“Blessed is the man who listens to me, watching daily at my doors, waiting at my doorway. For whoever finds me finds life and receives favour from the Lord.” -Proverbs 8:34-35
Conversation and Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley and I think I’m at the bottom of the bottom, though I’m better today because I’m sensing God is giving me Grace. What I’m doing so I don’t stay in this place of despair is spending time with God and crying out to Him because I know He hears me. I’m keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness more times than I can count, and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him.
Yesterday evening around 10:00, I had a quick dream where the doors had opened, and I was following someone, walking into the Youth room on a Youth night. So I will walk into the Youth room tonight. I was thinking to come during worship and the sermon… not sure who’s speaking tonight.
10:39 In this dream I saw about 3 or 4 faces right in front of me, one at a time I think, with their mouths wide open. I believe this represents that I need to follow and open my mouth for the fourth attempt? I will look for opportunities today… In my dream, especially the last face I saw was basically right in front of my face.
12:54 Your love runs wild for me, wild for me Your love runs wild for me. You gave it all for me, now I believe your love runs wild for me…
2:20 There were many boards (plywood) stacked upright with the wide side facing me, and I was climbing up them. They were part of the road/path that we were walking on. There were a group of people around me, climbing up together with me, and Connie was right behind me (representing Jesus my husband?). As we were climbing up, we were talking and it was joyful. At the end of my dream I had pulled myself up to the top, and it had been so difficult. I also saw that while I was at the top, I was taking four or five of these boards at one time and putting them to the front of the stack. I think others in my group were also doing that because I saw empty places where those boards had been. I saw one of my hands carry a whole stack of 4 or 5 and bring it to the front. We were on our way to work. This may represent that taking care of our family is our job (we were together on the boards (I’m on board)). This may also represent Pipline? (When I woke up at 2:20, I wrote down the main points of my dream and then got up to go downstairs to pray -a sobbing time..
2:36 “Your love is wild for me, wild for me Your love is wild for me. You gave it all for me, all for me your love is wild for me…”
2:51 “Come My daughter, rise up, it’s not too late.”
3:03 “My darling, it’s time to wake up.”
3:04 Papa, I’m listening.
“Come My faithful one, it time to begin again. This time it will work.”
3:07 Papa, I don’t trust myself. I’m in anguish because I don’t know how to get past myself.
“Trust me and I will help you.”
Please sit in the throne of my heart Papa, I don’t belong there. Help me to know how to come off of it. I want You to be in control of my life.
3:12 “My daughter come, you are Mine. You belong.”
3:13 Papa, I feel so bad; I’m such a wreck.
3:17 “Peace by still and know that I am God.” “My Peace I leave with you.”
3:19 Papa, please come and fill my heart with Your Peace and comfort.
3:22 Papa, I worship You with all that I am. I cannot survive without You. I see a faint light of hope.
3:25 “Rest My daughter. What I have planned will come to completion. All is well with you. You are Mine. Now come, I have a plan.”
Okay Papa, I feel that I’m awake. I’m following after You. ThankYou for Your Mercy. Thank-You for Your Grace. I’m so desperate for You!
3:37 Papa I’m coming! I’m running after You and my heart is wide open!
3:44 “Lift me up. Hold me down. Keep me close, safe and sound…” (The last time I heard these lyrics was on April 24)
3:53 Papa, please lift me up; I’m so desperate for You!
“Come, it’s time.”
3:57 I love you Papa.
“I love you My darling.”
4:01 “For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11
4:05 “Rest My daughter; I will give you rest.”
Then I turned off the light (downstairs) and slept for about an hour before going to Shopgym. I dreamt that I was at the water-slides and was laying down on a longer plastic thing. It felt like I was with my family but it was a different family feel. We were all on something with our feet towards the centre of the room and our back towards the wall. We were all on something individually. The lid was open on the one beside me to my right, so the water was spraying out, more to the front and a bit onto me. I saw someone behind a glass as if they were in a shower. I was fully dressed. Then it was the thing I was on that started to spray water but the lid was down so the water stayed in itself. Then all of a sudden the door behind me opened and the whole thing that I was laying on began going down the waterslide. I was fully dressed and was getting all wet. Then on the waterslide I came to a point where it was a toddler water-slide area and I needed to climb down to get there, and then I could go back onto the regular waterslide. I’m not sure what this could represent.
In this dream I met my best friend somewhere like a mall, and I said to her something like, “okay let’s go.” Then I noticed she had a friend along and I didn’t really like that but accepted it. Her friend was there but not really; she was walking around, looking at other things and not really noticing us. Then I remembered my friend had mentioned that she was going to be coming along.
5:20 In this dream there was a young looking man who had shaved his beard and moustache. He was right in front of me, and I had a knowing that he had planned to say something in the first group of people/first pocket of time but hadn’t, so now he was going to say what he had planned to say the first time…
5:44 Feeling like I’ve been redeemed…
9:42 I took a quick nap and I dreamt that I had been doing weights like at Shopgym. I had a barbell with weights on each side, and I had lifted it and dropped it onto the floor. (At Shopgym whenever the weights are heavy and theres repetition, we drop the weights instead of slowly bringing it back down to the floor.) In my dream I wasn’t going to add any more weights because I was done. This could mean that I’m not carrying any more spiritual weight.
I went running yesterday (and Tuesday). Yesterday I ran all 22 laps without stopping!! I began my run crying a bit and trying to hold it back, and during the run I felt like I could go longer without stopping for water, so I ran all 22 laps without stopping. Afterwards, because I had dreamt a few nights ago about seeing an older man and an older woman, I saw that on the gym floor there were people, mostly older people, playing pickle-ball, so I went there and talked with a lady and I ended up playing. They were super nice. After awhile I got the hang of it and had a lot of fun! Today at Shopgym out Strength was Push-Press (6X3). The last three I did was 80lbs:) Then out Metcon was called Johnny B-Good: For time: 30 Front Squats (I did 55lbs), 30 box dips (our back to the box with the palm of our hands on the box and lowering ourselves and going back up), and 30 Ring Rows (Muscle-ups if they have) with a 10 min Time Cap.
On Wednesday at Shopgym our Strength portion was Clean and Jerk. (I should have written it down; I forget the weight I did) Our Metcon was a 10 Min AMRAP with a partner of: 400M run/Dball hold, 30 pushups (we each did 15)/wall sit while our partner did pushups, and 30 (15 each) wall balls/dead hang from bar. Then we rested 4 min and did a 7 min AMRAP of 20 calls Row (each did 10 cal row while the other did barbell front rack hold (I did 55lbs), 20 (each 10) power snatches/hollow body hold, and 20 (10 double unders)/OH barbell hold (55lbs-the weight for this was a bit heavy for me so I did push presses). I’m doing so much better today than yesterday!! Love and Blessings…☕️ I did it!!! I finally did it!!! When I checked the time afterwards it was 7:53, how awesome is that!!!!!!! Thank -You Papa for raising me up today and for Your unfailing Love. ❤️🔥
I realized on the way home that I should have helped bring the books away, representing the boards/plywood I was climbing up on in my dream! Iryna had asked me earlier if I could clean up the coffee, so I was doing that. Next week I’ll make sure to do that!! I fell asleep in the foyer today; Bella said I slept for about ten min. I know my mouth was open, I was so tired. Thank-You Papa for Your Grace. Blessings…