Ecclesiastes 4:9,10
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work; If one falls down, his friend can help him up..”
Father, I feel like I’ve failed in some way. Help me get back up so that I can continue to follow you.
My daughter, fear not -I am always with you. Draw ear to me and I will draw near to you.
Father you know that my heart is in aguish at the thought of doing something wrong, like I’ve missed something. Help me to know if I’m being rebellious.
My daughter, all is well with you -you are Mine.
Reflection:
Yesterday my website was down for a few hours, but eventually my post was sent, so hopefully today it’ll all be okay! I had a dream two nights ago that I thought wasn’t important so I didn’t post it. I thought this was the kind of dream where it showed what would happen if I didn’t keep on recording, so in my heart I became determined to keep recording, wanting to do the right thing. In this dream I was sitting on the floor in a living room, recording someone with my phone, listening to him talk. This man was sitting on a couch. There were a few other people listening as well. This man was a pastor in Brazil who has already passed away, the husband of our friend who had come to visit this summer -his name is Caesar. There were two times when as he was talking that he was interrupted; in the second time of being interrupted I was holding my phone with my right arm, and as I brought it closer to see the screen, I saw that a game app was open, like one of my kids had left it open, so it hadn’t been recording when I thought it was. Caesar was a bit frustrated because he had been talking for nothing, and he got up and left the room. I was so heartbroken that he stopped talking and began to persuade him to come back when a really nice lady put her hand on my shoulder to stop me, comforting me that it was okay, maybe later.
This morning I woke up before my alarm, at 6:34. In my dream I was walking outside at a really big event with a lot of young people, looking for a place to sit. There were many people there, and many had found their place to sit as the main leader was getting ready. As I was walking on the west side of where he was setting up, I saw some stairs going up and thought I’d sit there, but then I was walking on the higher level and saw a place, small balcony that overlooked the crowd. I saw there were a few people sitting there, waiting for the event to begin. Then I was on the balcony as well and had sat down. I saw the main leader work on some cables as he was getting ready and I saw that he wasn’t who I thought I’d see, but an all-around bigger guy with a cap and some long hair sticking out of his cap; someone different that I didn’t know. I saw that when I had seen over the edge of the balcony, I became dizzy because I was so high, so I was careful and backed away from the edge and sat down. Then I saw two boys standing close to the edge and I told them to come back and sit down, but when I said that, I know he heard me because it startled one of them and he lost his balance and fell off the edge. I saw him falling way down and closed my eyes as I imagined the scene below. No one was doing anything about it that I could tell so I got up, planning to run for help, but as I got up I saw that I was on one side of a slanted roof that I needed to climb over. There were two people sitting right at the top, and as I was trying to pull myself over it, I was aware of the girl who was sitting closer to me, watching me struggle. I just couldn’t pull myself over because I didn’t have the strength. I was also aware that I had a skirt on, and I was wondering how I was going to get over it without exposing myself because there wasn’t a lot of room to manoeuvre. Then I was walking inside a building with the girl who had been sitting on the rooftop and who had somehow helped me emotionally. She was holding a drink, a cup with a lid and a straw. As we were walking it was like she was looking at me and being my support; I felt comforted having her close to me. Then the scene changed where I was walking, looking for my kids and I saw them in another big room, away from the main event, together with the main leader who I had expected to see before. They were having fun, doing some kind of fun activity in the front of the room -I vaguely saw many rows of empty chairs, facing the front. Then I had a sense that I was close to them. I vaguely saw that the main leader had a white? mask over his face that had two tiny holes where he was looking through. Then we were in each other’s embrace and I was comforted and felt completely comfortable. There were no others in the room, and then I saw there was someone sitting on the floor behind a table, looking at their phone who had gotten up but didn’t notice us -this was in a small exit/entrance area by a door and a hallway. Later I had gone into his embrace again like it was a more normal thing to do, but also felt a little bit of tension. I asked him about the boy who had fallen, how he was doing, and he said that he was fine. In my heart I’m gathering the courage to do another recording. I’m wondering why this needs to be so difficult. I don’t have a lot of time to myself, and I know that this in itself makes it a lot more difficult to be in the right mindset. Anyway, I’m hoping my readers aren’t too bored with my personal journaling:) I know that in my struggles, Jesus is patient and he kindly helps me get up on my feet again..