Isaiah 44:23
“Sing for joy, O heavens, for the Lord has done this; shout aloud, O earth beneath. Burst into song, you mountains, you forests and all your trees, for the Lord has redeemed Jacob, he displays his glory in Israel.”
My Father, I’m resting in you. Please come and be near to me -I love you so much.
Come my faithful one, you are Mine. I love you.
Dad, help me today Holy Spirit to work on my message.
Draw near to me my faithful one, and I will be near to you.
Father, it seems like every time I sit down to have a conversation with you, I get super sleepy. I come against the spirit of lethargy in the name of Jesus. I bind it and tell it to go where Jesus sends you in Jesus name. Your plans for me will not succeed.
My daughter come, I am pleased with you.
Father do you have a word for me today? I need you so much!
Come my darling, speak with me.
Father open my mouth! I say come alive in the name of Jesus!
Follow me Caroline
I’m coming Lord.
I am near to you.
Reflection:
Hello… I don’t know where to begin with my writing today. There’s such a war going on within me. On one hand I feel like a total loser because I’m not working very much, but God is doing so much work in me as I’m pushing through in order to follow him; but no one sees this -all they see is that I don’t work very much and then I feel like my value goes down because I know they look down on me because I don’t fill my day with physical work. I do fill my day with work but not that kind; It’s been so hard learning how to walk by faith without a break. I’m treading water continuously with no land in sight. Yes, I do want to run to Jesus my husband and have a long break, but I know this isn’t the kind of rest that I’m being offered right now. I know 100% where my value comes from; it came at a very high cost, the cost of Jesus’ blood on the cross. I’m internalizing this still actually and the thought of this cost makes me cry a thousand tears. Every time I hear the sound of Jesus my husbands voice in my heart I want to run to him and never let go, but I can’t do that, no matter how much I miss him. My heart longs to draw closer to him because I need him so much; the last few days I’ve been intentional about drawing closer to him through praise and worship with Brandon Lake. I’m also being intentional about listening to a podcast everyday or every second day. I need to have my daily God fill before I can write and prepare my message. This takes more of my time that I already feel is so short. Sometimes when I feel overwhelmed with all that’s on my plate, I step back and go into something like a robot mode. Through it all I know the Lord is breathing new life in me that’s rattling my bones, waking up my heart and reviving my spirit. I watched a utube video of Joni Erickson Tada and Nick Vujicic about what determines a persons value, and it was so good to watch. Another video I watched today was Ana Werner and Barbie Breathill, and they were talking about dreams, the symbols, colours and numbers in dreams. She has a book, A-Z Dream Symbology. I don’t know Barbie very well but I trust Ana Werner, and what Barbie was saying in this interview about dreams resonates with me. I’m going to purchase her book. This afternoon I had a nap and the Lord gave me a dream with some colours!! I’m not sure yet what the colour pink represents according to Barbie, but I’m so excited to find out! So in this dream I felt like I was at a hotel. I was standing in a hallway, talking to someone like the hotel manager. I told him that I was with my husband, that my husband was close by; he was just down the hallway over there I said. I also said I had two kids. He had asked me if he could help me because he didn’t recognize me. I was new to this hotel. I told him that the house, and I pointed to a house at the end of the street, was mine. This gave me the okay to be there I think. Instead of rooms in the hotel, they were houses. Then another man came into the hallway and looked at me. I felt like he was making fun of me; I told him that (Jesus) my husband was close by. Then I looked down at what I was wearing and I saw that I had an old, dirty looking long dress on. I’m not sure if it was light blue or light pink. But the outer layer was sheer and it was poofy. I also saw I had shoes on and they also looked really worn. I looked up at the guy and said something like, “I know I look funny but I don’t care.” In my heart it really didn’t matter to me if he thought I didn’t look appealing. In waking life there are so many things wrong with me; floaters in my eyes; my ears; my nose is fine now but I worry sometimes about a few sun spots; my left ankle; now my right leg is swollen a bit and my knee bothers me sometimes (since about a week ago) what else; my toes go down because when I was a kid I didn’t always have shoes that fit so I needed to wear shoes that were too small on me. Yep, these are all my flaws, but these flaws don’t give me less value. I’m not as young as I once was but this also doesn’t give me less value. These are the things that have been screaming at me so that I’ll focus on them but whatever, this is how the world thinks and I’m letting go of that because it’s crippling.
Then in my dream I had driven west to BC on Friday with my two kids. When we began driving it was really light outside, and when we got to BC it was still really light outside, like we had followed the light. My husband was on his way home in MB and I was on the phone with him. We had already arrived in BC and I was really excited to tell him where we were. I told him I’d tell him where we were by sending him a photo, and I was going to take a photo of the beautiful mountains. I saw the rocky mountains and they looked so real. In one scene I was at the foot of a hill and I saw that both my kids had run up the hill to gaze at the mountains; they were both on their bellies at the top of the hill, looking forward. Then as I was on the phone with him, I had a knowing that one of Lucas’ friends from youth was wondering where he was because we hadn’t shown up (I hadn’t connected with Jesus with my writing); I had planned to go but had quickly decided to drive to BC. Then I thought we’d quickly drive back and still make it for Youth. Then I knew it was 10:37PM and thought that because we wouldn’t make it that evening, we’d stay in BC overnight and drive back the following day.
In another scene I was inside the house. I saw it was a bit cluttered from the previous owners. One of our friends had purchased the house in my husband and my names without telling us but it was such a nice thing for him to do. I saw he was in the living room, finishing something up and he quickly came up to me and gave me the official papers which made the house officially mine/ ours. He was in a hurry to leave so I said something like wait, what’s the neighbourhood like? I didn’t know anything about the area and wanted to know if it was a safe neighbourhood to live. He didn’t say anything clearly but mumbled something. I had a feeling like someone had recently broken into the house. I looked out of the front windows and saw that the house was so close to the Pacific Ocean. From our house we could see it clearly; it was just on the other side of the street, and on the other side of the street there was a bit of land and a house to the left and some houses to the right a bit further away. But our street ran along the ocean but not directly close to the ocean.
Then in another scene I was in my new but used car, and there was a woman sitting in the drivers seat and her son was in the car too. Then I told her to get out because it wasn’t her car, so when I said that she was a bit surprised but immediately began getting out. Then the middle consul was open and I saw a bunch of papers and stuff inside, and I also saw beautiful heart shaped (I think) pink glasses among the papers. Because I had just purchased the car I wasn’t sure if these glasses were hers so I asked her, and she right away no, they weren’t hers. Then she quickly changed her mind and said yes, they were hers. I right away said that no they weren’t; she couldn’t just change her mind so quickly about them, so I knew she had been lying and I told her to go so that I could drive. So she said something like, “oh, okay,” and began to leave. Her son was also leaving. So the pink glasses are mine, yes! Another scene where I was by my car with Bella I think. I was standing on the side of it and the back door was open. There was a front door, middle door and back door. I tried opening the middle door. It had a zipper to open it so I opened the zipper up all the way. Then I saw that it had another layer, another zipper I needed to open in order to use that door, so because the back door was already open, I told Bella she could just go into the car using that door. The seat she was going to sit in was by the middle door but she could just go there by using the back door. I vaguely remember seeing the car had a beige cloth over it, so thats how the door could be a zipper. I don’t know yet what everything means but I’m going to go onto Barbie’s website and see if I can find out more about what certain things represent. On Wednesday at the gym we had a short 1k run, and when I walked back through the doors I saw it had taken me 7 min and 11seconds:) This morning we did strict presses with a few other things and then for the main workout we had two minutes to complete first 10, then two min to complete 8 and so on, then 6, then 4, then 2 squat cleans. Every person had their own weight, but with me, I did 10X55lbs; 8X75lbs; 6X75 lbs; 4X85lbs; 2X90lbs. We had two min to complete each set. If we couldn’t complete them in those two min then we were done, but everyone completed their sets. Squat cleans I think are my favourite. I haven’t been there the last few Mondays, and it’s Mondays where we do back-squats, so I’ve been missing out on them. Alright, I’ll be talking more about the meaning of my dream in the next few posts.. there are so many things in them to think about. I think we’ll be getting our passport photos taken tomorrow! I just wanted to quickly say that at camp, in the shower area in the bathrooms by the kitchen, there was a row of hooks, reminding me of one of my past dreams. So I hung up some of my things in the second last hook closer to the other shower area. I also used the last hook and the one on the other side, just because I needed them:) I’m just reminded about how good God is and how he cares for every detail in our lives. Many blessings…