“For we are God’s workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” -Ephesians 2:10
Conversation
Papa, I love You. I need You. I worship You. My heart is open to You Papa. Please show me my heart. I’m so desperate for You.
Come My daughter, you are Mine.
Papa, as You can see, I’m in tears. I’m sensing from my dreams that I’m agreeing with something that’s not of You.
Rest
Papa, I’m completely broken again. I thought we could move forward by now.
Rest, I am near.
Papa, at the mall a few days ago I felt myself retreating and covering myself because of what I didn’t look like. Please forgive me. I know better than that.
I forgive you My daughter. You doubt your value.
I know this is true. Help me get out of this rut Papa. Help me remember to declare scripture over me everyday.
I will help you My love.
In my heart I’m resting in Your arms.
Come, and stay with Me. I love you.
Thank-You. I’m staying with You. I love You.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing so I don’t stay in a place of despair is spending time with God and crying out to Him because I know He hears me and He loves me. I’m keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness more times than I can count, and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him!
12:22 or 12:23 “crossing over”
I dreamt that I was at someone’s house. I was there so often that it felt like it was my own home. I felt at home there (church?). When I went there this time I was so excited that I found myself rolling around on the wooden floor. I got up and noticed I had a dress on, and I brushed myself off. Rolling around on the grass outside was something I used to do when I was a kid. Then after getting up I sat down on something, and I looked around and noticed my head was spinning; my eyes were doing that rolling thing because I had just been rolling around on the floor. As I was getting up I noticed I was wearing a light summer dress. (Do I need to begin wearing dresses or does it represent an openness of heart?) I was going to wear my purple skirt yesterday but it looked off. I actually don’t like any of the skirts and dresses I bought last summer except for my green dress with spaghetti straps (I wore them so much last summer that I don’t even want to look at them again.). I love wearing dresses, it’s just difficult wearing them while playing sports. I also don’t have the funds to get other ones.
In this dream I was in a garage in the drivers side of my car. I think Bella was sitting in the back seat. Then I saw a girl go and close the blinds and then the big garage door, and I was thinking she wanted to harm me or steal my car. Then she had left the area where my car was so I quickly went and found the button to open the garage door and pressed it to open it up again, and I saw it begin to open. The button was a bit hidden but I found it. It looked light brown or beige. Then I quickly ran to my car again and sat down because earlier she had tried to drive away with it. I noticed I didn’t have a lot of room; it was very tight there and I didn’t have a lot of leg room. The seat was pushed up close to the front. (I need to sit close to the front?) Youth or big church? I was determined to stay sitting there so that the girl wouldn’t steal my car and drive away with it. She had tried earlier and I had tried locking the door, but then she had walked away from the car. I sensing this has something to do with the progress the Lord and I are making in my heart. I have peace in my heart that God has already completed doing what He said He’d do. This gives me hope..
4:53 Lift me up. Hold me down. Keep me close. Safe and sound…”
5:03 “Praise forever to the King of kings.” I got up and went downstairs to pray.
5:51 I have the sense that I need to come up/get up.
5:55 Loving God, loving Jesus.
It makes me think about Gods love for me, which is far wider, stronger, deeper, and more passionate than we humans could ever have for each other. It makes me think about how much more God loves us that we can ever love another person.
6:20 “Papa, I love You so much! Thank You for loving me so passionately! I’m feeling like I’m truly waking up! Keep me safe, safe and sound. (6:22)
6:24 I love you My daughter. I will keep you safe, safe and sound… you are Mine.
10:22 After Lucas left for his day with his friends I took a nap and woke up at 10:22 with the song in my heart, “Pick me up. Hold me down. Keep me close. Safe and sound.”
I had dreamt that I had gone into a home where someone was babysitting. I walked to a room beside the bedroom but I didn’t look into the bedroom. I saw from the hallway that it was the bedroom (I saw the corner of the bed.). I called out in the house and asked if there were any other adults in the house, and then I saw two women walking happily towards me. I just saw one; the other one was walking behind her. I have no idea what this could mean. Whatever it means, I’m open to knowing and sharing. I have no pride left. I’m sensing this means that generally I feel more comfortable being around women than I do men.
Then the scene changed where there was a big round basin the size of a room that had a hole in the middle. There were two kids living in the house, and one of their glasses had fallen into it; there was garbage being flushed down and I think I tried reaching out and grabbing the glasses. Then as the kid was reaching for the glasses she fell in and got sucked into the hole. I wanted to help but I was too far away to grab her hand.
After the girl got sucked into the small spout I looked into it and saw a wide open round “room” where all the garbage was, and I asked her is she was okay. Then I saw there was a bad man in the “room” with her and he was beginning to climb out. I saw he had a smile on his face and I was so alarmed. Then there was a scene where the man was sitting in a room with me and about two other women. The two women got up and left but I stayed sitting. Whenever I saw or sensed this bad man, he was always wearing black. While sitting there I had a sense that he had sexual plans and was delighted in an evil way that I hadn’t left. I was looking down and had accepted it that I was just there. I think this represents what happened at the mall.
Then in another scene I could have sensed there were others there but I’m not sure. In this scene the older child, a boy that was about 5 or 6 years old came where I was, and looking at him one could never tell that there was so much strife going on in the house. He came to me and asked me a question and had a frown on his face. Then we were talking; he had his notebook with him and it was open. I told him that we need to have code words to communicate, and he could have code words in the book, but I told him that he shouldn’t actually write in the book (his notebook) that these were code words because then it would give it away and the bad man would find out. He was very willing to do this. I’m sensing that the white papers have “code words” or things written for me to see… Someone posted on instagram yesterday that it’s important for families to have code names that only they know so that their family members can be alerted if there’s something wrong. In another scene I was in a room and I saw the girl (about 3 years old) kind of stop in a hallway that connected two rooms, and I motioned for her to come to me quickly before the bad man and his friends came. I didn’t see any of his friends and I’m not sure if there were any -I hope not.
Coffee: My kids dad was talking with another person. There was a question about coffee, and I didn’t accept coffee that he made (he didn’t offer me coffee in my dream, I just didn’t want any coffee that he would make.). Then I thought I would have coffee that I would make, and I walked around him and the person he was talking with, to make my own coffee.
Two tunnels while driving. Lucas was in the passenger side. The right tunnel had construction so I made a quick decision to turn left, to drive through that tunnel. Then we had gone through it and all of a sudden I had driven a little off the road and the vehicle began tilting down. I immediately stopped the vehicle. I couldn’t see what was beyond the car, but I began backing up into safety. I saw beside where we had come out of, on the other side of the tunnel, that that had a very wide area for cars to drive. I wanted to park the car and didn’t want to park it in that wide open space because I imagined cars coming out of the tunnel very fast, so I drove slowly where I was, where it was a bit more private, planning to park. I’m wondering if this represents pipeline? In my dream I had quickly chosen the tunnel that didn’t have construction. I’m so sorry. I’m on page 174, and the deadline to reading it is in about three weeks. I need to get my testimony together so I can share it. I know I can finish reading the book before then. This Thursday my posse for Pipline is getting together at my friends place in the evening to have our meeting. Last Wednesday on our way to Youth, by the Superstore I saw a twenty dollar bill blow in the wind across our path. Do I need to get another haircut after this? 😭 Can I put blonde streaks in it right away? Alright, my heart is open to you as you read this…the good things is that I know that I’m loved and accepted; I just need to remember this when I sense that I’m being spiritually attacked like at the mall. I’ve never had that happen to me like that before..kind of makes me not want to go there anymore, or to guard my heart before I go and while I’m there. Love and Blessings…