“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.” -Ephesians 4:22-24
Reflection and Conversation
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower. I believe He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart so that my heart is clean before Him. It also clears the way for me to hear Holy Spirit better when there’s no mess in the way. I record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning. Blessings.
3:44 I woke up and sensed these words in my heart, “Even though someone’s husband could have thrown his wife under the bus, he didn’t.”
I got up around 4:30 and I sensed to go downstairs to pray. I’m praying in the spirit to grow closer in love with God, with Jesus and with High school ministry, pursuing all three with a deeper passion.
For such a long time whenever I would say the name of Jesus, internally I had a hard time with it, feeling resistance. Especially with the J sound at the beginning of his name, and now when I say it, the resistance is gone!
I’m sensing to stay home from Shopgym this week, feeling like I need to rest from it. But also sensing to run instead. So I will run again today. Knowing I wasn’t going to Shopgym, I stayed up late and had a really fun time with Bella:) She’s really excited about using facial cleansing products and so we did that together.
I’m so excited about learning how to speak and putting messages together! I have a joy in my heart about that! I’m feeling deeply in love with Jesus..
6:05 I was still downstairs when I had just fallen asleep when I heard pastor M say, “so this is how you do this, you start like this.” (I’m thinking this is about my message)
6:09/10 “Do you have any evidence?” (for your claim?) I think Holy Spirit is reminding me about writing my story, making sure I don’t forget to give evidence about what I’m talking about!
6:16 I remembered the part in the video series of “The Chosen” where the husband went to his wife to tell her that he had found the One, Jesus. She was stepping on all the grapes and he joined her, and they had a romantic scene of togetherness. Then I saw (I was half asleep) that she was submerged completely in the juice and someone was lifting her up. As she was being lifted up (like someone had their hands on her back) she was wiping her face. This makes me think about being washed in the blood of Jesus! This weekend… Then I went back upstairs to bed.
I dreamt that I was standing behind a counter with a few others and I saw my sister Cathy walk by, walking to the right, with a group of others); they were walking into the classroom. But I saw that Cathy had her toddler son in her arms and she had her face kind of turned the other way. I immediately ran around the counter to help her, thinking that I could babysit him while she was in class. Then I had him in my arms and we were looking at each other, smiling. He totally recognized me and loved to be with me and I with him. He could only say a few words and he expressed that he loved being with me and then our foreheads were touching and I said, me too. Then I had a small blue thing in my hand that was the colour blue. He said, “I love blue” (his favourite colour is blue and that he loved the colour blue), and I said me too! And we beamed at each other. (I had a feeling like the little boy was my nephew when he was little (though not representing him).
Then there were other kids there like it was a school and it was lunch time; I heard my hubby over the intercom announcing something. And when the bell rang it was lunch and then I was rushing to get to my group of kids that I was teaching. There were many piles of neatly folded shirts in front of the stairs leading down. The piles came up to my shoulder, so then I had gotten on top of them and was sliding down the stairs on top of them, messing them all up. They were like a stack of cards that slowly flattened as I slid down the stairs, taking them with me as I went. I was also thinking about what I was going to say in my prayer as I thanked God for the food. Then I walked through the door and saw that they were sitting at their desks waiting for me. There were a few adults there who looked up as I came in. They were helping to take care of the kids while they were waiting for me.
A scene where Connie was beside me and I was taking her son who couldn’t lift his head yet, and I needed her help to lift him up because he felt so heavy. His head had fallen against a wall and I asked Connie to help me, so she did.
7:59 “The only way is up.”
8:05 A jar of jam was open and I saw someone’s finger scoop up some jam.
Then I dreamt that I was at the bottom of a high hill, and I saw the road was muddy and wet. I saw a car almost slip off the edge, and I knew I needed to go up without slipping off. Right beside the road going up was a deep ravine with fast flowing water that would take me back in the direction where I was. So I became very determined and went up quickly. I saw there was water coming from the safe side of the hill, flowing onto the road which made it difficult to stay away from the edge. I was trying my hardest and steered away from the edge as best I could but the car was constantly slipping. Then I went over the edge but I wasn’t frightened, just an upset (disbelief that it happened again) and I yelled, “noooo!” Then as I was falling I became determined to “fly” back up but it didn’t work. Then I saw a big waterfall coming as I continued to go down.
“People all over the world, love train, join in, love train…”
11:44 Be anxious for nothing my daughter; all things are possible with Me, for those who believe.
Papa, I saw in my dream that I slipped off the edge and that I was falling. I feel like I’m in a game Papa, and that it’s more difficult this time than it’s ever been.
Grace
Papa, I’m so desperate for Your Grace! I can’t do this without it, without You helping me. I’m walking forward with hope in my heart, and that’s all I can do.
I love you My daughter. Rest.
I give myself to You again Papa. I’m resting in You. I know You will enable me one day, hoping it’ll be this time. I love You the most, and that’s what’s most important.
I’m going to begin my message either today or tomorrow; my story is all about God’s grace. Much love and blessings…