Undone

1 Corinthians 13:7

“It (love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” 

Father,

My daughter come and rest, you are mine.

Caroline, I have a word for you today. 

Father, what is it?

I love you.

Thank-you Lord. I’m wrestling with this today Jesus, about your love for me, and I can’t stop sobbing because I know its true..

Caroline my daughter, come, I am pleased with you.

Jesus, your love is so important to me that I can’t live one moment without it..

Come my darling and rest -you have all my love…

Reflection:

Early in the night last night in a quick dream I saw a yard that was covered in beautiful green grass that was freshly cut. In Hannahs cupboard is says that grass represents frailty of the flesh, and green represents prosperity, growth, life. So the interpretation of this I believe is that the Lord is bringing new life and growth in the areas of weakness, which will help my walk with God. 

I also dreamt that I was in a field that reminds me of a football field but it had a wall around it like an ice-rink would have. I was talking with someone that felt like it was Joao (I didn’t see him but sensed he was there) and he gave me instructions which I don’t remember, but then I was inside my car which was also in the field, and I began driving backwards, something he told me not to do. It seemed like the car had a mind of its own because it continued to go backwards and crashed right through the wall and across some railway tracks. Then I thought that he wouldn’t be pleased with that. Then I was on the railway track and I heard behind me some people urgently say that a train was coming, so I thought to myself that I didn’t want to quickly go and drive along the railway track, always trying not to get run over. So because I was already stopped in a town, I would drive off the tracks so I’d be away from getting hit. Then I quickly turned to the left and broke through some kind of wall and I fell with my car. I thought the fall would be short but I kept on falling. As I was falling I was crying out to God for protection and I was bracing myself for a crash-landing, trying to shield my face with my hand. I thought that I’d pass-out when I crashed but also knew that I’d be helped. I think this dream could represent this morning; I just couldn’t get out of bed because of exhaustion, and I was so overwhelmed with needing to keep walking this difficult journey. 

Then in the last dream I was inside my new home. My sister Connie was with me and my kids but I didn’t see them. I had been talking with Connie (walking in the right way -because she represents “the right way to go.”) I looked through the window in front of me and saw a playground/play structure, and I said something like, “Look Bella, there’s a play structure!” Then I was looking through another window to my right and saw a merry-go-round, one that kids would normally stand on and others needed to run around and pull so it would go around, but this one had a big armchair with a high backrest that was firmly secured in the middle of each section. Each armchair was covered in light coloured material so that from the top of the backrest and armrest to the floor and the space between the seat and the floor was all covered in cloth (the chair legs were covered). I didn’t see exactly how many there were, but from the size of them and the approximate number I saw going round in a circle, I think there were about seven. The merry-go-round didn’t have anyone in it, like the playground, so it wasn’t moving. Then as I was watching I saw the merry-go-round begin to move and I watched it sprout up and out like a flower. It kept on going up and becoming so big. Then it had moved to where the playground/play structure was and I watched it as it grew up high, growing into two massive wings -the one that was closer to me grew right over our house, sheltering our house. I’m so overwhelmed at the thought that I/we are sheltered underneath God’s mighty wings! And inside these wings we are firmly established; what God has done and is doing, no-one can undo! I also have a thought about a jet-plane needing two wings to fly; these wings were a lot bigger than a jet-plane’s wings, and I have no doubt that they could fly!

Then the scene changed where I was standing in our home and I noticed it looked more like a public building. There were people walking around in it and there were about three long tables set up and people were sitting in the chairs on both sides of the table, eating. I said to someone, I’m not sure who, that this wasn’t my idea of a home, and the person said that this part wasn’t our personal space/home, but that was; I looked forward to the section of the building in front of me that was separated from the dining area where I was, and I asked if that was it, and they said something like “no, that is.” The person motioned to the area behind us that also had some kind of wall/glass to separate this dining area from that, so I had turned around and looked and I saw a more homey area with toys and stuff all around the floor. A family had lived there before and had moved out a few months ago. 

Then I was standing outside, looking at the outside wall of our home, and I saw that the kids room windows were secured with bars so that no one could break in from the outside. The horizontal bars came down over the window about 2/3rds of the way, leaving some space where there wasn’t any bars, but I saw a lock in the middle that connected the bottom window-frame to the bars above, so I knew it was secure. (here I’m thinking about this, what the bars really represent. Am I locking myself away from some aspect of wholeness with God? When I think of living somewhere, living in such a busy area is the opposite of what I want; I like the idea of living in the outskirts of the city or in the country where it’s quiet. In my dream we were located in a really busy area; I saw two big/deep sinks against the wall of our home, and in one of them there was a skinny homeless man sitting inside of it, being bathed by a godly man who was having a conversation with someone close to him. I could see that the godly man was such a genuinely kind and loving person. The man in the “tub” was leaning back his head with his eyes closed, resting, and I could tell that he was so thankful for the man who was helping him.  

I had a dream where I was sitting at a table and Jesus was playing a game with someone. I was kind of sitting behind, more to the side, and I really wanted to sit right behind him and hug his arm and rest my head on his shoulder and just sob.. I’m so undone by his love, that God chose me.. I think I’ll be forever undone by this..

In our last Worship and Prayer when we needed to listen for a word from God for ourselves, there was a word  I heard that I didn’t write down in the chat because I at first wasn’t sure if this was my own thinking; the word was “shekurana.” God had given this word to me many years ago and I still don’t know what it means. Then I had wanted to write it down but the moment passed so I didn’t and I regret it because someone on the chat could have known what it means. Anyway, for Christmas one of my friends gave me a candle, and I thought I’d share it with you!!! Blessings to you!