of things that need to get done, so I think I need to be more determined in this area. Spiritually though I’ve not known how to lead my kids in their devotions so this part is a mess. On Saturday I went through some of our bookshelves and brought a lot of books and other things to the self-help.
Another scene where I was on a top bunk and there was a kid in the bunk below. I saw a spider on the wall right by my bunk and I saw that there was a transparent paper over it. I didn’t want to kill it with my hand because I didn’t want to feel it being squished. So I took what it was on and dropped it on the floor. As it was falling I saw it trying to grab onto something with one of it’s legs, and then I heard the kid in the bunk below saying to his mom that there was a spider that went onto him. Then his mom asked him if he killed it, and I didn’t hear if he had killed it or not. I believe that spiders represent feeling trapped or hopeless. In waking life I’m sensing that internally that I’m walking forward and can see hope where I’ve felt hopeless (about speaking and putting my messages together). Yesterday I didn’t want to offer my partially burned pumpkin pie, which I think represents that I don’t want to show people what I’m not good at. I know I just need to be myself and not think about what others think.
On October 12th, Thursday, I woke up several times at night (3:07, 3:50 (I think), 4:08, 4:22). I’m not sure exactly at what time I heard this, but right before I woke up I heard in my heart, “Are you going to come now and fill his story?” Yes I am!! I’m going to prepare my message, hopefully it’ll be right this time, and present it and maybe lead the evening.. I think I’m such a rule follower that I didn’t know I could just interrupt and lead like Priscilla did!
October 13th, Friday. I woke up I heard these lyrics in my heart, “I am who you say I am. You crown me with confidence undefeated, by the one who has conquered it all.” At 6:35 I woke up and heard a sentence in my heart. It felt like it was said by someone who was preaching a message, also, back when I was in high school there was a saying people would say which was, “eat my shorts!” When I woke up at 6:35 on Friday I heard in my heart,”eat my bum!” I had had a dream right before waking up, and in this dream I was sitting on a chair close to the stage (the stage was right in front of me and I was sitting right at the corner of it), listening to someone speak. I saw the speaker standing on the floor in front of me, past the corner of the stage. The only thing I saw of him was his behind because he was facing the other direction. (this is so funny, why would God give me a dream about seeing someone’s butt?) In my dream I didn’t see anything above the top of the dark pink sweats he was wearing, nor anything below right underneath his butt. Out of the corner of my eye I could vaguely see a man sitting, and as I was looking at the speakers butt, I was wondering if the man knew where I was looking. I thought that he couldn’t see where I was looking so I was safe. I don’t know what this could mean other than knowing that the Lord’s calling for me is to be on stage, speaking. It could also mean that I’ve grown into a personal level or grown in intimacy with God’s calling on my life.
Then I dreamt that I was walking towards a counter, holding a small box the size of a novel in my hands, and there was someone walking behind me (felt like it was someone like Greg). I was planning to rent an instrument, but by the time I got there I was doubting, thinking why would I rent an instrument for myself? In waking life I wouldn’t do that because of the cost and thinking I have less value than others so why would I do that for myself. So I turned around and began walking away. Then almost immediately I thought that maybe God was leading me to do that so I turned around and walked back to the counter. At first there wasn’t anyone standing behind it but then the next moment I saw a woman reaching up with both of her hands, trying to get something from a high shelf. There was a man standing on her right side. Then the scene changed and I saw that a younger person had the instrument I rented (it looked like a saxophone) and was playing it really beautifully, but I wanted to hold it so I walked over to him and took it from him. Then I was walking again and there was a group of people around me as I walked. Then I wanted to practice it more on my own so I stepped out of the crowd into a more secluded area to play it. I saw some finger holes in several places and I put my fingers over top of some of them and blew into the mouthpiece. I heard the notes I was playing and knew that I needed to practice a lot in order to get good at it.
This morning, October 14, I woke up at 7:17 with these lyrics in my heart, “Praise the Lord, oh my soul. Praise the Lord, oh my soul. I won’t be quiet my God is alive, how can I keep it inside?” I took a nap in the morning and dreamt that I was lounging on a single bed and Jesus my husband was lounging on another single bed right next to mine, to my right. My hand was between our beds and he took my hand and held it (sigh.. the thought of holding his hand melts my heart.) We kept on holding each others hand. A younger version of Bella was playing lego at the foot of my bed and was content playing there. Then as we were holding hands I squeezed his three times to tell him I loved him. Then there was some kind of shift or something I’m not sure, and I clearly squeezed his hand three times again and he just continued holding my hand (he didn’t squeeze my hand back and I wasn’t offended.) I was feeling like wow, I’m actually holding his hand! I didn’t really see him but saw his hand. Then I think I had let go for some reason but right away took his hand again. Then I saw him giving me his phone to see something, but I couldn’t see what was on the screen because the screen was dimmed. I tried making it brighter by swiping my finger from the right corner but that didn’t work, so I tried the left two buttons on the side but it adjusted the volume. I showed him the screen and we exchanged a few words ; he could see the screen and I asked him something like how he could see it. I looked again and it was so dark and I couldn’t see it (I’m not seeing myself as the leader?) Then the scene changed a bit where he gave Bella his phone, but I also had it somehow. He was connecting with Bella by giving her his phone to talk with Priscilla. I saw him smiling at her during this. When he gave her his phone, a phone was also given to me at the same time, like she gave me hers and he gave her his. In my dream this made perfect sense. During this whole time of holding hands with Jesus, my husband was doing things in the room close to where we were.
During the night the Lord gave me a sentence, but I was so tired that I didn’t manage to write it down, and I’m so heartbroken about it. It had something to do with a bum.. I know that sounds weird, but there it is.
The conversation with God for this post was yesterdays conversation, which I was surprised and happy to see was 222 words!! It’s taken me a large portion of today to write this post. Two days of not writing really gets me behind..I just had an aha moment.. maybe God is showing me about seeing and hearing the word bum (behind), that I’m running behind in my writing and possibly my message( I need to follow Jesus up onto the stage). Okay, good night everyone, many blessings…