Grounded

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

1 Corinthians 13:13

Conversation

Papa, I love You. I love You Holy Spirit and I worship You. I’m sorry about today. 

I love you My faithful one. 

Papa, when I feel so much pressure, my mind clouds up and I can’t hear Your voice. I’m feeling a sense of failure. 

I love you My daughter. Rest you are Mine.

Reflection

Hello and welcome to my journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious!  What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today..

5:34 (I think) Evil is rising, there’s power save there’s power to save.

5:58 Come up (or stand up/rise up) I heard in my heart.

6:02 In my heart I was asking if I needed to lay down on the floor again and I heard a quiet “yes my daughter.” So I will do it again.

I’m thinking that the dream about seeing a machine attached to a cable going into the field could represent me going to the front?

6:21/22 “Time has come” 

Yes Papa, I’m ready!!!

This has been a stressful day for me. In the early morning worship I sensed it was the time to go up and “ground” myself on the floor so I did. There was an invitation to stand, sit, lay down.. so then I thought it was probably the time. I thought there was going to be another worship time in the main sanctuary and thought I’d go to the front there too just in case, but there wasn’t one; there could have been in the last one but my kids and I needed to leave early. For the first breakout session I started in the main sanctuary with the Q&A, but I left almost right away, thinking I should go to “How to lead someone to Christ.” When I was sitting there I felt like I made a mistake and wanted to go back to where I had been but then she began talking more about things that got my attention so I stayed. The thing that grabbed my attention is when she said that when we’re going to talk to a youth, we’re entering into a conversation that they are already having with the Holy Spirit. I like this perspective because then I don’t feel like I’m starting from scratch and feeling like I don’t know where to start. 

Before the second breakout I went to the bathroom to pray and sensed to go to the “10 Essential Practices..” I was thinking to go to that one or the one for Equipping Hight school students. Then someone said they were going to go to either one (I didn’t catch what they said) or the Faith Beyond Youth Group. So I went to that one (Faith Beyond Youth group). Then when I was there I thought I couldn’t miss the High school one (I had wished before that, that I had chosen that one since it was High School), so I went there instead. Then for the third breakout I remembered that I had dreamt something about hearing guitar music in a dream so I chose that one and stayed. I asked a question in the first breakout and in the music one. This really was a hard day for me. At home my kids and I had left-overs for supper (spaghetti), then I got my marriage book (I’m still on the last chapter. My days are so full that I’ve not taken the time.. hopefully tomorrow I’ll read from it again.).

7:32 “When Christ shall come, with shout of acclimation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart.” (Then shall I bow, in humble adoration, and there proclaim, my God how great thou art.) Then sings my soul my Saviour God to thee. How Great thought art, how great thought art. Then sings my soul my Saviour God to thee, How great though art, how great though art!  (Because of my sleepiness I took a little while to see what the time was, so it could be 7:31 or 7:32) In my dream I was singing this song. I tried using my loud voice and found that hardly any sound came out, and then I used my soft voice (I heard my voice clearly and my voice was clear, singing high; in waking life my voice isn’t clear when I sing, so in my dream it was and I thought it sounded nice), and I found that I could sing louder that way. As I was singing louder in my soft voice, I was high up in a room in the air (I don’t know if my legs were really long or if I was just in the air). I was also going up a bit, and as I was going up I was facing a white wall, and I saw a spot on it and it looked like it was an older high wall. In my dream I sensed we had sung the first two verses and I was singing the third verse. I could feel and sense the Holiness of God. I also vaguely remember my mom and maybe someone else sitting on chairs close to a wall in the room. 

I also vaguely dreamt that Jesus was walking in something, in a room (or just that he was standing or slowly walking, facing the door), and I think I saw someone (maybe two people, I’m not sure) come through the door, into the room. I sensed today was about following Holy Spirit, and I know that I didn’t do well. I don’t know yet what I need to do tomorrow. Goodnight…🤞🏼

November 3:2:34 “woke up from the grave woke up from the grave! 

2:37 I was awake, having heard in my heart to come (pray) when all of a sudden I had a clear vision of Jesus my husband standing to my left with a green jacket on, waiting. (I went downstairs to pray) 

3:01 Come My daughter

Papa, help me hear You Holy Spirit so that I can come. I want to come; I’m so desperate to come.

3:13 Come My daughter, you are Mine.

3:32 (3:31?) “Off of the desert”

3:43 “I came into a” I dreamt or I had a vision, I’m not sure. 

3:45 This is what freedom looks like. This is what heaven feels like. We praise Him, we praise Him!

3:56 I had a dream of seeing a teenager in front of a microphone, singing or saying something.

3:58 There’s joy in the house of the lord, there’s joy in the house of the Lord, we’re sons and daughters.

4:05 “this is only a shortening.” 

4:18 “no one, there is no one like You. There is non beside You. Open up my heart in wonder and show me, who You are and fill me, with Your love and lead me, in Your love to those around me. 

4:37 “you didn’t have time to unpack yet.”

5:53 “stopper” (a bathtub stopper; I think this is what I heard. I didn’t write it down right away)

7:07 In my dream there was a group of people and Jesus was standing on my right and he excitedly said, “I just had a baby!” When I heard it I smiled, knowing we would have one, one day. I also dreamt that someone tried on someone’s shoes and they fit!!

7:31 “snow white dove” (lyrics: “on the wings of a snow white dove”) while I was awake in my bed, this came to my mind. About today, I’m sensing I need to sit in the front row, left side (Jesus was standing on my left side with a green jacket on), which means I need to sit in the pastors seat. I’m coming today….

I love You Lord. Oh Your mercies never fail me. All my days, I’ve been held in Your hand. From the moment that I wake up, until I lay my head, oh I will sing, of the Goodness of God. All my life You have been faithful. All my life You have been so, so Good. With every breath that I am able, I will sing, of the goodness of God. I love Your voice. You have led me through the fire. And in darkest night, You were close like no other. I’ve known You as a Father, I’ve known You as a friend, and I have lived, in the Goodness of God. 

This morning I’m thankful for God to help me so I knew not to sit in the pastors seat. I sat in the middle (rather than completely on the right side) because I had seen orange in the center of a circle in one of my dreams. In the quiet time in prayer I sensed Holy Spirit say that ultimately it’s Jesus Christ who is my husband… This helps me not to feel alone when I have a sense of failure. Then I had a sense of Him telling me that it’s not about me if I fail (or not), but it’s about Him, teaching me and giving me tools to use to know His voice. As I was pressing into the Lord before choosing which side to take my snack from, I heard “right” loudly in my mind, and then I heard more softly, “left” and thought it came to confuse me. Now as I’m pondering about it, it reminds me of my dream when I sang softly, my voice became louder and more clear, and this was the more beautiful voice. I would interpret this to tell me that it was the softer voice that said left, that I needed to choose. The louder “right” was louder and more persistent and the quieter voice was more patient and gentle (still small voice). So I’m taking this valuable tool and carrying it in my spiritual purse to take with me wherever I go. If my interpretation is wrong and the louder voice that said “right” was the right one, then I’m praying that I will get to know about it.
I chose the Pumpkin Spice Latte. I also chose the cheesecake Danish, thinking about the fruit and also the almonds, but as I thought more deeply about it, I was glad I chose that one, to have a balance between the nuts and the fruit. I also sat and chatted with the home group, sitting in a circle, reminding me of my dream where I saw Jesus standing in a circle of people. In this journey my awe, reverence, and love for God is deepening. As Jesus is being patient with me, I’m trusting in his love more and more… I love you Jesus…🫰🏼

This evening we watched the movie, Sully. It’s about an emergency jet landing in the Hudson River; A real life story where the captain was able to save every person. As I watched the jet land in the river, I remembered a dream I had last night. In the dream my kids and I were in our SUV, in deep water; it had just crashed into the water. I saw the water on the other side of the windows and I was thinking we needed to try and open the doors or windows to quickly get out of the truck. I’m thinking this shows how overwhelmed I’ve been feeling at the thought of not making it or when I’ve learned that I misunderstood the Holy Spirits leading. But God always revives my hope. Today I’ve been given a deeper understanding about Jesus being my husband and that I can trust in his love for me. Also that I am part of the bride of Christ, so Jesus Christ is also my husband who is always with me, so I’m never alone, and that it’s not about me but about Him. I’ve known these things but today somehow I have more peace. Feeling overwhelmed here, but I have assurance that God is able to lead me so that I can recognize His voice and finally step into Gods next plans for me. When I’m at church I’m constantly outside of my comfort zone, feeling stress in another way. But there’s life in this stress, and there’s adventure in this stress; this is good stress that stretches me and grows my character as I trust in God to see me through whatever I need to do. It’s also grown my awareness of needing God/Jesus and growing my trust and love. I’m aware that Jesus loves me for who I am as a person and that an actual relationship is what he’s all about. I’m so thankful for that because that is what real intimacy is, when Gods love is in the center; this is our firm foundation….