“Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is -His good, pleasing and perfect will.” -Romans 12:12
Conversation
Papa, I love You. Thank-You that You hear me. Thank-You that You are near to me. I trust You to hold my heart in Your hands and to breathe more life into it. I’m not satisfied with where I’m at with You; I want more of You. I want to grow deeper in You. I want to know You more intimately.
Come My daughter, it’s time. I love you and I’m near to you. You are Mine.
I’m ready Papa! I’m going to do everything You ask me to do. I’m going to search for the things You want me to do.
Come My daughter, it’s time.
I’m coming Papa. Help me to see and have an understanding about when You show me things and when You speak words to me. I don’t want to miss You anymore.
I will help you My loved one. You are Mine.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing so I don’t stay in a place of despair is spending time with God and crying out to Him because I know He hears me and He loves me. I’m keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness more times than I can count, and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him!
12:37/38 I woke up, hearing these lyrics in my heart, “Lift me up, hold me down. Keep me close, safe and sound.” (Burning in a hopeless dream, hold me when you go to sleep… keep me in the warmth of your love. When you depart, keep me safe, safe and sound… Drowning in an endless sea, take some time and stay with me… Keep me in the strength of your arms… keep me safe, safe and sound…)
1:15 Rise up, Rise up! Rise up, Rise up!
1:30 Come
1:31 I’m coming Papa… Please help me come!
1:32 I am always with you.
1:36 Lift me up. Hold me close,
1:37 Papa I’m listening. What can I do for You?
1:39 Come near.
1:40 Help me come near Papa.
I will help you My daughter.
1:42 Rise up, Rise up! Rise up, rise up!
1:43 Papa, help me to follow you with everything this week. And help me write my testimony.
1:44 “ Come My daughter, I will surely help you declares the Lord.”
2:04 “You make all things new. From the ashes, I will rise up..”
2:24 “Go to bed my darling. Yes please Papa…”
3:07 A lady wearing big round, brown wooden earrings.
3:16 “Renew” “Renewed?”
3:17 “Yes”
Thank-You Papa..
5:02/03 “..she’s so beautiful, standing next to me, she’s my wife…”
5:20 “You make all things new… You make all things new”
5:24 “For the love of Jesus Christ, who has resurrected me. Praise the Father, praise the Son. Praise the Spirit Three in One.” I dreamt that I I was standing by a door that I had opened (saw the last part of it opening) and I saw Jesus my husband standing in front of me (feeling like I was in the canteen and Jesus was on the stage). I had a feeling like this would be a good opportunity to open my mouth.
Last night we were watching Black Adam. We had seen it awhile ago so it was the second time we were watching it. In the part of the movie when he gave up his powers and they put him in a place underneath the water, I sensed God getting my attention and I asked him in my heart if it was okay that I was watching this. I sensed Him saying no. After a few moments passed I focused on Him again and asked if it was okay, and again I sensed a “no.” So I told my family that I wasn’t feeling well and went to my room. In my room I immediately knelt by my bed to pray in the Spirit and my mouth was on fire! The Holy Spirit was so strong in me that the more passionate I prayed, the faster my prayer language became. I heard a main sound of it, and it sounded a lot like, tick tock (time).
In my heart I was saying, “Yes Papa, yes Papa, yes Papa.” Then I layed on the floor with my forehead on the floor and continued to pray in the Spirit, and then I layed prostrate facing up. Then my hands began shaking (I had them a bit up, to show that He was lifting me up), and after a few minutes I noticed that my hips were shaking, going up and down quickly. As I was transitioning to the floor earlier, I opened my mouth because that was something God had wanted me to do with Jesus my husband, and when I opened my mouth with passion it was like an angel or the Holy Spirit was stretching my mouth as wide open as it would go, so that it was a big circle. I cried and cried with my mouth open like this for awhile. Then as I was still passionately praying, I got up and began walking around my room and knelt by my bed again. This lasted about 30-40 mins I think.
On Sunday we had what was called something like, “Top Beef Serloin Cap” (at home) with two kinds of salads and a potato salad for lunch. I bought myself a big size of Rockets, one of my favourite candy’s for mother day, and Bella made a painting for me at school:) Their dad’s laptop went blank last week so he ordered another one, a refurbished one from Apple which he got today. I told him at church after watching the video about Church Camp that I would like to go this summer and guess what he said? He said that it was a good idea! God is so amazing! I’m planning on booking all three nights on the 22nd. The dream about seeing the lady with big (the size of my wide open mouth) wooden earrings makes me think to open my mouth again. It also could represent putting the board games away. Also the dream standing what felt like I was in the canteen felt like I was opening my mouth. So I’m thinking that the Holy Spirit is leading me to open my mouth again, but as wide as I can this time. Wow, God wants me to do this.. He actually wants us to do this.. I’m so amazed that the God of the whole universe is directing us so closely!!! Yes, how could I ever say no to Him? I’m running to do this for Him! It’s all about Him!!! So I’m praying that God will open a door for this to happen. Another thought, the dream I had about the long seat I was laying on, could that represent the long weekend? I’m planning on going to the funeral tomorrow. I went to Shopgym this morning. The reason there are no videos is because the coach who normally leads the 6 am classes is away for something, so her husband is leading them, and he never records anything. I had to bike to Shopgym this morning because I had forgotten the truck keys in the car the day before, and I couldn’t find the spare truck key. So I needed to figure out the bike helmet and I put our house key onto my wonderful Mother’s Day gift from church:) It was the same one as what Pastor M had on stage, thinking I chose the right one!!! Bella got her braces off today and her teeth look so nice! Lucas is going on a band trip for three days, beginning on Wednesday morning to Friday around 6:00. They’re going to Moose Jaw. Blessings… Goodnight…🫶🏼
I was at the funeral, sensing I should have said hi to Pastor M. I went Scotiabank afterwards to get some cash for Lucas’ band trip for his lunches (and giving at Youth ($15), and when I came out I saw a licence plate VCTORY1.. I’m sure hoping and praying I can have victory this week and weekend!! I’m more alert now than I’ve ever been that’s for sure! Lucas has a piano recital tonight in Steinbach that I’ve forgotten to write about. 7:00 the Arts Center. I keep having a feeling like people are tired of me by now, and I can’t shake it off. I felt it when I raised my hand to volunteer to do announcements last Wednesday, and again now as I’m writing. I know they’re probably not; I just have to not believe that lie and give it to God. I have more to post and will post after we get back from Steinbach.. Love and Blesdings…
May 14: 2:00 “God makes all things new, I will rise up, rise up. From the ashes, from the dust I will rise up, rise up. God makes all thing new…
2:25 “Peace. Be still and know that I am God.” A dream where my kids dad and I were at JPUSA and we weren’t really talking. I walked to something on the floor to pick it up (we were doing things separately). Then the scene changed where I had been away for a few days and now there were people there who used to live at JPUSA who came back to visit. I saw a smaller room like the Theatre getting filled up by people (wedding?) They were sitting in chairs already, talking amongst themselves. I didn’t see any wall that would divide the room from the foyer, it was all open). I was standing close to the seats. There were two women standing close to me, and one of them said she missed me. Then I remembered that when they lived there before is when we also lived there, and we hadn’t seen each other for a long time. She had a daughter in her early teens, standing close to her. Then the three of us women were holding hands, making a circle.
There was a scene where I had a gold necklace on, and I was wearing my white housecoat. I saw, like I was looking in a mirror (I didn’t see the mirror) that the pendant was on the back of my neck, on my housecoat I was wearing. Then Jesus my husband came into the room and said something like we are going to get married; he had said this generally, not meaning me specifically (needing to cover this information up?), and I went up to him with my housecoat on and stood up straight in front of him and said something like “yes,” showing that in my heart I wished we were already married. I asked him to help me with taking my necklace off, and I think before this part of the dream ended, he was help me take it off… I’m really praying that I won’t miss anything this week. I’m actually really worried about it.
I saw a lady who was really in shape and fully dressed. She was at the foot of a queen size bed (on the floor) and did a handstand with her legs fully extended. Then in that position she got onto the bed and was full of joy. I vaguely saw her walk on the bed-walking in it? Im sensing the lady’s two legs represent lifting my arm/hand two times after one sermon?
2:52 “I will rise up, rise up.. From the ashes,” (..from the dust I will rise up, rise up. Out of darkness,into the light I will rise up, rise up. You make all things new, You make all things new.. God of Mercy and Love, do what only You can do. You make all things new.”)
3:11 I dreamt about some small plastic containers of Lego. Reminding me that someone had mentioned Lego in a sermon…
During the night I dreamt that I was in church and someone asked me if I had the combination for the church doors to get in, and I said no. This dream is very vague.
3:40 “I will rise up, rise up.. From the ashes,” (from the dust I will rise up, rise up. Out of darkness,into the light I will rise up, rise up. You make all things new, You make all things new.. God of Mercy and Love, do what only You can do. You make all things new.”)
7:35 I got up!!! Today I saw Peters on a licence plate. Lucas did really well at the recital.. Goodnight… Blessings…
May 15: 3:30 “From the ashes, I will rise up, rise up. You make all things new… (Out of darkness, into the light I will rise up, rise up. You make all things new… You make all things new.” (Big Daddy Weave)
I’m not sure if the Holy Spirit was showing me that I need to open my mouth again, or if it was because I obeyed Him, that that’s why He came on me so strong? Today after Soar I had voice lessons at 2:30, and I always love going and think it’s going well. “Peter” reminds me of the dream I had a long time ago where I saw him and his daughter; she needed to build a bridge and Peter would help her. The meaning to me right now is that I needed to build a bridge that would connect Jesus my husband and myself, and I believe this is done now; Wondering if the licence plate I saw yesterday means Victory Won? That I had victory yesterday? Anyway, I’m so tired that I more often than not need to keep myself awake when I’m driving. I’m thinking about the dream where I had been away for a few days; I felt in my dream that the two ladies I was talking with had been there while I was gone, and there were others who also had started to come while I was gone. I’m wondering if this has anything to do with me being gone two weekends from now while I’m doing the mission outreach in the North End? I’ll be there Friday evening (I’ll drop off the kids at Youth and come pick them up when I’m done). Then I’ll be there all day Saturday and again on Sunday until mid afternoon. This is something that I inwardly always wished I had the courage to do.. I’m nervous but also really excited because it’ll be a great experience for me.. getting out of my comfort zone, again! When have I not been out of my comfy zone for who knows how long? I’m glad, very glad, because God is leading me to become more like His Son Jesus, and I love Him more now than I’ve ever loved Him before! Hoping I won’t fall tonight!! Blessings…
May 16: 6:17 “You make all things new.”
6:31 “Mother’s Day Art” Someone was showing me a painting, and most of the painting was orange (a big blotch of orange or peach right in the middle of the white board she was showing me, leaning it up on the table.) (I just had two small cucumbers with orange coloured hummus (in the round container) for breakfast.)
6:54 I had a feeling like I was with some people at the round tables at church, and we had a big plate in front of us on a table that had something like a big thick yellow omelet on it (reminding me of my 3 eggs and Brussels Sprouts breakfast). We were shaking it a little like it was jello, and I saw that I was thinking of folding it and putting it in my purse. I don’t know if this has something to do with opening my mouth, but I’m thinking that maybe what happened with the Holy Spirit and opening my mouth is already passed?
Sarena told me twice that I needed to take the bus when I asked her about it. Then I asked her again as we were stepping into the bus if I could take the van and by that time she didn’t hear me because of the noise on the bus. I’m feeling like whenever I ask something, it’s always a no and it’s very discouraging. But I’m not blaming because I know there must be a reason for it. I’m feeling like this is impossible.
I ordered a YETI mug from Walmart this morning. I just texted him and told him (saying that my next work day will pay for it), and right afterwards I got a call from work asking if I can sub tomorrow morning, which I will do. I’m taking my mom to an appointment today. I haven’t spent time with her lately so today will be a Mother’s Day day. My blue YETI Rambler mug will be arriving here at home on June 10th.
2:56 “…she’s my wife…”
3:44/45 I took a nap and dreamt that I was learning how to speak in front of others. Someone was mentoring me and because they made me push through something difficult, I was able to learn how to do it. In my dream I was one of the ones in the group of people sitting in the chairs but there was something like a transition where I was about to go up.
I can hardly believe that I actually ordered something online! I’m looking forward to using it and I’m so thankful for it:) After my mom’s appointment I spent some time with her and gave her a card. When I got back home I took a nap (On the way home I actually fell asleep for a moment while I was driving! I vaguely dreamt about school.). Tonight I’ll be reading.. Love and blessings…