Psalm 37:34
“Wait for the Lord and keep his way. He will exalt you to inherit the land.”
Conversation
7:26: I heard, “Come forward.”
Papa, I love You and I worship You. Thank-You for Your forgiveness, mercy and love in my life. Please draw me closer to Your heart. I crave too be closer to Your heart my Abba Father.
Come. You are Mine and I love you.
Papa, I believe You. I believe deep in my heart that when I pray, You hear me and that You need my prayers to move in other peoples hearts and lives.
My darling, rest (about tomorrow). You are Mine.
Thank-You Papa. I won’t worry about tomorrow. I will follow You so I won’t need to worry about missing You. So please help me to know where You are in every moment so I can keep following You in every moment.
Come My daughter, and I will give you rest.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him!
When I opened my Bible today, the verse above is the the first verse I saw so I decided to use it. I woke up at 2:38 with a word, and I put my phone underneath my pillow and rested my head only for a moment but then I fell asleep, so I don’t remember what that word was:(
3:48 I woke up (but got up at 3:04 and went downstairs to pray and write down what I had dreamt). I dreamt that I saw Bella smiling and talking to someone, wishing I could watch but I had begun to fall down into a very very deep hole. I was falling and falling and falling, and as I thought the end must be near, my body began hurting more and more, and the closer I got to the bottom the more I wished I could die. As I was nearing my death I began saying, I love you, I love you, I love you, over and over again; I love Jesus my husband and I said it over and over again, meaning him and God, but the last moments before I would hit the bottom I said I love You, I love You, I love You, meaning that I love God the most and I wanted my last breath and words to be for Him. I had my eyes open as I was falling, and as I neared the bottom I saw a shape, possibly a table or something that I had passed while I was falling. Then I vaguely dreamt that I was up, doing things. As I was falling, I had a feeling like I had fallen like this before, and I knew that when I hit the bottom I wouldn’t notice it because of how quickly I would die. I believe this represents that I’m dying to self so that I can begin to live the life God has created me to live! Not my will but thine be done! In the leadership book I was rereading a few things and on page 23 it says, “Jesus simply and honestly set forth the cost of serving in His kingdom. The task was magnificent and difficult; men and women leading in that task must have eyes wide open, and hearts willing to follow the Master all the way.” This is my plan!!
I also dreamt that I was doing something that had to do with kitchen utensils. They were laying on the floor beside each other and I think I was cleaning them up. Someone had used a kitchen utensil and it had some poop on it. Then a younger person came and began walking among the utensils and I didn’t want them to touch it, wanting to prevent them from touching it. I’m going to begin praying about it.
Then I fell asleep briefly and woke up at (6:2 ) Dreamt that I was on a highway or main street of a town or city, and I was with someone who said something about there being two lanes, the driving lane and the parking lane. I think they were indicating to go into the parking lane but I’m not sure.
As I was laying down, about to fall asleep again I began hearing a song that isn’t really a song, but words, “wash your hands” being sung softly. Papa I wash my hands spiritually clean in Jesus name.
6:58 (19) I was resting, almost asleep when I heard in my heart, “do what’s right.” Papa, help me to always know what the right thing to do is, and then help me to do it. I’m not sure if God means this, but I haven’t been getting any calls to sub and I think it’s because I hadn’t subbed at all before Christmas. This week I’m going to find out more about how to get back into subbing.
Then at 7:04 as I was getting up to go upstairs to sleep in my bed and I heard these lyrics in my heart, “hold my hand, hold my hand, hold my hand, hold my hand.”
7:44/45 I woke up because I heard in my heart like there was a men’s quire singing three notes, they weren’t words, but I could hear their voices were strong! Three notes, two or three times (I think) with a breath in between.
7:59 I heard in my heart a choir singing, “Holy Spirit! Holy Spirit! Holy Spirit!
9:30. I heard in my heart, “My spare and arrow “
10:04 I saw in a dream someone alone in the sanctuary, vaguely seeing a white shirt, their back. Seeing all the empty chairs. I’m not sure what this could represent.
10:23 I heard in my heart right before waking up, “Oh the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of God. O it chases me down, fights till I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine. I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away. O the overwhelming, never ending , reckless love of God. There’s no shadow You won’t light up, Mountain You won’t climb up, coming after me. There’s no wall You won’t kick down, Lie You won’t tear down, coming after me.”
10:41 “Oh the overwhelming, never ending, reckless love of God. O it chases me down, fights till I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine. I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away. O the overwhelming, never ending , reckless love of God. There’s no shadow You won’t light up, Mountain You won’t climb up, coming after me. There’s no wall You won’t kick down, Lie You won’t tear down, coming after me.”
Around noon I went running, ran 22 laps (just over 3k). There was a Basketball tournament; Providence verses Trinity (the team name for one of these is, Lions) from the States. It was fun to run with cameras rolling, having music loud at times, and hearing people cheering. I’m hoping I’m being modest, but in my inner self I know that my journey with Jesus had been so long and difficult but more rewarding than both of these together, that I was embracing the cheers and music as a victory celebration for having completed (this is what my journey feels like) this part of my journey with Jesus. The next part I think we’ll be journeying together in another way… please Lord Jesus come!
As I took a few sips of water between some of my laps, I was reminded about my dream as I was catching my breath, looking down a bit and drinking water. Because I was running on the second level, I knew everyone who was watching the basketball game could see me. At first it was a bit awkward but I was okay with it. I’m so used to people watching me that I’ve become used to it. So today I’ve decided to make people watching me, my friend. So this is my attitude for tomorrow when I sit in the front row at church!
A bit more about myself; I’m not an online shopper. I bought something online once (that I remember), and that was with a gift card for Amazon I got for Christmas. I mostly bought books and a few clothing items. As I’m talking about this, I remember buying a Christmas gift or two for my kids. I normally don’t go shopping unless there’s a need or if I’ve gotten Christmas money. Last year I bought my glasses with my Christmas money.
Another area I’ve been least transparent in is how I’ve been thinking about myself. God has brought much healing to my heart, so how I think about myself is much better than it’s been for most of my life. As a teenager when I’d be sitting on the bus to school, we’d be driving past fields of wheat, and I wished I could be wheat instead of going to school; this was when I was in grade nine. I had quit private school for about half a year because I was so far behind that I saw no hope. Then after a few months of being home my sister convinced me to go back to school. So then I went to grade nine, which was the grade I would have been in if we hadn’t gone to private school. Today I was thinking about this, how I’ve felt about myself and this is something I’ve always kept to myself/ least transparent in. In my journey with Jesus, Gods been diligently working in my heart and I know that now I have a much healthier view about myself.
Mistrust about God has caused me to retreat inward, which has robbed me of growing in who God has created me to be. It’s robbed me of having the joy of living and having joy in God for as long as I can remember. Because the view I’ve had about myself has been so negative, I always thought that nobody would want to marry me. Ive always thought that I was so boring because I was so quiet. But I’ve been so quiet all my life because I had retreated into myself. It was easy to marry someone because I didn’t value myself. The way it’s affected my spiritual life is not believing in prayer. Everything about my faith has always been head knowledge. So for the most part I couldn’t feel anything besides love for my children. God has woken me up as He has been healing my heart and taking me on a journey of trust. Trusting Jesus my husband and God. As I’ve been opening myself up as a result of being able to trust (because in my journey I could see that God and Jesus are trustworthy) Gods love has been filling my heart; knowledge has turned into life and love in my heart. I gave that specific change because those are the coins I specifically saw. Something I always forget saying is that every day that I don’t drink enough water I can feel a uti/yeast infection coming on. I used to need to take a few cranberry pills in the morning and also before bed to keep it away. The last few weeks it’s become stronger again and my sister Cathy who works at the a place like Vita Health, gave me something for that that’s been helping so that I don’t need to get antibiotics again. The frog in my dream represents leaping into the leap year with prayer and fasting!! I knew this theme but hadn’t noticed the frog on the front cover enough to connect the two. I still need to catch up with readying my Leadership book (I’m on chapter 13) I was planning on reading most of today but I felt in my heart to add this post rather than adding onto another one. I’m sensing that I need to get things written and said in order to be ready, and I want to be ready for tomorrow. With all my heart, many blessings to you…
Jan 21: 4:49 I awoke and got up and went downstairs to pray. “There’s no lie you won’t tear down, wall you won’t break down, coming after me. Oh it chases me down, fights till I’m found, leaves the ninety-nine. I couldn’t earn it, I don’t deserve it, still You give Yourself away. O the overwhelming, never ending , reckless love of God. There’s no shadow You won’t light up, Mountain You won’t climb up, coming after me. There’s no wall You won’t kick down, Lie You won’t tear down, coming after me.”
5:05: I value you
5:06 Come . You are Mine
5:10 My daughter, rest (about church this morning)
5:21 “Enable me Papa!” (I heard this in my heart -it wasn’t just my own response.)
5:22 “I will enable you, my daughter.”
Papa, please forgive me
I have forgiven you.
5:25 Rise , My daughter. Follow me and I will make you a fisher of man.
5:27 “Yes Papa, I want that.”
5:34 I want more of You Papa!
You have all of Me
Papa, You are so Good to me!
5:40 Step forward (and claim your prize)
Yes Papa (my hearts response)
5:42 Papa, can I be a Seer while I’m a pastor, prophet and evangelist?
5:44 I see the word “yes” and I’m sensing yes.
Oh Papa, I love You so much!
6:23 “an area of shame” (I don’t know about this area of shame, but I want to know so that I can repent and get rid of it.)
7:20 360 (degrees?)
After going back to bed I dreamt that I was walking south beside what felt like Pembina hwy. There was a mom and two teenage kids. We were at a corner and one of them began walking across the street by herself but changed her mind to stay with her family. Then took a few steps and then her mom decided to cross the street, so they were all going to cross the street together. I walked passed them to walk home. I was also jogging at some point, maybe to get to the corner that I had just gone to.
Then I was walking north, feeling like it was the same highway except on the other side like I had made a loop. Someone had parked their semi truck (I sensed this as I was walking in the sheltered area) and had a covered area beside it that had another semi truck with its back doors wide open at the end of the covered area. This whole thing was right over the sidewalk, so to keep walking on the sidewalk, I needed to walk right into their sheltered work area. After I walked into the sheltered area, a bit dark, I sensed two men also go in because they were working there. As I was walking towards the end of the sheltered area I could see that the place to walk through was blocked by stuff, but I saw a small opening between the flaps of the tent and I crouched down and easily walked out. I saw bright daylight in the opening of the flaps. I believe it represents the enemy trying to trap me, but I easily walked right through their trap. I believe this trap was meant for me this morning. I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to allow the enemy to intimidate me, and sitting up front went very well! I’m so thankful that God enabled me to follow Him this morning!
Dreamt about church. I saw that the water running from the tap didn’t have much pressure, but then I saw it had more pressure again. I had a thought that I didn’t drink tap water but from water bottles. I’m wondering if this has something to do with presenting my message? I’ve not felt pressure about that for awhile.
We had had a Power and Praise night, and I saw Wendy (Chuck’s wife) had walked to someone who did a lot of behind the scenes work. And as he was cleaning up (sensed cables and camera), she was saying to him that they should have more Power and Praise nights. In my dream she really enjoyed them and she really wanted to have more of them.
Dreamt that I saw someone sitting in the middle of a long couch seat in the front of a vehicle, right beside the driver. I didn’t see the driver, but I saw that she was very pleased to be sitting right beside him. I saw that she had a lot of stuff on her lap, and one of the things slid off of her lap toward him and she got it and put it back. Yes!!!
Dreamt that I was with someone who represents junior youth and it was bedtime. I was already underneath the blanket and the music was loud, so she said something about turning the music down so I right away got up to turn the music down. Then I saw two knobs on the wall right by the bed and I turned one of them but it wasn’t doing what I thought it would (because it had been the wrong one) so then I saw the smaller knob right beside it and turned it to turn down the volume. But it also adjusted the station so that it went off of the station we were listening to (I think we were listening to a christian radio station). Then I turned it back to where it had been and it was clear again. The other night I had dreamt that my mom had had loud music on so that she wouldn’t hear it if a stranger came into the house (she had also closed the door). So in this dream I turned down the volume, and it could mean that I trust. Because I was in bed, I believe it means that theres a connection and that I’m at rest about leading Youth.
In this dream I was in a pool with a group of people. I was right by the pool wall, facing it, and the others were behind me and beside me. Then I turned around to face them; I had a sound mind about that and felt peace in my heart. One time in the pool I dunked myself in up to my eyes and kept my eyes wide open.
I dreamt that it was a long weekend and Connie told me that Monday is a holiday. So in my dream I felt like I had that day off, which feels like it represents Monday, tomorrow. Because I need to read, I was thinking not to go to Shopgym, and I think God is saying that I can take tomorrow off and not go, yay!! Today after church we went to a restaurant which I don’t remember the name. It was a Mediterranean restaurant I think. I ordered a Greek salad without feta cheese and for the dressing I had hummus, lemon, olive oil and salt -so good! We went to Costco and got back at around 4:00. Then I worked in the kitchen for a bit, until around 6:30. And then I needed to finish and edit my writing, which always takes long because I always need to think deeply and try to write what I see in my dreams as exactly as possible. Today I forgot to pray for physical healing and I ‘m so disappointed. But I asked her to pray for a breakthrough in my walk with God about stepping up, and for God’s anointing. I’m so excited about my walk with God!! Blessings…❤️🔥
January 22: Today I began reading my Leadership book at around 9:30, and when I looked at the time when I was done, answering about three questions per study (found at the end), it was exactly 4:44!! Yay, I haven’t finished a book in years! I have many books I need to read and I’ve started most of them but haven’t finished.
Last night I woke up at 1:00 and had this dream: I was with Jesus my husband, the two of us were talking in a room at a place where children were ring taught. He was standing a few feet away from me, facing me, and I saw his eyes as he almost looked directly at me but then slid down. Then I saw him laying on his tummy on something like a single bed except it wasn’t a bed; that wasn’t the focus so I didn’t see that part clearly. He was on his tummy but slightly on his side, facing me. I saw that he didn’t have a shirt on and noticed his slim waste and broad shoulders and his silky hair. He was telling me a story about himself and I couldn’t understand him so I interrupted him and asked him to say it again, so he did. Then he said something else and I understood some of it but some I didn’t so I asked him to say it again. He kind of said, really? And I put my hands to my face and said his name; the feeling I have is that it means so much being with him. Then he began saying what he was saying, slowly and clearly, and I focused on every word he said, trying so hard to hear and understand. By this time his face was looking more down and I couldn’t hear everything again, and I asked him to repeat the last thing he said. So what is the last thing that was said? We were getting used to each other and enjoying each others company. Then I looked at the door and it was closed but not clicked shut. Then all of a sudden someone came bursting through the door and we hurriedly composed ourselves. He quickly got up and I tried to look busy by looking at the floor, but then we saw it was a girl, a student who had come into the room to get something. She hardly noticed us as she was getting something. The love between Jesus and I was obvious. I have the bread of life. I have Jesus. The challenge is, we’re learning and growing; A weakness I have is that sometimes I feel a competitiveness when it comes to how well I’ve done in my assignment (reading the book and answering questions) verses how well others have done theirs. I’m ashamed to admit it! I give that up to the Lord and I repent of that way of thinking. Yesterday I heard from the Lord, “an area of shame.” I don’t know what God is referring too or if I heard right, but I’m really going to pray about this so I can deal with it; I want to be ready for when the next test comes. On the way back from church on Sunday, Lucas, Bella and myself were singing a song/harmonizing; it sounded so nice! The first movie I want to see (that I/we haven’t seen before) after my fast is, The Chosen. Many blessings… I’m subbing for a grade 3 class today! (Tuesday)