“Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.” 1st Corinthians 13:12
Conversation
Papa
My darling, come.
I love You and I worship You Papa, so much. I know You will never fail.
I will not.
Mold me Papa. Shape me for who you created me to be. I trust You. Help me to always remember that its all about You and not about me.
Come, it’s not too late.
Help me Papa
I will always help you my dear one. You are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing so I don’t stay in a place of despair is spending time with God and crying out to Him because I know He hears me and He loves me. I’m keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness more times than I can count, and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him!
4:08 “..into faith I go!”
4:45 “here I am, I’m coming close, I need you right now Jesus…”
5:28 One of my vocalize songs came to mind. (I will start practicing again.. I’m also sensing to do another painting)
5:45 I saw someone put a tag onto some type of motor vehicle like a golf cart and the vehicle was driving or moving forward as they were putting the tag onto it.
5:55 I saw a ball land on the ground where the ground was hilly. The hills were more like big rounded mounds that came up to about halfway up to my knees, and there were several of them, all covered with green grass. They were right in front of me.
6:05 I clearly heard the word “yesterday “ and I saw that I was in the van and I saw that the whole front area, drivers seat connecting to the passenger seat, there was one big tray of food, charcuterie. The food filled the tray completely, and was piled on it. Then I saw coming from the front, the middle part of the big tray coming close to me, and the food was being offered for me to eat. I believe this means that I ate up what was being offered to me coming from the front. I crave so deeply to have deeper intimacy with Jesus…
6:19 I saw that Jesus was sitting beside me on the seat; he was sitting behind the drivers seat. Then he went out of the van like there was a door on that side of him, and he was looking straight ahead. (I have a sense that I need to sit behind Pastor M today -Sunday 28th)
6:50 Someone was carrying a tree and they were going to plant it somewhere. The tree had already grown a lot so it wasn’t a baby tree anymore.
7:05 soaring into something
7:15? “3:30 to 5:00” I was talking with someone on the phone and Jesus was nearby. The person was telling me plans to go somewhere. I didn’t say anything and was thinking about what she had said when she told again what she told me but in German (I think understanding German or not wasn’t the point,). Then I told her that I had understood her when she spoke in English but that I was thinking about what she had said. I was aware that Jesus was listening, and I had a feeling like I was glad he couldn’t hear her. As I’m thinking about this, I’m feeling like I’m a bit ashamed about my background, like German is an inferior language. I grew up so simple, and as a teenager I was ashamed about it. When I think about how it applies to me right now, I’m thinking about all that the Lord is leading me into. Having the mindset about feeling inferior has made me think that I am inferior, which is the devils tactic. I think my heart needs to believe that even though I feel inferior doesn’t mean that I am.
7:29 On a parking lot, taking a sharp left turn. I was in the passenger seat.
7:34 a few of us were having a conversation on a parking lot. A lady bent over to indicate with her hands about an area around her shins.
7:37 “my brother asked me about my life.”
7:39 I was standing in front of a long grey? couch and one of my friends was sitting on a few cushions away.
7:44 “too soon” there was a hill that poor people would go onto and walk down it to go to the bathroom. Then I saw a girl had walked through a gate on top of the hill that led into the parking lot of a poor house. The parking lot had old vehicles. (I need to pray about this)
7:49 I saw someone on their knees on the floor, moving a pipe over. I think there were a few more pipes on the ground, and this person was moving a pipe over from where it was, about a foot.
7:52 “it’s gonna be okay. It’s gonna be alright. Standing here with you.” It brings me comfort to know that Jesus is standing with me wherever I am as the Holy Spirit leads me. Thinking about Jesus my heart is so comforted…
7:57/58 Seeing yellow
7:59 A leader was talking to people I didn’t see and they had just come back from somewhere. I heard the word “truck.” I had a feeling like we were in a really big garage, like the church garage (I’ve never seen it so I don’t know what it looks like)
8:02 “she’s in the water” I saw a lady smiling , sensing she was in the water.
8:08 I was walking across a dried muddy rutted road, taking my last step across I think. It was a sunny day.
8:13 I saw a ripe banana and I needed to eat it. I think there was also an apple that was ripe that needed to eat but the banana was the focus.
8:41 There were two big birds connected to each other that had been in my closet that I had brought out. My closet wasn’t very big so I was surprised that it had fit in it. They were made out of clay or porcelain or something. Their mouths were open, forming an o, and they were laying on the floor -donuts? There was also something small close to that, that was laying on the floor.
A man came into the church building, I didn’t see him but I heard his voice. Then I saw a whole group of people doing aerobics and knew he was in front, leading them. I thought to myself, why not, since the building was so big and spacious, they might as well use the space. I walked passed them and passed two more people who were part of the group that were in the hallway that led to the bathroom.
When I got to the bathroom I saw two girls with white painted faces doing their makeup in front of the mirror. It reminds me of white clown masks people put on, pretending there’s a clear wall in front of them but really there’s not. In my dream I thought maybe they could use a different mirror so that I could use the bathroom but I kept quiet. Then I had left and was on the main floor (then it felt like the bathroom I had come from had been upstairs). I remembered there was a bathroom on the main floor that I could use. Then I had a garbage bag in my hand that I wanted to throw out. I didn’t want to just leave it on the floor for someone else to bring to the garbage bin, so then I was walking in a hallway, looking for the door that leads outside to the garbage bin. I think I asked someone and they told me. Then I was outside, walking along the driveway that ran along the building. It was dark out. There were some big trucks I was walking beside. There was a small group of people talking and having a good time and I asked where the garbage bin was. They didn’t hear me so I yelled as loud as I could, “where is the garbage bin!” Then they were all quiet, looking a bit shy. Then I didn’t have have the bag in my hand anymore and was walking back on the other side of the trucks. Another truck had arrived and two men came out, doing what they were doing. I came to a small place with a bench and I saw two people sitting on the bench having a conversation. It was still dark out and I walked passed that.
Then I got inside and had walked up the stairs; I stepped up onto the floor from the top step. Beside me on my left the edge of the floor was arched and had no railing. Right near that was a statue of two bald people that were connected. One of the persons feet was right on the edge and I was afraid that if the foot came too close, it would slip over the edge and cause the whole statue to fall and crash, and this is exactly what happened. I lunged forward and managed to touch one of the heads, and as it was falling I yelled a long “No.” Then I looked down at the damage and saw it was broken in big pieces. Then the thought came to put it back together. I don’t know what this means. Often when I write what I think things mean, later I could see that it was so wrong, so I won’t try to guess. In my heart I pray and ponder about the dreams God gives me and sometimes I’ll know, but other times I only know after an event (about what it was about). I’m going to buy another notebook today to write down things that I sense the Lord leading, and I’m hoping this will help me remember things. (I bought another notebook with ,”Love is patient, Love is kind” on the front cover.)
I had some of my writing on a smaller and cheaper device and my brother came and showed me how to put it to a channel to watch a show on TV. There was a thing like on the candles to put it on or off. He put the little thing all the way to the right and then a show was on. Then I asked him how to put it back and he put four fingers on the device to show me. Then he took his hand away and expected me to know. I asked him which one it was and he looked at me like, “really? you don’t know?” Then I told him that how was I to know if he puts four fingers there? Then I asked him to show me again with one finger and he did. Then I noticed that he used his middle finger and I said, “really? you had to use that finger?” Then I looked at the place his finger was pointing to. It didn’t register because I couldn’t see clearly. Then I looked again, trying hard to focus and then he took his finger away. When he took his fainter away I looked for the spot where he had pointed to and I think I remembered. At one point I asked him to put it back and told him I didn’t want him to see what I had written, so he respectfully put it back and gave it to me without looking at it (here the person felt like Jesus). I’m thinking here that if this is God’s direction for me, that I need to now do another recording. The question that comes to mind for my recording is, “How has my life been like, following Jesus?” About the idea of not wanting Jesus to see my writing, as far as I know I’m not hiding anything, nor do I want to. If I am then the Holy Spirit will need to show me what it is.
8:41 “Instantaneously.”
8:57 I’m laying in my bed, having all these words, dreams and pictures from the Lord, feeling overwhelmed by the seemingly long road ahead. I don’t know if it’ll be long or short, but the thought of it being long is overwhelming for me. As I was laying in bed feeling these things I heard someone calling my name in my heart, “Carolyn.” I believe it was the Lord to encourage me and so that I wouldn’t fall asleep feeling overwhelmed.
9:27 “I need help” I felt like I was driving a bike, or I could have been walking I’m not sure, but I was on the road in front of the church building. I was following someone, going north. The light gravel road was very deep like it was under construction; ground level was shoulder high. I saw the person who I was following had gone out onto the parking lot and I was going at a good speed, following him. The road had evidence that it had been rutted, but now it was more level with only having slight indents to make lines in the way we were going. I do need help; I can’t navigate my life and I don’t want to navigate my life. I need love and I need to love; I have love and I do love; in my heart, in God and in Jesus…
I’m thinking not to go to the city to pray for people with this person. This idea came because this is what I enjoy doing, but I’m sensing it’s not the right time. I got a text yesterday saying that m Yeti Rambler Mug from Walmart had arrived!!! My back has been good, even through all the falling on Tuesday! It was more my left ankle and my neck, but I went to the chiropractor today. My friend and I went for coffee today. When she was turning onto our street (she picked me up to go for coffee) on the way back, she made a fast left turn and it reminded me of my dream where I made a fast left turn onto a big parking lot. The very exciting thing about it is what she was saying as she was making the turn.. she was ending what she was saying with the words, “it’s my turn!” So I told her that I dreamt about that and so the turn means that it’s our turn!!! In my dream there was one person walking and in waking life there also was one person walking on the sidewalk. There were two sentences I didn’t include in my last writing because I had heard it so vaguely that I didn’t know if they were important. One of them was “out of the kingdom” and the other had something to do with the word, out: I don’t remember what it was. So even though things seem random, I will still post them just in case.. Love and Blessings…
I just quickly wanted to say that in a previous dream I had seen a QR code on a pair of bigger glasses; today I remembered that I hadn’t RSVP’d yet for P&J’s wedding. On their invitation there’s a QR code, and I RSVP’d today to say that we’re going to both……. ❤️🔥
July 26: 12:46 “when I’ve got Jesus, I’ve got all that I’ll ever need, take the world away from me, and I’ll be okay..”
3:52 “Into faith I go!”
4:07 “into faith I go!”
4:50 “into faith I go!”
7:44/45 It was sunny outside and I saw a plain looking lady receiving a compliment. She received it, smiling, and saying something about something. She had my length of hair and had a dressy light brown with small flowers blouse on. The material was kind of see through, sheer, and had an elastic waist with a bit of frills at the bottom. I didn’t see if she was wearing pants or a skirt. I have a blouse exactly like that except it doesn’t have grill at the bottom, but it does have elastic with small frills around the neck and sleeves. I could wear my blue Jean skirt with it.
Today my kiddos and I are heading to the beach!!! We’re going to Birds Hill Park, leaving here by 9:30 and staying there until about 3:00-3:30. Lucas needs to work at 5:00. We’re going to be on the sand today, though I’m not sure if we still have an umbrella..
I’d like to get a pair of roller blades, but will need to borrow a pair I think. In one of my dreams yesterday I was going to only write on my main computer, the bigger one and not on the small one. I was going to delete the writings I had on the smaller one. Love and Blessings…
July 26: 12:46 If I’ve got Jesus, I’ve got all I’ll ever need, take the world away from me and I’ll be okay..”
3:52 “Into faith I go!”
4:07 “into faith I go!’
4:50 “into faith I go!”
7:44/45 It was sunny outside and I saw a plain looking lady receiving a compliment. She received it, smiling, and saying something about something. She had my length of hair and had a dressy light brown with small flowers blouse on. The material was kind of see through, sheer, and had an elastic waist with a bit of frills at the bottom. I didn’t see if she was wearing pants or a skirt. I have a blouse exactly lime that except it doesn’t have grill at the bottom, but it does have elastic with small frills around the neck and sleeves. I could wear my blue Jean skirt with it.
Today my kiddos and I are heading to the beach!!! We’re going to Birds Hill Park, leaving here by 9:30 and staying there until about 3:00-3:30. Lucas needs to work at 5:00. We’re going to be on the sand today, though I’m not sure if we still have an umbrella..
I’d like to get a pair of roller blades, but will need to borrow a pair I think. In one of my dreams yesterday I was going to only write on my main computer, the bigger one and not on the small one. I was going to delete the writings I had on the smaller one. I just remembered that I deleted all my writings that I had on my phone this week, so now they’re all on my Ipad!! This morning I was trying to use my phone to post todays writing and it wouldn’t work! So I sent it to my Scrivener App on my Ipad. During the night I use my phone for quick notes about dreams, but now there’s nothing on it:) This morning a golf cart type of vehicle from the town drove past me on our street after I got back from Shopgym.. Today I finished my workout with exactly 1:40 min left!! Love and Blessings
July 26: 6: (late afternoon) I had taken a quick nap: “Is this it then? Should we move on?” (Move forward?). Later I realized I had forgotten to write the time that I heard this.
I saw a post: “Oh I had the time of my life, I’ve never felt this way before. Yes I swear, it’s true, and I owe it all to you…” two people dancing in the middle of the street. I saw a clown with a white face mask behind them. As this song was playing, a couple was dancing to the song in the middle of a large open sidewalk area, and there were many people watching. Soon many people joined them; they had been observers, waiting for the right time to join the dance, and when it was time, they came.
9:40 As I was praying in the Spirit I saw a little boy and another little child on a picnic table. The boy was leaning and kind of on top of the table and had a big smile on his face. They were talking and laughing with each other.
9:45 “oh ya” I had fallen asleep while praying and my sister was standing on my left. She was showing me an album of famous people’s family photos. In the photos I saw families having fun together doing various things. I don’t remember any specifics. My sister had said “oh ya.” This could represent that my kiddos and I had gone to the beach and had a lot of family fun together. Famous? If it’s for God’s glory then I want to be famous so that many people will turn to Him through our story…
I’ve begun writing points down about the things I dream about and I got to check mark a few of them: We stayed until 3:30 because Lucas stated work at 5:00; I had French Fries; they didn’t have slushies and I would have gotten the Dragon Fruit flavour, but I got an A&W Rootbeer; we each ate an apple before eating anything else; I carried our umbrella (Bella forgot to get the attachment so it wasn’t as high as it should have been, but I “planted” it anyway for a short period of time because of what it represented.), which represented the tree in my dream that someone was going to plant (on the way home I was driving behind a truck that had trees and flowers they were going to plant; We rented a bike made for a family of two or three people that had baby seats in the front. The company’s logo was about a Bee and I thought because I had dreamt about some kind of a golf cart, I would rent it and we had a blast! When we came back from biking we got an icecream; there were some choices and I didn’t know which one to choose. I ended up choosing the round cookie ice-cream sandwich (because of a dream about a round sandwich that had cream in the middle. It was difficult to know because another choice was something with Strawberry and then another round sandwich that was chocolate) and after I chose it I heard in my heart, “correct.” I was so relieved!! I also had dreamt about a ball that landed in some small hills (Birds Hill), and I remembered this only when we were in the water. So when we got out I asked someone nearby if we could use their volley ball and we played with that for a little while. Later some of my kids friends had come and later we also played with their volleyball, thinking this may be one of the things I needed to do (to connect with high school age). It was very nice seeing them. Overall it was a really fun day, and I’m so glad to have had this time together with my kids because normally we’d stay home. I bought a seasonal Park Pass. I made sure to go on a path that was paved because of my dream that I was driving inside the Border area, seeing the pavement. Bella wants me to watch a movie with her and her dad (Lucas is working). I’m not sure which movie we’ll watch. I will only watch for a bit because I’m so tired. I made sure to toss the garbage bag into the garbage bin and I yelled to my kids who were in the water that it was time to go; both the yelling and putting the garbage bag into the bin were part of my dreams. I don’t know if I got them all or if I did everything right, but i”m hoping I did. Last night Bella and I were talking about coming to the beach again today, and in the morning after Shopgym I was thinking that maybe we should actually go because I had dreamt about seeing two birds that were connected, and this was the second time going to that beach this week. Love and Blessings….Goodnight…❤️🔥❤️🔥