Isaiah 11:2
“The Spirit of the Lord will rest on him -the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of council and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of the fear of the Lord.”
Conversation
Papa, I love You so much!
Come My dear one, you are mine. I have much in store for you. Do not be dismayed for I am your God, and I will help you.
Papa, from our time together earlier this morning, I’m sensing that You’re giving me another chance. Papa, is this true?
Yes, what has been established has been established. Come. Rest. I delight in you.
Papa, after this weekend it’s hard to hear that You still delight in me. I’m reminded that giving birth is painful.
My daughter, I delight in you. Well done My faithful servant.
Papa, I can’t undo the past.
But it made you grow.
Yes
Come, lets walk together, you and I, and I will show you the way.
Thank-you Papa, thank-you.
You’re welcome My dear one.
Reflection
Dec. 21: 2:43 I woke up and heard these lyrics in my heart, “On Christ the solid Rock I stand, all other ground is sinking sand, all other ground is sinking sand.” I had woken up at 2:28 before that. Last night I dreamt that I was at JPUSA where my husband and I got married. I was walking by myself and saw very many people there, most of them were strangers to me because I hadn’t lived there for a long time, and then I was telling a group of people that I used to live there. I thought I recognized a few people that were walking ahead of me as we were walking in the same direction. Then I was in one of the corner rooms (that were made for couples) that had many large windows overlooking the busy city streets. The room was empty and in need of repair. I really didn’t want to move into that room because of how loud the streets were. Then I was in a really nice couple’s room; they were moving out. I saw how much work they had put into it. I saw all the beautiful dark wooden carved things. I saw their bed that was neatly made up. I saw how above them were small storage places they could easily store things and get them easily without getting out of bed. I also saw above their bed was a canopy or an arched window so they could see the open sky and the stars above them. I really wanted to go and lay down in it but I didn’t because I saw that someone was moving into that space and had put their bags onto the side of the bed already. Then I was in the embrace of the wife who was leaving, and her husband was nearby, doing things to get them ready to leave. They were about to leave and his wife and I were hugging each-other as she was praying for me. I felt myself shaking because of the Holy Spirit. She was speaking in tongues over me. It was very emotional. Then I saw one of them pour water into their water bottle and I had a quick picture and a knowing that they were going to go on a journey, walking, into the desert. I vaguely saw brown shoes or slippers. Right before they left I saw many people/teens, sitting in a big room and the lady was giving out her card for when they wanted to talk and get in contact with her. She had given almost all her cards out and had a few left to give to the few who hadn’t gotten one yet. There were just a few people left that she was giving her card to when I walked into the room.
In waking life I’m waking up to what this means. I feel like I was in the Israelites place right before God wanted to take them into the promise land. All they saw were the giants and they were afraid, so God had them walk in the desert again. I feel like I missed my opportunity and now everything I’ve worked for has been taken away. I think my very long and difficult journey could have come to an end but because I wasn’t standing and facing the giants, I was sitting and feeling defeated by them, and now I need to walk back into the desert. I think what makes things worse is that my actions have affected other people and I’m so sorry, so sorry, so sorry.. Is it all over? Can my story still have a happy ending? I’m sensing the Holy Spirit very near and I can’t live without Him. I’m so desperate for Him!
I just remembered that I also dreamt that my main Pastor’s wife was going to preach on the main stage. Everyone, including my main pastor were sitting in the congregation, waiting for her to come out (I had a faint picture or a knowing that my main pastor was sitting in the front row leaning forward with his elbows on his lap). Everyone had quieted down and were waiting with anticipation. I was backstage with her, trying to find a ladder that had hooks that matched the holes or something on the wall (She was standing behind me, waiting for me to find it.). There were about three or four ladders among other stuff there, and all the ladders were short; reminds me of the ladder that hooks onto a top bunk. I grabbed one but it wasn’t the one, then I grabbed another one but it wasn’t the one (because the hooks were different). Both these ladders were on the right side of the small storage room that was connected to the main stage in the sanctuary. Then I took another one and placed it to the side and grabbed the last one that was leaning up against the back wall (both had been leaning up against the back wall), and I saw that it fit, that it had two hooks; one on each end of both sides of the ladder that fit and would hook onto the wall. She had to climb the ladder and then she would present her message.
I don’t know if God is leading me around in the desert again, but in the desert of my heart I’m determined to have victory over what the enemy wants to take away from me. I don’t know if he’s had complete victory yet in the time frame where I am right now, so I’m going to give all I have to make sure he won’t gain any more ground in my life than he has already. With everything in my life I’m going to give %100. I’m going to climb the ladder out of the pit. God has already taught me how to be resolute in the things He’s been teaching me (though the last while I’ve not grabbed ahold of all that was offered to me to help me), so I’m going to take what I’ve learned from the journey so far, and I’m going to give it everything I have. I really do want to speak about God and what He’s done in my life because He’s done so much! I’m awake now and I hope it’s not too late. I hope that the opportunity that God was going to give me, He will still give me and that I won’t need to walk another set of time before He gives me another chance. In any case, I’m going to stand stronger than I have been. After I wrote what I wrote above (before writing our conversation), I spent time crying out to God and praying in tongues and I felt God move deep in my heart. I’ve been humbled and I’m ready to go where God wants me to go. God is right in front of me, and I’ve moved everything else to the side because I cannot miss Him again. A stands for ALIVE. I believe it’s not too late and that God has awakened me! I hope it’s not too late..
December 22: I woke up this morning at 7:26 with these words in my heart, “We are the church.” I also had a quick dream where someone put their hand in another persons hand. The masculine hand was holding something black like a small black box that he left in his hand after she put her hand in his. I’m thinking that this was my hand in my husbands hand, or Jesus my husbands hand, I’m not sure. It’s been a rough few days but I’m so desperate for God’s Son Jesus, and this is so good! My focus has been to try and discern Gods leading and not God Himself, and now I’m pursuing God more than I have for a long time. All the fog outside reminds me of the dream I had where I jumped off a really big waterfall, and all I could see was the mist. I was preparing myself to splash into the water below but I didn’t see that part in my dream. Then I saw Jesus my husband walk out of the water, onto the sandy beach. So, before I never pressed into God very long and I know I’ve been missing out -that’s going to change. I listened to all of Suns messages and I think they’re so great, so much to chew on. One morning I heard in my heart before getting up, Psalm 23, and I knew this was direction from the Holy Spirit for me to say it every morning before getting out of bed. I memorized these verses when I was a kid, so I can recite it no problem, but I always forget. I will start doing it though. Also, I’m going to do her other challenges, knowing they’ll help me be at rest during the day. I have so much more peace in my heart after I listened to someone talk about discipleship, and I’m so thankful for that.. I was listening to a podcast -Sermon of the Week by Dann Farrelly (Knowing the Incarnation), and he said, “To love righteousness is to make it grow in our heart.” (not to avenge it, to fail to make it grow). When I read more and of course pursue God and linger in His presence, as Ana Werner says, I know that Gods righteousness will grow in my heart. I believe that’s what the dream was about when I dreamt that I was standing on a big rock that was tied to a bungee type rope, bringing me down to the ground where I stepped off; I was grounded because I was standing on The Rock, standing on Righteousness. So, I didn’t jump off the cliff like I wish I could have, but I can see that it was necessary for me to go down afterwards, on the Rock instead because I need to pursue the Lord with all my heart which I haven’t been doing, and this is me going down on the Rock (finally standing on Gods Righteousness). I was so worried that I had missed Gods calling/timing for my life, and even though I know it’s not true, I felt like I had been put to the side because I messed up in not being ready. Well, this really woke me up, and I’m so thankful for that! I think the dream about me tumbling around and around in the dark and in my car as my car was going forward down a hill, and me thinking I should make an effort to stop rather than letting it stop on its own, represents me waking up and making God my focus rather than doing things for Him being my focus.
Changing the subject, I went to Autopack today (a bit late because it’s under my name) to pay for the truck insurance and I saw the end of a licence plate sticking out of a box of many licence plates, and saw 44; God is so encouraging! I can say that this week at home has been so much better. I’m going to begin subbing again in the new year. Early this morning I got up at 4:20, not with an alarm but because I hadn’t slept for about an hour and I was wide awake; I decided to be resilient and not feel sorry for myself and stay in bed like I had planned. I’m going to be like Joseph from the Bible and do my best in my circumstances. I’m so thankful that I’m more at peace now than even a couple of hours ago.. so much wisdom! I really needed to hear this. When I think about being completely transparent, right now I can’t think of anything that I’m holding back. Holy Spirit will need to bring these up. I will answer the questions about this topic, and I will pray that Holy Spirit will bring things to mind that I need to talk about. Although I do have a bear story that is really captivating that I haven’t shared yet! Many blessings to you…
December 23: 4:04: vaguely remember seeing a calm and peaceful lake from higher above so I saw the whole lake. I also saw two sets of legs with their legs apart; one person coming to stand beside the other. I’m so excited to share with you that when I’m close to Jesus my husband, when I spend time with him my body begins to shake because of the Holy Spirit! It reminds me of my dream a few nights ago where I was shaking because of the Holy Spirit as I was in the embrace of a lady who was going to go on a journey with her husband in the desert. Many years ago I dreamt that I was climbing a big rocky hill that had no grass and was dry. When I got close to the top I looked over the top and saw a vast desert, and in this desert I saw a person closer to me and another one a bit farther away, wearing robes like they would have done in the Bible times, walking slowly in the desert. There could have been a few others I’m not sure, but everyone was far apart from each other. I’m not sure but the sense I had about this dream was that these people were walking intimately with the Lord and were following Him in a way that not many people do. These people were wearying themselves for the Lord, completely committed. Going back to the shaking, I felt myself shake last Wednesday evening and it lasted until I was in my car, ready to go home. It happened again last Friday when I was sitting on the couch with my son Lucas and when he went to go do something, Irina came and sat down, and I could feel myself shaking so much! I know it’s because Jesus my husband was near. I love this connection through the Holy Spirit! Many blessings…
December 24: 2:46 I woke up at 2:46 with a song, thinking it was “Wild for Me.” This night I woke up so many times, all with lyrics from “Wild For Me” These are my notes from my phone which I use in the night. I don’t have time to make it all writing proper, so here they are and I’m so excited!!!! When I awoke here what stood out to me was that these numbers are all two years apart and are like stepping stones.
5;11 wild for me (same lyrics )” I could never repay you and I’d like to try to, at the top of my lungs. I asked for a drink and you wrecked me with love.” Yes!!! God is so Good! I know that I know deep in my heart, God and Jesus’ love for me.
5:25 people are willing to die for loss? What God wants me to do, I will do.
5:39 cheap station, how about yours? (Random thoughts maybe)
555 I could never repay you and I’d like to try to, at the top of my lungs. I asked for a drink and you wrecked me with love. I’m in such awe about Jesus, how gracious he is..
6:13: headquarters: thinking if I’m in the States, their quarters (picture of a president’s head, face) have “In God We Trust” on them. In my heart I’ve jumped off Niagara Falls for God and for Jesus because I’ve put my trust in them.
6:41 someone rang the doorbell and was waiting at the door. I was downstairs when I heard it and I ran around corners to try and get there first. Someone else was also downstairs, trying to beat me but I was managing to stay ahead. Then I had gone around the corner and my brown boot got stuck on the rug going up the short flight of stairs so I paused, pulling my foot free. I still managed to stay ahead of the other person, running through the room. I was thinking it was Bella and wanted to greet her at the door. As I was running toward the next hallway to the left, I saw Lucas run ahead of me. He had been upstairs in a room when he heard the doorbell. Then I had reached the hallway on my left, running around the corner. As I ran I saw the cat laying on the floor sleeping and ran passed it. We were all so excited to get to the door! The layout in my dream reminds me of our house, except that in waking life we’d be running to our bedroom. Bella ringing.. From the beginning of this dream to the end, I had run a full circle, running up in a spiral. I think this is showing me that I’ve gained back what I lost a week ago because I wasn’t ready. What a week this has been!!
Someone was telling me a phone number and began by saying, (AM-7:08)1800: 075
7:22 “I want to take care of you.” Jesus and I were both on our knees on the floor, and there was a flat board on the floor that he was wiping. It reminds me of wiping a slate clean or having a clean slate/ having a fresh start. He was looking at me as he was wiping the slate clean and said to me, “I want to take care of you.” Yes Yes Yes Jesus, I want you to take care of me please!!!! I feel like I’ve already had a few gifts with having my new shoes; I’m going to wear my Etnies today…
December 24th afternoon: Journal entries/ notes from my phone: Today I kept receiving from Holy Spirit, and I’m so honoured!
4:36 PM: Fries in a clear plastic bag and chick fi lay sauce in a clear plastic container. Had a feeling there were a set of two, ready for travel. And the way they were packaged, they wouldn’t create any messes.
4:51 Pigs in Mud on a farm in a pen. Mud was brown.
5:03 A table filled with different kinds of cakes, seeing family, a lady facing me, standing facing the table across from me, preparing for the meal. Seeing pans with cakes.
5:12 In the east parking lot. I saw someone, and maybe another person closer to me I’m not sure, begin to walk toward the bus stop so I was going to offer them a ride to the bus stop because it was winter cold outside.
5:20: Looking at a magazine, someone was flipping through the pages, stopping at a very colourful page, saying something like if there’s anything interesting in it, indicating the colourful pages (some kind of drawing or art) were interesting. She was sitting at a small table, looking at me. Could have something to do with the painting I’m planning to paint (two eagles). I got everything out to begin and got as far as wetting the paper and watching someone online paint a sky scene. I plan to practice the sky on another paper before beginning on my actual one.
5:33 At the in-law gathering. One of Bella’s cousins asking Bella if she wanted to try something, and Bella said “nope! I have to go home.” She wanted to go home.
5:40 Sohee. I heard someone say “neighbour’s”. Someone lived a few houses away from Sohee in the same cul-de-sac? (a road that goes around and comes back to where it started, I forget what it’s called.
5:51 I saw Connie and Marks green rolled up (in its cloth case) sleeping bag, roll . We have their sleeping bag here and I’ve been using it when I sleep on Bella’s floor if I have a hard time sleeping.
5:59 Canadian mother in law saying something like, “just missed him,” then heard the word, “freedom.” I had a feeling like someone had gone to my in-laws house and the person who they came to see had just left, so they had just missed him because he had just left.
I’m so amazed! I’m so hungry for Holy Spirit! I keep asking Him for more, like it’s food I eat! Tonight we’re going to let the kids unwrap a family gift, which will be a new game. I bought Yatzee and a Dutch Blitz extension pack. Then we’ll watch something. We’ll open gifts up tomorrow morning and enjoy our day at home. Missing my dear friends.. Merry Christmas everyone!!!!
December 25: Merry Christmas! I woke up at night at 2:09 with lyrics from a Christmas song, “Last Christmas I gave you my heart but the very next day, you gave it away. This year, I’m giving it to someone special.”
Then at 7:14 I woke up having heard these words in my heart, “This isn’t a shallow board”
Then I slept all the way to 9:44! I dreamt that someone was going to fly to the moon and was taking someone with him. I was standing in the round spaceship, in the main part of it, standing by the two high backrest-chairs where pilots sit. Then I saw the two people come into the room from a hallway. They had been running down the hallway and were out of breath as they ran into the room. When they got into the room (I didn’t see any doors; it was just open) they paused and were looking at me. Then there was someone who was flying a small spaceship that was open at the top. It was more like a ride. I saw it was filled with teenage kids and it was going really high and then coming down steeply, making it really fun for the kids. I saw it come down quickly and fly along the ground into an open path, flying in between lots of trees.
Then I was with some people who were going to go to church and I wanted to go to church too and wanted to go with them. It was a couple and someone else I think. I vaguely remember being at church and saw it was very full, but this part is very vague.
We had a really good Christmas day.. hoping yours was good as well! I got a few small things and an apple watch! My husband gave me his phone, an iphone 12 pro max. My new case is coming in the mail in a week or two, light blue!! Hopefully I’ll have more time to write tomorrow. We’ll be going to Polo Park tomorrow morning to exchange a few things. Many blessings…