Psalm 23
“The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he restores my soul. He guides me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.”
Conversation
My Papa. I love You so much. I worship You my Papa. Thank-You from the bottom of my heart for leading me the way You do. I trust You with every decision You make. I am fully Yours. I want to be fully Yours but only You know my heart to know if my heart fully belongs to You. I want to break free Papa. I want to so desperately to break free from having any control over my heart. Help me to trust in You in every place of vulnerability I have that I protect. Show me what these places are so that I can give them to You. I love You Papa and I’m so thankful for You and Your great love for me.
Come My daughter and rest. Be anxious for nothing. I will help you complete the task that lays ahead. You are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him!
My overall sense of the conversation I had above is: I’m anxious about failing again; I have a lot of things on my plate that I need to do, without rushing. Something that I’m deeply glad about and am thankful for is that my perspective has changed from trying to complete every task and put a checkmark beside it, to pursuing to grow intimacy with God inside the tasks that I need to do, because this is the purpose for every task. I believe that I’m steadily walking forward with optimism. I’m so glad to know that I’m trusted.. During the last week God had given me both dreams that I remember and dreams that I don’t. I believe that the dreams I don’t remember are there to help me pursue God for them. My perspective has changed about that too; Instead of pursuing to know these dreams, I’m pursuing God’s heart to grow intimacy with Him, and when he wants to reveal these dreams, then He will. I feel like when He reveals these dreams more and more is when I’m having my breakthrough.
It reminds me of a dream I had years ago where I was walking along a wide path with my hands tied, and two demons were taking me somewhere. I looked forward as we were walking and I saw at the end of this path was an area that reminds me of the enemy’s camp. I saw many of them walking, doing their tasks. Then they had led me to a house and I saw they were holding both my kids hostage; they were sitting on a bench watching TV. Then I was sitting in my room upstairs at a desk, writing. As soon as the enemy came into my room I would hide my writing and pretend to draw, so then they would leave. Then I awoke and cried and cried because it seemed like it had really happened. I had a feeling that I would continue the dream when I went back to bed. So then it did continue; I was in my room in my car, facing the outside wall. I pressed on the gas and crashed through the wall, ending my life. This represents putting off the old and putting on the new (mind of Christ, which also represents having a breakthrough). Then I was on the main floor in the entrance and I saw one of my kids light jackets hanging on a movable coatrack. I took the jacket and in front of me were two demons. I felt really light at heart and wasn’t afraid in the slightest. I said something like, “now you can’t touch me.” The one right in front of me began punching me in my stomach but his fists went right through my body and he couldn’t touch me. Then the two demons began hurriedly talking about a plan to find out where I would be in the future and plan to try and get me there. Then I turned around and began walking out of the opened door; Jesus, representing Jesus my husband was standing there, watching and waiting for me with my (our) two kids. We would begin walking together..
This morning at 4:24 I woke up with the lyrics in my heart, “Faithful through generations, so why would he fail now, he won’t! He won’t! He won’t fail, he won’t fail, he won’t!
4:34 Woke up again and got up!
4:42 I made it to my prayer mattress and began praying in the Spirit.
5:21 Papa, I want my relationship with you to grow. I set everything else aside , and it’s You I want.
Come
5:36 Papa, I take on the mindset of building my relationship with You. I rely on You to get me where I need to be. I’m not pursuing the dreams you give me or the other things you want me to do, it’s You Papa, it’s You who I’m pursuing. Please forgive me for trying to push through in my own strength. I see that now, that by pursuing those other things is not suppose to be my focus; Only You Papa, only You.
5:43 I love you my daughter. You are Mine.
6:22 I believe that I’m finally standing on the Rock, with my focus being in the right place. Yes, I’m coming.. God is making me ready..
6:55 ; I feel like I’m being born again. I can feel Gods love in my heart, and yes, I’m crying of course, but crying because of how good God is. I’m spiritually running!!!
Yesterday at shopgym I went to get something I needed, two bar hooks, but there was something on the floor in front of it which was the same colour as the floor so I tripped and fell on one of my knees really hard. Now I have a bruise, that’s okay.
Yesterday at church I was in the bathroom about to leave the bathroom stall and thinking about something, and in the background I heard two sets of footsteps like someone had heals and they were walking on a hardwood floor. I heard it as if they were walking on the other side of the wall, which has carpet, and I know that I was the only one in the bathroom. I heard the footsteps first going one way, and then going back. I didn’t right away think about it but when the footsteps were done is when I realized that I may have heard something in the Spirit. It reminds me of what the children heard in the movie, “The Lion, Witch and Wardrobe.” I believe the Lord is causing me to walk in a certain direction which will lead me to where He wants me to be, my breakthrough!
Wellness Wednesday’s: I’m using my spiritual tools, slow start but I’m getting there.
It was a snow day today, yay! I always love when it’s a snow day and my kids get to stay home. I went back to bed and at 8:18 (didn’t right away look at the time so when I saw it, it was 8:19), I dreamt about a lady that reminds me of a prophet, and a younger person. They were both sitting on something like the side of a bed, facing each other at an angle. The lady put her hand on a younger persons chest and said, “What’s in here.” Then the person face lit up like a Christmas tree with a big smile on their face while taking a deep breath. When the lady put her hand on the persons chest, he could see what God put in his heart, the purpose God gave him, and he was really excited about it. Yesterday I sensed that the biggest thing that God has made me to be is a pastor, then a prophet, then an evangelist. I’m so excited about that!!!! In the back of my mind I’m still afraid that I’m going to fail again like I did when I missed God.
Jan 10: I went to bed at 10:44, and at 11:12 I dreamt that Bella and I were in a restaurant, walking to a couch section to sit down to eat our meal. We were each carrying a tray of food like in a fast food restaurant. The room was big. I saw a small group of couch-chairs that were close to each other, and we walked there to sit down. There were two men sitting right beside our chairs, talking with each other. At first it looked like they were occupying two chairs, but then I vaguely only saw one. I sat in one of the two chairs close to theirs, and I saw the one closer to them was empty. I had a thought that I wanted Bella to sit in the chair that was closer to them because it would be awkward if I, being an adult female, would sit so close to them. Then I began turning the chair (because Bella would sit in it) to face me to create a bit more of a personal space for the two of us. Then I saw a small cluster of couch chairs across the room, further down into the room to the left of us. The room floor was empty and had a lot of space. Looking at the chairs from where I was, I saw that there was still some stuff there (garbage, on the table) that was left behind by the people who had been sitting there before. I asked Bella if she wanted to go sit there to have more privacy. Then we were going to sit there. I asked her to go see if there were any books there, because then it would show that someone was still sitting there, or wanting to keep that spot. If there wasn’t any books there, it would mean that they had left. Then I saw that we had already made ourselves comfortable and had our stuff on the table. So I was about to repack our things to move to that other spot. They were beige couch chairs that didn’t have arm rests. I believe I know the meaning of this dream. I haven’t been able to keep up with my reading and answering the questions so I’ve been just reading. I’m really anxious that I’m doing something wrong, not getting everything in. What I’m going to do is answer two questions from each chapter and then I think I’ll be able to have it read before the 22nd. Also, I’m rewatching the Wellness Wednesdays, one every day so I can do what God wants me to do in them.
I had dreamt earlier that I needed to take a shower. I tried with no water and it didn’t work so I began walking towards the shower. I was in a large bathroom. I believe this means that I’m now taking steps in learning new tools about my emotional and spiritual health. In another dream a few nights ago I dreamt that I was wearing my housecoat and my legs were showing so I closed my housecoat. Thinking that I’m protecting myself in an area. Papa lead me to know in what area I feel that I need to protect myself.
I dreamt that I was laying in bed underneath my blanket and I had picked up a spider; I had it between my thumb and pointer finger of my right hand and I could feel the round body. I was so grossed out. I wanted to kill it but the only way to kill it was to squish it between my two fingers, and I didn’t want to do it because I didn’t want to feel the pop of me squishing it. I’m a bit afraid of spiders. I was putting my arm down underneath my blanket. I didn’t know where or how to kill it besides squishing it because it was between my fingers already. I tried pushing my fingers together to kill it but I just couldn’t do it, and it got away underneath my blanket. I believe the meaning is, There’s something I had that I could have killed but I couldn’t do it; I think it represents the opportunity to take the first/front game. I’m going to kill the spider next week! It takes the work of the Holy Spirit to get what we believe in our mind to get into our heart. This morning this is what has happened, and I’m so thankful! Now I’m on my way to the garage to get filled with more oil of the Holy Spirit.
12:27 I had a quick dream where I saw a guy laughing, saying something like, “If I had peanut butter and time!” I have no idea what this means, and it could just be nothing. I also woke up at 4:44, which is an encouragement to me. I’ve also began going to the 6:00 classes at Shopgym this week; going again tomorrow. I wanted to go running on the track but I’m so behind in my reading and my Ana Werner videos. I had a dream that I was admitting myself at a doctors office, and I’m reminded that church is my hospital. Many blessings…
January 12: Last night I went to bed at 11:44 and woke up at 1:44 and heard these lyrics in my heart, “Even when I walk through fire I won’t be burned, I set my feet upon your word. I know your love will never fail, this I know now, deep down. Deep down. Even when I walk through fire. Even when I walk through fire.” I had woken up a bit earlier but had fallen asleep again. This time when I woke up I remembered part of a dream vividly but it only lasted a second, and then I couldn’t remember it anymore. I think this was Gods way to get me up! Even now as I’m writing I get quick flashes of what I dreamt, but that’s it. I love my Papa and how he pursues me so that I will pursue Him!
Isaiah 55:10,11, “As the rain and snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater , so is my word that goes out from my mouth: it will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”
During my time with the Lord I was reminded to stand on Gods Word for His promises, so this is a verse I stand on. I stayed up, praying and writing all night (from 1:44) until I needed to get ready to go to Shopgym for 6:00. When I was at Shopgym, I didn’t feel tired at all! (Later I took an hour nap) We did Power Cleans from the floor. I based my weight on 125lbs, even though that’s not my max. I’m not sure what my max is but in a few weeks we’ll be testing them to find out. Bella had a dream yesterday/ two nights ago! She doesn’t normally get many dreams so she was really excited about this one. She saw two girls, sisters, one about 8 and the other about 4. They were beside a pool and the first one jumped in and swam up, and the second one jumped in but didn’t come up. So without hesitation Bella ran and jumped into the water and pulled the little girl up to safety. Bella had a bit of a hard time swimming up with her but she made it! I believe this has something to do with the topic of family coming together. Tomorrow morning I’m going to my moms place to take her grocery shopping, then coming home to take Bella to the city to do some errands and to spend some time together. We’ll probably go to the Outlet mall and a few other places. Many blessings…