Isaiah 40:31
“Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”
Conversation and Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower, over and over again; I believe that He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart first so that I’m clean before Him, and also so there’s nothing holding me back from following Him with my whole heart. It also clears the way to hear God better when there’s no mess in the way of where God is leading me to walk. I also record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning; I don’t want to miss anything that God has for me and is saying to me.
2:46 I woke up with these lyrics in my heart, “Jesus, hope of the nations. Jesus, comfort for all who mourns. You are the hope.. In history, you lived and died, you rose again, and came to life! Jesus our hope, living in us. You are the Rock, in whom we trust. Lord we believe.
5:02, 5:07 got up and heard the words “stay” and “Holy Ground.” I’m not sure if this is the Lord, so I’m going to continue to get ready to go to Shopgym (After getting ready to go, I went downstairs to pray.).
5:29 “This is Holy Ground. I’m standing on Holy Ground.”
5:30 “stay”
5:31 “with Me”
5:32 Papa, I worship You.
5:33 I sensed, “Rebuke the spirit of fear”
I rebuke the spirit of fear right now in Jesus name. You’ve lost your grip on me, on my heart.
5:34 Holy Spirit, please come and fill me with You! Fill me and use me with Your Love and Your Passion.
5:46 “I’m Yours Papa.”
5:48 Come up with Me, My daughter. You are Mine.
5:50 Papa, I’m following You.
5:55 Come my daughter, I have called you by name. You are Mine.”
5:57 I’m Yours Papa!
6:00 Rise my daughter, I have called you blessed.
6:01 Papa fill me. Use me for Your glory. I am Yours.
Its 4:12 in the afternoon and I still have peace in my heart about not going to Shopgym this morning. I was planning to go and it wasn’t like one of those mornings where I was so tired that I didn’t want to go. I’m not sure if my time at Shopgym is done..
I forgot to mention that I had a quick picture/dream yesterday or two days ago that I was looking up and saw four black bars (thinner and thicker alternating I think) over me; I was standing underneath a pull-up bar that had four bars instead of just one, and they were over me like a ceiling. The pull up bar in our garage is black (and has two bars, one thin and the other thick, and the thicker one is closer to the middle), and it reminded me of that. It reminds me of a dream I had awhile ago where I had gone back to Shopgym and attended for awhile, and then I was told to leave and wasn’t allowed to go anymore because it was Jesus my husbands turn. For the past little while I’ve changed from going at 5:00 to going at 6:00. Having had the dream about the pull-up bars overtop of me and sensing from the Lord not to go today. I’m sensing another transition. If this is right, then I will continue to work out at home and also continue running at the track. I ate two Pepperoni and Bacon pizza pops last Friday and I enjoyed it very much thank-you! I went to Costco yesterday and bought the package of three chickens, and made chicken noodle soup for supper yesterday.
My sisters and I are talking about going to a conference (Ana Werner) in the States. I exchanged phone numbers with the gal to pray for our communities! I don’t know if she’ll want to talk on the phone and pray because of her schedule, but she was open for texting I think. I’m going to be spiritually alert to Jesus’ leading.. Blessings…
February 8: In my quiet time with God: Forgiveness: 6:58 Old things have passed away. All things have become new. I am a new creation in Christ. (7:00) This afternoon: From all of what I read in RJ’s books is, what spoke to my heart the most is Gods love for me. This drew me to Him, to want to please Him with all my heart and never give up pursuing Him, no matter how difficult.
In my quiet time with God this afternoon, I’m sensing His quietness, but also His nearness. I’m receiving His peace and comfort, and because of that I’m able to have Rest in my heart. I’m taking down what I sense had become my idol, and I’m putting God first. I thought I had been putting Him first but it became known to me that something else was. Jesus has already caught me so now I need to put every else to the side and focus on God and my intimacy with Him. This is what will give me strength to do what He’s called me to do. I’m sensing that God wants me to do another recording about Joseph. We watched The Chosen the other day, and I’m sensing Gods hands holding my face. I completely understand when Mary wanted to run.. this is what I had been feeling for so long, and I’m so glad that I don’t feel that way anymore. I hadn’t planned to close yesterday’s meeting, but I could picture that it was me leading at the table. I’m so thankful that I was led through it and that I had Gods peace through it all. I’m going to “She Hears” tonight! Lately I’ve been praying for others so much that I’m a lot more comfortable doing it. Gods blessings to you…
The roads are icy so I won’t be going to “She Hears” tonight 🙁 My book arrived today! (The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work) As I sat down to join Bella (she had put on the first Shreck movie), the song that was playing in the movie was, “Hallelujah,” and I thought that was so neat because I had the book with me to start reading it. I was so surprised when the song that came to my mind a few days ago in my conversation with the Lord, began playing in the movie after they got married! I’m not sure what it’s called but the lyrics go something like this, “..and I saw her face, I’m a believer! …I’m in love, oooh, I believe I believe I believe..” I’m so aware of Gods nearness and Him directing my story. God knows how to make a marriage work, and He’s building a strong foundation inside. I know that in my journey with Jesus I’ve already had a very good taste of what true love is. Changing the subject, I think we’ll be watching more episodes of The Chosen tonight -we watched the first two a few days ago. I’m not yet sure about Shopgym. I’m testing the waters about that and I know that God will lead me in the way I should go. Because I’ve sensed not to go, I’m going to plan not going and see if He will correct me. If I don’t get a call to sub tomorrow, then I’ll run at the track and do some kind of weights at home because I don’t want to lose any strength I’ve gained. Today I continued my search for sunrise painting tutorials. I love my life!!!! ☕️
Feb 9: 3:46: “Stars through the window they light up our disco it’s just you and I, the two of us starring in this show… never be alone, cause when you’re home I’m home..”
I was at the top of something, standing a few feet from a narrow steep slide. I had taken a few steps forward to peek at the slide to see how steep it was, and I saw that it was almost straight down and then had a curve to the right. I had a feeling like it was a shorter slide. I also had a knowing that it was a cushioned slide going down all the way. I’m not sure but the cushion could have been black (I didn’t see that it was black, but had a vague sense, so this I’m not sure about).
I was at the top of something and I heard Bella laughing really loudly, and she was with someone (feeling they were up, sitting in a corner of the room) who was looking after her. I felt like Bella was laughing too loud. Then the person who had been with her was close to me, I had a few things to say to her, one of which was that Bella had been too loud. I wanted to say a few more things but the girl said okay and quickly left down the slide. It was like I said one sentence and was taking a breath to keep talking but then she quickly left me standing there. . I’m thinking this has something to do with closing up at Youth? (I didn’t set my alarm for Shopgym and I didn’t feel like I was supposed to) I’m subbing all day in Music! 🙏🏼
February 10: 6:44 I heard Jesus my husbands voice, singing God Problems, in my heart, “Not by power not by might. But by the Spirit of the living, Spirit of the living God.” “Not my battle not my fight, but by the Spirit of the Living, Spirit of the living God.” (My Fortress, Defender, still a strong tower still a strong tower. My helper, defender, someone let the people know anything is possible)
Today I have some thoughts: God is helping me get past valuing other people’s opinions above God’s. So because the opinion of others has been above God’s, I think this has been my idol. I never thought about it this way before, and I’m asking God to forgive me. Yesterday evening I had a few hours to read and I was reading in Joan Hunters book about breaking trauma off. So in my prayer time just now I broke trauma off of me, the trauma of believing that I didn’t have value and worth because I didn’t meet the world’s standards about how God made me. I broke the trauma that was caused to my heart, to my spirit about believing that I wasn’t lovable or loved. Being loved by God I think has been head knowledge, not heart knowledge, truly believing it in my heart and soul that I am loved. God is filling my heart as I’m writing; I can feel His love in my heart, and I’m asking God to restore what has been stolen.
Isaiah 44:24; “This is what the Lord says, your Redeemer who formed you in the womb: I am the Lord, who has made all things, who alone stretched out the heavens, who spread out the earth by myself.”
Psalm 139: 13,14 “For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. 14) “I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
I actually have had no idea what love is for most of my life. God has felt so distant to me. And it’s only through the work of the Holy Spirit that has allowed me to take steps forward. When I’ve been open to the Holy Spirit, then He would come and work in my heart. I’ve had such a low sense of self-worth that it’s been difficult for me to let myself be helped. (When I was at my lowest point in my marriage to my husband I would often punish myself by not allowing myself pleasurable things; if there was something I would really like at a garage sale, I’d just walk away from it. I’d also not buy things because I hadn’t been earning money and the money we did have I didn’t feel like it was mine to spend.) Having said all of that, I haven’t felt like I deserved genuine love. And for God to lead me to become a pastor? I’m so amazed that He would chose me. I’m amazed that Jesus would pursue me for so long.. if this isn’t love then what is?? This is how the Holy Spirit helps us to know who God is; it’s through the Holy Spirit that we can be drawn to God’s heart. I love You Holy Spirit! Thank-You from the deepest part of who I am for your patients with me, for loving me and not giving up on me when my steps have been slow. Thank-you Jesus for this too..
When I think about having no opposition, and I wasn’t working at something God has not called me to do; if I trusted God completely, then I actually don’t know what I’d do differently because I don’t know what my next step is. I know God is calling me to become a pastor, but I’m not aware of anything I need to do right now. I’m still waiting to know what I need to do with my last recording. Do I need to record another one? Maybe I’d lead more at Youth. But if I didn’t need to sub anymore, I’d pour myself into reading, spending more time in prayer and growing in knowing how to put messages together.
I’ve been open to a few more people about becoming a pastor, and now that I’m going to Soar I’ll have more opportunities to talk about my faith. I think more transparency would come if I presented at Soar. I haven’t sensed to do that yet but maybe I need to initiate it? I’m also wondering if I need to initiate speaking at Youth. Tomorrow’s communion and I’m hoping I’ll be able to discern and follow Jesus.. ❤️🔥 Holy Spirit please help me!