“The Lord your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
Conversation
Papa
My daughter, rest, you are Mine and I love you.
Papa, I trust You, but help my trust in You to grow. I’m sensing there’s still something I’m not fully trusting in you with Jesus… Please help me Papa to know what that is so I can release it to You. I’m reminded about when the phrase “be kind” was used. Please help me to believe everything You say about me and to me; that I am fully loved and fully desired. I repent of my unbelief in this area; please forgive me.
I forgive you my daughter. I love you. Come, be at rest.
Papa, please help my unbelief. Help me to run forward in trust.
Come, I will help you, declares the Lord.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today..
11:48 I kind of saw the top of a bunk bed.
11:51 “I never knew you were the one, waiting for me…“
11:54 I saw a hand screwing a black lid/cap clockwise on a black shampoo bottle. (closing it)
12:05 I vaguely saw a person diving into a pool and she landed a bit messy, tumbling or rolling all the way to the front edge of the pool. (volleyball?)
12:31 I vaguely had a picture or short dream of talking with my friend from South Korea.
12:35 “We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time…”
12:47 “okay, I’m with my child now.” I vaguely saw my “sister in law” say this to someone who was walking out of the room, walking towards the door. It feels like this was the gym..
1:17 “Hey, whatcha doing here!” I was in the garage, in the passenger side of an SUV. I had an index card container/box in my hands that I think I had gotten out of the glove compartment. I was fingering through all the US money I had earned and accumulated. It was a whole stack of mostly twenty dollar bills, and there were so many that were squished inside. There were many index cards and the dollar bills were squished at the top and took up about a quarter of the space. Yesterday at church I had talked with my friend about getting US money for paying tolls on the highways in the states and in my dream I thought that I should have just given her the US money that I had (feeling like if I was the bank and she would e-transfer me back). Then the money was green, $20 Canadian bills. In my dream it felt like I had at least 1000.00 in bills. Then I saw a boy come into the garage and I thought that if he saw the money, he would want to take it from me. I felt very drowsy as I watched him come closer to me (through the corner of the window) and I could hardly say what I said above because of the drowsiness. I was trying to scare him away by saying what I wrote above, trying to hide the index card box by bringing it closer to the glove compartment. In my dream it felt like I had been accumulating this money for a long time but had forgotten about it (I’m wondering if this represents that I had learned so much and had come so far with this mistrust issue but I had forgotten about it?). I was glad to have it but I was a bit heavy about it. The SUV was parked military style, facing the garage door and I think there was a vehicle parked in front of me; I didn’t see it but it was a bit dark right in front of me, even though the garage door was completely open. But the boy was walking past whatever was in front of me, so I’m hoping and praying that God will give me the strength to push passed whatever it is and follow Jesus this week.
1:53 “You are going to try a lot of Caesar” In my dream I was in a shoe store, trying on shoes, and the lady who was helping me reminds me of my friend from South Korea, kind of hearing her voice and her Korean accent. She sounded really excited about the future.
2:14 We were at a park or outside on the grass at church and the Youth Pastor had walked to where Lucas was and Lucas said, “hey Mat!” I think Lucas was sitting on the grass.
2:19 Safeway (like “ you can get it at Safeway”)
4:00 I saw two hands, seeing four fingers (not the thumb) in each hand, sticking straight out.
4:05 I saw someone had just clipped off a yellow rose from the stem, which caused the rose to fall onto the counter. Today Coco our dog bit off the head off of a small animal in our backyard and ate it. I’m wondering if the yellow rose represents something I didn’t do? Should I have shook my pastor and his wife’s hand yesterday? Oh Papa..
5:20 “I’m sorry” I heard someone say this very quickly right before my alarm woke me up. (Someone said this to me today at Shopgym) I was so tired from not having much sleep in the night so I was hoping I didn’t need to go to Shopgym. When I heard “I’m sorry” at 5:20 I thought I need to get up and go, so I went. I’m hoping I won’t need to say sorry again… but if I’m dreaming about this then how can I escape it? By being unreasonable? For me to be unreasonable, I need to not care about what others think or if they see that I’m trying to follow Jesus as closely as I can. I believe there is hope that I can follow this week, or why would God give me this opportunity? There was one time where I had a dream that I hadn’t gone to meet the person who God wanted me to marry (to agree with), so in waking life I went because I didn’t want that to happen. So because I was able to do this (with God’s help), I’m thinking that it’s still possible for me to follow this week…
5:31 “Be kind”
5:34 I saw Bella standing on a patio, looking into the window of a house, wanting to go in. (I’m thinking this is the Holy Spirit telling me to go to Shopgym; it was difficult because I was up a lot last night and I went to bed really late, but I did! We rowed 100cal (100km in dream) and did 10 wallballs after 2:00. I was done at 3:28 (min remaining before time cap) and did 5rounds of 10 wallballs.
I ordered the books Boundaries In Marriage and Holier Than Thou from Amazon today, and it said they’ll arrive by Friday!!
Something clicked that Jesus isn’t carrying me back to the boat; he’s helping me walk back.. Another week here we come… 🤞🏼
Aug 27: 2:46 (Your people sing, Holy, to the King of kings, Holy.) “You will always be, Holy, Holy forever!” I vaguely dreamt of boards that someone was carrying.
6:14 “And the angels cry, Holy, all creation cry, Holy, You are lifted high, Holy, Holy forever!” (If you’ve been forgiven, if you’ve been redeemed, sing the song forever to the lamb. If you walk in freedom, if you bear His name, sing the song forever to the Lamb.)
6:32 I vaguely saw a hand putting a carton of eggs in the fridge, seeing the colour, light brown. Today I had two eggs on toast again:)
6:41 I heard Jesus’ voice saying, “my lovely wife.” ❤️🔥
7:17 “passed away” I was half asleep when I vaguely dreamt of closing the trunk door of the SUV, seeing some black equipment in it. Today my kids and I are coming with the SUV.
7:33 I saw a vision of standing in a huge factory and seeing someone with grey overalls, very excited, giving someone a firm handshake like they had just gotten their dream job, and he had such a joyful smile on his face!!!!
7:40 I saw a huge light brown bin that had green salad in it. The bin came up to my waist.
7:44 I was in my church building, facing the sanctuary. I saw someone with a big opened mouthed smile on his face, laughing as he turned to go into the sanctuary. He was standing to my left and had his back to a short wall that felt like was in front of one of the main doorways of the sanctuary. He had dark hair and his face was facing my direction before turning to walk into the sanctuary. He was from a different ethnicity and reminds me of the man in a wedding video who had two kids and got married.
Noticed someone walking out of the room (I’m with my child now); I said I’m sorry; I said hi to someone while sitting on the floor; I walked down the long hallway and parked in the staff parking lot beside where people normally get picked up; I heard someone’s voice (like my friend in my dream) and I was greatly comforted… And in my dream when I saw Bella in front of the house, looking into the window and wanting to come in, she had both her arms stretched up with her elbows slightly bent; I want to come in and be part of my family…
I’m thinking that today is a good day to drop in at Sub zero for ice cream after the afternoon activities.. I got invited to join the volleyball game today and I’m coming!!! 🫰🏼
I had such a good time playing volleyball. I kept telling myself to dive, and I think there had been an opportunity but it came so quickly. Then for youth I kept telling myself to dive; my second attempt was a real dive and I don’t remember if the ball actually made it over the net or not, but it was so satisfying! Then Andee helped me up, which was something I needed to have done. So I’m so thrilled that it actually happened!!! Then later I got to be pulled by the hoverboard while on a skateboard and another type of square thing that had swivel wheels, which actually worked really nice and was so fun! I realized right away that this was part of something I needed to do because I had seen something like that in my dream. Then when we left another opportunity presented itself where I needed to follow. I did, but I was wondering how long to follow, so I told Bella we’d go to. Starbucks. We had planned to go to Sub Zero so I needed to turn left on Mcgilvary, but I decided to follow instead. When we stopped at the turn to go to Starbucks, I had the dreaded feeling that I was going to be given a hard time for following, like I did the day before with following by eating the same thing, and I didn’t want that to happen again so turning there was a relief. Then after driving onto the Starbucks parking lot we decided to just ice cream from Sub Zero so I turned around and went back to Micgikvry. Then I decided to go to route 90, thinking they went there. So even though it was slow, I did follow. But because I I didn’t immediately follow when I turned left, I was so worried that it didn’t count and had a bit of a rough time. But I’m giving this day to God, asking for grace and hoping that the steps I took today count for something. On route 90 I turned right onto Sterling Lyon Parkway. At Sub Zero I ordered the Early Morning Flight Parfait and thought it was really good! It was a lot to eat but I finished it! Anyway, these are my thoughts tonight…