“Then Jesus said to his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it.” -Mathew 16:24-25
Reflection and Conversation
Hello and welcome to today’s page in my journal! The Lord wakes me up most nights at certain times after He’s given me a dream, which I sometimes don’t know the meaning of but other times I do, and it’s such a great comfort to my heart. I absolutely love sharing what God is doing in my heart, hoping it’ll inspire you to spend time with God everyday and grow the most fulfilling relationship with Him. For the past while God has been taking me through a spiritual shower. I believe He’s preparing me for what’s coming up next. He’s purifying my heart so that my heart is clean before Him. It also clears the way for me to hear Holy Spirit better when there’s no mess in the way. I record the times when God says something to me because even in that, there’s meaning. Blessings.
2:12 “In the darkness we were waiting, without hope, without light. Then from heaven You came running, there was mercy in Your eyes…”
I got up and saw it was 4:14. I went downstairs to write my dream and pray. In my dream I saw something fall into a deep hole in the floor. Then I saw that the hole was covered by a square wooden covering, but the thing (like a very small animal or small living thing) was still in it. Then we were trying to get it out, and someone was getting something to get it out when I looked into it and thought I could reach down with my arm and pick it up with my hand. I saw that the hole wasn’t very deep and it had fallen on comfy cushioning, so it hadn’t gotten hurt. Then I reached down with my arm and picked it up with my fingers. I’m not sure about the meaning, but the overall sense I have is that I saved it; I was saved by a short fall which I think represents Friday when I thought that I had missed something so important again.
Then I was at my Pastor’s house. He had a cute little fluffy white puppy that always wanted to go outside. It liked to go outside using the side entrance that was further to the back and walk along the side of the house, up to the front and come in the front/side door. I saw that my Pastor was a bit concerned or worried about its safety because it was night and I had a feeling like he wanted to go to bed. Then the puppy had gone right to the front of the house, and I saw a few people standing there with it, thinking they could easily steal it. I had a feeling like I was standing with the door open (the side door on the other side of the house; reminds me of the lyrics, “saw to the other side” in King of kings.” I was waiting for the puppy to come in. The overall sense about this is that Jesus is concerned/loves me and my family when darkness comes, and is waiting for me, on the other side of darkness, to come in. (This morning I walked around, up front two times (both services) to go to my seat.. thinking this is what it represents.) I’m also thinking/sensing that being “inside” represents being in the church, which I think I did come in today by obeying and following Jesus.
Then the scene changed where I was with my pastor’s daughters at his house, and because I was with them at their house, I could hear a voice from a person (a women) from the past, or it was an evil spirit I’m not sure. I wasn’t really afraid but I wouldn’t have had that put on me if I hadn’t been at his house.
“For the souls of all who’d come, to the Father are restored. And the church of Christ was born! Then the Spirit lit the flame. That this gospel truth of old, shall not kneel, shall not faint.”
I’m leaving my old self, my old life at the cross: living my life my own way, fear, worry, intimidation.
5:42 Come My daughter, it’s time. Rest.
5:44 I’m coming Papa! I’m so ready to come!
5:51 Papa when I think about Jesus, and when I think about my church, I’m desperately craving to come and sit at my place at Your table.
5:52 Then come My daughter, it’s yours.
5:55 crying/absorbing
5:58 Papa, please make a way today, and please enable me to come.
6:00 I will enable you, my daughter. Come.
I love You Papa.
I love you my daughter.
After church:
Columns/pillars of the church: In my dream yesterday the columns of my mansion (representing my heart/how God has transformed and cleaned up my heart) that broke down (I died to myself/my will to follow Jesus) had gold at the base, reminding me of pillars of the church. The golden pillars were golden at the base and had very much value. Also the golden rings around the cuffs/sleeves of two people’s arms that had so much power; putting the three together (Holy Spirit, Jesus and myself?) Yes!!!
This afternoon I took a cat-nap for about 15-20 min, remembering that I can rest while laying down and if I’m going to sleep, then only a catnap. So I got up and began writing/reflecting. So I woke up from my catnap at 5:10 and heard in my heart as I woke up, “I might not have enough lip steak for today.” I’m not sure exactly what this could mean. The words “might not” remind me of a Veggietales video where Larry the cucumber says a joke about the city of Mynot Alabama.
I had a dream that I forgot to mention, maybe a few days ago. It was a quick dream that as I heard someone speak, something began stirring in my heart, like fire and words together, and I began speaking out. The more I spoke the more it fuelled the fire.
After my catnap this afternoon I opened my Bible and the verse I saw first was Amos 2:5, “I will send fire upon Judah that will consume the fortresses of Jerusalem.” Then I went to the notes at the bottom and it made reference to a few cities, Gaza being one of them. This stood out to me because Gaza is currently at war. So for Gaza (I don’t know if this is the same place) it made reference to Amos 1:7 which says, “I will send fire upon the walls of Gaza that will consume her fortresses.” I’m not sure if this is significant, but there it is. The song that has begun to play in my heart is by Amy Grant, “Thy Word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path. When I feel afraid, think I’ve lost my way, still Your there right beside me. Nothing will I fear, as long as You are near. Please be near me to the end.”
I finally did it!!! I opened my mouth to Jesus!!! But, could the phrase, “I might not have enough lip-steak for today” mean that I need to do it again? I think I saw confirmation, or does it mean that I still need to do another recording, which I know I need to do anyway? Whenever I think of lipstick, it reminds me of my recordings.
I had a banana muffin, which had a C on the brand name -I had a banana Muffin today. I also had fruit. I also thought I needed to have a cinnamon bun (which I also had). I had a dream a long time ago where I saw Jesus at the counter, buying all the cinnamon buns. Only at home did I make the connection that I had dreamt about a bunch of buns. I’m so glad that I hadn’t had breakfast at home today because I was so full after eating all of that! Two of my friends and myself will be starting a new study (our church did this one some years ago which I think I did already) called, 50 days in the Spirit. I’ll be leading it, which I hope will mean that I can come to the leaders meetings..
Evening time with God: (my kids and their dad are watching a Marvel series, which I don’t want to watch) I began thinking about the words I heard while taking a catnap, thinking that they are not from the Lord. In the dream I had last night I dreamt that I heard a voice that was not from the Lord. Thinking back about the words, not to fall asleep, but if I do, then only a catnap. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night so I did take a short nap, and I heard as I was waking up, “I might not have enough lip-steak for today.” I began getting really anxious, and now after having spent time with God, I’m thinking that that wasn’t from the Lord. And now I can feel the Holy Spirit in my heart; wow what a battle!
8:17 Rest My daughter. You are Mine. Come, I have something for you today. Will you come?
Yes Papa, my life is not my own; I belong to You completely; I am Yours (crying because I’m afraid that what I did today wasn’t enough)
Rest my dear one, you have done it. You did well. Be anxious for nothing.
Okay Papa. I trust You.
My faithful one, arise, for your light has come. (I looked online for the verse: Isaiah 60:1,”Arise, shine, for your light has come, and the glory of the Lord rises upon you.”)
Papa, I hear in my heart, “Great is your Faithfulness to Me.” What do You mean by this? You are Faithful Papa.
My daughter, great is your faithfulness to Me. (After about half a minute I heard again, “My faithful one, great is your faithfulness to Me.”)
Oh Papa, from the rising sun to the setting same I will praise Your Name! Great is Your faithfulness to me! Praise forever to the King of kings! I love You Papa, I am Yours, I am Yours, I am Yours!
“And the morning that You rose, all of heaven held its breath. Till that stone was moved for good, for the lamb had conquered death. And the dead rose from their tombs, and the angels stood in awe. For the souls of all who’d come, to the Father are restored! And the church of Christ was born! Then the spirit lit the flame! That this gospel truth of old, shall not kneel, shall not faint. By His blood and in His death, in His freedom I am free! For the love of Jesus Christ, who has resurrected me!”
Papa, did you resurrect me today?
Yes I did.
Papa I’m sensing the words, “faith, restored, healed.” Is this true?
Yes My darling, this is true.
Papa, I believe You! I know this is true, deep in my heart. Thank you for resurrecting me today! March 31st is my Spiritual birthday! I love You Papa. Thank-You for Your love.
I love you Caroline; you are surely Mine.
April 1 I woke up at 2;03 and heard in my heart, “recovery of sight to the blind.”
5:20 My alarm woke me to get ready for Shopgym (in the photo I dead-lifted 155, 3 times), and I heard these lyrics in my heart, “And the dead rose from their tombs, and in His freedom I am free.” I’m feeling like I’ve been set free! I’m feeling like I finally know deep down, Gods grace and love for me. I feel a deeper connection with Jesus, and I’m a cry-baby today as I hear posts about the Easter story. We’re working on our taxes today, almost done. Lucas is starting his DriversZ today; his first virtual meeting is today. I need to do a few more assignments as well. He’ll soon begin to practice driving; how time goes by! I’m reminded about what the three papers represent; the official papers of a new house ownership, which is coming! In my dream the mansion I was living in broke down, which represents my old life and way of thinking. So now I need a new house so Papa please show me my new home!!!!!!! My new home represents my new life, new self because I’ve put the old behind me. Also my new life with Jesus. The dream where the lady knew people were waiting for her inside.. how do I get inside? I feel like I’ve already been invited. I’m thinking I need to put my message together, feeling like that’s a big part of it. Lucas and I handed out all the Easter cards from church, also the one that was on my seat and gave that one to another neighbour. It was good to meet her. Much love and blessings…😮❤️🔥 I forgot to mention that about a week or so ago I had a quick dream about someone saying “run!” Hearing someone talk about laying down to rest but not sleep reminds me of “doing everything, all the time, and all at once; basically I’m nearing the end of my race and I need to speed up! I’m having this as my mindset. The phrase I heard the other day that I thought wasn’t from the Lord; it could very well be from the Lord.. I just don’t understand it. Anyway, it was so difficult to go to Shopgym this morning, and I wish I would have done 5 deadlifts instead of 3. My back was okay, it’s just not totally better. The book I had mentioned reading is called, “The Fisherman’s Lady” by George MacDonald (Scottish). I am for sure a fisherman’s lady!!! The country I most want to go to is Scotland , then Ireland and Switzerland. It’s the green rolling hills that have always captivated me… I’m going to read from my leadership book now before going to bed. Goodnight, many blessings…