Matthew 16:25
“For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.”
Father,
My daughter come, you are Mine. I love you.
Father, do you have a word for me today?
Trust
Dad, it’s dawned on me how I wasn’t completely trusting, and as I’ve been thinking about it, I’m taking another step of faith.. there’s been no evidence that I can’t fully trust. My heart’s in anguish knowing that this has been an issue. I’m sorry…
Come my daughter, this journey has been hard for you. It’s time to rest.
Alright Father, whatever you say; I’m walking beside you. I’m so thankful for your patience with me.. (which is the first thing the Bible says love is…)
Reflection:
I’ve come to realize that in order to fully trust, I need to completely let go; let go of self-preservation and trust that others are going to help “preserve” me. Something that’s stopped me from walking forward with being on stage is not knowing exactly what I’m going to be doing, and I didn’t realize that I wasn’t trusting others to preserve me. I’ve come to an understanding that I’m not needing to know the exact thing anymore, but will go without hesitation. If there’s something I’m not sure about, I know they’ve got my back because we’re in this together. By fully letting go, I’m intentionally losing what I think my life should be in order to find what it is meant to be -when I let go then I find life…
A few weeks ago I had dreamt about a dog but wasn’t sure about the meaning and didn’t think it was important, so I didn’t post it. I’m still not sure about the meaning but sense that I should post it. I normally write all my dreams. In my dream I was looking at a big dog and knew that it had a newborn kitten in its mouth that it was trying to hide so it could eat it. So I forced it’s mouth open with both of my hands and I got the kitten out. The kitten was still whole and unharmed. I knew too that the dog had already eaten a kitten and that it was in the dogs belly. I also knew that the kitten in it’s belly was still whole and still alive and unharmed, but just captive. I don’t know the meaning, but thinking that a dog is meant to protect the helpless or the weaker one, and this dog wasn’t.
Last night I woke up at 4:22 and hadn’t dreamt anything yet, but when I awoke a bit later before my alarm I had dreamt that I was laying down underneath my blanket in bed in a room with a group of people who were listening to a leader speak, which was Jesus my husband. I half got up and saw that the leader could see me through two glass windows. I saw that he was around the corner from where I was, and that he was standing in front of the group, speaking. Then I had gotten up and was looking at the bed sheet; someone had noticed that the sheet had bugs on it and I looked closer and saw that they were light coloured dust-mites. Then I was taking the sheets off to wash them and I asked the leader about drying them after they were clean, and he said I need to hand dry them with a hair-dryer, and said something about being busy. Then I thought that that would be fine because the material wasn’t very thick, so drying them this way wouldn’t take very long. I’m not sure what this means and will be praying about it.
In the next dream Lucas and I were underneath a big truck, reminding me of the truck parked at a gas-station. We needed to get out from underneath really quickly because the truck was going to move and we didn’t want to get driven over. So we quickly got out from underneath. Then we looked back at the truck and saw that it was beginning to move backward right away and would have driven over us if we hadn’t moved quickly, so we were greatly relieved. I’m thinking that me being underneath the truck represents that I’ve been feeling worth less again. I asked the Lord the other day about what the dream about the big fly that was getting unstuck meant, and I sensed him saying, worthlessness, but I wasn’t sure I heard him right. I have been feeling this way but the dream also showed that I had quickly gotten out from underneath it, so I’m glad about that.
Then in my last dream I saw through a glass ceiling, Bella, who had just walked out of a building onto the roof that had bars on it, and I was concerned for her safety. I watched her continue to walk on the bars and then she was closer to where I was. In the next scene it was like I was a ghost and I floated into the air close to where she was, and she noticed me as I floated passed her and continued to go up; I think we were inside the building but I’m not sure. I was thinking that I didn’t want her to get hurt as she walked on the bars so high up. I don’t know what this means and will need to pray about it.
Because of the weather there’s no fencing tonight, so I have more time to finish making black beans -we had wraps again last night before quickly heading out the door. What I do with the beans is soak them for about five hours or overnight in very warm water, then cook them in the instapot. When it’s done, I put my mixture of fried garlic, onions, farmer sausage and bacon if I have, with all the juices I pour it into the beans and add a bit more seasoning salt. I let it simmer a little. I make rice to go with it along with diced tomatoes and over-easy eggs to go over top. Fried kale is a bonus if we have. Last week I made potato wedges seasoned with Johnny’s garlic spread we get from Costco, and drumsticks:) Going out now to shovel the driveway and will get Lucas to help! I subbed for kindergarten this morning and one of little boys shyly smiled at me and said I was nice, so cute! I’m hoping to read from my new book by Mahesh Chavda tonight! Many blessings…