“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.” 1Corinthians 13:4
Conversation
Papa, I love You.
I love you My darling. You are Mine.
Papa, I worship You with all my heart. In my journey with You I’ve learned how much I need You, and I’m so glad to know this deep in my heart.
I love you Carolyn.
Papa, do you have a word for me today?
Rest
Okay Papa, I feel like I’m resting, even in my latest discouragement. I have an inner peace that wasn’t there before.
“Hope is rising”
Come My daughter, all is well with you.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today -enjoy!
12:11 I saw a young woman who had just graduated, and she had a summer hat on, one that has a round rim. I sensed she had a nice summer dress on but I saw the hat more. It was a bit windy and sunny outside . I saw her turn around with a smile on her face. Before I fell asleep I was seeing a lot of yellow when I closed my eyes.
1:01 I was going down a mountain. I also saw some type of food but I don’t remember what it was.
3:16 “I found a girl, beautiful and sweet. I never knew she was the someone, waiting for me.”
5:01 “I found a love, for me. Darling just dive right in, and follow my lead. I found a girl, beautiful and sweet. I never knew you were the someone waiting for me…”
7:10 I was at the kitchen sink rinsing purple grapes, and as I was pouring out the dirty water I had my fingers underneath to keep the grapes in the bowl.
7:23 I was rolling something up, reminding me of toilet paper on the hook thing and the end of the roll was being rolled up. It kind of looked like family photos but this was vague.
7:29 I saw a woman’s shins and a bit of her calf like she was sitting and pressing her legs on the board that was her seat. At Birds Hill Park my kids and I rented a Tandem bike from “Bee2gether…” reminds me of that.
7:46 I was inside the entrance of the North End Campus and there were some books laid out flat on the part of the counter that sticks out, and the book that I saw more clearly was the book that L is going to begin reading. I’ve been sensing to read that book too. Talking about this reminds me that I had a dream that I saw that book in a library. I’ll check the library at church.
7:53 I remembered when a group of us swam to the middle of the man-made lake at Birds Hill Park and touched the yellow floating thing. I saw a picture in my mind of someone holding onto it to rest.
8:00 I saw someone had rolled a ball or two, to where I was and I heard them ask, “see?” “see?” (I will put this in my notes to remember this.)
8:06 I dreamt that Bella and I were in someones condo. Bella was sitting on a high chair in the living room but at the kitchen counter, and then they came walking towards me with a pan of hot bbq’d meat.
8:20 I saw Jesus and Lucas playing basketball in our garage. Jesus had the ball and was bouncing it on the floor, and I saw Lucas’ back, standing close to Jesus.
8:25 I saw a baby!!! The baby was on a blanket on a mattress and someone was pulling the blanket gently and the baby slowly rolled from her/his side to lay on him/her belly, sleeping peacefully… I also sensed there was another baby nearby, watching.
8:31 I was at my mom’s condo in the entrance and someone was saying something about a card.
8:34 “I don’t deserve it darling you look perfect tonight.”
8:36 I dreamt about seeing lots of dirty socks on the laundry floor. In waking life I always wash the socks separately because they’re dirtier and are full of dog hair. (The kids normally wash their own socks)
8:40/41 I heard someone playing the piano.
8:42 “reached the end of”
8:43 I was outside and I saw a small group of people sitting on the grass, right beside the building, talking about something they were learning, and I heard the leader talking to the group.
8:46 We were outside and Lucas was with his friends and I heard someone say, “you don’t have to throw the ball in order to have fun.”
8:58 I heard the word “call,” something about the word “call.”
9:04 I saw the top rack of dishes in the dishwasher, and I saw someone flip a glass cup and then a mug from facing downward to facing up (It’s been washed and ready to be filled? our heart?) I also saw that Jesus came and sat right beside me on the couch, plopping himself down like he had just come from doing something outside.
9:10 I was outside on a country road and I saw the end of the road which was about a quarter of a mile away, and heard someone say, “it’s sold!” Then I heard someone ask me, “did you live…?” The dream ended before the sentence was finished.
9:21 We were driving together in a van. There were some kids with us.
9:23 “sure!” Something was said but all I remember was the word, “sure.”
9:24/25 I saw someone taking out a dirty white garbage bag from the garbage bin underneath the kitchen counter. The bag wasn’t full and part of the inside of the bag was a darker colour as if someone had spilled something in it. I’m wondering if this represents my last difficulty?
9:31 Someone was going to go on vacation and I heard someone say, “all six weeks.”
9:33 I saw someone walk between the garage wall and the car inside the garage. The garage floor was tilted down, going down towards the garage door.
9:36 We were at the dentist, standing by the counter and the lady said something like, “you sure?” (I forgot to cancel Lucas’ dental cleaning appointment he has tomorrow afternoon. He has his last driving appointment tomorrow and then starts work at 1:00
9:38 We were inside our house and I looked through the kitchen window and saw Lucas’ friend walk to the door, and I heard Lucas say, “hallelujah!!”
9:40/41 I was sitting with someone and there was a big open box of donuts on my lap. (donuts reminds me of a wedding and also the really good donuts from that place in the city)
9:43 I dreamt I was with a group of people and I heard something like, “hi, you have a big bad “ then the dream ended.
9:54 I was at church, getting up from sitting at a low kids table and I fell over and was sitting on the floor. A guy that I knew a long time ago was standing close-by and I reached out my right hand to take his right hand, but quickly changed it and held out my left hand to take his left hand, and he lifted me up. It was a bit awkward because I had changed it, but I saw him smiling as we began walking. I vaguely saw two thumbs up, one of them was the left hand thumb as he lifted me up, which I could also feel afterwards like it made an imprint in my hand: I had grabbed onto his thumb. I had changed it because the only left hand I wanted to hold was Jesus my husbands left hand (marriage)… In my dream the right hand was the hand to wear a wedding band so that’s why I wanted him to help me with my left hand. In waking life it’s the opposite. If this would happen in waking life I would choose my left hand to be helped up with his left hand. I’m wondering if this has anything to do with this past Sunday when I began with sitting behind where pastors normally sit but then when I saw that he wasn’t sitting where the pastors normally sit so then I changed my seat to sit behind him? I’m thinking that if this represents that, then because I saw him smiling as he was kind of looking down and walking, then I know that what I did on Sunday was correct! Even though this journey is difficult, it really is a lot of fun as well. My life is a lot more interesting with God in the lead!! The reason why I’m sharing these things is because I need to be known and understood.. If I’m not known, then I’ve learned that my heart resists following Jesus, and this journey has taken so long already.
We watched StarWars: A New Hope yesterday. At the end of the movie some of them were standing on a podium and received an award. My kids dad bought a Smoker today, so we’re smoking baby pork ribs for supper today. I dreamt about a baby today… In my dream about the baby I noticed the baby’s but cheeks, and I think this represents the two baby pork rib pieces that come as one package.
Today I began writing about some of the things I’ve learned from God in our journey together, and when I think about sharing it, I’m excited to share it. The thought of speaking in front of people doesn’t scare me, but what scares me a little is knowing what to say. But of course I know that once I’ve prepared something I will have something to say, and I know the Holy Spirit will anoint me as I prepare and as I speak. This afternoon when Bella and I were by ourselves, I began singing the “Perfect” song as loud as I could (to reach the high notes) and it was a lot of fun! Bella didn’t want to sing with me but at least I got some smiles from her:) I love singing and I’m trying to practice my voice lesson songs a few times a week. Anyways, tomorrow will be a day of packing and getting things ready for camp!!! Sorry this was so late today. There was a lot of cleanup after using the smoker. It worked really well; used pecan and maple puck flavourings. Love and Blessings…
August 6: 2:29 “Darling just dive right in, and follow my lead…”
Darling just hold my hand, I’ll be your man. In your eyes you’re holding mine. Darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own. (Baby I’m, dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song. You said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath and you heard me, darling you look perfect tonight.)
2:39 I found a woman, beautiful and sweet. Stronger than anyone I know. (She shares my dreams I hope that someday I’ll share her home. I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets. To carry love, to carry children of our own. Yes we’re still kids and we’re so in love. Fighting against all odds, I know we’ll be alright this time. Darling just hold my hand. I’m gonna be your man. I see my future in your eyes…)
4:00 “Wounded” In my dream I was in a building with two open rooms in front of where the speaker speaks. Jesus was going to be speaking. There was a round table in the room closer to the front . There were some people sitting by the table already and I was standing in a mess on the floor. I saw two light coloured, tall coffee thermoses standing upright beside each other, and one began falling over. I reached out my hand and caught it quickly and made it stand upright again. That one hadn’t been closed all the way so I pushed the top part down to close it. As I did that some coffee spilled out onto a Kleenex box that was on the floor. Then I was standing by a different spot on the floor and I began leaving the mess when I spotted a silver Superstore keychain (one that holds the coin that unlocks the shopping cart). I reached for it but I think I left it there. (I believe this represents the last S in BLESS; I will keep on talking to people about Jesus) Then I knew it was time to find a seat because the service was about to start and I walked past the first table and into the section by the back. Then I turned around and walked back up to the table I had passed (it seemed like there was a bit of a doorway there that I walked through to get back up to the table), and I saw there was a lot of room there for me. So then I began to get a chair to sit in.
4:37 Earlier in the night I prayed fervently for my spiritual journey with Jesus.. It’s been such a long and difficult one, yet more fulfilling than I could ever have imagined it could be, because it was done Gods way. I also prayed fervently for me to come ALIVE. So as I was praying, a song came to mind and the lyrics are this:
Alive Alive Alive forevermore. My Jesus is Alive, Alive for evermore. Alive Alive Alive forevermore. My Jesus is Alive. Sing Hallelujah, sing Hallelujah, my Jesus is Alive for evermore sing Hallelujah, sing Hallelujah, my Jesus is Alive.
I had a vision as I began fervently praying in the spirit to become fully alive. I saw myself pushing Jesus away in order to focus on praying to God. Then I immediately recognized what I was doing (I also remembered something someone said about doing Gods will collectively), and in my heart I ran to Jesus and took his hand and we began praying and seeking God together.
5:10 I saw someone flipping chicken pieces over on a large stove at a restaurant. It had been fried on one side and they were flipping them over so they’d get fried on the other side. Yesterday before bed I had heard, “see you on the other side,” but I didn’t think that was from the Lord so I didn’t include it. I’m still not sure if this was from Him or what it’s referring to.
5:50 “I have a call tomorrow.”
7:44 “When I saw you in that dress, looking so beautiful”
Goodnight, God bless you…🙏🏼
August 7: 11:25 I dreamt I saw a bride and groom standing in the front, and then the bride fell onto the floor.
11:28 In this dream my kids dad was sitting on a chair and I went to him and took his energy packets and said the word, “complicated.” or “complicating.” Then in my dream I went back to where I was.
11:44 Bella came downstairs to show me the necklace she had just made. She said if she would have bought it, it would have costed her $70.
11:54 “Baby I’m , dancing in the dark, listening to our favourite song…”
11:58 I dreamt that my kids dad came downstairs to see why I’m downstairs.
I’m pressing into the Lord, giving Him the wound and asking God to restore my heart.
12:03 Joy (possibly seeing yellow)
12:08 Hope
12:11 I dreamt that someone was eating a pointed cone, one that comes from a box.
12:13 “I noticed”
12:15 In this dream I saw Lucas reading from the blue Bible story books (I saw blue). He was sitting on the couch and when someone came to talk with him he closed the book and put it on the armrest and responded to the person who had come into the room.
12:22 Restored
12:24 Come My daughter, you are Mine.
12:27 Rest My daughter, all is well with you.
12:29 “Baby I’m dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song. You said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath you heard me, darling you look perfect tonight.”
12:33 Our family was around the table and we had company over. I sensed I was sitting beside the head of the table and I heard that he was talking. In my dream Bella was on my right, leaning over the table with her elbows. Reminding me about playing a game..
12:39 “Lift me up. Hold me down. Keep me safe, safe and sound…”
12:43/44 Come My daughter, rest (I’m sensing to go to bed, but I don’t want to miss what God will say to me. I’m reminded that God speaks in my dreams too)
4:43/44 “Dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song. When you said you looked a mess, I whispered underneath my breath you heard me, darling you look perfect tonight.” When I woke up I had a sense that something very important had taken place. I think I saw yellow flowers and the feeling I had was that we finally made it!!!
5:08 “stay”
5:10 Come
5:11 Perfect
5:15 “knowing we’ll be alright this time… darling just kiss me slow. Your heart is all I own…”
5:22 “Best kept secret”
5:27 Come
At Shopgym my coach was showing me the proper way to hold the bar up high for clean and jerks; so without the bar she showed me how my arms need to be locked into position, and I needed to hold up my arm and she put pressure onto my hand with her hand, reminding me of the photo of the arms and hands meeting, looking like a bridge overtop a waterway in Italy. I’m having warm feelings about this weekend being a success…
When I came home and filled my glass with water and I noticed a small fly floating at the top. So I poured the fly down the drain and got fresh water!!
7:41 “I don’t deserve it, darling you look perfect tonight…”
I’m looking forward to camp and I have such high hopes… I’m aiming to leave by 1:00. Love and Blessings…❤️🔥
Aug 8:12:44 I dreamt I saw a lady crawl along a tightrope. (Balance…) Darling you look perfect tonight…
2:52 Dancing in the dark, with you between my arm. You look perfect tonight… I dreamt about a man and woman. Vague, but there was something about her following him.
5:11 To carry love, to carry children of our own…
6:22 “Perfect, I don’t deserve it, darling you look perfect tonight.” In my dream I saw a man bend over quickly to pick up what felt like rose pedals off the ground and he quickly got up again and ran.
I was with a few people and I had a stick in my hands. The stick could give me more power to go faster, so then I tried it; I broke it in half and did something with my arms and then I saw light coming from the ends of it and I began going very fast in my go cart. I believe this is showing me that I think it’s a formula to walk in Gods anointing/power. I’ve surrendered my heart, and it’s penetrating into my heart that there’s room for me in my church and in the ministry of preaching the gospel. In the back of my mind I’ve been thinking how could there be more words to put together that people haven’t already done throughout the years? But no one else has my story so my story hasn’t been spoken yet. It will be!!!
A group of us were cleaning up/ walking along in the ditch to see if their were things to clean up and I didn’t find anything )in the layers that made up the ground) so we left the ditches.
I was with my family (my family in my dream) and I hid myself somewhere where I knew I’d be found (an obvious spot behind an open door). Then the scene changed where I was in a small space and I saw someone squeeze through a very small opening to get into the room where I was in. The Holy Spirit worked in my heart/something clicked in my heart yesterday about knowing the strategy of the enemy. Jesus my husband is not my enemy. I never thought this way but something changed within me where I feel it in my heart that we are together, facing the enemy, and together we will overcome it. My heart is open and I’m feeling like I’m part of the team , my church family and my personal family…❤️🔥❤️🔥
Aug 9: 4:35 “We fell in love, not knowing what it was…”
4:55 “This love is a band of gold.”
5:31 “I don’t deserve this, darling you look perfect tonight.”
5:42 “When you said you were a mess, I whispered underneath my breath you heard it, darling you look perfect tonight.”
6:42 “she was a little slow today”
Aug 10: 1:20/21 I don’t deserve it darling you look perfect tonight .
1;: 52 Darling you look perfect tonight.
202 I don’t deserve it darling you look perfect tonight.”
2:50 For God so loved the world that he gave His one and only son that whoever believes in Him will not perish but have eternal life.” I dreamt I opened a white door and walked through the doorway. There were people in the big room where I walked into.
3:00 I saw the material of my yellow skirt.
3:15 “Back to you Cindy.” (Cynthia: Island in Greece)
I had seen a darker colour over yellow, folded together. The darker folded cloth was on top of the folded yellow.
3:32 “He’ll lost another one I am free, I am free, I am free.” I saw in my dream someone catching a football.
As I was thinking about it, I remember that I actually jumped off the diving board with two feet.
3:36 “Kevin Hart” (I wasn’t sleeping and the name just came into my mind/dropped into my spirit)
I never stop believing…(love)
4:06 Hero of heaven has conquered the grave. Has freed every captive and break every chain oh God, You have done great things.
4:10 I saw a whole package of different kinds of chocolate bars, all facing up and neatly in rows. There was a clear plastic over them.
4:14 “Stick to the plan” I saw our tall light blue smoothie mug from Starbucks.
4:36 “God has a plan for your life and He’s leading you in it.”
5:19 “Drew Berrymore” There were three of us that had gone into this building to get something. Then we had gotten it and were running outside towards our vehicle and there was stuff I needed to step over and someone was chasing us. I couldn’t go fast because I needed to step over the stuff that was in the way so I yelled out for help. They heard and came to help me. Then we were running to the car. There was a girl who wasn’t getting something (there were three sections of something we needed to open up and I think I had opened up one. But she wasn’t getting it and was shoeing my hand away and so I said something like, “oh whatever” and grabbed her hand and began running to the car. As we were running to the car (parked on Main Street), I saw the person (he was one of the three in our group) we were chasing; he was ahead of us, running at full speed. It felt like we were running out of the elementary school yard, running towards Main Street. The thing we needed to open up was, there was a doll’s underwear that was made out of plastic and was made up of three sections that opened up and I was trying to open them up but she misunderstood why we needed to open them up.
6:06 “Ten out of ten”
6:16 “I’m a warrior, (not by battle not by fight, but by the Spirit of the living, Spirit of the Living God)
7:57/58?) “I’m a warrior, (not by battle not by fight, but by the Spirit of the living, Spirit of the Living God)
Aug 11: 6:34/35 “I’ve started to follow Jesus.”
I had woken up another time with the lyrics, “… barefoot on the grass, listening to our favourite song… darling you look perfect tonight…”
My kiddos and I are bringing one of our neighbours along to church today.. my kids dad will be coming in the other vehicle later; there’s someone coming to our place this morning to work on our newly paved driveway.
“How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them…” Psalm 139:17
This evening my kids dad and I started watching Ace Ventura and I stopped it because I wasn’t interested in watching some gross inappropriate things so he chose the movie, Central Intelligence.” When I learned it had Kevin Heart in it (his name was mentioned in one of my dreams), it perked my interest. Dwayne Johnson is also in it. My kids dad skipped several parts because of it being inappropriate, but there were several things I thought were interesting; They smashed through a high window and landed on an inflatable sign that said, “Office Space Available” (I’m writing this after I watched the movie so I’m hoping I’m remembering it right).
“See you on the other side” (I heard this sentence in my heart not too long ago)
“I’m in”
“Golden Jet”
August 11: 11:05 I remembered something I had wanted to write down: As we were cleaning up the supper dishes today Lucas said, “What if everything in the world was $7.00.” Then Bella said something that I can’t remember and their dad said something like, “It is, at 7:11!!”
I’m standing in the laundry room and had put laundry in the washer and dryer and just now I looked at the remaining time left and the washer showed 7, and the dryer showed 17 (717)!!!
Goodnight…🙏🏼