My Father, you spoke to me at church today, thank-you. You spoke to me about what’s on the table that you’re giving me as a gift. What came to mind is that as I follow you, you’re giving me the gift of knowing who you’ve created me to be. I believe that I actually can’t go further in my journey without knowing this because it has everything to do with what you want me to do and how you want me to do it.
Caroline, I have something for you today. Would you like to hear what I have to say?
Yes Lord, I need to hear it, please tell me.
I love you (tears)
…and I think you’re doing a great job -I’m so proud of you.
Thank-you Father. Change is difficult but I need it. I also want it. You showed me last week that I was going to go into the deep end again. I recognize the way I’ve been going isn’t going to work anymore because the journey going forward is going to look different. I hear you Holy Spirit and I sense you’re leading me to go and get more direction from my pastor, and I will. The thought of that relaxes me -I’m so glad I don’t need to figure this out on my own. Thank-you for speaking to me through him today.
You’re welcome my daughter.
Dad, I’m sensing not to record this week -is this from you? Father, before you answer that, I just want to let you know that I don’t really want to hear your answer because I think I may hear what I want to hear. Rather, because I have a lot of paperwork to do for home, I’m going to do that this week and if I’m wrong, please correct me.
Caroline, I love you and I bless the work of your hands. Go in Peace -you are Mine.
Reflection:
I’m thankful that my latest difficulty is because God is making a change in our journey together. I’m not feeling as anxious about this journey taking so long, but I’m glad to know that change is coming because it means that I made it through round one! I think the biggest thing I’ve learned in this first round is to be disciplined to spending time with God everyday so that I could soak in his presence and grow intimacy and friendship with him. In order to grow intimacy and friendship, learning to hear his voice and trusting that I was hearing from him has helped me to know him better. I needed to remain teachable so that he could direct me. I needed to stay vulnerable and obedient because doing what he’s asked even in the midst of difficulty has helped me dig deeper into what God was doing in my heart, and reflecting on it has also helped me make sense of things. I recognize in all that God was doing, his love has been in pursuit of my heart. I thought that I was the one in pursuit of him, but he has been in pursuit of me so that he could heal my heart and enable me to love and hold love -to give and receive love. He was enabling me to do what I wanted to do, which was to grow a love relationship with him. Now that God has brought healing to my heart, I’ll be able to love others better as well. I think being secure in his love for me will help me be grounded in life in whatever I may face.
Now I’m heading out into the deep end again and I feel better equipped. I’m so thankful that I have a better understanding now than I did even this morning. In my dream last week I was afraid that I’d get trampled by the strength around me as we all headed out into the deep end, thinking I’d get trampled as they swam past me and feeling like I’d be left behind. But I think it represents that I won’t be heading out into the deep end alone, but with them as a team. I feel more secure and confident than I did before. I’m deeply thankful because of what God has done.