“For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones.” Ephesians 5:30
Conversation
Papa, I love You. Thank You for who You are, for loving me and pursuing me relentlessly. Thank You for Your grace that covers my life. Thank You for leading me. It’s my joy to worship You through all the difficulty I’ve faced. It doesn’t matter what people think or say, I will always follow You. I trust You with my life and with my whole heart. Forgive me when I’ve looked at the waves instead of Your face. I understand how Peter must have felt. I want You and I need You. I am the head and not the tail. You are raising me up to walk in the purpose You’ve created for me, and in Jesus name You and I will not be stopped!! I can feel a fire burning in my heart for You and to surge forward. You have ordained me to speak Your Word and even though I’m a babe at that, You will equip me because I know You equip the called; I’ve been called and I will go; I will make it. Open my eyes to see You clearly; I’m ready.
Then come My darling. I am near to you.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious. What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through songs and intimacy with Him in dreams, because as part of the bride of Christ, Jesus is my husband. My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today.
May 28: 3:09 “I want to say…”
5:37 “Come alive, come alive”
These last few weeks have been very difficult and I’m hoping I’ve come through the most difficult part of it. Now that I’m at my moms I have hope again, though it hurts so much not to be with my family… I don’t have a vehicle to drive so I can’t go anywhere. It hurts so much that I can’t be with Bella during her dentist appointment today (filling), and it hurts so much that I can’t see Lucas on his birthday or watch him during his Dragonboat race. It hurts so much that I can’t tuck Bella in for night. I never thought I’d be where I am right now. I know that because Jesus is in my heart, I’m home. I know in my heart about believing the best in people and it took a little while but I do now. I’m trying to erase my sad memories. I know there was a purpose for them. I know that I need to be joyful when I get persecuted for the cause of Christ, and in my heart I’m so glad that God has given me so many circumstances where I have been persecuted because of following Him. It is really an honour for me, I just need to get passed my emotions. I will never let go of Him despite any persecution that may come. I’m surging forward. It was really difficult telling my kids, and I have moments throughout the day where I’m in tears because I can’t see them everyday. I called Manitoba Housing this afternoon and I may need to find a part time job. I need to fill out an application online. I won’t go back to teaching. I want to say that I love You God, I do believe and I will follow You for the rest of my life. Much love and blessings….🧡🧡
May 29: 3:13 (I woke up but hadn’t dreamt anything)
4:22 Oh oh, Your way’s better, oh oh, your way’s better.
5:30 In a vision I reached over a barrier and took my black sandals that were on the grass (vague), and then I saw a lady carefully step over the barrier. Yesterday I helped some people bring dirt to a garden (here at my moms place) and took off my sandals to walk barefoot on the grass.
5:58 “oh Carolyn” I saw a lady point with her thumb kind of behind her, and then I saw an orange basketball. I had coffee together with a friend today and I told her this dream. We talked about it and I was deeply relieved to know the interpretation; The lady pointing behind her and seeing an orange basketball represents that the journey of me doing difficult things are done and are behind me. God knows that I’ve accepted Jesus in my heart and that I will always follow Him.
6:09 In a vision I was slow dancing in Jesus’ arms.
6:32 I saw a Christmas tree the size of my hand like it was hanging in the air, and I saw a string hanging from it. I couldn’t see the end of the string in my dream because it went past my line of vision.
I had a dream where I was with a group of people when someone came to me and told me the story of a married couple. The couple had been in a prophetic prayer group when the Lord spoke to her and told her that she should marry a certain person, and the person she needed to marry was someone in her group that was sitting beside her. So when she heard the Lord say this she got up and told him that God told her she needed to marry him. In my dream when the lady told me their story I opened my mouth in amazement.
Another dream where Bella was giving me something as a surprise. She told me not to look as she was doing something by my belly. Then soon afterwards I looked and saw she had given me two belly button rings. I saw one more clearly and saw it was gold (I think) and very beautiful. In my dream I saw a picture of a flat belly with a stud thinking that that’s how a belly should look. In waking life about a week ago we walked to the salon and she got her second ear piercing for her birthday. I’ve also been thinking that I need to get into shape again. I haven’t done CrossFit in awhile. I also had a vision of a door opening and vitamins on a counter. Today my sister brought me some vitamins. I wasn’t sure if this was just me. I’m sensing and hoping that I’m done doing difficult things and that I’m free. I’m the head and not the tail. I am who God says I am, I’m loved, I’m His daughter, and I’m walking in my God given purpose. Missing my family every minute of every day… 🫶🏻
This is a plaque that my mom has, hanging in the kitchen. Blessings…
May 30: 4:09 “My daughter, welcome”
5:52 A dream where I was really high up on a balcony looking down (or I was as high as a balcony, standing on stilts), and I saw how high I was. I wasn’t afraid!
6:56 “God knows what He’s going to do” (I heard this in my heart right before waking up) I dreamt that it was evening and I was at an event. There was a lot of food on the back of one of the trucks. Jesus and I hadn’t seen each other for a long time so at first I was shy when I was around him. I knew that he wanted me and I was being drawn to him with every encounter. I was standing by all the desserts, wondering which one to take when one of the kids said something about taking some cake. So then I thought yes, I’m going to have cake. Then I had taken some and had eaten it. Then I thought I should have more cake and I wondered if there was more. I think I had thrown out my bowl or plate or whatever it was that I had put my peace of cake in, so I got another bowl or something. I had put the rest of the cake in my bowl and scraped the rest of the cake from the sides of the container (looked like an ice cream container) into my bowl and I remember thinking it looked like a lot but I was going to eat it all.
Then the scene changed where I was at the top of a ladder, wobbling, and I looked and saw Jesus coming out of the back door of the building. He saw my predicament and walked quickly to help. He was casually saying something as he walked towards me and I responded, trying to focus so I wouldn’t fall. Then he held the ladder as I came down. (I reached the top and now I’m done with the difficult season of testing)
Then the scene changed where I was walking around the trucks in the back of the buildings and I saw all the water on the ground. It was dark out. Then there was a lady standing close by and another one came quickly and said something about Jesus needing something and ran to get him (it wasn’t high sugar levels but it had something to do with stabilizing something in his body). I wanted to help so the lady said something like maybe I can wipe the table, so I quickly went to do that. Then it was all done and I was walking around in the area (like we were at a campground with buildings in various places), looking for the building where he was staying. Then I saw it and began walking towards it, and I saw he was walking towards the door from the back where they had helped him. I had noticed that he had been in his building before that, feeling sad that I wasn’t taking more interest in him. I quickly ran towards him and yelled his name a few times. I think he was in the doorway when I said his name again and said something to him. He looked at me and I told him something. Then I said, “I also want to say…” and said something, and then I think I finally said what I really wanted to say, which was, “God told me to tell you that I need to marry you.” As I said it I ran my hand lovingly along his upper arm. We were standing by the door, and there was an open tent where we were standing so I had quickly made sure no one was hiding in it that could hear us. Then I kissed him on the side of his lips; he responded but didn’t want others to see. Then we were holding hands with interlaced fingers, and I squeezed his hand three times to say I love you as we began walking forward together among the people who were there. Then we had walked, holding hands with our fingers interlaced, and we stopped because there were kids doing something (sitting on the ground) and we didn’t want them to see us holding hands but we kept holding hands). They didn’t look and then they left and we continued to walk together with our fingers interlaced.
Last night I awoke at 4:09 and began praying in the Spirit. I immediately heard in my heart, “I’m anxious.” I told anxious to go in Jesus’ name and then immediately I heard, “My daughter,welcome.” Then I remembered always hearing, “welcome” at the beginning of every meditation, and so I immediately listened to the latest one, not falling asleep this time. In it I completely felt like I was in the arms of Jesus and that I had ascended into God’s thrown room. My heart is full of peace, joy, rest, and love. 💛💛
Blessings…