Proverbs 8:17
“I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.”
Conversation
Daddy, I love you. I worship you -you are mine.
Come my faithful one. I love you -you are Mine. Don’t worry.
Father, I’m anxious because I’ve been writing all day again. It’s late afternoon and I haven’t done anything else yet. I really don’t know how to do everything on my plate.
I will help you my daughter. Come boldly before me.
Daddy, I ask that you’d help me believe in heaven. I ask that you’d fill me with your compassion and love for others, for the broken hearted and for those who are far away from you. Help me do everything I need to do as I rely on your strength. Please give me courage and determination to follow you. I also ask for my promised gift.
My daughter rest, you have asked and you will receive everything you’ve asked for, and more. I hear your heart and I will honour it. I am well pleased with you.
Thank-you Daddy. You are my life; my hope is in you all day long.
Reflection:
Today I’m going to begin with my dreams and then a sentence I heard in my heart (one word at a time) that made me wake up before my alarm; I think knowing my dreams first will make the sentence make more sense because I had a sense that they’re connected. In the first part of my dream I was on a road trip with a groups of teenagers and their leader. We had stopped to walk in what I vaguely sense was a museum. We were outside and I was standing on the top of a hill -I sensed Bella was with me. I was looking at the most beautiful sunset I’ve ever seen and was totally mesmerized by it, but there was no sun. It was a sunset (with no sun) but it was also the opposite side of the sunset where in waking life when we look to the east theres always a pinkish colour in the clouds. This time the colours blended into each other and they were so vibrant. I saw in a few places where it was brighter/shinier. I was just beginning to go down the hill and into the field (everything was pitch black except the beautiful colours of the sunset, so I couldn’t see anything besides the colours.), when I saw the leader walk up onto the top of the hill from the other side where I was going to go; he had already been at the bottom. Then the lights were turned on and I found myself standing in a really huge empty room (at the bottom of the hill). Then I realized that the sunset hadn’t been real; I was standing in a museum and they had made it look like a real sunset, so real that I thought it was real. I had a knowing that the leader had walked all the way to the back wall where the room ended and had walked all the way back up the hill. The room was built with light brown sheets of wood, and there were a few small things on the floor here and there that showed that people had been there, but besides that it was empty.
Then the scene changed where our group had made another stop. We were walking away from our temporary set-up like a big white tent. It was on the parking lot of a big grocery store. The group had begun walking to the store when Bella and I walked back to quickly get something. Then I noticed a guy walking around near our place, and then he asked me something about if we had recycling or a recycling bin. I said that I wasn’t sure if we had any recycling and began to walk around the tent to look for the bin. I walked back into our tent and the guy followed me in. I had walked to my bedroom and looked back and saw that the guy had followed me in and I told him sternly to get out. He walked out a bit but I needed to keep on yelling at him to go out. Then Bella was beside me and the guy had walked into the other bedroom. I thought to quickly call or text the group leader, and I said I need to call him, saying his name. Then I walked into the entrance to his bedroom to see where the guy was and he was standing on the leaders bed, holding the blanket up and preparing to lay down underneath it. I had just peeked in to see this when I turned around to call the leader on my phone. I felt really frantic and urgently needed him to come right away; I felt like there was nothing I could do.
Then in a small part of the dream I had a bottle or something that I needed to put into the recycling bin, and I found myself hanging on a pole/machine that was just about to carry me over the fence and drop me into a huge recycling bin. But I quickly slid off the pole type thing and landed firmly onto the paved ground and got away.
Then in this scene Bella and I were climbing up on a hill from being at the bottom; we were about halfway up. There was something that looked like a long plastic white runner going up that we were walking on, and there was another one beside us. I looked up and saw the leaders wife walking down the hill on the white plastic runner. She looked happy as usual, and in a nice way she said that I should take off my shoes. At first I thought to resist, thinking why it would be important to take my shoes off, then I thought that maybe there’s a purpose for taking my shoes off, so I said yes, I think I’m going to take off my shoes. Then I had climbed the hill and was walking along the top of the hill and I saw that Bella was just about to come up to the top too, but the white runner was up above the ground about my height, and it was stiff but then it shattered into tiny pieces and fell onto the ground; I had a feeling like that part of it had been a really thin piece of ice and it shattered, which made Bella be able to walk all the way up to the top of the hill. I have a sense that this hill represents this pocket of time I’ve been in with Jesus my husband where it’s been a long and difficult journey of getting to know each other and growing real intimacy and relationship between his heart and mine. I’m reminded of the words I heard in my heart a few years ago from the Lord which describes this well, “Deep roots that are being grown is a deep friendship being built.” (12 words!!) This journey has been a real leap of faith because the only way to build a relationship with Jesus is through the Holy Spirit whom I can’t see but sense. I feel so much closer to God/Jesus than I did at the beginning. I’m so thankful for this journey….
This morning I woke up at 4:57 with these lyrics in my heart, “From the rising sun to the setting same I will praise, your name; great is your faithfulness to me.” Then the words I heard right before 7:00 this morning were, “He’s not going to let this come quickly.” The feeling I had right after I woke up was that the words were referring to the enemy, that the enemy wasn’t going to let what we want to come quickly, come quickly. But God is faithful!! I’m going to do my best by doing what the Lord has asked me to do, quickly. I’m not sure what the guy in my dream represents; I know it represents the enemy but specifically I don’t know what I’m fighting against -the spirit of lethargy? In my dream I have a sense that I should have gone with the group into the grocery store, so in waking life I’ll need to not forget about soaking in God’s presence and reading everyday in addition to my Bible, praying and writing time.
Yesterday Youth was so much fun!! The leaders all dressed up in disguise and had the youth try and find us in a public setting. I was planning to wear one of my friends long wigs but because she didn’t come I needed to look for another one. The long hair wigs were all messy and didn’t look realistic, so I chose a short haired one. I was also going to wear a cap but I forgot it at home! I was so easy to find, oh well, it was a lot of fun!! The other day I totally forgot about what my favourite snack is; Crispy Minis brown rice cakes -savoury tomato & basil flavour. I’m at John 20:5 in my Bible study -can hardly believe that I’m almost done going through the book of John again:) Snickers, I really enjoy Snickers chocolate bar; I try and stay away from eating chocolate bars and haven’t eaten one in years. I always used to love Mars bars the best. In my dream that I needed to take off my shoes, what this reminds me of is when God told Moses to take off his shoes because where he was standing was Holy ground. God has done so much work in my heart and in my life, and will be praying about that.
As I was cooking cream soup, this is what was happening in my heart and these were my notes: I finally believe in love…. As I was listening to some songs this afternoon it felt like a vail came off of my heart, and I understood love. Now when I imagine looking at Jesus, I see love in his face and I feel love in my heart for him; I know deep in my heart that I am loved and that I love him very much in return. I think that my heart has finally come to life… I’m alive.. -seeing the number twelve again… I think this is what “heaven” represents, it represents love because God is love. I’m thinking that the “made up” lights that created the sunset represents what I believed love was, and then the normal lights turned on (and the others, off), which could represent the transition that took place in my heart. In waking life I’m now walking up the hill, away from something that wasn’t real, and I’m following Jesus my husband who’s the real deal, up the hill. In the other part of the dream I had reached the top, so at last I found you Jesus..