“But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31
Conversation
Papa, I worship You! I love You!
Come My daughter, and rest, all is well with you. You are Mine.
Holy Spirit I love You! Thank-You for being so near to me. You know what my heart needs to know, so I ask Holy Spirit that You would put a wondering in my heart about something You want me to know about. This is the desire I have in my heart at this moment. Thank-You for helping me to be at rest today. Holy Spirit in my minds eye I saw a man’s red face and something like a scrunched up paper, one in each eye (this could have been yellow). What do You mean about that? What comes to mind is remembering something someone said about when someone walks into a conversation, asking if they crumble or fold. I crumble.
I love you My darling. Rest.
(I fell asleep and had a dream but I don’t remember the dream. I woke up at 9:09)
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today..
2:31 “… sleeping on hotel floors thinking we had it good…We were kids back then thinking we could live forever. We were kids back then.” (We were wild and free, takin all the world together, we were kids back then. That’s how we’re always gonna be…)
3:25 “We were kids back then thinking we wold live forever, we were kids back then…” (I went downstairs to pray)
4:09 My daughter, be at rest. Be anxious for nothing.
Papa, I need to be with Jesus… please show me why I can’t ever seem to get it.
4:22 My daughter come
Papa, I don’t know what to say
4:25 I’m so desperate, for everything
4:39 I had a vision of being at the airport, going up in an elevator a couple of floors to get on a plane. I had some luggage with me.
4:47 Papa, Holy Spirit, show me. I want to follow You. Enable me. What do I need to do to be able to follow you?
4:50 I will show you My daughter.
4:51 “Show me who You are and fill me, with Your love and lead me, in Your love to those around me…”
4:57 I heard in my heart someone say, “I love New Jersey.”
5:01 “All of it”
5:31 I had a dream where I was on my phone and my screen was blank (a dark blank like in waking life). I was putting my finger across the screen from the right to the left, looking for my apps. Then I saw all my apps like it was a room full of people, and then I noticed two apps I think, deep in the screen/room, in the upper right corner. Then I saw a video of when Lucas was younger, when he was about 6 or 7years old, walking outside towards me, being with family. Another scene where I saw a video of an Easter play, seeing some girls on stage with their bathing suits on. There were other people there too.
5:46 Come My daughter, it’s time. Rest, and I will lead you, home. (I heard this in my heart as I was pressing in. I distinctly heard these words, hearing the word “home” after a moment.)
6:03 In a vision I saw a plate of food. On the right side was something brown and on the left was something like a red tomato salad.
6:11 In a clear vision I saw brown shoes. (another opportunity…)
6:13 I was in a classroom and Bella wasn’t there. This Wednesday Bella doesn’t have classes because it’s the day where students go to work with their parents. I’m not subbing right now and her dad isn’t working that day. I’m thinking to bring her along to Soar and she’ll wait in the foyer. Then afterwards we need to get her a winter jacket, probably from MEC.
6:16 Someone gave me their laptop, and they were holding out their cord for me to plug it into it.
6:24 In a vision I saw a woman walking into her kitchen. It had an island in the middle and it was a bit messy. It was a bright kitchen and she looked optimistic. (Today I was in the kitchen all afternoon, cooking and baking)
6:28 In a vision I saw something like a bottle of perfume or cologne on a light brown wooden floor. I saw that it was kind of underneath some chairs.
6:32 I saw light blue bins I think that had yellow caps. I don’t think the caps were on the bins, but they were on a counter.
6:38 I heard someone talk about Niverville.
6:41 I vaguely saw a ripe yellow and brown banana. (I put one in my smoothie this morning; I’ve been putting spinach, avocado, blueberries, a mixture of berries, banana, apple)
6:43 A vision of my mom calling me Carolyn, and giggling a bit. In waking life she is a giggly person.
6:46 “here they come” Feeling like there had been a crash and someone was coming.
6:49 “Something happened “ seeing red. A happy moment.
6:52 “It’s huge” In a vision I was in something like a museum, and I saw a glass ceiling and people walking around. The glass ceiling was beautiful: it had big octagon shapes that had different textures with a bit of white around the edges I think.
6:55 “who else do I need to talk with” A vision of seeing someone who was tired, laying in bed and vaguely seeing a black pen on the floor by the bed. It was like the mattress of the bed was directly on the floor; the person was close to the floor.
6:58 I had been upstairs, seeing white short walls like it was someone’s house, and I was walking down the light brown wooden stairs, talking with someone.
7:01 I was in the bathroom getting ready. I had gotten ready and had unplugged the cord from the hair straightener, putting it onto the counter.
7:04 I heard someone say, “160.00” something, saying they’ll be careful, cherishing what they have.
7:09 I was sitting outside on the grass with a group of people, seeing a female leader talking. Sitting on the grass is so calming for me, remembering doing this a lot as a kid. My favourite place to be when I think about sitting with Jesus when I’m wanting to hear from him is, I’m sitting on the swing (in our backyard) we had when I was a kid; in Niverville back then there wasn’t any car noise during the day, so all I heard on a sunny day was the creaking of the swing as I slowly swung, leaning onto the chain of the swing, and being aware of everything that flew close to me, hearing the sound of the birds and the hum of the bees and enjoying the warmth of the grass.
712 seeing a girl smiling and talking excitedly by a door
7:15 seeing a colourful cloth that had light blue on it. It reminds me of a cloth I have for drying windows after they’ve been washed. Norwex
7:19 seeing a green houseplant that had extra greenery at the base of the plant. (I put a lot of greens in my stew today, using all the cilantro (I love cilantro) and all the kale.
7:21 I saw two guys talking. One of them (or both) was sitting, saying “it’s been 20 years”
7:24 “Something doesn’t want you to be in that room” (I heard this in my heart right before waking up. I”m wondering if that room is the youth room? I know the enemy it trying it’s hardest to keep me away from my destiny, relating to the Youth room. I’m learning how to hear the Holy Spirit and when it’s time there will be nothing that can stop what God has planned.
7:27 I saw a teenager cry as she said, “I was ready.”
7:29/7:30 “colouring question”
7:32 “I am a warrior “ (like someone saying they’re not giving up because they’re a warrior.)
7:35 I saw a black mug lid or something drop onto a counter, and bounce a few times.
7:42 “I know Jesus is real in my heart” (I heard this in my heart right before waking up)
7:44 “I can bring you home.” “Sure” and seeing someone walking out of the church doors by the youth room after an evening was done.
7:49 In a vision I saw someone jumping into a public pool with their shoes and clothes on, demonstrating to students (who were standing on the side) how it’s done.
9:40 I had a vision of Jesus and me in a car on a road trip in the United States…
9:45 I had a dream where someone was just going to shoot a bow and arrow and then suddenly it was him who got shot. I didn’t get a lot of sleep so I’m wanting to take a nap.. wondering if I’m not supposed to?
10:34 Double (I think this is an auto correct. I’m going to turn that off)
10:36 “On the wings of a Snow White dove”
11:20 I woke up:)
This afternoon I made stew and biscuits. I really do enjoy cooking. Most of the time I end up cooking the same things, but I hadn’t made stew in a long time. I feel like I’m so tired that I could just drop. I’m sensing that the person who got shot represents me, and that I’m finally caught (Jesus finally has all of my heart). I’m sensing this represents that I can finally walk forward without resistance? and that my heart is finally ready to move forward? I know that I’m in love with Jesus and that I finally know God’s love deep in my heart. Maybe this is what “getting shot” represents…dying to the flesh. If this is it then I’m so full of joy that it’s finally happened! I’m hoping I’ll be able to hear the Holy Spirit’s voice better now. I heard and saw so many things last night; I’m going to pray into them tomorrow. This morning I sensed to rest and not go to Shopgym; I’m wondering if my time there is done? Then I’ll need to start running and doing short workouts here at home. I’ve used this Biscuits Supreme recipe for a long time. It’s really nice because I don’t need to use flour to flatten it; I just flatten the dough on parchment paper with my fingers. Something that’s not on the photo that I used for the stew is a bit of tomato sauce and some Paprika. I bought Beef Tenderloin today (normally from Unger Meats. Co-Op sells Unger meats so I normally get sausages from there. But we get most of the other meat from Costco. For the Stew I used olive oil, fried the the garlic and onions together first then I added the meat. Then I put 7 potatoes, 3 carrots into the pot and added water to cook. When soft I added the kale and cilantro, tomato sauce, turmeric, seasoning salt and paprika. I normally don’t use exact measurements for cooking. This morning I had 2 eggs, turmeric, cilantro, garlic, and seasoning salt. I used up all the brussels sprouts, need to get more. I didn’t grow up eating brussels sprouts. My mom always had a garden so I enjoyed going in the garden whenever I wanted and enjoyed fresh veggies. One of my favourite things to do was to dig up carrots, finding the biggest one and pulling it up! Here are just some random photos I took in the last few weeks. This is a vegetable soup. A few weeks ago I needed to clean out the water softener. It had a lot of minerals gathered, so I emptied as much of it as I could and added fresh salt. There’s another photo of chicken noodle soup; I bought the home-made noodles. This is a sauce from Costco like Butter Chicken; I don’t remember what it’s called. Goodnight…🙏🏻
November 5: 12:39 In my dream I was driving the car with Lucas and Bella. Lucas said, “dear!” And I didn’t see any dear but I slowed down; the car began going towards the left side of the road and then we kept on driving into the ditch. I couldn’t move; I was trying to press onto the brakes but the car wouldn’t stop. Then it did stop and I noticed I had driven straight into a hydro pole, and the hydro pole had made a deep dent right in the middle of the hood. The front was crumbled in from the hydro pole and the hydro pole was still in the deep dent it had made (it had come about halfway through the hood). Then I saw fluid spraying towards me (I think I felt the spray). Bella was sitting on my right and we were getting out. Lucas had gotten out already. He had been sitting in the back. The door didn’t open smoothly and I saw it was because we had crashed into the hydro pole. Then we were all out and I asked Lucas if he had taken the keys out of the car and he said no. I told him that that’s always the first thing we need to do. It felt like I hadn’t been sitting in the front because I had walked forward and then leaned into the car to get the keys. Bella was walking a little away from the car in (front of the car) and I told her to stay close. I noticed the ditch was like we were on a bag or something; it was very unstable. Then I noticed people along the sides like there was a restaurant there. I wondered who to call for help.
Then in another scene I was in a room and there was a few different kinds of cake. One was topped with white icing, another one was chocolate. Then I walked around to the other side of the table and saw red velvet cake. I saw there was one piece left. There was a small piece beside that one which I took and ate. Then before I could take the last piece I needed to go do something. When I got back the cakes were all covered with a white table cloth. I noticed a lady was laying underneath the white tablecloth, and I dug into the layers to see if that red velvet cake was still there and it wasn’t.
Then I had gone into someone’s room to get something and I saw them taking a shower (down the hallway) briefly seeing them naked in the shower, and I went to the right to look for toilet paper. At first I couldn’t find any among all the stuff. Then I had a long row (maybe 10 squares) in my hands. Then someone else was there who also had taken toilet paper and they paid for it so I told the person whose room it was that I would also pay for it. I didn’t have money on me so I told her that I’d get some and pay for it.
Then the scene changed where I was in something liquid that had floating things in it. I saw something brown that looked like poop and kept floating. Then I noticed I was slowly sinking and I began yelling “help.” I could barely make a sound and tried yelling for help again, and I woke up, in the natural trying to yell for help.
5:26 “Everything I do, I do to honour you” (I went downstairs to pray)
5:44 I’m thinking about what I’m doing differently, thinking maybe I still need to go to Shopgym, and I’m thinking that I really am not supposed to go to the mall on the Friday night (since writing this I saw something that reminds me that I am wanted there?) Also, yesterday I was in the kitchen during the day before spending time with the Lord. I had worship music on but I normally give God my time in the morning. I’m trying to understand why I was suddenly in the ditch.
6:02 “I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered, I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered. That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust him…”
6:13 “We are going to marry him.” (Jesus; reassurance)
Holy Spirit, what do the deer in my dream represent? (That’s when I went to the side and in the ditch.)
6:30 Something that came to mind is missing a turn in the van on beach day, and hearing “I meant to go fast.”
6:38 “you complete me”
I dreamt that my family and I were waiting in a hotel except it was also where we lived. My family was sitting on the couch on my right with our dog there, and I was laying down on a wide white ledge that was higher up. I remember thinking about not waiting with them on the couch, but that I was there and they were on the couch. Our dog saw me. Another part of the dream was I had a feeling like I had been sleeping in our neighbours room down the hall, and they we’re coming back so I got my two pillows and put them on my bed. At one point I had walked too far down the hallway and had missed their room, so I was walking back. I needed to get my (yellow?) blanket from their room (in my dream I was imagining it being folded on their closet. The yellow blanket is what I use when I’m on the mattress on the floor, praying). Then I was in the hallway on the floor (on the way to their room to get my blanket I think), trying to do the motion of flying forward but I could hardly move my arms, and I could hardly get up. The neighbours were walking through the door behind me, excited to be home. Another scene was, it was dark out I think and I was outside. I saw that someone had filled their gallon water jug and saw the big blue water containers they had filled water from, and I asked this person if the water was good. Then I saw there were many people there, getting water.
7:27 “Saturday when I needed your help.”
8:14 “I need You more, more than yesterday I need you more, more than words can say I need you more, than ever before I need You more, I need you more…”
9:33 gearing up, seeing a brown shirt?
There’s so much to think about; I’m feeling overwhelmed. I’m still afraid that I won’t hear Gods voice when I press into Him about something, and I know it’s because my dad hardly ever answered me when I asked him something, needing a connection with him. So I come against this fear in Jesus name. God is faithful, and the Bible says His sheep hear His voice. So I ask You Papa to give me the gift of faith, to have an added measure of faith, because I so desperately need it.
Bella is all of a sudden sick, tummy ache and shaking, thinking I may need to stay home with her tomorrow. Is this the enemy? I prayed for her.
November 6: 11: I dreamt I was trying to look through a small monitor/screen to see where I was driving. Bella was laying down and I needed to press on the brakes so I was trying to get my foot to a certain place by the floor and press down, but there were blankets kind of in the way. (Bella’s not feeling well so I put essential oils on her tummy and I was laying with her and I fell asleep. She said she suddenly got sick.) As I was looking at the small screen, I could see in front of the car and I saw there were cars (2) parked on the side of the road (right side) and I needed to steer to the left so I wouldn’t hit them. I almost hit them. Then I was in the kitchen, wiping the counter that had water on it; I was wiping around some papers that were on the counter. My mom (making food) was close. Then I thought the car must be at the intersection, rolling somewhere slowly, thinking maybe someone was had hooked onto there vehicle to bring it somewhere. I thought I needed to drive it here (from home) when I remembered that I had parked it here at home. Then I looked out of the kitchen window and saw it was plunged hood first deep in the snow. The back end was sticking almost straight up. I had driven it there unknowingly.
In another scene I was driving my car and Bella was with me. The road all of a sudden was really steep (almost straight up), and then it rounded to being horizontal again, so I pressed onto the accelerator in order to make it. We made it, and afterward I said to her that if we hadn’t made it, we would have fallen.
November 6: 4:16 (I think) “We were kids back then thinking we would live forever, we were kids back then, and that’s how it’s always gonna be…”
4:50 “I have faith in what I see. I have met an angel, and she looks perfect tonight…”
This morning as I was downstairs praying on the mattress, it was time to get ready to go to Shopgym if I was going to go. I heard an invitation from the Holy Spirit to go. I really didn’t want to go and then I realized that that is what my dream represented (In my dream I was laying on the floor, making flying movements but I could hardly move my arms or get up), that it was so hard to get up and go. Spiritually I’m flying when I do what the Lord asks me to do (I got up and went to Shopgym; the dream about driving up a very steep hill quickly, and making it, represents.). I realize that when I’ve allowed my heart to become overwhelmed, I’m not in that state of mind to serve wholeheartedly. I’ve had a revelation and a change of heart, and it’s my joy now to serve wherever the Holy Spirit leads; right now it’s at home… Thank-You Holy Spirit❤️🔥
(This morning after Shopgym when I got into the truck, I sprayed the windshield (windshield washer fluid) to melt the thin layer of ice, and it reminded me of my dream about driving into a hydro pole. I realized that I had “driven into the ditch” when I stopped going to Shopgym.) 🫰🏼