“Jesus replied, ” ‘Love the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbour as yourself.’ ” Matthew 22:37-39
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing so I don’t stay in a place of despair is spending time with God and crying out to Him because I know He hears me and He loves me. I’m keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness more times than I can count, and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him!
Conversation and Reflection
12:31 You make all things new…
12:56 “Tired feet” I may have tired feet but I feel that I’m so close that I want to run after Jesus even faster than I have before… I feel more loved by Jesus, especially the last little while, and I have a deeper sense of love for him… Yes I have tired feet but please Jesus, don’t give up on me… I’m coming closer and I’m feeling that there’s going to be a breakthrough really soon… I’m getting used to my heart shattering to pieces, and I’m sensing it’s making me stronger and I’m able to get up quicker. I see you, and I believe in you Jesus, so much more than I have before…
It’s been proven to me over and over again that I can’t do anything in my own strength. I need to remember that Jesus loves me during those few moments of decision making. I’m sensing his love more now than before, and I feel closer to him now than I have before. I also feel that I trust him more now than I did before I feel that something that I’ve grown to love so much is always just beyond my reach…
2:11 I love you Jesus…
In a dream I saw a slender dog go out of a fence and sit obediently in front of someone, looking up to him. (I was in the fence where the dog had been)
2:21 I dreamt that a puppy ran to an adult puppy and was so excited to see him that she was ecstatic, licking him on his mouth/face while he sat there looking straight ahead, with maturity.
2:24 I love you Jesus…
2:26 “I believe you can do this” I dreamt I was in a lab underground with scientific machines or computers, and there were a few of us there, trying to get up and out into the open.
2:55 “I’ve been put down, I’ve been , when will I be loved, tell me, when will I be loved.
4:32 “when I see you again, darling it won’t be long till all the trouble is gone, when I see you again…” (I went downstairs to pray)
4:39 “Open my eyes. Show me who you want me to be Lord. You don’t have to be the strongest. You are perfect in my weakness…”
After church yesterday I right away kept seeing 14 and 41…
I’m realizing right now that I’ve been feeling like a dog, always needing to obey and follow. So how can I listen and follow without feeling like a dog? I’m hearing, “knowing deep in your heart that you are loved unconditionally” (by God, Jesus…) This is how I felt when I saw the yellow cord yesterday, and I’m realizing that this is why I didn’t come.. I believe this is a breakthrough moment.. Papa, please come and restore my heart. Holy Spirit please come and do your mighty work in my heart so that I will know in the deepest part of my heart that I am loved by You Papa, by you Jesus…
5:18 Come
5:19 Papa, Jesus Yes Yes Yes I’m coming!!! Please do your work in me; I’m so desperate for You Lord!
5:24 My daughter rise up, I have called you blessed. You are Mine this day.
5:26 Open my eyes, show me who You want me to be Lord..
5:28 Papa please forgive me for needing to be the strong one. If I wasn’t the strong one Papa, I would have followed someone into doing many wrong things, things that I know are wrong to this day.
5:31 I know, my dear one. This is finished. Come, I will show you who you are, who you are meant to be. Are you ready?
5:35 Yes Papa, I’m ready. Please show me… I truly want to follow as Your daughter, as your wife…
5:36 Come, I will show you, declares the Lord God Almighty.
5:37 It’s time. All is complete. (Feeling like God is saying that today is the day of salvation, that salvation has come to this house today.)
5:41 Show me Papa what true freedom looks like, feels like, is…
5:43 I will show you My love…
5:44 Thank You, Thank You, Thank You Papa. Can this please happen right away?
5:45 Yes My darling
5:47 “Faith like a grain of mustard seed. I wonder what You could do with me. Open my eyes! Show me who You want me to be Lord.”
5:55 Lead me to a place where I can soak in Your love Papa, Jesus… I’m so desperate for You Papa, Jesus…
5:56 Come My daughter, I will lead you there…
6:01 I love you Jesus, and I want to follow you for the rest of my life… I trust in your love for me… please come, I’m ready for you…
6:05 Come and rest, all is complete.
6:07 Thank You Papa…
You’re welcome My daughter… (these next entries are when I awoke after I fell asleep)
6:13 “I wonder what You could do with me. Open my eyes, show me who You want me to be Lord…”
6:16 “ Constantly deploy the rest and land right in them.” (I heard this right before waking up)
6:19 I was together with Jesus my husband and I saw him excited and getting ready to show me how to salsa, moving one thing, a box, out of the way and leading me on a cement/concrete floor. I heard his voice… (We have an appointment on July 20th where they will come and pour concrete on our driveway.)
6:47 Then a scene with her where I was walking and as she was walking up next to me (coming from behind me), I looked at her and could hardly open my eyes because of how tired I was, and she felt the same. I said something to that affect as I was trying to open my eyes. I could see through the slits of my eyes as I looked at her. (I see Jesus and his love for me; Jesus feels like family…)
In this scene there were black plastic bags on the couch that were all open. My sister Cathy was there somewhere and my husband gave for something to wear from it; they were a dark blue jeans material, slim fitting capri. As I looked at them I wished they could be mine because I needed them. Then I was holding up a one piece (shorts and shirt), which had been given to her. I wished they had been given to me but I didn’t want to take what had been given to her (this is how I felt both times with the chair beside me). I wanted so much to sit there… Then in my dream I sensed that I was told before that, that I needed to have put the clothes away that were in the bags; if I would have done that, I would have seen the one piece and it could have been mine. Cathy means Pure. Could this mean that God is giving this to me, as she represents me -having been made clean -pure heart? Please Papa… (I’m sensing and seeing a “Yes,” hoping this isn’t just my own will that I’m seeing). As I was lifting it up, looking at it, it seemed a bit big, but big and comfy.
7:36 Come My darling, it’s yours… (I heard this as I was beginning to pray in the spirit.) Im thinking this represents Jesus and I are connected? Did I make it?
7:41 (I’m sensing, “yes my daughter.”)
7:47 (jet?) I heard “superman hold.” I was somewhere like at a gym and someone was standing over someone, watching them do the superman hold, which is laying on your tummy and lifting your legs and arms and looking straight ahead. These next entries are what I heard or dreamt after I woke up. I didn’t get a lot of sleep last night.. I’m pursuing God, Jesus with all my heart, soul and mind…
7:53 “I’m gonna be somebody, be somebody to you…”
8:00 I saw an older teenager (Bella?) jump up with an arm in the air, really happy and celebrating, like she had done something. She had yellow on her shirt, kind of to the side, and the rest was white. She reminds me of Bella the volunteer.
8:30 ”There was nothing to hide me in front of you…” (in my dream I heard a woman’s voice, like it was me, talking to my husband… in my dream this happened as I was waking up in the morning after being together with him…)
8:41 “When I awoke, from my sleep, oh my love she’s beautiful, she’s apart of me, she’s my wife…” yes please, today please Papa..
8:56 I heard a guy singing “love you” (I do love you…)
9:22 Lucas was asking if I wanted him to take Coco for a walk, because she needed a walk. (in my dream)
I realize my home address equals to 14..Yesterday I got the Narnia book out to read to Bella (I have one that has all the stories that has beautiful artwork). The story I hose to begin with was The Horse And His Boy. I looked at the page number and was so surprised that it was on page 140:) Our driveway isn’t there anymore. Last night someone came and began the work. Last Wednesday I did deadlifts again and my back is still feeling good! The weight on the bar is 100lbs, so in total I lifted 135 lbs, 5 times in a row. Love and blessings…❤️🔥
1:50 “You’re an artist” I dreamt that I was in a big tent and I saw many rows of white papers hanging from the ceiling. There was a person standing in front of me, facing me. Reminds me of when someone said, “How can someone be so creative.” Does this represent all my posts? The white papers reminds me of all the flags hanging on the ceiling in my church. A white flag represents surrender or truce… This is my heart… 🤍
2:13 “I’ll feel so much better of myself”
2:20/21 I dreamt seeing someone having a small bottle with a long yellow pointy spout, and they were wiping it with a white Kleenex, like they had used it (feeling like they were done using it). My kiddos (and me from the kitchen -I’m making cinnamon braid/bread) are watching, Wish Dragon. I’m volunteering tomorrow at the World Cafe. Love and Blessings…❤️🔥🤍
June 30: 12:37 I dreamt something about a box. There was a certain name for it but I don’t remember what it was.
2:13: Stop
5:43 When I see you again. Darlin it won’t be long, when all the trouble is gone, when I see you again.
7:13 when I see you again…
7:48 There was a long table all set (feeling like in the youth room). I vaguely saw Jesus at the head (close to the door) of the table, about to sit down. A few people were already sitting, and I saw some were walking in the room. It had an intimate feel…
“I leave my heart open, open for you… I’m holding back nothing, nothing from you… Take my life and let it be, a Holy offering. Here I am Lord all of me, I give You everything.” My heart is wide open to God, to Jesus; I’m hoping I’m not too late, kind of having a feeling like I am too late for something, and I’m so sad about that.
I vaguely saw two women laughing, full of joy as they were sitting on chairs.
8:14 I vaguely saw Jesus my husband right in front of me, facing me with his arms wide open, and he had a long sleeve white shirt on. Could this indicate that even today I could follow??? (Right in front of me) Papa, Holy Spirit, please lead me and give me eyes to see so that I can follow Jesus… Today is the day…❤️🔥❤️🔥 We watched my favourite Marvels movie, Captain Marvel, in the evening. Happy Canada Day…🇨🇦 God gave me some dreams!! In one of them Jesus had led me to what felt like was a wedding table. He had carried two plates with food, one for him and one for me. I had followed him and was standing beside him. He had given me a choice of which plate I wanted and said it was up to me. So he was waiting for me to choose. I’m sensing this has to do with sharing my story with my neighbour lady because as the bride of Christ, I need to give Jesus my whole heart as I follow Him with sharing the gospel. In my dream he was standing behind the brides chair and I was standing behind the grooms chair, and the women (bridesmaids) were sitting in their places and so were the groomsmen. I definitely choose the brides plate… I’m pressing into the Lord about going to my neighbour’s today; I’ve already had lots of practice! Papa help me choose the right plate…❤️🔥🙏🏼
I did it! I went to my neighbours house and she invited me in and we had coffee together (I brought some cinnamon bread). We had a really good conversation and I shared my story.. I listened to her and asked her if she grew up going to church, and she said yes, but she’s not attending church now. I invited her to our Niverville campus. I wish I would have remembered to pray for her, but we exchanged phone numbers so when she comes over the next time, I will for sure pray with her. While we were sitting at her table the lights went out almost right away (the electricity went off) after she made coffee, so we talked with the lights out for most of the time. I was there for about two hours. Soon after I finished sharing my story (and after I shared another story about Gods leading, giving another testimony about God) the lights went back on. It was 1:37 when I stood up and was ready to go home (I got there by about 11:45/11:50). There’s a fire in my heart about sharing the gospel, and there’s another person on my list that I could share the gospel with. She’s the one I gave a ride to a few months ago. She lives in the seniors manor on my street, and she often sits outside smoking. I love talking about God, sharing the gospel and praying for people! When I got back home I sensed the word, Victory! I’m hoping I heard right and it truly is a victory!!! This week I’ll keep my eyes open to talk with the other person, which I’m sensing I’ll need to explain the gospel to.