Mark 9:23-24
” ‘If you can’? ” said Jesus. “Everything is possible for him who believes.” Immediately the boys father exclaimed, “I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!”
Hello everyone, welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him! If you’ve been following my post for awhile you’ll see that the layout for this post is slightly different. The last few nights the Lord has been waking me up in the middle of the night to spend time with Him. I have my phone right beside my bed and so I take notes about what I sense God telling me throughout the night, so it may look a bit messy, but if you’re okay with that and would like to read my journal with the Lord, then welcome!
I’m finding that my time with God at night has been more enriching than it’s been for a long time, and I think it has to do with giving up sleep, which I used to do when my kids were really little. I’m at a place in my life where I’ve realized that I haven’t been pursuing God as much as I’m able to, so I’m beginning this year by leaping into the arms of God in my heart every day, desperately needing to know Him better so that my heart can trust Him more and believe in Him more. I don’t want any unbelief in any part of my heart, because unbelief stops me from trusting and following His lead. I know I missed His timing for something because I wasn’t totally ready (I wasn’t pursuing Him as much as I should have been doing), so now I’m sensing that I’m making another loop of training. I’m more than sad about that, but since then my heart has been put into the right place where I’m seeking Him first, ahead of everything else, and I’m going to be ready for the next time!!
My Notes, Thoughts and Conversation
4th 10: 55? I didn’t look at the time right away, but I did at 10:57: I heard vaguely, “quarter of a (min?) mountain”
1:14: “only two” (only two left -vague)
3:12 I woke up, had a thought to get up but fell asleep.
3:22 I woke up and got up right away to spend time with my Papa God.
In my time with God, praying in the Spirit, I’m sensing to go to Soar Women’s ministry and begin taking voice lessons again.
Sensing the dream about the stuff growing on the walls has something to do with me not singing. In waking life I feel that my voice-box isn’t clear because I haven’t been singing. (When I took voice lessons before Covid, I sensed God telling me not to quit, and I have. Since I’m going to start working again and because I’m sensing God leading me there, I’m going to pursue that again.)
My daughter, rise up
Papa, help me to rise up! Help me to know how to rise up and show me what’s prevent me from rising up. I’m hearing you say “voice lessons.” Papa, is this right? Am I hearing You?
Yes My daughter.
Papa, I really would love to do that, to do both. Help me! I pray that You would help me financially. Help me to work again. I ask that You would bring joy to my heart for subbing again. I pray that You would cause what you want me to do in following you to become effortless, not that I’m not putting effort into it but that I’m so determined to take each step you do, following so close behind or beside that it becomes effortless. This is my prayer.
Come My daughter and rise up in this way. I love you. Come closer to Me.
Okay Papa, I will come closer to You in this way, by doing what You’ve asked me to do. This is a lifestyle change for me. I see a picture of my life, the way You want me to begin my day (Psalm 23) and the things you want me to do during the day. I’m also sensing this time (You always wake me up sometime after 3), is the time to have our conversations. I pray that You would steer me in the right direction if I’ve gotten something wrong.
My faithful one, you are blessed, and I will bless you some more. You are Mine.
Thank-you Papa!
“I’m not afraid, I’m not afraid, tell every giant, get out of my way!”
I went back to bed around 5:30 and woke up at 7:00 with these lyrics in my heart, “Come and take me over, Jesus draw me closer, to your heart, your heart, your heart.”
Reflection
I had a dream last night which I can’t remember; I’m pursuing God for the dreams that I don’t remember, and I trust Him to reveal them to me if He wants to. I was pondering the dream I had two nights ago about the puffy jacket. The Bible talks about being puffed up with pride. I think not trusting in God is prideful because then I’m relying on my own strength, or I’m not doing something that God has asked me to do because I know that in my own strength I can’t do it, not allowing God to do His work through me. I confess to God and lay down my pride. God help my unbelief! I think too that the puffy jacket could represent not talking about the real stuff; I’ve definitely woken up because of not seeking first the Kingdom of God, not taking an opportunity that I’ve longed for, for so long, and it’s heart-breaking.. I believe that I’m getting back up; hope is growing slowly within me. I never wanted to disappoint my dad because I valued and loved him so much, and I feel the same for the people who I love and look up to so much and the community who I’ve been learning so much from. I think the water represents the Holy Spirit, because I completely fell into God when I fell.
I think that God wants me to pursue Him for the meanings of my dreams; He can speak to me and to others from the same dream, each getting something different from it that fits together like two pieces in a puzzle.
I subbed when Lucas was in preschool and all the years after that, but my husband always wanted me to work full time, which I sensed from the Lord not to do. I actually wanted to work full time at one point and was wrestling with it because I felt not to. One day when I really wanted to because I wanted to be part of a working community, I heard in my heart God asking me, “Is this what you want?” Then I right away repented because at that moment it was confirmed in my heart that God really didn’t want me to work full time and I wanted His first choice for me.
I actually have a lot more to say but I’ll need to talk about them next time. I’m planning to go to Shopgym tomorrow and later in the morning Bella and I will exchange her LLLemon leggings at Portage place mall. Hope.. Many blessings…