“But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me.” -Psalm 13:5,6
Conversation
Papa, I love You.
Come My daughter, you are Mine -I love you.
Papa, as I was coming inside from taking Bella to school, I had a feeling like You were waiting for me, but You weren’t excited to see me. But then when I was in the kitchen, ready to meet with You, I heard in my heart You saying, “Nothing could be further from the truth.” I know You pursue me with all Your heart, I just needed to not believe that lie.
Caroline My daughter.
Papa, I”m listening.
I am near to you, always. You have intrinsic value.
Thank-You Papa. I’m choosing to believe it. Help me to believe it more deeply than I do.
Come My daughter, you are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower. I believe He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart so that my heart is clean before Him. It also clears the way for me to hear Holy Spirit better when there’s no mess in the way. I record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning. Blessings.
12:46 I woke up and dreamt something about a barn and people.
3:05 As I woke up I heard in my heart some of the lyrics of the song, Strong, by Anne Wilson: …”Saying dear Lord Jesus, You know I can’t do this on my own, I can’t do this on my own.” (Lord knows I tried, but I’m good at falling down. Thank-You God You’re good at picking me up off the ground. The world’s gonna try to break me, but I know the one who makes me, strong.)
5:15/16 I dreamt that I preached a sermon on the main stage! My pastor was going to preach but then he allowed me to preach. Then it was like I had done it and I was thinking to myself that I hadn’t been as direct as him with telling people what to do (I actually didn’t dream about having or not having points), but I had preached! I also kind of saw myself preaching in my remembering of it.
I had fallen asleep again after my alarm and heard this in my heart as I was waking up, “At the U of M I was asked.”
Today I feel like I’m getting back up again. Today I have a meeting at Smitty’s here in town with other parents at 6:30; The grade 8’s are having a farewell party at what used to be the barn (I forget what it’s called now), which will be on June 25th. I said I’d bake something and I’ll be going with her. Today at Shopgym we did 2 x 200m Run (2 min rest in between; we only rested 1 min since it was a bit cold). Then for the workout we did 5 rope climbs, 20 D-Ball Slams, 30 sec Handstand hold, 20 D0Ball slams, 5 Rope climbs. Normally I can only do one rope climb, but today I did another one but not reaching the top, then another one about half way. The rope always slips through my feet so I have to work harder to get to the top, whereas it should only take about 3 -4 pulls. I needed to look up the word, intrinsic, to make sure it made sense; I’ve heard it many times but it’s not a word I normally use! Lucas got In-Line skates for an early birthday gift. Blessings…
April 30: 4:58 I woke up at this time but I didn’t have a dream or lyrics in my heart.
5:43 “We will not shaken we will not be overcome” This is when I went downstairs to press into the Lord.
My watch face is blue, and it has a circle in the bottom middle that shows Vancouver’s time, which says, “Van,” in white. I didn’t change it from what it was before and I know my kids didn’t do it, so I must have swiped it unknowingly. I had a black outer space theme with all the planets. I went for coffee with my mentor and had such a wonderful time. I stayed there until about 11:44 and read more of my book; I’m at Habit 2 (p 110). I love this book! These are the things I wish I knew as a teenager; I was so clueless back then. I got a haircut, many actually:) Bella said I got a boys cut, and I agree; it’s a bit shorter than I thought it would be, but it’ll grow so fast. I went running at the CRRC building on Saturday and this afternoon. We had neighbours over this evening; they have a son who’s friends with Lucas. I’m going to Soar tomorrow and will bake jam jams when I get back home in the afternoon. Blessings…
May 1: 11:23 “ strong” (I heard lyrics from the song, Strong, in my heart as I was waking up.
12:39 Lyrics from “Strong”
2:27 (I think) “I can’t do this on my own.. strong.” Remembered vaguely having a dream about people waiting for me. I couldn’t sleep after this and after about an hour of trying to fall asleep, I sensed a gentle invitation from the Lord to go downstairs and pray, so that is what I did.
4:27 I sensed this verse, “Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
In my dream I followed my hubby/husband. There was a little mess in the kitchen I wanted to clean up; I looked over the counter and saw a few empty boxes to clean up; reminds me of the back area of the kitchen at church. He gave me a small ornament: a figure of a girl with a dress on, doing a ballerina pose. There was a door that I thought didn’t have anything behind it that he went into, and then I saw there was a stairway leading down, behind it. The door was only partway open. Then I saw he came back into the room through another doorway, and I was talking with him as I was following him. I think the stairway leading down represents that I almost went downstairs spiritually, early this morning; I hadn’t been able to sleep and I really didn’t want go to Shopgym, but I went.
Some time in my dream I felt something in my heal and I pulled it out and looked at it; it was about a 1/4 inch sliver, a little thicker than a sliver would normally be. It was a light brown, wooden sliver. I’m not sure what this could represent. Maybe it represents that I let go of wanting to be in control.
Today at Soar the Holy Spirit showed me that I needed to let go of trying to be in control about wanting something. I need to surrender my will completely to God and trust Him with it. I believe that He will do what He said He will do. Blessings…
May 2: 2:11 lyrics “I can’t do this on my own -strong” I dreamt that I was carrying a big white bowl and I saw a small black spider in it. There was a bit of water in it that I caused it to be in to contain it, but then it ran out of the water and up the side of the bowl, and then I saw it had jumped onto the floor. When it was on the floor I tried stomping on it but as soon as it realized I was trying to kill it, it ran away from where my foot would land. It ran between two white cupboards and I quickly stuck my foot in between them, and with determination I got it. I stomped on it so quickly, stepping on half of it but still killing it. I saw or felt the round body pop, then I sensed that I stomped on the whole thing. I’m not sure what this represents; I’m afraid of spiders but will kill them if there’s no one else around to kill them for me, or if I’m the only adult there. If this has something to do with obedience to God, and if I’m in the right place for it, then I’m going to do it even though it’ll be difficult (pushing through the difficulty, like pushing through the difficulty of killing the spider).
In this scene I was standing in a community building and there was someone sitting who I didn’t know. I was standing close to him and he was looking up at me. I had a knowing that he cared about me, but I didn’t know him. I had a bowl of food I was eating and had eaten most of it; I saw there was a little bit left (it could have been fruit) and I have a sense that I didn’t eat that last part and he saw that because he was close to me. Then I saw him talking with someone.
In this scene I was in my neighbours house, yet it felt like a public place. She was also there, and I saw all the dirt on the floor and apologized for it, thinking my dog had brought in a lot of it. She seemed to have grace about it. Then I saw a rack of car “scents,” those things you can hang in your car to make it smell nice. Lately I’ve gotten a few (vanilla). Then I saw my dog sitting close to it, smelling them and wanting to eat them. I shood her away from them and made her walk away from it.
In this scene it was winter and I saw lots of snow. I was standing outside, feeling like this was in the yard beside the house where I lived here in town (corner). I saw a baby or a toddler laying in the snow. Then I was driving my SUV and drove into the driveway of my old house. The people living there weren’t home (I saw there were no lights on and felt like they were on vacation), and I contemplated driving further into the driveway so I could get closer to the baby. I saw that the driveway was very narrow and had a sharp left turn which would get me closer to the baby, but I was afraid to get stuck so I didn’t go. I had a thought to visit the lady who lives at that corner.
These two songs have been on my mind this morning, “I’m waiting here for you, with my hands lifted high in praise. And it’s you, we adore, singing hallelujah, singing hallelujah in praise.”
“I sought the Lord, and He heard, and he answered, I sought the Lord, and He heard, and he answered. That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust him!”
Going to Soar yesterday has opened my eyes to knowing that I’ve been trying to have control. I’ve repented of it and now I’m just here. There’s nothing I can do except surrender my will to God. It’s not about me or what I want; it’s all about God. So I’m not expecting anything and won’t try to figure anything out, but will only live in the moment. God will lead me to where He wants me to be. Today I’m baking jam jams.
Just a few more thoughts! I’m making sure I don’t go in the other side of the ditch where I’d be totally passive. God is my focus and I’m looking straight ahead! I think part of me opening my mouth to Jesus, are voice lessons. I practiced today and I’ve fallen in love with it again. The songs I’m practicing are Panis Angelicus and The Little Spanish Town. I also have the book, Vocalises Levels 5-7 (currently on Vocalise D Minor). Blessings… 🔆
May 3: 4:18 “great is your faithfulness to me”
6:39
7:13 Trusting
7:53 I needed to get up but because I was awake at night, I fell asleep again and woke up around 9:00. I dreamt about a wide pot of water that was cooking on the stove. I saw that it had come off the element and I carefully put it back on, right in the middle of the long element. I think this represents that I had come off track a bit, but I’ve now, in my heart, surrendering myself to God again. I’m back on the hot seat -this is so difficult.
In this dream I was on the highway, rollerblading among the cars that were going fast. I saw a few others who were rollerblading, going in the same direction. Then we came across a few others that weren’t in our group, and I saw two people saying hi as they were rollerblading. I think they were facing each other and then as I was looking back at them, I saw they fell. Then I was looking forward and there was a younger person close to me who started to lose their balance but gained it back. I’m thinking this represents that we are going rollerblading and I’m afraid that I’m going to fall! I used to be able to do anything on four-wheeled rollerblades, but I’m not used to the other ones. I’ll still rollerblade of course but I’m not going to go fast that’s for sure!
I’ve been so busy that I’ve not spent quality time with God for a few days, maybe more, and I miss Him. I’m looking forward to this weekend.. I just want to say that now that I have a picture of where I am with the Lord in my journey with him (that God has made me aware about what He’s leading me to do, to speak in some capacity), and that I’m in the valley right now where He’s preparing me for that, I think my endurance will be more steady. I’m hoping that this fresh perspective will help me grow more faithfully and have less setbacks. I’ve known that He’s preparing me for what’s next, but hearing about all the different seasons yesterday and about how God shows us our calling on the mountain and then leads us along the valley where He prepares us, make so much sense.
Last night Bella woke me up about 4:15, saying that her right arm hurt. She had been awake and was walking around, trying to make it feel better. So after trying to figure out how to help her, the only thing I knew to do (besides giving her an ice-pack and drink water), I began praying for her. After a little while I sensed to call Health Links and talked with a nurse. After many questions she thought that Bella was fine but she should baby her arm. So I told her about going to camp and she right away said I should bring her in to see a doctor, just to make sure her arm would be okay and if there was any other issue. So I took her to the same place I go to, and the doctor who saw her confirmed that her arm was okay and that she’d be okay to do all the activities. It could have been growing pains. Her arm had begun to feel better after we talked with the nurse at Health Links. So she went back to school this afternoon. I wondered about Shopgym and in my heart I asked the Lord, and I sensed the word, Grace. I baked a little on Wednesday evening for our family, and baked three batches of jam jams for the retreat (70 cookies in total!). Blessings…
May 4 4:28 “From the rising sun to the setting same I will praise your name. Great is Your faithfulness to me.”
5:44 “I don’t think he needs popular day.”
6:40 I woke up and had dreamt that it was morning , before breakfast and Jesus had his head in our room; he was laying in something like a vent and was fixing something in our room. He had his face turned away from in the room as he was fixing something, and I sang something quietly which he heard. There was another youth who had his head in our room, helping him, peeking in from a hole in the ground. And the hole had a lid that was made from the ground. (I’m coming out of the grave!
Then I was standing by my cupboard where I had all my things that I had brought along to camp, and I saw I had brought two jars of pickles and thought maybe they should go in a fridge, but then I knew they wouldn’t go in the fridge. The jars were both about half full.
Then the other leader and another person were nearby sitting on the counter in our room, and her small pink purse was also on the counter. I put my hand on it, wondering if it was mine and then realizing it wasn’t as the other leader said it was hers. I pushed it towards her and we laughed as I walked away. I’m so glad to be here. I’m with Bella and her friends. I couldn’t sleep for a few hours in the night so I prayed in the Spirit, pleading with God to help me see. Tonight I know in my heart that Jesus my husband loves me, and I’m so overwhelmed by it. He actually loves me… I just want to say that I’m so blessed. I’m so blessed and know Gods love because of how He takes care of my heart. His quality of love is indescribable, and it shows me, my heart, that He values me and that He’s given me so much value. I love you Jesus more than words can say, and I’m so thankful for your patience, love and care for me… ❤️🔥
May 5: 5:39/40 I woke up at night and heard in my heart, “One on one time.”
5:55 I was praying in the Spirit and heard, “Come, My daughter, it’s time.” When I looked at the time it was 5:55 on May 5!!!
5:57 “Great is Your faithfulness to me. From the rising sun to the setting same I will praise, Your name. Great is Your faithfulness to me!”
5:59 “Extraordinary “
6:00 Papa, I love You so much! Thank You Papa! I worship You and I praise Your name. You are so faithful, so Good. You are a Good Good Father!
6:04 Come My darling, it’s time; you are Mine.
The lyrics that come to mind are, “I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered, I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered. That’s why I trust Him! That’s why I trust Him!” Also, “I put my faith in Jesus, my anchor to the ground, my hope and firm foundation, He’ll never let me down, he’ll never let me down. Great is Your faithfulness to me. Great is your faithfulness to me. From the rising sun to the setting same I will praise Your name. Great is your faithfulness to me…” In one of my dreams I was singing softly, and I was reminded of that this morning – it brought me so much comfort. I’ve been reading today, trying to catch up. Goodnight, love and blessings…