“Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good; His love endures forever. Give thanks to the God of gods; His love endures forever. Give thanks to the Lord of lords; His love endures forever. To Him who alone does great wonders; His love endures forever. Who by His understanding made the heavens; His love endures forever. Who spread out the earth upon the waters; His love endures forever. Who made the great lights; His love endures forever. The sun to govern the day; His love endures forever. The moon and stars to govern the night; His love endures forever.” Psalm 136:1-9
Conversation
Papa, Holy Spirit, I love You, and I’m thankful for Your love. Now that I’ve cried on Your shoulders, I’m ready to keep going. I’m thankful for Your sovereignty and that I’m always in Your eyesight. I worship You with all my heart. There is none like You; You are the King of my heart.
I love you My darling. I am faithful. Rest, I am near to you. You are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing as I’m waiting is spending time with God and keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness all the time and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him! Very often God draws my heart to Him through love songs! My love for God/Jesus keeps on growing as I continue to pursue Him. During the night God wakes me up at certain times with either a word from Him and/or a dream. So here’s my journal entry for today..
12:17 I think I dreamt about a king and queen, this was vague.
3:30 “I need you more, more than yesterday I need you more, more than words can say I need you more, than ever before I need you Lord, I need you more.”
3:54 “The battle is won” (I heard this in my heart right before waking up, and I went downstairs to pray)
4:52 I had a vision of someone begin to take a slice of a round chocolate cake.
5:18 I had a vision of Jesus my husband having a blue towel in his hands. I think it was folded, and he flipped part of it towards himself.
Holy Spirit, I submit myself to You. Please come and show me my heart. (Going back to bed)
5:47 “I do got the hiccups “ vision(hearing)
6:01 “Bigger, better, stronger, fuller”vision; hearing in my heart while I was awake.
6:05 I saw a brown and black weaved pattern; vision (I have pants that are brown with a bit of black)
6:07 praying for people; it’s all fantastic (hearing in my heart while I was awake)
6:08 Lucas was explaining about a game. Something about a square, seeing four corners. Vision
6:33 Jesus was at my house, sitting on the right side of the couch, seeing what went on and getting used to being there. Before that we were in a small space and I saw out of the corner of my eye, Jesus’s arm and saw him swaying from side to side, knowing that he was dancing with someone (represents that we are “dancing,” in tune with each other). My arm touched Jesus’ arm several times and I felt his closeness. When he was sitting on the couch I was doing stuff. I called the dog if he wanted to go out. I said words that didn’t match my question but I knew he recognized what I was asking because of the tone of my voice, and he came. Then I had let him out and he was standing on the stairway landing, looking around. I saw he didn’t have a leash on, so I called him back in to put one on him. Someone commented that I hadn’t actually used the words, asking him if he wants to go outside, and I responded that he doesn’t know the difference anyway. Then I noticed that Jesus had a friend there who was talking on his cell phone. He was standing in the living room, facing the same direction as Jesus (his back was turned to him). Jesus was looking to the right, observing everything.
A scene where I saw a green or blue fish, had swam up into the toilet from inside. There was a waterway connected to the toilet like a river. Then I saw it began eating another fish, silver. Then the silver fish who looked like it was caught in a web, quickly swam away. The toilet bowl was dirty like it was a swamp. I’m sensing that I’m the silver fish who was caught but swam away because I didn’t get it. I’m also sensing that I need to get caught and eaten; I needed to have driven straight up rather than on the horizontal road; I shouldn’t save myself; I need to be saved and I need to die to myself. Then in my dream there was a big hole in the floor, and I came too close and then I was over it; my feet were on the other side and my arms on this side, holding me up. I called to Bella to help me but before she got there I managed to get out quite well. Close to me it was grippy so I got out quickly. Then Bella was there and she just went in without thinking and I was alarmed and quickly helped her out. She was wearing her navy blue sweater. She had her white shoes on. During the night I began worrying that there was an unresolved issue about how God made me and I just fully surrendered my heart because I want to be healed completely. I’m sensing that this dream represents that I had jumped into this worry without thinking, and because I didn’t go in and I helped Bella out right away (white shoes), I’m sensing that there’s nothing to worry about.
A scene where I was driving on a narrow bridge in a small city, heading out of town. Bella asked me a question and I needed to focus really hard to stay on the road. The road was making a wide left turn.
6:55 I was at Lucas’ work and I heard him counting, 79,80. (I noticed now that I had 679 posts and this will be my 680th post!! ..this is my work)
6:59 I saw a short bar , mostly silver and the edge was black. It was the dogs “stick” (I told a dads joke)
7:03 in a vision I was walking down a short hallway. I put something down onto the floor by the wall, like the roller I use to roll out my legs and back, and a teenager smiled as she walked by and said hi.
7:09 Jesus was behind the counter in the canteen, and I saw lots of snacks.
7:12 Someone was holding something like a thin blanket or tablecloth in his arms (holding it like a baby, holding both arms in front of him like they were hooks), and someone walked by him as he stepped aside to let them pass.
7:17 I was sitting behind the kids rock counter, talking to some others who were there, hearing, “well.”
7:21 vision of seeing my friend S and her family over for Christmas. I saw her post today about Christmas coming.
7:53 “I need you more, more than yesterday I need you more, more than words can say I need you more, than ever before I need you more, I need you more…”
8:01/2 “I need you more, more than yesterday I need you more, more than words can say I need you more, than ever before I need you Lord, I need you more…”
8:13 Valentines
I’m going to bake this afternoon, cinnamon braid (bread). Tomorrow morning I’m sensing to go to my moms (my sister will be there), helping her clean and then maybe go out for coffee. Maybe that’s where I’ll see a chocolate cheese cake. Blessings…
5:58 On our way to the city I had a quick dream (I wasn’t driving) where I saw that someone stumbled through the door (he walked through the door, almost tripped over something and then kept on walking), into a room.
Going back to the dream of buying toilet paper, the person who’s bathroom this was looked at me with glaring eyes (not mean, just closing his eyes a little to tell me with his eyes to stop). Goodnight…
November 8: 1:00 “Coma coma coma coma coma coma coma come home…”
1:59 “Coma coma coma coma coma coma coma come home…”
8:05 “An hour and a half” (In waking life in an hour and a half Bella wants to be at her friends house. After Shopgym I went downstairs to pray. I also vaguely saw in a vision someone having a yellow blanket and sitting down on the side of a road to watch something. I’m hoping and praying that I’ll be able to sense the Holy Spirit today.
Yesterday at home group I sensed to do a few things, hoping I’m hearing the Holy Spirit.
At Shopgym we were doing high pulls with weight; my weight was 70lbs. For the workout we did 20 double unders, 15 air squats and 10 box jumps. A 9 min amrap. Have a wonderful day today….🫰🏼
November 9: 1:53 “Gonse vallig” “everything true/yes” or “yes absolutely” (that a persons will, is willing)
1:58 “ringette”
6:30 “When I look at my hands they look new when I look at my feet, they do too I’m free, I’m free, I’m free..” (No Longer Bound; Forrest Frank)
6:32 Believe (I went downstairs to pray)
6:52 “Yes My daughter”
7:04 “Follow Me”
7:06 Yes, Papa, yes, yes, I will always follow You.
7:17 Yes My daughter, it’s time.
7:26 In a vision I saw one level apartments, and as I looked from the right to the left I saw that all the doors (first set) were open, but I think I saw that each door had another door that was closed.
7:43 “Faith as small as a mustard seed.” Sensing faith and joy in my heart is growing..
8:05 “Do you have your motive?” Yes I believe I do, and that is to follow Christ Jesus wherever He wants me to go….
8:12 “Birthday card; it just goes together”
8:15 seeing a pair of white runners on the floor with the laces open.
8:18 “I have faith in what I see…”
8:21 hearing “Carolyn” and seeing in a vision that I’m in an entrance, seeing a row of shoes on the floor.
8:30 A vision of seeing a gas station and someone had just parked there to fill in gas.
8:33 in a vision I saw someone had a big glass jar with a narrow opening, and it had some pens and pencils sticking up in it through the opening at the top.
8:40 a vision of two people carrying a big pail.
8:44 “Create in me, a heart that is clean, cause I want to go, where you want me to go.” Seeing a Barbie doll?
9:08 In a dream I was in the basement of a church, and D was talking with a lady about what they were going to do with the congregation before the sermon. As they were talking, they were getting ready to go onto the stage. She said something about the people talking with another person about something. As they were talking I was getting something or doing something on slots on a wall. Then I was sitting on the right side of a row of chairs along a wall and I saw a handicap person sitting in a wheelchair (In waking life I saw a tiny blue light out of the corner of my eye in the upper right corner of my room, thinking there’s an angel in my room.. thank you Papa.) In my dream these people were on my right. Then I looked at the time and it was something 44, and I thought I need to go upstairs and sit in the congregation so that I can do what was asked (talk with someone). I had a feeling like my family was already upstairs. Then I got up and saw another handicap person laying on the floor (on his back), kind of blocking my way. As I was walking between this person and the handicap person, I noticed vaguely that a light shone in the persons eyes (red?) and there was something about his feet. I thought that maybe I could talk with the person who was taking care of the handicap people, but I thought that maybe God wanted me to go upstairs so I decided to go upstairs. It reminds me about when I second guess myself. Then the scene changed where my family was with me and I all of a sudden realized what the time was and we needed to hurry to be on time. So I was rushing, and my family was taking a long time. I looked behind me to see if they were following me, and Bella had been but had fallen behind. Then I had gone up a flight of stairs and was standing on the landing between the two flights of stairs. I was looking at the coat hooks along the wall and saw a white housecoat that was spread out, covering all the coat hooks and also covered all the shoes that were on the floor. I asked Bella if this was her housecoat and she said yes (in waking life this is my old housecoat that I had given her). Then the scene changed again; I was laying in bed, sobbing, having deep deep sorrow about not making it again. In my dream I was half sleeping and half awake, and I wondered if Bella was there, seeing me in deep sorrow… I think I had had a dream (in my dream) of seeing a big army jet with the back open, vaguely seeing someone being thrown out (not making it). Or that I’m jumping in again as I’m discerning what to do tomorrow. I should have gone through the red light… which is the left turn I was focusing really hard on in my dream. Im wondering the Holy Spirit is leading me to lay on the floor on my back?
10:04 seeing light blue, someone on their feet but sitting on their heels like they were going down to a child’s level as they were talking with them.
10:16 “Holy forever. And the Angels cry, Holy, and the people cry, Holy. You are lifted high, Holy, Holy forever.”
10:20 a vision of seeing a small group of people in an elevator. The person in the front (my left; I was facing them so she was standing on the right side), was wearing a yellow shirt, and a lady was coming up from the back, making her way to the front. In waking life Bella recently got a yellow sweater.. thinking I need to wear it..
10:31 I saw a yellow espresso machine and someone making a coffee. I was behind the counter. I’ll ask to see if they need help tomorrow.
I heard the word “well” in my heart as I’m laying in bed.
11:15 a vision of someone eating ice cream, or coffee (foamed milk). Seeing a teaspoon that had some ice cream being lifted up. As far as I know, I’ll be wearing Bella’s yellow sweater and my white converse.
Today we worked out on the yard.. Lucas is volunteering tomorrow. Yesterday at my mom’s my sister and I were cleaning in her condo. I washed all the floors and organized her storage room that has her laundry machines. Today I finished cleaning the windows; I cleaned the front outside ones about two weeks ago, and today I cleaned the back outside windows and all the inside. We were all working around the house, cleaning different things. We had smoked pork ribs today and I made rice and salad. I don’t know if God is leading me to lay on my back tomorrow during praise and worship. Of course I’ll do it if He wants me to , but it’s even hard to think about doing. In my dream about the person laying on his back, seeing out of the corner of my eye that his eyes glistened. I had a feeling like he was trying to keep me there, but I walked passed him by his feet.
5:54 I dreamt of seeing someone had a backpack with red and orange flame designs on it, and I think he had put it down onto the pavement. In waking life I have very low energy, but I’m going to go downstairs to pray. I just remembered that I had seen brown and black material.. so I’m not sure what I’ll wear but will pray about it.
November 10: 3:49 “I’m free, I’m free” I dreamt that I had been in a room and then went into another room. Then I heard Jesus’s voice in the room I had been in. Then I saw a newborn baby on the floor and I quickly picked it up and was holding it in my arms. I think someone had come to where I was and I think I showed him the baby. I remember Bella picking up the baby by its head in a scene and then I had quickly held it in my arms.
There was a scene where there was a thing that had something living in it, in the bedroom. It was covered and made noises as it was sleeping and I wondered if it woke up the people sleeping in that bedroom. I wanted to move it out of that bedroom.
A scene where there was a small storage room a bit lower than the room I was in. There was a window that I was crouching down to look into, and I saw it was a storage room (the storage room had things in it and was neat and tidy). I think I wondered if the door was locked that was on the other side of that room.
4:10 “I’m free, I’m free…”
4:50 “I told you I was on your side.” “I’m never getting over you. So put your hand in mine, cause I’ll be keeping by your side.” (Lyrics from, Band of Gold)
6.40 “I can’t go back I’m never going back I’m Yours.”
“I can’t go back I’m never going back I’m yours…”
I had a dream of running into the ditch, running inside of it and getting back out. I have more hope than I did when I came downstairs to pray. I know I need to sit in the first row, but I’m not sure if I need to sit right at the end or not. In my dream there was a wheelchair on my right side, so I’m thinking I need to sit further to the middle.
7:43 I had a vision of a woman who had her hands on the steering wheel of a motor bike, running fast along beside it as it was driving.
7:53 “That’s who You are, that’s who You are” (Lyrics “You are peace when..)
I’m sensing I need to lay face up on the floor, I’m sensing to stay until the song is done, sensing someone or the kids (when the kids are dismissed) walk past me by my feet or by my head. I know Christ Jesus is sitting close to me.
The things I think I got right today are sitting at the spot I was sitting at, and laying face up until A walked past me (I thought I’d stay longer just in case, since I was already on the floor.) As soon as she walked by me I knew I had done the right thing. I talked with S about volunteering after the second service, telling her that I’m being tested in obedience by God and that I had a dream about helping. She was so nice and said she could rearrange things so that I could help with the Espresso machine. It turned out that some people didn’t show up and they actually needed another person, so this was such a good confirmation that God wanted to use me today!. Some things I didn’t write about this morning are, I heard two words in German that meant no; I was sleepy and it depressed me to think I wouldn’t make it so I just fell asleep again. I’m thinking this referred to not getting the two or three words I should have been praying about at the beginning of the morning. The second thing is, I dreamt of seeing a car almost backing up off of a ledge; Through all these things God is inspiring me. I love the Lord. I will follow Jesus and die to my flesh. 😭🙏🏼