“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow Me.” Matthew 16:24
Conversation
Papa, I love You and I worship You.
I love you My darling. You are Mine. Carolyn, I have something new for you today.
Papa I pray that You would lead me to know what it is.
Come
Thank-You Lord for who You are. I love You and I adore You. Draw me closer to Your heart. I pray that You would open my spiritual ears and eyes and anoint my tongue as I interact and pray for people. Help me to hear from You for them. I want to walk deeper into the calling You have for me. Papa, is there a word I need to hear right now?
Come My faithful one, you are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today..
2:37 “green.” I washed my white shoes so I’m going to wear my green ones today.. I’m not sure if this is what this represents though..
2:40 We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time, darling just kiss me slow,
5:20 I dreamt that someone had started a new company and was bringing lots of new trucks onto the lot. I saw that on display on one of the trucks were two caps where the front of them were overlapping each other; there was white cardboard keeping them together. I needed one of them so I was carefully opening it up and took one of them, then I carefully put the other one back in the white cardboard.
I saw a ripped bag of dog poop on the ground that someone didn’t clean up. So I got another plastic bag, picked it up and began bringing it away to put into the garbage. I was careful not to touch the poop. I’m not sure what this could represent.
5:26 I was talking with someone and upgrading my phone. (I think this represents that I’m upgrading my spiritual phone or that I’m upgrading as I’m following Jesus…) If this is literal, then I did upgrade my phone.
I saw that Jesus was standing close behind me and I felt his love for me. Then I went into a room, feeling like I was looking at myself when I should be looking at Jesus.
7:47 India (someone talking about India)
7:52 Grrr (I heard a young boy)
I just wanted to say that I had seen in a dream that Lucas had fallen from a skateboard.. thinking that this is what happened in my heart tonight, and Jesus helped me up..
Love and Blessings…
September 21:I saw families in a room
2:21 You keep hope alive, you keep hope alive.
2:23 I saw slices of toast with pieces of flattened butter (from the butter knife) on them, on a plate.
2:26 I vaguely saw a cap in my tote bag
2:28 A wedding was going to take place and the pastor or groomsman said something about the bridesmaids or flower girls, who were waiting in a room, waiting with excitement and anticipation. I had a feeling of it being a wedding, with excitement and being “royally”dressed.
2:32 I saw a really shiny silver bar about waist high, feeling like it was in a shower.
2:37 I saw my foot stepping across the silver line that connects the two types of floors in the bathroom doorway, leading out of the bathroom.
2:41 “Your name, stands above them all. All thrones,
2:44 I saw bright yellow and someone saying “pray for her.”
2;48 We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this time…
2:52 I saw a cake in a cake pan; the corner piece was about to be served. I saw all the pieces were there and the shorter row that has three pieces, the two pieces on the left were taken, so the third (corner) piece was the one that was going to be served next. I’m thinking I need to sit right at the right corner in the first row?
2:56 “We were just kids when we fell in love, not knowing what it was, I will not give you up this time. Darling just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own, and in your heart you’re holding mine…)
2:58 “I have to work from 1-3:30. (I heard a woman
3:01 “Birds are” or “aren’t real.” (I’ll listen to it again) “Thinking about the song.”( I heard these words)
3:03 “17,000.00 times”
3:06 “It’s very important “ seeing lots of green beans the same size in something like a bowl.
3:08 “Holy forever” hearing Jesus’ voice as he sang.
3:10 “you have the money”
3:13 I saw a lady smiling brightly after she had written something down.
3:38 “I deserve friends”
3:40 “Chinese on the other side” (I’m (CH) supposed to sit on the other side of my kids? That would mean that I’d be taking the last seat in the front row.. This is what I will do unless I’m sensing to sit somewhere else..
3:41 seeing small banana plants in a planter
3:45 a dog chewing on my iPad
3:48 “the next day” seeing a row of vehicles driving on a highway.
3:50/51 seeing a big full moon
3:56 seeing Jesus walking; he had red by his legs and something white over his shoulder (white at the top) as he was walking.
4:04 A big white bowl with some black letters or words in it
4:07 awards night, someone giving awards for things
Morning, Afternoon: I put granola, berries and strawberry yogurt in my bowl. I had two cooked eggs, a crescent; I took strawberry jam first and put it on one half, then when I went back to get another jam, I remembered seeing butter so I took that one instead. I prayed for someone and took a picture of the yellow hat in my tote bag, leaning it up onto a silver bar; afterwards I saw it was a microphone stand (I was so focused that I didn’t look to see what it actually was.) I chose a green marker to write why I volunteer, talking about Gods love, how it gives us freedom and a sense of purpose. I marked my booklet and other paper with a big C; I emailed D and asked if I could volunteer in Collide full time…(CD or DVD Volunteer, email D?.. wow God, as Im thinking about it I’m sensing this is what the Lord means.. I’m so amazed! When I first dreamt about a short red skirt, the feeling I had was that it was a kilt, but I forgot to edit it in and it was so vague that I wasn’t sure.. at the wedding someone played the bagpipe..
4:07 awards night, someone giving awards for things
Planning on going to birds hill, village. I’m not sure what I need to do there, or if it’s just important that we go. Maybe the dream about seeing /sensing a family about to walk on a trail together represents that because they do have trails there. I’m ready to wash my white shoes again:) I washed them three times (rinsing in between) because of seeing three dish soap bottles, and they’re so white!! A lot cleaner than what I imagined they could be!
I passed a semi truck that had big square things wrapped in white plastic, and on each wrapping was the word, resolute. I wanted to go to the Farmers Market and Lucas didn’t want to go. He’s working from 4-11:30 today and wanted to go home, which is totally understandable. But because I had dreamt about standing on a farmyard (or hearing it in a dream), I persisted, becoming more resolute, so then he said yes. I bought a green/yellow and red sweet pepper (, an onion, a dozen corn, and two yellow zucchinis. While at the KR Kickoff as the morning progressed, I remembered things that I dreamt about and did every one of them that I remembered. I checked the list a couple of times to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything, but I did forget something, which was the green beans; in my dream I had a word that it was very important and I’m so sorry Lord! Tomorrow morning if the farmers market on pembina is open before church I’ll see if I can quickly stop there. My kids and I are planning on going to the village by Birds Hill (I just remembered I heard something about birds last night.. so we’ll for sure go there.), thinking they may have a farmers market there. I had coffee with pumpkin flavoured cream, so good, and also two full cups of tropical orange juice (and a bottle of water). I also had an orange, thought to make sure to have my fruit!
I saw a beautiful rainbow on the way to church this morning, and it gave me hope.. Normally I see rainbows after a rain, but this was before the rain…
I went to the wedding ceremony today, signing their names (dream)… I was thinking that God might be leading me there but I wasn’t sure.
Jesus please help me…I didn’t go to Shopgym on Monday or Wednesday, just because of feeling overwhelmed and needing to be in prayer. On Friday I went; we did handstand work and pull-ups, and for the metcon we rowed 1000 meters, 400 meter run, 750 meter row, 400m run, 500m row, 400 m run, 250 m row, 400m run. I was done at 25.06! God is good!!!!❤️🔥 Love and Blessings…
September 22: 10:17 “I’m never getten over you… you can put your hand in mine cause I’ll be keeping by your side…” (this love is a band of gold) Yes!!!
11:43 “I’ll never get over you…”
11:44 In my dream I saw Bella putting my brown pantyhose on. (Yes!! I was thinking I needed to put socks on because of one of my dreams)
12:04 This dream is about the high school parking lot; there’s an entrance and an exit. When facing the parking lot, the entrance is on the right side and the exit is on the left. There’s always a common destination, which is to drive to the side left side that’s closest to the school to drop kids off there, then continue driving out through the exit. I saw a red car driving onto the parking lot from the left side (through the exit) and driving /staying on the left side. There were some cars that had come from the right and were right in front of this car, having driven around the group of cars. I vaguely saw that the red car didn’t turn around but kept on staying (going against the grain) and caused a bit of a traffic jam. I’m thinking this means that I need to walk up the left side isle (of the section we always sit) and stay sitting on the left side. I’m also sensing I need to sit in the front row, which means I’d be sitting right in the pastors seat!😭 Because I’m not sure about this, I’m going to sit behind the pastors seat and if I feel led to sit on his seat, then I will… oh my! What are my kids going to say? At the pool when I pressed the red button Lucas told me that I don’t need to act like a kid, and I’m sure to get “the look” from Bella.
12:17 I saw a few pens (probably less than 10) and pencils in a pencil case. (A few more posts until I’m done?)
12:18 “Oh nayo”(German for, “oh, okay or “okay then;” yo means yes) When I was a little girl I remember my aunts and uncles always saying this after a family gathering when they were done their conversation and were ready to go home, they would say this before leaving. (I need to say this? and then we’re done?)
12:21 I saw big sheets of white paper on the floor in a row like a red carpet, and it was facing me or I was facing them and it was right in front of me. (Sensing this is in celebration like how I’m the bride of Christ….)
12:26 I saw a red (I think) van carrying a long black storage thing on its roof.
1:33 “Kindred souls and spirits”
3:26 “I have faith in what I see…”
10; 49 “I don’t deserve it, you look perfect tonight.”
5:57 “I don’t deserve this, darling you look perfect tonight…” (I put on my lamp wanting to get up but I fell asleep)
7:02 (my alarm) “I’m so excited! I can’t deny it! I know I know I know I want you!!!”
I dreamt that there was a group of us running together. We had stopped at a place to rest and then I was ready to go again. We were trying to get out of this place and right in front of us was a window with a small opening. It was about waist high. It was right in front of me. One person managed to squeeze through. There was a person standing on the left side of the window, feeling like they were looking at me and waiting. When the person managed to squeeze through I was determined and went into the window. There was something in the way like a book, standing upright, right in the middle of the window, but I pushed it away by pushing it forward and opened up the window more and I got through it. I had climbed up, was on my knees and then I stood up feeling victorious; I’m sensing that “Chinese on the other side” means that I’m supposed to sit on the left side rather than the right side where I was planning to sit. Nayo papa…
I had another dream where I was sitting on something small with someone, and we were driving on the left side; on the right side there was something that was shaped like a horn or trumpet that was sucking air into it and was very strong. So whatever was in front of it would be sucked into it. We stayed as far away from it as possible by keeping to the left side, but we could feel the strong pull. But we kept on going and we made it!!!!❤️🔥🫰🏼 I’m just wondering if I need to raise my hand at the end.. I felt to a few days ago, thinking I need to again today.. As I’m praying in the Spirit I’m sensing not to go to the Farmers Market on Pembina on our way to church… thinking this is what’s pulling me to that side. Nayo I’ll stay to the left!!
I prayed for forgiveness, realizing that I’ve been relying either on myself or others and not on the Holy Spirit.. I’m sensing that the person who was standing beside the window in my dream is the Holy Spirit, and that He’s inviting me to sit in the pastors seat.. I will come….