Father. You knew exactly how to break through to these bottled-up emotions I’ve had about my dad. It seems like you always want me to be in the lime-light as I go through these things, and I know partially why. It keeps me humble and it keeps me accountable. It also helps me to keep walking. Father I know you have a purpose for this; simply because my walk with you is a steady walk as we spend time together each day. I know you deeply desire to have an intimate journey with every one of your children and draw others to yourself who are not yet yours. I know you grieve separation. Draw me nearer to you Father -I want to grow closer in relationship with you.
You are mine Caroline. I love you very much. As you continually step out in faith my daughter, courage grows.
Father, help me to keep walking inside this test of time so that my endurance and faithfulness will keep growing. You alone know my distant future, and you alone know what I need to grow in, in order to be able to walk in it. So come and have your way in me Father. I want your will in my life, no matter the length of time you require. What’s most important is your nearness, that I’m walking right next to you, always growing more in love with you.
Come my daughter, you are mine. I have something for you this morning.
Okay Father. I could really use encouragement today. Thank-you for being so near to me this morning. You are faithful.
Reflection:
I was so encouraged this morning in church because my pastor talked about some of the things that were in the conversation I had had with the Lord before going -about being inside the will of God, growing in courage as we remain faithful in doing what the Father has asked us to do no matter how long the waiting time is. Stepping out in faith is difficult, but as we continually trust in the Lord as we do them, he helps us succeed and our courage grows. Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. (Hebrews 11:1) I know I need to guard my hope because hope is the springboard to faith.
I remember when I’d needed to write long papers in University. I felt like I needed to learn how to write from scratch because I hadn’t written long papers in high school. English courses in university were my favourite because it required me to read, which was by far my most favourite thing to do. As I learned how to write, I’d spend so much time in research and writing about topics that I didn’t really care very much about. Topics in children’s literature I did enjoy, but I thought to myself that maybe I could one day write about topics I really enjoy, and I’m so thankful that what I had hoped for back then is actually what I’m doing now! There’s nothing more fulfilling for me than to write about God in my life -our journey together as I learn and grow in my relationship with him. And the best thing about that, is that God wants me to do it!
I’m so thankful that I shared at my dads funeral. I can’t say that this has been the hardest thing I’ve done that I’ve sensed the Lord wanting me to do, because it seems like the Lord is constantly leading me further than what I think I can do. Everything he’s asked me to do is something I’ve needed to figure out how to do, and they’ve all been difficult in different ways. It’s like I’m in the river called “test of time,” and in the river I need to be at rest in my heart as the Lord leads me to do difficult tasks.
I thought that I was okay about my dad passing away, and that I had already grieved, but Friday evening at the viewing is when I began to feel sadness and could cry. I actually wanted the Lord to take my dad so that he wouldn’t need to be in pain anymore, knowing he’d go to heaven. The kind of grieving I didn’t know I needed to go through was grieving about not having had conversations with him. And the look on his face in my dream told me so clearly that he knows my journey now, just like he would have if we had had many deep conversations. Actually, I don’t think I would have shared with him everything about myself like I think he now knows.. but I saw that he’s so proud of me, and that warms my heart! I’ve been noticing the colour yellow for awhile now -the flowers for my dads funeral were also yellow, so I have a yellow rose hanging upside down near my desk so it can dry.
Okay, I think this is so brilliant.. I had had a dream a few weeks ago where the Lord wanted me to go into a small white tent and I didn’t want to go alone so I asked the person beside me, who I just sensed was with me, to come with me. Then we were in the tent and I saw two bunches of tissue with bright green stuff on them. At my dads funeral, my brother was talking about how my dad didn’t like to be in the lime-light, and it reminded me about my dream, about the lime green colour and how a dog had tried to steal them from underneath the door. I’m thinking that they represent two difficult events that need to take place that the enemy will try and steal away something the Lord wants me to do -two times of sharing, or being in the lime-light. Sharing at my dads funeral was so difficult! But I did it, and I’m thinking that because I did it, the enemy didn’t have his way in this difficulty. I had asked for prayer because I knew it was important that I go up, so I’m so thankful for prayer warriors!! I know that it is well with my soul inside this river of peace. Many many blessings…
Romans 15:13 Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.