My Father, I’m running to you; there’s so much inner turmoil going on that I don’t understand. Within myself I think I’m resisting something. I think it’s coming down to, if I really believe that you’re calling me into becoming a pastor. I can feel resistance even writing this; I think it’s too big for me.
My daughter, come, this is where I’m going -will you come?
Father, you’ve shown me that I’ve come so far into the deep-end, and I was fine until I looked at the shore, which is when I began to be afraid. Help me look only at you Father because you’ve surrounded me with yourself in the deep-end. Where you are is really where I want to be because there’s nothing else in life that will satisfy this hunger for you. Yes Father, I’m turning around to walk back into the deep-end where you’re waiting for me. Please continue to draw me near to you and teach me your ways -I believe you and I want to follow you.
Come My daughter -trust in me; I will go with you and teach you what to say. You are mine -I love you.
Reflection:
This dream about being in the deep-end reminds me about when I was holding my daughter in the deep-end of a man-made lake two years ago. I felt the Lord’s presence near me and in my heart I was resisting, saying for him to go because I thought that what was in front of me, where the Lord was leading me was too big/good for me. Since then the Lord has restored my value, but here I find myself in the same predicament; What I deeply longed for is what I’ve resisted because I’ve not believed my true value and worth, and I think this is my struggle now again. Do I really believe that the Lord is leading me into becoming a pastor and do I trust him with that? I think it’s too big for me. I’ve been wrestling with this all morning and I can say that yes, even though I think it’s too big, I believe the Lord genuinely loves me and is calling me forward, so I will go. Last night I woke up at 3:13 with the lyrics, “All my life you have been faithful.. all my life you have been so, so good.. ” God is faithful and he’s so good.