“But as for me, I will watch in hope for the Lord, I wait for God my Saviour; my God will hear me.” Micah 7:7
Conversation
Papa, I love You so much. Please help me; I’m completely broken. I’m covered in ashes and I miss you Jesus… Help me because I don’t know how to help myself. Do I even keep trying?
I love you My darling; don’t give up.
Papa, thank-You that You are Good all the time, and I praise and worship You. Thank-You that through this trial, Your work will be done in my heart. I know that You will never abandon me and that You love me completely.
My dear one, rest, you will be okay.
Papa, the words that come to mind are the lyrics, “Up from the grave He arose, with a mighty triumph over His foes. He arose, He arose, hallelujah Christ arose.”
My daughter, he will come back; you will see…
Papa, I’m keeping my heart wide open for You. I need You so much. My heart is completely in despair but I know You are a God of love and that You have a plan. Please open my eyes so I can see, and please wake me up so I can climb out of this grave that I am in.
Come My faithful one, you are Mine. I will help you.
Papa, please help me know how to come off the throne of my heart so that You can sit there. I give You control over my whole life. Revive me Papa. Help me come back to life! Even though this is so hard, I want to continue. Though I don’t know how I will ever make it.
I will surely help you My dear one. You are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley and I think I’m at the bottom of the bottom. What I’m doing so I don’t stay in this place of despair is spending time with God and crying out to Him because I know He hears me. I’m keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness more times than I can count, and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal, my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him.
May 9: 1:26 I dreamt that I dipped my finger along the edge of a bowl of chocolate cake or cookie dough. I believe this represents that my heart is raw.
5:15 “Your love runs wild for me, wild for me your love runs wild for me… You gave it all for me, All for me Your love runs wild for me.”
6:49 Papa, do I have to go another year?
No My daughter.
7:21 I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered, I sought the Lord, and He heard, and He answered. That’s why I trust Him, that’s why I trust him.”
7:26 Papa
Come
I’m coming Papa, I’m running after You!
Don’t give up hope My darling. I am near.
Papa, I pray that You would enable me to run faster. I run towards healing if I have more to heal from, and I run towards all You have for me.
7:44 “Your love for me! Will never fail. Your love for me!”
Thoughts: I believe in the dream about the lave, the lava was God/Holy Spirit, cleaning out my heart as I confessed things. Going through that has been very difficult, but if there’s more to clean up in my heart then I want God to continue. The person/people underneath the ground I think represents me, or my old life of living for myself. Last weekend I dreamt that I saw someone begin to come out from underneath the ground, but later that day I hadn’t realized something and so I missed something from God which is why I’m currently in despair. I think because I hadn’t come completely out, I was overcome. On the weekend I didn’t remember the words I heard in dream. I didn’t purposefully dismiss the words; I was thinking there wasn’t a way. I have to stop myself from believing that this is a punishment; I know it’s not, even if it feels like it is. My mom reminded me that today is Ascension day. I’m thinking that the only way for me now is up, so I’m glad about that. Yesterday I saw the licence plate with DD; I’m not sure why but the two D’s seem to be important, 4th letter in the alphabet, and the two ladies from the women’s group. I also saw the other day something that reminds me of the North End Missions, to do all four. In my heart I think I”m ready for that. I don’t know if I’m going to finish reading the book in time. I love you Jesus… Love and Blessings…❤️🔥