“The path of the righteous is like the first gleam of dawn, shining ever brighter till the full light of day.” Proverbs 4:18
Conversation
Papa
My darling, I love you.
Yes Papa I believe You deep in my heart that You love me. I love You too.
Come, the time is right. Will you come? (follow the Holy Spirit without resisting)
Papa, I want to, but I’m never able to.
I will help you, declares the Lord.
Papa, You are my Sovereign God. I worship You with all that I am. Papa, as I was closing my eyes just now I saw a scene where a mom was driving a car and her kids were in it. Someone had given them new clothes to wear and the mom said to hurry as fast as they could and change into them, so that’s what they were doing as she was driving; I saw them frantically putting on the new/different clothes like their lives depended on it. (This makes me think about my kids coming along with me the next two Wednesdays and for the missions weekend)
Come
I’m coming. Please help me again.
I will always help you My daughter.
Reflection
Hello and welcome to my Journal. Life in the valley can be very difficult, but we need to remember that God is always faithful. Right now I’m in a valley, being tested and pruned so that in God’s time I’ll be ready to walk out of this valley, Victorious! What I’ve been doing so I don’t stay in a place of despair is spending time with God and crying out to Him because I know He hears me and He loves me. I’m keeping on doing what He’s already asked me to do. I’m clinging onto hope because God is my firm foundation. God is faithful and I know that He will never let me down, and I’m going to stay faithful to Him. He has shown me His faithfulness more times than I can count, and I know His love through that. God gives me dreams and wakes me up at certain times. As you read my journal my hope is that even though I’m in a valley in my life, I hope you will be inspired to always keep your heart open to God no matter what’s going on in your life, because God is a God of Love and He always has a Good plan for our life. He knows how to lead us; we just need to trust Him and follow Him!
1:06 Don’t stop praying/ believing…
1:46 Don’t stop praying/ believing…
3:37 dreamt about something yellow
3:42 You make all things new… from the ashes, I will rise up, rise up.
4:03 “because you were on the stage right?” Someone said to me, and I said, “No no, I don’t mind being on the stage…” In this dream I didn’t pick something up, but it wasn’t because of being on the stage. In waking life I think the moment where I got to choose which plate (in my dream) was when I got to choose which kind of muffin to take. I chose the banana muffin which I believe was the right one, but then I second guessed the colour of the paper cup, so I put that one back to look for a yellow paper cup. In waking life I always second guess myself. I believe the Holy Spirit is teaching me to press into Him, hear His voice and make a decision about what I’m sensing and just do it without second guessing myself. This is what I will practise. (I also don’t mind at all being on stage.. I just need to know what I’m going to be talking about.)
4:31 “You make all things new…”
5:21 I will rise up, rise up.
In my dream I had been high up in a Pine tree with two others (one was a lion), and I let go and slid expertly down the green needled branches and caught myself near the bottom and ran to hide in some bushes nearby. I crouched down and began to back up into the bushes and thought this was too easy for them to find me (second guessing myself). So then I got up and ran around that same bush and went in the other way so that I had more covering, and I waited for them to come find me. (I do what I don’t want to do and I don’t do what I want to do. 😭)
In this dream I was in a house, a community house, and one of the guys was going out in the morning to go to school. I asked where he went to school and he said the city. I noticed he had thinner hair as I was walking behind him. I noticed through the door that it was a sunny day outside and mentioned that. (Today was a hard day where I needed to work at not wanting to give up.)
7:53 “I trust in God, my Saviour the One, who will never fail, He will never fail.”
10:04 “Grace upon grace all my fear falls away, only Your perfect love for me remains. Time after time You stay, close by my side burning fire inside I can’t contain. I run to the Throne Room, I run to, the throne room and I fall on my face with angels and saints and all I can say is Holy, Holy, Holy are You God. My heart can’t contain, the weight of Your Name and all I can say is Holy, Holy, Holy are You ..I’m overcome.. Throne Room: Kim Walker-Smith. (I didn’t sleep this late but this song came to mind at that time; this happened at 7:53 as well)
This morning was difficult where I felt to give up, then as I was going to the freezer, I felt Gods love wash over me, and I loved Him so much. I didn’t feel a lot of emotion before then, feeling numb.
The sidewalk cafe went really well. I shared my testimony a few times, led someone to the Lord, and prayed for people. I’m honoured to be given the responsibility of leading the Sidewalk Cafe for the next two weeks! The scripture above is the one I saw when I opened my Bible this morning; I don’t always choose the verses this way. Thinking about my walk with Jesus and all the times where I’ve resisted Him before following; I just have a feeling like he must be tired of me. I know this isn’t unconditional love, but I’m still feeling this way. I have a reminder on my fridge and I’m reassured every time I see it… Love and Blessings…
July 4: 4:38 “I’m gonna get through this, through this I’m gonna get through this so help me God.”
5:15 Oh Papa, help me
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.”
5:32/33 “who God has created me to be.” (A few min before this I was thinking that my life is changing so quickly.)
5:35 Yes Papa, I want You to continue to change my heart and my life into who You created me to be.
5:37 I love you my darling
6:00 Papa, I’m pursuing you with all my heart. Please forgive me for being tired.
6:01 I love you…
Papa I accept this love…
6:03 Come. I will provide a way. (I won’t leave you in the dirt. I’m gonna get through this, through this I’m gonna get through this, so help me God!)
7:17 “I’m gonna get through this, through this I’m gonna get through this so help me God.”
I dreamt that I was what felt like Jesus my husbands house, inside. We were putting on our shoes by the door I think because it felt like we were going somewhere. As we were bending down and putting on our shoes, we were having a conversation, saying little things; as we were saying these little things they was more than just the words; it was also in the way we were expressing ourselves, not hiding how we felt in the words we were saying. It felt like we were in another level in our relationship where talking flowed so naturally because we’ve been best friends for such a long time.
Then we were in the youth room and there was a boy who wanted to take a shower, so I asked Jesus if he could take a shower in the bathroom (the room had two sections, and the shower we were talking about was in the other section that we weren’t using anymore). Jesus said sure, and said something like why we would use that bathroom (like it was the old one). Then I told the boy that he could take a shower but he needed to put the clothes back on that he was wearing, and he nodded sure. Then as he was taking a shower I was on top of something like a roof; I was on my tummy and was holding onto it for dear life, feeling like I was going to fall. Then I managed to pull myself up. (clinging onto hope)
Then the scene changed where I was looking down at the outside of the building (we were on the second floor) and I saw that all the bricks on the outside of the building were all snapping off and falling to the ground and was having a dominos effect, starting there and was going along the whole outside of the building. All the buildings on that block were attached and I knew it would take a little while for it to reach us because of how big the building was, but there was still a great urgency. (I was thinking that the building would collapse when all the bricks had fallen off) I ran to the bathroom where the boy was taking a shower to get him to hurry. The door was open and I opened it a bit more to tell him to hurry, and then I saw that he was already stepping out of the bathtub. I also saw there was a lot of light in the bathroom. When I saw he was getting out I quickly swung the door a bit more closed to give him privacy. Then I vaguely remember having gone to tell Jesus about the bricks but he already knew and had made a game from the brick idea. There was also a part where I saw a man in front of me, wearing a shirt that had some kind of design on it. At first I couldn’t see his face, only up until the top of his shirt, but then my eyes looked higher and I saw his face; he was looking at me and our eyes met, and his face was darker. When I saw the top of his shirt before seeing his head. In another short dream I saw a black panther by a building from on top of a hill. Then I rolled down the hill and landed where I thought the black panther had been. I expected to be mauled right away but as I lay on the ground, facing downward, I could see what was close around me. The only things I haven’t done yet, missing… that Jesus asked me to do is to finish reading the marriage book which I will read more today. I’m trusting in God, looking up to Him to see me through.. Love and blessings…❤️🔥
1:45 In my dream I was walking among some offices and I saw my mentor KP busy at her desk. She turned to look and say hi.
1:49 I was tightening the handle on the wide green broom. Because of my dream I swept the patio with the outside green broom we have.
3:01 “You don’t have to be the strongest…”
Went for a three mile run. It was difficult and we stopped a few times but I made it. I’m going to Shopgym in the morning. My heart is wide open for God, Jesus… I worship my Papa in the middle of this storm. I have a sense that the bricks in my dream were shingles, thick (half the thickness of a brick), flat, and rounded on the edges (shiny like plastic), but they were on the outer walls of the building. As they were laying on the ground, I saw a really big one that had also fallen. I’m thinking now that it could represent a protective layer I had around me? Anyway, Goodnight…