“For a man’s ways are in full view of the Lord, and he examines all his paths.” -Proverbs 5:21
Conversation and Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower. I believe He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart so that my heart is clean before Him. It also clears the way for me to hear Holy Spirit better when there’s no mess in the way. I record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning. Blessings.
April 7: 11:21 “I’m going to face my giants, with confidence.”
I had a dream that I had washed my housecoat (and the one I had before I think) and was drying it in the dryer. The dryer had a round door. There was more to this dream but I don’t remember what that was.
4:09 In my dream I saw an angel, or someone who was all golden white,pure (from head to toe, including the robe), sitting I think. I saw their whole form, sitting about twenty feet away.
4:22 “We’ll make a palace, of this apartment…
4:40 Papa
Come
4:43 You are Mine -I love you.
4:44 “exposed” “all done”
4:45 I love you Papa
4:46 I know you do
4:50 Papa, I’m running after You!
5:02 Come My darling, it’s time.
5:03 Yes papa, I am completely Yours.
5:09 Papa, I worship You. You have my whole heart.
5:10 This is true
5:11 Come
5:15 Come My loved one, you are Mine.
5:19 Papa, please forgive me.
I’ve forgiven you.
5:33 Papa, You are Sovereign. You are Good. I worship You with all my heart. I will always worship You with all that I am. I know You are always pursuing me with all Your heart. Thank You for Your heart if compassion for me. Thank-You for Your unconditional love.
5:37 “Christ is my firm foundation. The Rock on which I stand. When everything around me is shaken. I’ve never been more glad, than when I’ve put my faith in Jesus, He’ll never let me down. He won’t! He won’t! He won’t fail, He won’t!”
5:44 coffee camp?
5:52 Come My darling, it’s time. You are Mine.
5:55 Thank-You Papa. Thank-you Jesus… (I went back to bed at six)
7:09 I (and a group of people) were sitting on couches, listening to someone on the stage. The couch I was sitting on was along the wall (looked different than the youth room). Then the lady on stage looked at the floor by the wall and said something, “Oh, there’s a sponge.” Then whatever it was that she saw was walking behind the couch I was on. Then I saw that it had been a skunk, and was now in the middle of the room, eating dog food from the dog’s bowl on the floor. I saw that the skunk was really big and had long black hair. I noticed the person sitting beside me on my left was sitting calmly, and so was every else, watching the skunk.
I woke up and heard in my heart, “And the church of Christ was born, and the angels stood in awe.”
I was sitting in a restaurant, looking out of the window and I saw a robin fly towards me, then turn to face the sky, and fly up at an angle very fast. When it flew up fast, it didn’t flap its wings; it looked like an airplane taking off. I could see it perfectly and clearly. It was like this “air runway “ was right in front of me, so I saw the bird with its wings out, seeing both whole wings as it flew up into the sky. As it was flying up at an angle, it took about 4 -5 seconds. Then I saw the bird fly back to that spot again and I saw a smaller bird that seemed like it was following it. I watched the bird come, then turn to face the sky, and fly up at the same angle as before, watching it fly up without flapping its wings. I also saw the smaller bird go where the other bird had started from, but I didn’t see the smaller bird follow. Uh oh, is the smaller bird me? How am I not following? What comes to mind is, I’m sensing that I’m being led to end the youth nights/huddles at the end? In my dream there was a mom and her son I think, sitting at a table nearby and I was going to tell them about the bird, but then I kept watching the bird.
In this dream it was early morning and I got up. I noticed that my husband and Lucas were already up (they had gotten up much earlier than usual) and he was doing something with him, like teaching him something. Then they came into our room, still doing that and I asked my husband what they were doing and he wouldn’t answer me. I saw Lucas (about 3-4 years old) in our room and he was turning some kind of wheel; the wheel had a center that had arm length things going out from it, and he was turning it. At the end of each “arm” was something different, and the one he had his hands on was a golden handle (I think) which he had his hands on. Then they had both left the room. It seemed like my husband was full of energy and was saying things when I asked him what they were doing, but he always avoided saying exactly what they were doing. I could tell he was up to something but he wouldn’t tell me what. I was undressed (no pants on) and I walked to the hallway, frustrated because he wouldn’t tell me what they were doing. Then I saw my brother standing quietly and patiently in the hallway. He didn’t see me and I walked back to where my bed was, thinking to cover myself with an object or anything I could quickly find.
Sometime in the night I heard these lyrics in my heart, “And the Spirit lit the flame.” I thought Lucas was volunteering, but he’s volunteering the next two Sundays.
Dreamt that I saw all my undies laying on the floor and I took each one and put them up onto the rack where they would stay until it was time for me to wash them. This makes me think God is going to reveal something more that’s hidden in my heart that I don’t know about. I’m so humbled already, how much more is there? I’m comforted to know that I can trust Jesus. Nothing seems to happen twice. I remember hearing to take whatever’s in front of me..
I forgot to mention that somewhere in the end of the dream about my house/mansion that broke down; someone had a puppy that ran around what was left of the house, into the well manicured backyard. I followed it around the corner and saw two big hot-air balloons that were laying on the green grass, deflated. Right now when I think about it, I don’t feel like that idol is there anymore! Wow, is it really gone? I felt like it was impossible not to feel the way I was feeling about myself and thought I had to live with it for the rest of my life. Thank-You Papa, Holy Spirit for Your deep work in me. Thank-You Jesus for taking my sin upon Yourself on the cross. You did it for me so that I could be forgiven, healed, and be set free. Help me face whatever else there is that’s hidden in my heart so that I can repent of it and be set free. Right now the only thing I need to do, that God has revealed so far is prepare my testimony, open my mouth and lead the huddle meetings at the end of the night, jump off the pole at camp, go onto the zip line, go into the pool, and use the showers in the kitchen building. I’m feeling led to take the online group study Monday nights (we’re not doing the 50days in the Spirit), and I need to finish the book before Tuesday night! I want to do all these things and I love the book! I feel like I’m eating up all the words. Do I need to dissect the sermon that was presented today? I don’t know if I’ll copy it word for word again but I’ll take notes. I’m sensing to sit in the second from the front row again next week.. Lucas is volunteering next week. I’m subbing for grade 2 this coming Thursday in the afternoon. I’m planning on going to Shopgym tomorrow, determined to do 3X5 deadlifts (155 the heaviest weight, just because of my back; it feels a lot better today but sitting makes it worse. We made a quick trip to costco today and bout a few things, including hummus. So today I had a cucumber with hummus, so good!We went to the outlet mall and I bought a new purse!! Also a small card holder. I bought a new lipstick while at Sephora with Bella. I opened my Bible to choose a verse and opened to this one, thought it was fitting! Goodnight, many blessings…✈️
April 8:12:10 dead (thinking my idol is dead?!)
1:13 “I should all walk”(sounds like my grammar is incorrect, but these are the exact words I heard in my heart as I was waking up)
Two warehouses? Not sure if I heard this right. I’m thinking it has to do with the previous reason, though I’m sensing something has changed since I was prayed for; the only thing I’m struggling with now is still feeling like I don’t measure up. So I’m thinking there’s still breakthrough that’s needed with that. I have full confidence that God is going to heal me and that I don’t need to live with that kind of thinking anymore. My heart is open; if there’s anything else in my heart that I don’t know about or that I’ve forgotten about, then I want God to reveal it. I don’t want to carry anything around that will hinder intimacy with God and with my hubby.
5:31 “Open up my eyes in wonder, show me, who You are and fill me, with Your love and lead me in Your love to those around me.”
7:22 “I couldn’t love you any more, anymore, anymore than I do right now. I couldn’t love you any more, anymore, anymore than I do right now. Take a look at the cross, then you’ll know it for sure.”
This morning when I got up to go to Shopgym (I didn’t go because of not feeling well, and my back is still too sore. I sensed to rest.) I could feel that my throat has gotten worse than yesterday. Even though I basically lost my voice, my throat didn’t hurt, but now my throat hurts when I swallow. And my back hurts more today than yesterday. I went to see Dr. Goldenberg this morning and the test for Strep throat came out negative, so that’s good! I may be able to have her be Lucas and Bella’s doctor and will find that out soon.
This morning I went down to pray, searching my heart. What came to mind is that one of my pastors asked me one time, because I was doing some soul reflection, if I thought I was beautiful. I told him that I never thought I was beautiful. That’s actually not true, but I had been feeling such heavy spiritual weight for so long. I know it doesn’t matter how we look, and it’s not as important to me like it used to be when I was younger -I just want to be beautiful for my hubby and I don’t think I measure up. Thinking about the broader perspective, I don’t really care about how I look; what’s most important are the lives of others. I believe that God is going to deal with this inner rejection? Rejection is the word that came to mind, thinking this is from the Holy Spirit because I’ve never thought of it like that. Papa please forgive me for rejecting myself, how You’ve created me. Papa I’m so sorry. (I forgive you My daughter-you are Mine and I love you.) I come against the spirit of rejection in Jesus name! Papa what else? I pray that Your love light would come and shine into every area of my heart so that every area is exposed and filled with light. Every lie, every reason for shame needs to come out of hiding in Jesus name! Show me Papa, show me what’s still there! Thank-You for showing me why I need Your Grace! Thank-You Papa, Jesus, Holy Spirit for Your deep work in my heart. Thank-You for making things uncomfortable for me so that I can become clean. It hurts, but I know there’s a purpose. It’s so uncomfortable being so transparent.. open heart surgery for all the world to see. Hanging onto Grace for dear life..
I’m making soup for supper today, and will be doing the online study at 8:30. I took a photo of the solar eclipse-God is so beautiful! Yesterday I saw Robins and Doves flying around; I love Spring! Much love and blessings…❤️🔥