Psalm 36:5,6,9
“Your love O Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. Your righteousness is like the mighty mountains, your justice like the great deep. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.”
My Father. I worship you with all that I am. My heart is open to you Lord; I love you.
My daughter, you are Mine -I love you. Come and dine with me.
Father, I feel like I missed something at church this weekend. I feel like I could have met some people I’ve been hoping to meet, so now I’m really disappointed.
I love you my darling. All is well with you. Come, I have something for you today.
Okay Lord, I’m quieting my heart before you.
Rest.
Okay.. …Father, I’m ready..
I know you are my dear one, so am I.
Father help me take this next step and present again. Help me prepare again. Help me hear your voice as I prepare for it.
I will never abandon you my daughter -you are mine. Come and rest in my embrace, for I am near to you.
Reflection:
I woke up in the night at 3:17 but I hadn’t had any dreams yet. This morning I took a nap and I had dreamt many small snippets but they were all connected. These snippets of dreams I had today are all physically intimate with Jesus, but they represent spiritual intimacy. In my journey with Jesus I’ve learned what it means that Jesus is my husband and that I am part of the bride of Christ. Being spiritual intimate with Jesus is different than physical intimacy of course, but when the Holy Spirit gives me these dreams about being physical intimate with Jesus, it causes the flames of passion to grow and deepens my love and longing for him.
This dream first began with Jesus and I sitting on a white love seat made only for two; he was sitting on my left looking forward and the loosely wrapped towel around him had come undone. I saw his groin area and ran my hand along but was careful because, since we werent’ really married yet, it wouldn’t be appropriate. Another scene where I saw his back -he was standing very close to me right in front of me and I wrapped my arms around his chest and gave him a tight hug. Another scene where we were going somewhere, just the two of us, and we were sitting beside each other holding hands. Then we heard someone coming behind us and I squeezed his hand three times to tell him I love him, and I felt a squeeze or two from him before letting go, and the person coming hadn’t seen that we had been holding hands. Another scene where he was standing right behind me and he had his arms around me. Then as I thought about walking forward in the future, I was comfortable with him seeing me as I am. Another scene where I saw right in front of me a really intimate kiss; someone had been watching him for a long time and they were now sharing the most intimate kiss. Then the woman had drawn a light sliding wall between them and me and she yelled out to me that I should run; then right before that part of the dream ended I was going towards them to slide the door open. I think this part of the dream are a chain of events where my intimacy with Jesus will be more known.. Then Jesus and I were standing beside each-other and I heard him quietly say, “It’s been seven years.” And I responded, “its been seven years?” I was making a statement with my question; I knew that it had been seven years but it was so good for me to hear him say that and confirm the number of years it has been. Then I was standing, looking down and I saw that there were two women standing in front of me. I saw their dresses; each had a different solid colour. I was telling them that the journey with Jesus over the last seven years had been very hard and I couldn’t help but be emotional about it; I sensed we could finally talk about it.
I think I’ve talked about this before, but something I’ve learned in my walk with Jesus is that when he keeps on encouraging me when I’m tired and keeps on giving me things to do (that will help me walk further into my calling and deepens my love for him) even though I’m tired, I’ve learned that this is one of the ways he pursues me. He won’t just leave me alone and walk away to help someone else when I’m too tired to take another step. And because of that, I’ve learned and have walked far further than I ever thought I’d go. And when I don’t give up but keep going, it’s my way of pursuing him because of my love for him. The longer our walk, the more I learn about him and the more he’s setting me free from what I think my limitations are.
Yesterday we went to my in-laws for our Easter gathering, and something happened that reminds me of a dream I recently had. At the gathering about six of us were sitting around the kitchen table talking when all of a sudden one of the small boys dumped a plastic margarine (Val’Dor margarine which I’ve never heard of before) full of marbles onto the floor, and they rolled everywhere. The margarine container that held the marbles broke and the marbles all fell out. The marbles belonged to a Chinese Checkers game. The checkers board reminds me of the pistachio latte I had at church two Sundays ago because of the light coloured bubbles at the top. In my dream I had sat just inside a really big tent and had seen many coloured marbles among the grass. I had also see in the distance, people walking around, living their life. Then I heard someone shoot something like a paintball at the tent where I was and so I got out of the tent. I believe that this tent represents my in-law part of the family. Light blue is special to me because it was the colour of the dress that had been made specially for me in a dream I had years ago; I was standing on a really high platform and I looked down to see the floor below and I saw a canteen to my right, and I was walking down the stairs. This is what the blue marble represents; Jesus is calling me to come with him into the next season of our life. Also, I didn’t have time to make whipping cream at home before going to the gathering so I was making it there. I had forgotten to bring along some coconut for the coconut pies so I asked for some, needing only a little. It reminds me of the dream I had a day or two ago where I needed a little bit of something to sprinkle on top of a dessert for the people who were leaving.
I went to the box this morning, a bit worried about how I was going to do with my ankle, but it actually went really well! For the strength part we did 5X5 back-squats, adding a little bit of weight to heavier, so for the last few reps I had 70lbs on my 35lb bar. Then in the middle of doing that we did four box jumps from a sitting position, and my ankle was fine with that too. Today I have a chiropractor appointment at 4:00, so I’ll get them to look at it and see how it’s doing. Then for the workout we did a modified version of handstand pushups (I did hand release pushups). Some did pushups with their feet on a box. So our workout was 15 push-ups, 10 overhead squats (holding a kettlebell with our arm straight up while squatting, which I have a really difficult time doing) with a dumbbell, and pushed weight one length along the floor -I don’t remember what these are called. This morning I did something that reminds me of a dream not that long ago where I was at a camp like setting and there was a thing with two tall bars and I asked it if I could tie the neighbours garbage bag shut. This morning at the box I was helping put two bars onto the metal thing we later pushed across the floor. I put the bars that were almost as tall as I am into a ring type thing that held them up into a standing position, and these were the handles to grip onto to push it along the floor. Don’t you love how I explain things sometimes, so wordy but when I don’t know what things are called this is the only way:) This morning it was 4:39 when I had written a few notes on my phone to see later, I looked and saw that with everything I had written over a long period of time (I keep adding notes without erasing) I had 13,444 words:) Changing the subject again, after church on Saturday late in the evening I began making the pies for the gathering, but I began late because I needed to clean other things up, so by the time I was done and I had cleaned up my baking mess, I went to bed at 3:00AM. But one of the reasons it took me so long is because the Lord was pouring into my heart things to share when I talk about my testimony the next time. So as I was baking, I’d stop to write and then continue baking again. I ended up making all three pie crusts from scratch. The flying trapeze dream a few days ago reminds me of a zip line at camp. I haven’t ever been on a really high one, but if the opportunity comes, I will go on it.. Also, my dream about my friend standing in my hallway on the phone I think represents me helping back stage for the Easter play; I had a head-set on, telling the sound/light board people when everyone was in their place on stage when the lights were out. Also, I haven’t mentioned it yet because of my frustration about it, but last Wednesday before the potluck I was bringing the pot of soup to the car and I was trying to open the the door with the pot of soup in my hands. Because it was hot I needed to be a bit more careful but as I pulled the door open, the door pushed the pot out of one of my hands and then it dropped onto the garage floor. About a third of it splashed out:( If I would have waited for Lucas to help it wouldn’t have happened. Oh well, it ended up that there was enough soup:) My thoughts and response to following Jesus is always yes because I know his love is true…..