Psalm 23:2,3
“He makes me lie down in green pastures (my heart is at rest), he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores (restocks) my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his names sake.”
Conversation
“Christ is my firm foundation. The Rock on which I stand. Even though around me is shaken, I’ve never been more glad, than when I’ve put my faith in Jesus, He’s never let me down. Faithful through generations, why would he fail now, He won’t, he won’t, He won’t fail, He won’t fail, He won’t!
Papa, Jesus, I’m putting my trust in You. I completely let go of all control to protect myself. My arms are wide open to you Jesus, Papa. I love You and I run to You!
My daughter, come. Now is the time to rest. Be comforted, and rest. I love you.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower, over and over again; I believe that He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart first so that I’m clean before Him, and also so there’s nothing holding me back from following Him with my whole heart. It also clears the way to hear God better when there’s no mess in the way of where God is leading me to walk. I also record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning; I don’t want to miss anything that God has for me and is saying to me. Having said that, here are my thoughts this morning:
Jan.25: 5:03 I woke up but sadly I fell asleep again. God woke me up again right after 5:30, maybe 5:36, and that’s when I got up to go downstairs to pray. In my praying time,
I’ve always felt like the underdog, and I don’t like it that sometimes I feel like I need to do better than the next person in some way (in order to feel better about myself). I don’t always think this, but I do sometimes and I don’t like it. It makes me think that I’m not there yet when it comes to my value and worth. I think I’ve come a long way, but there’s still something that God needs to do in my heart regarding this.
When I was a little girl on a city bus with my mom and a few other siblings, I remember looking out of the window, seeing crowds of people and thinking that I hate them. This was when we lived on the other side of the train tracks by Costco close to route 90. I think I need to brake that off of me and am doing that now using scripture about loving others. 1 Peter 4:8, “Love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” Philippians 2:3-4 “In humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” Papa please forgive me for this hidden sin. I repent and I break that thought and root of this way of thinking in Jesus name. Thank You Jesus for Your forgiveness. I declare over me and in my heart that I love people. I declare that I love others more than I love myself in Jesus name. Thank-You Holy Spirit for Your deep work in my heart. I’ve been sensing this week that God wants me to sit in the front row again so that I can watch and be completely open to what will be said. So this is what I will do..
Understanding the game and it needing to be explained to me several times reminds me of my dream; I saw again Jesus’ patience with me, and this is drawing me to trust him more. I’m realizing now that that’s why I need to do difficult things because it gives me opportunities to trust him more. Okay Papa God, I’m spreading my arms wide open for you to continue to lead me in doing difficult tasks so that my trust in you will grow. I’m going to try and not waste anymore opportunities to do difficult things. Having said all of that, I feel God and Jesus’ love more now than I ever felt before, so I think that my sense of value and worth has begun to sink into my heart. In my heart I’m running to him,, to God, wanting to be a fisher of men and feeling His love for people.
At women’s ministry yesterday as I was praying for someone, I began praying slower, really trying to hear the Holy Spirit, and I had a sense of being led by Him as I was praying -it was so fulfilling. The lady told me afterwards that I have a gift (sensing the Holy Spirit), and the leader told me afterwards that the lady told her that I had really sensed the Holy Spirit. I’m so excited about it!
Yesterday I was prophesied over by three of the girls in my group, and everything they said I can relate too; it was a really good testimony for them when I told them that each of their words resonated in my spirit. One of them saw a sunset, and another one saw an arrow pointing down and sensing heaviness. The other saw a field and someone running freely in it. Isn’t that so amazing and great? It built up their faith because they’re so young and yet the Holy Spirit still spoke through them. It reminds me to be at rest when it comes to praying for others because God loves me just the same as He loves others. This next part took place in my quiet time with God this morning:
7:42 “Papa, I love You.”
“Be at rest”
In the next few minutes I could feel my heart, my soul, calming down and resting.
Thank-You Papa.
I love you my darling. Come. You are Mine.(7:53)
I had a dream last night that I don’t remember specifically, but I vaguely saw someone, maybe Bella, lift something off of the floor from one side, like it was a mat or a single mattress. Something was being picked up off the floor. I’m thinking it has something to do with my sense of value where God is lifting me up from that. Later this morning Holy Spirit reminded me about another short dream; I saw someone look at me with total openness and gladness, smiling from ear to ear and having so much joy on her face. She was standing about two feet in front of me, and she was holding out her arms to me, wanting me to come. The sense I got was that there was some kind of party or celebration and she was having so much fun and she was inviting me. In waking life she always tries to avoid me, but in the small group a few weeks ago I could tell that she was more open to me. So I think what this dream represents is that my heart totally trusts and is open to Jesus (or that I’m nearly there).
Yesterday there was a little boy who was lost in church, and because he didn’t know English, we thought his mom was attending EAL, so I brought him to his mom. When he saw her, he clung to her and wouldn’t let go. Then I ran back to my group, hoping I hadn’t missed one of my favourite parts of the night. Well, I did it, I finally led the main game. I could have done way better but anyway, it’s always a learning curve. I’m so thankful that I had the most patient person explain it to me more than once! At home I don’t ask very often for something to be explained again, just because of the frustration I know will come. I remember in University one of my professors talked about good communication, and told the class that when we communicate with people, we’re the ones who need to fill in all the gaps rather than make the other person guess.
At the end of my prayer time this afternoon I heard Holy Spirit say, “be kind.” I asked the Lord before to please show me if there’s anything else I need to talk about, and these two words opens up another door that I didn’t know to talk about. This is an area where I’ve struggled all my life, and actually could be a big reason why I’ve had such a low sense of self-worth. Thinking about this, I know this is the area of shame the Holy Spirit told me earlier. Yes, talking about this I can tell that I still feel ashamed. And now I heard the Holy Spirit softly say in my heart, “well done.” Oh Jesus, this is me, completely exposed…
Today after school Bella and I are going to the outlet mall to find dressy clothes for her for the wedding this Saturday. I’m also looking for a white sweater. I’m sensing to sit in the front row again this Sunday. I’m not sure what my Lugs represent, but I’ll be wearing them to church this Sunday. Please forgive me Jesus for all the times that I’ve resisted you. Because I’m your bride, everything I’ve done in the past also affects you, so please forgive me..
January 23: In my silence and solitude time, at 7:11 I heard Holy Spirit say, “Caroline, my dear child, I love you, you are Mine. Then the phone rang and I knew it was a call to sub, so after a few rings I picked it up and said I’d sub, grade 3. It was a really good day. I was more confident than I had ever been before, and it was good to be in the classroom again. Actually throughout my whole day at school on Tuesday I felt like a total new person.
Jan 24: 4:00 : “How could I ever be ashamed, of the gospel of Jesus Christ. How could I ever walk away, from the one who saved my life.”
Yesterday evening I was feeling quiet and didn’t have the energy to yell out anything, but the first thing I thought of was the bus stop, and then someone said it. Then I thought to say, Optometrist, but I didn’t have the energy.
4:49 Drifted off to sleep and the Holy Spirit touched my heart and the love of God woke me up as I was feeling His passion for me.
5:1 AM I dreamt that I was peeling an orange: having an orange peeler in my hand and beginning to cut through the peel. Some of the peel was already off.
In the afternoon I really needed and took a nap, and at 4:28 I woke up and then again at 4:44 woke up and got up to get ready for the evening.
“I sought the Lord, and He heard, and he answered. I sought the Lord, and he heard and He answered. That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust Him!” Tomorrow morning, Friday, I’m taking my mom to look for a skirt for the wedding, then coming back to sub (music) for the afternoon. Blessings…☕️Today after school Lucas is going on a field trip to Wpg for the whole evening, so Bella and I will be staying home tonight. They’ll be eating supper at the Forks, then walking around downtown Wpg, handing out food, toiletries and warm winter items. I’m subbing this afternoon and will be writing later on in the day! Many blessings!!