My Dad, I know the enemy will never get tired in his pursuit of me. My pursuit of you Father needs to be more diligent than his pursuit of me. This makes me so desperate to have you as close to me as possible because in my own strength, I cannot outrun him. I also cannot stick my head into the ground in hopes that he won’t see me, because he will.
Caroline, come and rest as we walk. You are mine.
Father, when I’m walking in my purpose for you and with you, I know I don’t need to run. There’s an old fear that I’ve sensed in the last few weeks that started to pursue me again. It’s this fear that’s driven me to isolate myself many years ago. I know the best way to defend myself is to pursue you in my calling more diligently than I’ve ever done before. This is exactly what the enemy is trying to keep me from doing, and is exactly how to walk in your strength, which is the way to defend myself. Your strength is made perfect in weakness.
Yes it is my loved one. There’s also a lie you’ve been believing about yourself -that you’re not worthy of love. When you know that you are worthy of love, then there’s no reason to panic and self-isolate.
Father, writing this on paper was difficult because I know that what you’ve said is true. This has been my fear even though I’ve not known it.
My daughter, you are worthy of love -I love you very much.
Father, I accept your words to me. It feels like I’m eating and swallowing them. I didn’t know this was the root. Help me put down this invisible wall I’ve put up in order to protect myself or to self-isolate. Thank you for knowing me better than I do and for your amazing patience with me. I’ve not wanted to talk about my feelings of worthlessness again because I want to walk past this.
Pretending you don’t feel the way you do will not make it go away my faithful one.
I know Lord. I embrace your truth that I am worthy of love. Bring me deeper into an understanding about this Holy Spirit. I’ve learned that I need to depend on you for bringing truth into the core of who I am and what I’m believing about myself so deeply within me, and that you do this in your perfect timing. I know that the more my heart is made whole in you, the more effective I will be in your calling for me, and I’ll also be able to love you and others more. With my heart made whole, I can love you and others with my whole heart. Thank you Father for your faithfulness.. I do love you very much..
I know my darling, I love you too.
Reflection:
In my prayer time this morning, I learned the root of a huge fear I’ve had in the past. I had so very often felt panic and shame, but I didn’t understand why I was feeling shame. These feelings caused me to self-isolate. I’ve had a lot of inner healing since then and haven’t felt these feelings of panic and shame since then, but the last few days I’ve sensed this same attack coming again. I know it’s the enemy’s attack plan for me because he doesn’t want me to be walking deeper into the calling God has on my life.
The only reason I should have for isolation is to focus on God more, not to try and hide from the enemy because when I do that, it’s like voluntarily walking into a cage in hopes of keeping the enemy away. I had a dream about this a few days ago and the Lord is showing me that I do feel vulnerable outside of the cage, but keeping myself vulnerable by doing what he’s asked me to do is the only way to grow in my trust for him. The question is, do I love Jesus more than fearing all those things coming against me? I certainly do and I’m going to walk in my calling more diligently because of my love for him. I know that it’s easier said than done, but this is my goal. I know this sounds self-centred, but as I’m sitting here by myself, writing at my desk, I know that I’m still trying to absorb what it means to be worthy of love, and I know that the Lord will continue to make it known to me on our journey together. I’m actually not doubting his word about this to me because a few days ago he gave me a dream that had this person I know who’s name means, worthy of love, so today in my conversation the Lord brought this to mind.