My Father, thank you for teaching me through my mistakes. I didn’t realize that I had taken my eyes off of you which costed me my joy – it costed me the very thing I wanted to do so well, my recording.
My daughter, you are mine and I love you. The cost to follow me will always be restored back to you (I sensed as he said this that even the cost of having something taken from me, joy had been taken because I took my eyes off of him, he gives back.).
Father, I know that you know why I took my eyes off of you as I was getting ready to do my recording on Saturday; I wanted to look like others, how well they present themselves, which to me is so extraordinary.. I know that all you do has a purpose, and I’m so thankful that you’ve restored my sense of value. Help me not to toss this aside by wanting to be like the people I value. Help me to walk in the value You’ve given me and to deeply know it so I won’t lose what I’ve gained in you, again.
My darling, what you’ve said reflects your heart, this is true. People need to see you, to see your heart, and they can’t if you won’t allow them to. My joy is yours as you follow me, for I have made you a fisher of men. I delight in you.
Reflection:
I’ve come to realize this morning that in terms of my value and worth, if I look to others to fill this part of who I am, which I didn’t realize I was doing, then my joy will be lost because it’s not people who can give me my inner joy, it’s only in the Lord to give it to me. This morning as I was turning to my bible, John 8:54, I opened to Jeremiah 15, and I read verse 19 which says, “Therefore this is what the Lord says: ‘If you repent, I will restore you that you may serve me; if you utter worthy, not worthless words, you will be my spokesman.’ ” The Lords wants me to speak from my own heart, because from my heart will come words of worth because he’s given me my worth.
A short dream God gave me early Saturday morning was, the Lord and I had brought the table out from against the wall. He had seated himself to the left of the head of the table, and as I was seating myself at the head of the table, I sensed he wanted me to sit across from him so we could sit facing each other. I was confused about the dream because I hadn’t yet begun my day and hadn’t experienced my deep disappointment. Later, on Sunday I realized what had happened and understood the meaning, which our conversation above explains.
But I also learned another lesson, a lesson I will always remember; In my life, I don’t ever want to take a seat of honour if I’ve not been invited to sit there, and yet this is exactly what I did on Saturday. Instead of sitting across from the Lord at the table, which would cause our eyes to lock and see each other face to face, I decided not to have this perfect view of him and look another way. There was no one else at the table, which means my eyes couldn’t land on anyone else, causing my mind to wander on words and thoughts that are meaningless (thinking of how other people see me and wanting their approval). My eyes were not on the Lord and then I also didn’t have the joy I have in him as I abide in him. Sitting there is not my place to sit and it caused me to have the wrong perspective -it’s no wonder that I couldn’t record that day -I had become distracted. When I watch anointed pastors as they speak on Sunday, I now see the Holy Spirit at work and I’m completely in awe.. I know that the Holy Spirit anoints us and our words as we speak, but my eyes have been opened to how much more the Holy Spirit does than I’ve realized -it helps me to rest more because I know I can count on him to anoint me, and that I can’t even speak if he isn’t going to help me speak.
I’m so glad I’ve learned this lesson. It makes me thankful that at least I can learn something through the disappointment of not being able to do something I so badly wanted to do. It brings me back to my God ordained place and I hope that I will have the wisdom to keep following him everyday because if I don’t, then I’ve put my way ahead of his, thinking I’d like to take the seat of honour. I will continue to speak what the Lord puts on my mind to say and not worry about what others think about how I present, but Jesus is the one I want to please most of all and I know he is pleased with me.. God has led me into such an amazing journey.. and I wouldn’t trade it for the world!